His First Crush

by Mj Fields

  This is the door I needed opened so I can venture in.

  “Is it insane because it’s Logan?”

  “Of course,” she answers as I suspected she would.

  “Because you know he and I have a—”

  “Connection?” she asks and nods. “Yes.”

  “So, you’re okay with Logan and me?”

  “I’m okay with you, London. I trust you. I trust your judgement. I like Logan, and I like him even more after last night.” She clears her throat, and I hug her. Not because she needs a mom win, but because I need a mom hug. “Oh, London, I was so afraid.” She hugs me tighter.

  “Me, too, Mom,” I admit. “Me, too.”

  After several minutes, she leans back and wipes away my tears. I wipe away hers.

  “The talk, London. Never feel pressured. If you don’t want to, don’t ever do it because you know he wants to. It should be...” She pauses and sighs. “You’ll know when the time is right. It’s not in the aftermath of tragedy.”

  I immediately look down, feeling shameful again because I asked him to have sex with me.

  She lifts my chin. “It’s not.”

  I nod.

  “Did he try...?” She stops and looks down.

  “No,” I whisper. “But I offered.”

  “And he denied you?”

  I nod and look at her. She looks confused.

  “Because of Fletcher,” I admit.

  “Don’t force it. Wait for the right time.” She pulls me into another hug. “I trust you, London.”

  The door opens and Harper peeks in. “London, your friend Keeka—”

  “Oh, dammit, how rude of me.” I give Mom a quick hug then stand up.

  “She’s not feeling well.” Harper opens the door wider and Keeka walks in. “I think she should rest.”

  “I’m sorry,” Keeka groans.

  “Hey, Keeka?” I look up as Tessa walks into the room behind them. “How far along are you?”

  She shrugs.

  “You don’t know?”

  “No, not really.”

  Mom and Tessa look at one another.

  “Okay.” Tessa smiles.

  I know she feels awkward right now, and I don’t want that. “Come on and lie down. I should have asked you to nap with me.”

  “I’m good, really. I just—”

  “I’m exhausted. Chill with me?”

  “Yeah, okay.” She sits on the bed and looks up, then past me at Mom, Tessa, and Harper. “I take the vitamins, I go to the doctors when I can, I feel this thing move. I know I’m fine.”

  Tessa smiles and nods.

  “Look, I know everyone is big on standardized healthcare, but I wasn’t raised like that. Mom and I ate healthy, exercised, and took care of ourselves. I know this is gonna blow your minds, but I never had immunizations, or well, child checkups or any of that crap, until they forced it before I went to school.”

  “Well, believe it or not, I agree with your mom.” Tessa comes over and sits on the opposite side of the bed. “Nutrition is key to good health.”

  Keeka holds her belly and winces.

  “How about we call her and let her know you’re a little tired?” Tessa asks.

  Keeka lies back and sighs. “She’s dead.”

  “I’m so sorry,” Tessa says sincerely. “How about your father?”

  “Never knew him, and from what I do know, he’s dead, too,” she answers.

  Silence...my enemy.

  “Mine, too,” I tell her again.

  “Mine, three.” Harper comes over and sits next to Tessa.

  Keeka looks around. She seems agitated. Then she jerks her hands to her belly.

  “Dammit, kid,” she whispers.

  “Three minutes,” Harper says softly to Tessa.

  “Is there anyone we can call?” Tessa asks. “The father maybe?”

  “I called Logan,” she says, closing her eyes.

  Tessa looks at me, shocked. When I shake my head, she visibly relaxes.

  “Girl party and no one invited me?” Ava asks, walking in and hopping onto the bed.

  “Son of a bitch,” Keeka grumbles.

  “Daughter, actually.” Ava laughs. “Ashley fits the bill.”

  Keeka sighs. “Carmen was known to be one, as well.”

  “You look like hell,” Ava says, placing the back of her hand over her forehead.

  “I don’t even know you, but you seriously shouldn’t say shit like that to a pregnant woman,” Keeka grumbles then clenches her teeth.

  “Not pregnant for long.” Ava smiles. “Anyone timing these contractions?”

  Keeka clamps her knees together, looking horrified. “I’m not—”

  “Like hell you aren’t, sister.” Ava nods. “Life and death.” She reaches up and rubs her belly. Keeka looks at her like she has two heads. “Your mom’s gonna make it all okay, little one.”

  Keeka looks at me.

  “This is Ava, Logan’s sister.”

  “Two totally different people.” Keeka winces.

  “How so?” Ava asks.

  “He’s...” She pauses and looks at her. “He’s not as in your face.”

  Ava laughs. “I was always the wild one.”

  “You don’t say?” Keeka sighs.

  “How do you know my baby brother?” Ava asks, helping her sit up. Okay, help isn’t actually what Keeka thinks she’s doing, but I know that’s what Ava is trying to do.

  Keeka locks eyes with her and squeezes her hands when what I assume is another contraction hits. “Bar.”

  “She works at a bar on Marshall street,” I explain.

  “Cool. Always thought that would be fun. First child?” Ava asks. “We’re gonna get you in the shower, cleaned up, and then to the hospital.”

  Ava looks back at me. “Grab her some clothes? Big ones.” Then she looks at Tessa. “I overstep. You’re the nurse; I know this.”

  Tessa smiles and nods. “You’re doing great.”

  “So, your mom’s a bitch, too?” Ava asks, walking Keeka into the bathroom.

  “Not to me she wasn’t,” Keeka answers.

  “She wasn’t? Meaning?”

  “She’s dead,” Keeka says quieter now.

  I walk around them and start the shower. “It’s been a couple years, right, Keeka?”

  She nods.

  “I’m sorry. Can we call your dad? The daddy?” Ava asks.

  “No!” Keeka yells, but Ava doesn’t even flinch.

  “Her dad’s dead,” I whisper.

  “He wasn’t my dad. He fucked my mom, end of,” she snaps.

  “Gotcha. So, the baby’s father—”

  “I have no fucking clue who he is, okay, Logan’s sister? I’m not like you all, okay?” she yells now.

  Ava looks at her sternly. “Stop being a bitch and get your ass in the shower.”

  “Ava, I can help her,” I step in.

  She leans in and whispers something in Keeka’s ear then steps back. Keeka appears shocked. Then Ava says, “Don’t judge, babe. We good?”

  Keeka nods, saying nothing.

  Ava must have just dropped the two babies, two daddies bomb.

  “Perfect.” Ava is all smiles again. “Now, let’s do this shit.”

  Within ten minutes, we’re in Mom and Brody’s vehicle. Lucas is driving, Tessa is in the passenger seat, and Ava is waving as we pull out of the driveway.

  I message Mom immediately.

  I love you...more.

  When it comes back as undelivered, I check the settings and enable messaging.

  As soon as I do, my screen lights up with message after message after message. When the song “Into You” by Ariana Grande blasts, I hit the message button immediately to silence it.

  I want to jump out of the vehicle when I look up to see Lucas’s eyes are on the rearview mirror, looking at me.

  When I hear it again, I hit the button repeatedly, but it just keeps going.

  “So, baby, come light me up, and maybe I’ll le
t you on it. A little bit dangerous, but baby, that’s how I want it. A little less conversation, and a little more touch my body…”

  It starts again. I do the same thing.

  As soon as I think it’s over, it starts again.

  At this point, I try to roll down the window. I am literally going to throw it out.

  “Logan?” Keeka asks loudly in the middle of a hand-crushing contraction.

  Busted.

  I simply nod as I glance up and see Lucas’s eyes now crinkle in amusement.

  I see Tessa look back, somewhat shocked.

  “He told me to tell you to call him,” Keeka hisses now.

  The sound goes off again, and now Lucas actually laughs.

  I expect to see Tessa elbow him, smack him—do something—but she doesn’t. She laughs as she turns back around. He takes her hand and kisses it, then winks at her.

  I resend Mom’s message

  I love you...more.

  The song “Landslide” begins when her immediate response is received.

  Love you more, London. Please stay close to Lucas and Tessa.

  I reply by sharing my location with her on my iPhone, something I stopped doing while asserting my independence.

  The song plays again when she responds.

  Thank you, London, thank you.

  Next, I send Logan a message as we pull into the hospital parking lot.

  Hey, we’re at University Hospital with Keeka. Logan, she’s having the baby.

  CHAPTER SIX

  * * *

  It’s Time

  Logan

  As soon as I get the text, I take off running.

  “Where the hell are you going?” Mitch’s voice slows me.

  I turn around, but keep running backward, grabbing the keys from my pocket and tossing them to him. “Keep this going. I’m heading to the hospital.”

  “He’s gone, man?” Mitch yells at me, making me realize I should have mentioned why first.

  “No, I’m sorry.” I stop. “Keeka’s having the baby.”

  “What?” he gasps. “Now?”

  I nod. “Keep this going. I’ll shoot you a text later.”

  When he squats and grabs his head, I realize I’m not the only one fucked up over all this. Mitch… Mitch is a fucking mess.

  I jog back to him and pull him up. Then I shake him a bit and tell him, “Suck it up. Get them through this. You get through this. Tonight’s just the beginning. We’re stronger than him. He left a mess. We’re gonna do what we can to help everyone heal.”

  He nods, smacking away a tear.

  “You good?”

  He nods. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

  “Good, now go.”

  §

  I walk into the emergency room. Having seen Brody and Emma’s SUV pulled up next to the entrance, I assume that’s where they are. I brace myself for Brody’s glare as I pull my hat down while walking in.

  “Is this necessary? I said we’ll cover the cost,” Dad, not Brody, spats at the woman at admissions.

  “Mr. Links, we have paperwork that needs to be done,” she snaps back at him.

  I want to tell her to fucking back off my old man, but Tessa takes over.

  “We understand that. What he’s offering is to pay for anything not covered,” she says calmly.

  “And I understand that,” the bitch behind the desk smarts off at her.

  Tessa leans in and whispers, “You work in healthcare; try to act like a professional—”

  “Excuse me?” the woman gasps.

  “I have. I’ve excused your blatant disrespect to a patient in labor. I’ve excused your disrespect to my husband, but what I will not excuse”—she hits her fist on the counter—“is utter disrespect for my profession. Healthcare. You work in healthcare, now act accordingly.”

  “Damn, baby.” Dad’s face lights up. “You fucking tell her.”

  “Lucas...” Tessa scowls at him.

  “Do you work in this hospital?” the woman asks with a little less sass behind her this time.

  “I don’t work here,” Tessa begins, and I see the woman’s sass returning, “but I do work as an advocate for patient’s rights. And I will not tolerate your bullshit.”

  The woman steps back, visibly collecting herself.

  “Now get her to Labor and Delivery, and we’ll work on the paperwork. If there is an issue with insurance, we’ve already said we’ll handle it.”

  When the woman walks away, Dad looks Tessa up and down. “That was sexy as fuck.” He grabs her hips. “Now tell me, Mrs. Links, when did you become an advocate for patient’s rights?”

  “Tomorrow,” she answers sternly.

  He laughs. “That’s right; you do.”

  I clear my throat after he kisses her for plenty long enough.

  “Hey.” Dad smiles when he looks toward me.

  “Hey.” I nod, looking around. “Where are they?”

  He smirks. “Why don’t you text London and find out?”

  “Lucas, back off.” Tessa nudges him.

  “What, baby?”

  I send her a text, then hear a song playing and look behind me.

  London looks up as she’s fucking with her phone, and Dad laughs.

  “You’re an asshole.” She points to Dad.

  “You really are,” Tessa agrees.

  “Nah,” he says as he laughs then walks toward Keeka who is gripping both sides of the bathroom door that she and London just came out of. “Come on, Keeka. Tessa is gonna make this all better.”

  “Drugs,” she snarls. “Drugs will make this all better.”

  I look at my phone, and then at London, who looks like hell—exhausted, just how I feel.

  I type out a stupid, nonsensical text, one like we used to send.

  Clear skies over the Dome tonight.

  I push send. Then I hear a song.

  Her eyes nearly pop out, and she turns bright red as she hits the phone to quiet it.

  “What was that?” I ask.

  “Ha, ha,” she huffs. “I told your dad he was an ass for that; do you think I’ll hold back on you?”

  Oh shit, I laugh to myself. “Answer the question.”

  “It’s called a ringtone.” She puts her perfect little nose in the air and looks away.

  Is it set just for me?

  I hit send.

  She jumps when she hears it, and I laugh.

  She doesn’t even look at me, or the message. She walks past me, nose still in the air, and drops her damn phone in the garbage.

  Dad is now laughing his ass off, and I can’t help continuing to laugh, too.

  Feels damn good to laugh. Feels good to see her acting a little normal. Just feels good, ya know, to have life...still happening.

  Thankfully, the garbage is empty, so I reach in and grab her phone, listening to my ringtone.

  “So, baby, come light me up, and maybe I’ll let you on it. A little bit dangerous, but baby, that’s how I want it. A little less conversation, and a little more touch my body...”

  Well, damn.

  I chuckle as I walk toward her, music still playing.

  I sit next to her. “You dropped something.”

  “Screw you,” she whispers.

  I reach over, take her hand, put the phone in it, and whisper, “I like it.”

  She looks out the corner of her eye and hides her smirk while turning off the ringer.

  When Keeka’s name is called, I look up.

  “Come on, sweetheart,” Tessa says.

  The nurse looks at all of us when we stand. “Who’s her coach?”

  I look at London, and she looks at me.

  “They are,” Dad says, smiling his fool head off.

  I’m reminded of the video they forced us to watch at school, the one that nearly made me throw up, the birthing one. Dad had to come pick me up from the nurse’s office. He didn’t make a big deal about it. He actually said nothing until we pulled into the driveway when we got home, and then it was a chuck
le as he got out of the vehicle and, “Great birth control,” before he shut the door.

  I nod at Dad then look at Keeka. “You good with that?”

  She nods and then growls, “I don’t care who’s in there, just get it out.”

  When she’s been examined, the midwife comes out to tell us that she’s seven centimeters. Tessa explains that’s good, but it also means she can’t get an epidural, the pain med that would make this easier on her.

  “Fuck,” I sigh right before hearing Keeka yell at the nurse...in a rainbow of Spanish verbiage.

  “The Spanish version of Jade when she had Luke,” Dad jokes, and Tessa laughs.

  Then Tessa stands and holds up the clipboard. “I’d like you to get her some pain meds to take the edge off, and I’m going to help get this paperwork filled out.” She doesn’t wait for a yes or no; she just walks in, stops at the door, and looks back. “Come on, she’s not in full-blown labor yet.”

  “I have to be!” Keeka cries. “This is hell!”

  After she’s given something to dull the pain, Tessa and London are on each side of her bed. London is holding a cloth on her forehead and feeding her ice chips, while Tessa begins moving through the questionnaire.

  I feel Dad’s eyes on me and look at him. Concern shows in his eyes for me, like they did for Ava. I suppose it has always been there, but I haven’t noticed it until now.

  “Mother’s name?” Tessa asks as Dad and I stare at each other.

  “Carmen Garcia Lopez,” Keeka answers.

  Dad’s eyes dart from mine to Tessa’s.

  I look to Tessa to see she’s looking at Dad with the same stunned look. Then she clears her throat and continues.

  “Her profession?”

  “Which one?” Keeka, now half-stoned, asks then answers, “In the city, she danced on stages—whatever paid the bills. From Broadway to New York Dolls Gentlemen’s Club. When we lived in Syracuse for a short time, she worked at the same bar as I do. But I guess dancer and fitness instructor. She taught Zumba in Florida when she was younger. She said that’s when it all started. Her love of dance.”

  “Carmen Garcia Lopez?” Tessa asks quietly.

  Keeka looks at her and nods.

  “Where in Florida?”

  “Ft. Lauderdale, I think.” Keeka sighs. “It’s probably in one of those journals.”

  Tessa looks back at Lucas.

  “Do you know her?” London asks.