Pursuit of the Apocalypse

by Benjamin Wallace

  Paddington roared and continued chewing on the red rubber.

  Martha stood and stomped into the kitchen. She grabbed the plunger’s handle and yanked at it, but Paddington yanked back. Martha pulled again and a brief struggle ensued. The older woman finally wrestled the plunger away and struck the bear with it. “Bad Paddington. Bad. Bad.”

  Paddington whimpered and wandered to the far corner of the cabin to sulk.

  Erica joined Martha in the kitchen. “So they aren’t really dangerous?”

  “Don’t be stupid, dear. Of course they’re dangerous.” She threw the plunger into the sink. “They’re still bears.”

  TWENTY-TWO

  “They’re going to make you fight a bear,” Mr. Christopher said like he was threatening to tattle to Mommy. “Trial by bear. That’s what they call it. It’s going to be hilarious watching you get eaten by a bear.”

  The Librarian said nothing.

  “Don’t feel like talking, eh? What’s the matter?”

  “Don’t say it.”

  “Bear got your tongue?” The bounty hunter smiled.

  “And here I was thinking I couldn’t hate you more.”

  Mr. Christopher shook the bars of his cell. There wasn’t so much as a rattle. “They build a better prison than they do a society, don’t they? You’re not getting out of this one.”

  It was only because he was in a separate cell that the man from Alasis was able to speak at all. Jerry had only gotten in a few good hits during the flag fight, and it wasn’t enough to satisfy him. Every word from the man’s mouth made the hatred grow.

  Mr. Christopher laughed. “This is going to end up being a really bad day for you, you know? They don’t like violence around here. Unless it’s their idea. And when it is ...” he laughed again, “... they are really good at it.”

  “You don’t seem too concerned,” Jerry said.

  “Why should I be? I’ve got a get out of jail free card. They’re not going to do anything to me if they don’t want the food shipments to stop. And, trust me, these people don’t want to do a damn thing for themselves.” He let go of the bars and walked to the back of his cell and sat down. “Probably couldn’t if they tried.”

  Jerry sat and studied the cell as he had for the last hour. It was solid. The bars were bolted into the doorframe. The doorframe and the rest of it was made of cinder blocks. There were no windows. What light there was came from the hallway outside.

  Mr. Christopher stretched his legs out and put his hands behind his head. “Nope. All I have to do is sit here, watch them kill you, and take your head back to Alasis in a bag. I don’t think you’ll mind one way or the other, but do you have a preference of what kind of bag you’d like me to use? To tell you the truth, I’ll probably just go with plastic in the end, but I figured you should at least believe you have some say in the matter.”

  “You seem pretty sure of yourself.”

  “And why wouldn’t I be? Do you really think you’re going to get out of this?”

  “We’ll see.”

  Mr. Christopher laughed. “I love your optimism. Even now you’re stupid enough to believe in yourself.”

  “Me? Were you always this big of an asshole, or is your ego some kind of special mutation?”

  He laughed again. “Do you want to know what I did before the Crappening?”

  “No. I withdraw the question.”

  Mr. Christopher laughed at this and then leaned against the cell door. “What do you think I did before the end of the world?”

  “I’m guessing you annoyed people.”

  “I’ve always found it fascinating how the end of the world transformed everything. I’m not just talking about the cities and the bears. I’m talking about how it really changed people.”

  Jerry turned away from the cell door and moved to the back of his cell. The philosophies of psychopaths were never simple. This was going to take some time.

  “It’s quite amazing really,” Christopher continued. “If you think about it, there was probably no time in history that mankind was least prepared for an apocalypse. We had risen to such levels of genius that we had made everyday skills obsolete. Technology, infrastructure, commerce, all of it had become so advanced that once removed from the system we were more ignorant than a serf in the Middle Ages. We had outsmarted ourselves. We were useless. We had no right to survive this, you know? We were doomed.

  “That’s why I find it interesting to hear what all of these survivors did before. Because everyone out there has found a way to overcome their ignorance. And do you know what?”

  “Don’t care.”

  “It doesn’t matter what a person did before it all ended. Not one bit. The apocalypse was the great leveler, Jerry. I came across this town once that had the best garden. The most delicious fruits and vegetables I have ever tasted. You’d think the man behind it all would be a farmer, or at least one of those hipster urban gardeners. But, no, he was a tow truck driver. Never touched a plant before he had to.”

  “You’re still talking.”

  “Every now and then you run into someone still plying their old trade. Nurses and doctors mostly. But what use is a stockbroker now? Or a marketing executive? They were suddenly useless. They had to figure it out.

  “My favorite is the people who thought they were someone beforehand thought they would still be someone after it all. They thought they still ran things. They never lasted too long. They were either run out of town or put their hands in the dirt like everyone else. If they wanted to survive they had to figure it out.”

  Jerry closed his eyes and imagined a world where ears had eyelids.

  “I was a nobody before. I was a hard worker. I played by the rules. I never hurt anyone. And I never got anywhere. Others made their living off my efforts. When I had a chance to start over, I wasn’t going to let that happen again. I’m the one that takes advantage of people now. Because I figured it out.”

  “So you were a loser before and now you’re a dick. Got it,” said Jerry.

  “You never figured it out, Librarian. The good guy always gets fucked. That’s one thing that didn’t change. You’ve run all over this wasteland doing good, helping people, watching them benefit from your pains. And now you’re going to die for what? For helping people that wouldn’t help themselves? What a sad end. This is what doing good gets you. So you shouldn’t judge me too harshly when you’re the one that’s too stupid to get it.”

  Jerry shrugged. “Yeah, you’ve got it all figured out, but all I know is that you’ve been trying to take my head for over a year. That’s longer than anyone else I’ve ever met. But my head’s still here, which means you are the worst head hunter I know.”

  “Persistence pays out in the end.” Mr. Christopher smiled. “Pity I won’t have the woman’s head, too. But it’s mostly you they’re after anyway.”

  “Where is Erica?”

  Mr. Christopher crossed his arms and looked toward the ceiling as he speculated. “You see, now I have to decide. I could easily tell you she’s dead. Which would probably destroy you emotionally before the bears destroy you physically, which I would enjoy, I think. But I could also tell you that she’s still alive and hoping for you to save her. Which will make you feel worse when you’re about to die, and I’d like that too. I can’t decide which I’d enjoy more. I guess I’ll have to decide which sad look would go better on your severed head.”

  “You might think you can keep a secret. But your ego never could. Since you’re not gloating, it’s easy to know. She’s alive and it’s bugging the shit out of you that your plans are unraveling. Your perfect plans that got you stuck here in a cell. Instead of out there in control.”

  The bounty hunter laughed and produced a slow clap. “I guess we’ll have to go with option two then. She is alive, Librarian. She ran off into the woods because these idiots couldn’t watch a Tom and Jerry cartoon without something getting by. She got out and jumped in the river. A really cold river. Half the guards are after he
r. But, don’t worry. If she’s not dead, I’m sure they won’t kill her. Some lucky guy will get to buy her and put a brand on her.”

  “Ever since I first saw you,” Jerry said. “I wanted to punch you. When you first came out from behind your minions I wanted nothing more than to punch you in the face. At first I thought it was because you were trying to kill me. But, it’s not that, is it? You’re just really, really punchable, aren’t you?”

  “You can think whatever you like of me, Librarian. It doesn’t change the fact that you’re going to die soon and then everything will be fine.”

  “Do you really think killing me is justice?”

  “I don’t really care.”

  “Do you think I was wrong to protect those people from a life of slavery or death at the hands of your tyrant?”

  Mr. Christopher stood up and moved back to the cell door. “Honestly, Jerry, I don’t think anything about you. Or your girlfriend. I don’t care about either of you. In the quiet moments all I think about is the money and nothing else. You mean nothing to me.”

  “Oh, that hurts. I’ll have to find a way to make you think about me more.”

  “I’ll make you a deal,” Mr. Christopher said. “When I give them your head and they give me all that money—I’ll try to think of you then.”

  “How could you assholes lose an entire biker gang?” The angry woman’s voice sounded worse in the bricked-in basement. Tinnier. Angrier. It carried all the way down the hall and into the cells.

  “Sorry, Carrie,” a man responded.

  “It’s like you make up new ways to give me the red ass,” Carrie said.

  Another man jumped in. “We ... we didn’t meant to give you the red ass—”

  “Shut up!” she screamed. “You don’t get to talk about my ass! It’s disrespectful, you fucking retard.”

  “Sorry, Carrie,” he said.

  Carrie and four armed men stepped in front of the cells. She turned to Jerry. “So, you’re going to die. For crimes against the peace and tranquility of the state of Tolerance you will face trial by bear where you will face almost certain death by bear.”

  “Almost certain death?” Jerry asked.

  “Oh, you’re going to die. But, in the very slim chance you live, you’ll earn your freedom ... as a slave.” Her laugh could kill hopes, dreams, and probably children.

  “Uh, Carrie.” One of the armed men tapped her on the shoulder. “We’re supposed to call them life assistants.”

  The woman turned slowly to the guard that had corrected her. “Did you just say something to me?”

  The guard looked away. “No.”

  “No? That’s funny, ’cause I could have sworn you said, ‘Carrie, I want to fight a bear today.” She screamed, “Didn’t you?”

  “No. I didn’t say anything.”

  Mr. Christopher interrupted the stare down. “I for one am excited to see justice served. Now if you’ll just release me, I’d love a front row seat to the trial.”

  She smiled. “We’re happy to oblige you. In fact, you’ll get bear-side seats to the whole thing.” She snapped at the guards, “Get them out of here.”

  Christopher backed away from the cell door. “You can’t possibly—”

  “Oh, I certainly do possibly,” she said as she mocked his pompous posture with an exaggerated swaying at the hips. “You broke the peace too, asshole. You two committed the crime together, so it’s only fair that you face the same punishment.”

  The man from Alasis protested, “If you put me in there you can kiss any sort of agreement you have with my people good-bye.”

  Carrie made a kissy face. “Mwahh.”

  “You’re being foolish, woman. Without the aid of Alasis, your people will starve. Without our protection you will cease to exist.”

  “Without you we’ll be fine.”

  “How can you say that? Your people are so lazy and they can’t even handle an insult without the need of three months worth of counseling.”

  “Well, Mr. Concerned, we figured we’d just kill you and not tell Alasis about it. We hate to make them worry about you.” She barked at the guards, “Didn’t you hear me? Get them out of there.”

  The guards opened the cell doors and dragged the men into the hallway. Carrie smiled as she held up a single pair of handcuffs. “Crime together,” she said as she slapped a cuff on Jerry’s left hand. “Die together.” She locked the other bracelet on Christopher’s right wrist.

  Mr. Christopher held up his wrist to examine the shackles.

  “Where’s that confidence now, Chris?” the Librarian asked.

  Mr. Christopher grabbed at the cuff and tried to pull it off his hand. “Oh my God. Oh my God. What are we going to do?”

  The Librarian smiled and punched Mr. Christopher in the face.

  The man tried to run, reached the end of the handcuffs, bounced back and took another blow to the face. This continued until one of the guards stepped in and put a hand on Jerry’s wrist. “You’re going to want him conscious.”

  Carrie shook her head and turned to leave. “Men,” she said as she walked away with disgust in her voice.

  TWENTY-THREE

  Erica closed her eyes and let the hot water wash over her face. It was gravity fed from a solar still on the roof, but it was a hot shower nonetheless. It was hardly steaming hot, but it was enough to finally warm the chill from her body.

  She shut off the flow of water and dried off with a towel Martha had warmed by the stove. Then she dressed in the shower behind the privacy of the vinyl curtain. Modesty had gone out the window with the end of the world, but hiding behind the curtain gave her a few more minutes to pretend that she wasn’t locked inside a cabin with three bears and a woman who, though she seemed nice enough, was obviously batshit insane because she lived in a cabin with three bears.

  Leaving the safety of the shower curtain behind, she took a deep breath and stepped into the cabin just in time to see Paddington, Winnie, and Murderbear sitting down to dinner. The three bears were seated back at the table while Martha was in the kitchen spooning up bowls of what could only be described as gruel.

  The slop was lumpy white and appeared to be more chalk than liquid. It hit the bowl with a wet smack that made Erica’s stomach jump from across the room. It didn’t even look like food. It may have been papier-mâché; she couldn’t be certain it wasn’t.

  Martha looked up from the ladle. “Did you have a nice shower, dear?”

  “I did, thank you. What you’ve done out here is nothing short of amazing. I mean, hot water ... out here?”

  “Nature gives us most of what we need. And what it doesn’t,” Martha held up a bottle of wine, “the bears can steal for me.”

  Erica laughed and nodded at Martha’s invitation to share the bottle.

  “Come sit down. Dinner is ready.” She set the bowl of gruel on the table in front of Paddington. “And, don’t worry, it’s not this.” She returned to the kitchen and pulled a foil covered casserole dish from the oven.

  Steam burst from the dish as Martha pulled back the foil, and the cabin quickly filled with a smell that delighted every ounce of hunger Erica had. Potatoes, peas, carrots, and some form of meat she decided to enjoy first and ask about later.

  Martha pulled out a corkscrew and set to work on the wine. She poured two glasses and gestured to the table. “Please sit, dear. It’s been a long time since I got to serve proper company.”

  Murderbear grumbled at the comment.

  “Oh stop it,” Martha said. “We don’t often get guests. Mind your manners.”

  Murderbear grumbled once more and turned back to his gruel.

  “Don’t mind him, dear. Have a seat.”

  Erica sat opposite the three bears and thought nothing of it when Martha joined her at the table and set a steaming plate in front of her.

  Paddington sat before his dish but wouldn’t touch it. He just stared at the bowl of gruel and gave a low growl.

  “Hush, Paddington. We have comp
any.” The older woman poured a glass wine for each of them. “Cheers to you.”

  “Thank you. For everything,” Erica said and tapped her glass to Martha’s.

  The older woman took a long sip and savored the taste for a moment before setting the glass down. “So, what is the plan? How do we get you back to safety?”

  Erica dug into the food with an uneasy balance of ravenous hunger and manners. She was careful not to speak with her mouth full because Paddington was staring and had barely touched his gruel. “I have to make it back to Texas. If I can get home to New Hope, I’m certain my husband will find me there.”

  “A husband? Isn’t that wonderful. I didn’t see a ring.”

  “It was a rather quick on-the-run kind of ceremony.”

  “And you’re certain he’s trying to find you?”

  “I am.”

  “Because some men are horribly selfish cowards, you know. I’ve known my fair share of men, and I can’t think of many that would risk an adventure across this godforsaken countryside to save anyone but themselves.”

  “This one is different.”

  “Aren’t they all? Or they appear to be at first, don’t they?” Martha smiled warmly. “I’m sure he’s wonderful. But, what makes your man so special?”

  Erica smiled to herself. She had fallen in love with him for the man he was, not the man the world knew him as, but for the first time she realized she was with one of the few celebrities left in the world. She’d never been able to tell anyone. They’d been hiding for so long from their fame because it was the kind of famous that brought trouble. But, she knew she could tell Martha. “He’s the Librarian.”

  “Oh that’s wonderful, dear. Not many towns have a library anymore. Very few made it through the first winter. The paper was a little too tempting, I suppose. Makes great tinder and, if you roll it tight enough, it can burn for quite a while.”

  “No,” Erica chuckled, “he’s not a librarian. He’s the Librarian.”

  “I’m afraid I don’t understand, dear.”

  Erica knew she’d feel foolish explaining it at this point. “It’s ... it’s just what some people call him.”