Like Breathing

by Tia Fielding

  “Oh, come on!” Dev finally exclaimed, when Seth didn’t get something right for the third time.

  “Hey, I’m new at this!” Seth whined and tried again. At least the game didn’t take him too far back when he managed to die, instead dropping him in the beginning of the lethal puzzle.

  He assumed the first five minutes of the game took him at least twice as long, but he didn’t care. It wasn’t until the spider came along that he freaked out a little.

  “Oh my God!”

  “Big nasty spider?” Dev asked him, grinning.

  “It looks so awesome, but it’s so creepy!” Seth exclaimed, forcing his hands to stay on the keyboard. “I can’t go through it, can I? So I have to go closer. I don’t wanna!” he whined, only half on purpose.

  Dev chuckled. “You ain’t seen nothing yet, buddy.”

  “What am I supposed to do here?” Seth asked, yelping when the huge spider’s spindly leg hit the ground right next to his character.

  “Do that again. Just don’t let it hit you. Then go back left a bit—remember the trap in the tree?”

  “Oh, okay.” Then, because it just looked so cool, he moved the computer onto Dev’s lap. “Can you play this part? I just want to watch? It looks so awesome.”

  “Sure,” Dev said, smiling. He moved his fingers onto the right keys, then continued to play.

  In short order, he chopped three of the spider’s legs off with the trap, making it run off.

  “That was too easy…,” Seth pondered out loud.

  “Uh-huh, watch this,” Dev murmured and continued.

  The skittering sounds were horrible and awesome at the same time, and then suddenly the character got stuck in—

  “Is that spider web? Oh my God, no, I can’t watch this. No, no, no….”

  “What the hell are you doing to Seth?” Leaf’s amused voice drifted to them from the kitchen.

  “If you can, come look,” Dev called back.

  “Well, that is one creepyass spider,” Leaf admitted over their shoulders. Then he laughed when Dev got the now-cocooned character free of the web and jumped along the way again. “That looks cool.”

  “It’s a pretty awesome game.”

  “Isn’t the art gorgeous?” Seth beamed at Leaf, who nodded seriously.

  “I never thought computer games would be this artistic. All I’ve seen are the driving and shooting ones.”

  “Yeah, those look quite nice these days too. I still like the ones with a proper story, though, subtle as it may be,” Dev said absently as he guided their cocooned little friend onward.

  “Dinner is ready, by the way. As soon as you can pause that, or however it works,” Leaf said, brushed his hand over Seth’s head, then Dev’s too, and went back to the kitchen.

  “We’ll be right there,” Seth promised.

  It still took five minutes for them to stop playing, simply because they got sucked right back in.

  “I’ll start the download for the other game I wanted to show you, so it’s ready once we come back,” Dev said and did that quickly, then got up and stretched his hands over his head.

  Seth couldn’t tear his gaze off the way Dev’s arms looked or the fact that his belly showed just for a moment where the shirt hitched up.

  “Now, please!”

  “We’re coming, we’re coming,” Seth called toward the kitchen, making Dev snort.

  “Not on the first date, I don’t think.” He explained his amusement, making Seth blush again.

  THEY SAT around the table in the semiformal dining room, because why not use it if they had it. Breakfast bar was fine for breakfast, but not dinner, after all.

  Dev made a happy sound at the first taste of the tomato sauce. “This is so good,” he groaned when his mouth was empty again.

  “Thank you.” Leaf smiled at him, and Seth could tell Leaf was happy for the praise.

  “He has some tricks up his sleeve. If he’s home, he usually cooks something delicious for when I get home from work.” Seth reached over the corner of the table and squeezed Leaf’s hand.

  Leaf sat at the end of the six-person table, with Seth and Dev kitty-corner from him. It was nice, almost like a family dinner. Usually it was just the two of them, or Seth sitting on the couch with his plate, alone.

  “Hey, I never asked,” Dev said suddenly, looking at Leaf. “What is it that you do?”

  “Oh, I train dogs.” Leaf smiled.

  “Well, that explains the”—Dev waved his fork around—“general behavior of your canine friends.”

  Leaf and Seth both chuckled, and then Seth asked, “They behave too well?”

  “Well, not too well, or maybe….” Dev seemed to ponder that for a moment. “I mean, I guess you’re the kind of people who don’t always require them to behave themselves, right?”

  “Right. It’s not hard for them not to misbehave or be too in your face all the time,” Leaf said seriously.

  “Missy,” Seth coughed the word theatrically.

  Dev let out a peal of laughter at that. “Yeah, she seemed a bit… livelier.”

  “She’s only two years old—she’s the kid,” Leaf defended her.

  “She’s also a bit simple. She wasn’t first in line when they were giving out brains,” Seth murmured, but anyone could’ve noticed he loved the dog dearly.

  “Do you have a big backyard?” Dev asked, then went back to eating with enthusiasm.

  “Yeah, it’s pretty nice. But it’s home, you know. It’s only exciting for them to a point,” Leaf said and took a sip of his red wine. He preferred that with pasta dishes, while the others were having water.

  “Do you go on hikes with them? There’s bound to be a ton of good places around here?”

  “As often as we can. I mean, I go alone with them sometimes, but I’d rather have Seth with us, and he works a lot. But they come with me wherever I go for work. We have an RV in the big garage, so we spend most of the time together anyway.”

  “Oh, that’s neat. I’d like to see the RV at some point if that’s okay. I always wanted to road-trip in one, but our parents weren’t too keen on that idea.” Dev grinned in a way that said there was a story behind that statement.

  “Sure. After dinner. We need to feed the dogs, and they usually eat on the back porch during the warm months. Less drool on the floor,” Leaf told Dev.

  They finished the dinner, talking mostly about art and games and how those combined and changed the ways people saw digital art in general. Seth enjoyed himself immensely, finding himself agreeing with Dev a lot, and feeling very interested in continuing with the next game on Dev’s list.

  “You two go set up the game, and once I go out the back, Dev can join me?” Leaf suggested when their conversation carried over after they were finished eating.

  “But shouldn’t we help you clean up? You fed us, after all,” Dev asked, frowning a little.

  Leaf chuckled. “A well-raised boy. I like that.” He winked at Dev, who ducked his head a little, and Seth felt glad not to be the only one around who could blush. “It’s fine. You do your thing. It’s your date, after all.”

  Dev and Seth headed back to the computer, and Dev started the next game.

  “Now, because the last one was grayscale, this one is sort of the opposite, but not. Basically, similar ideas of using the color in the art, but it’s also part of the game mechanic. It’s called Hue.”

  Seth was soon swept up in another platform puzzle game where he guided a little guy—called Hue—through a very dark world. This time, though, he had to collect and use colors to change the world around himself to figure out how to advance in the game.

  The controls were simple, so after a while, Dev left him alone with a surprising kiss on his temple and went to find Leaf. The dogs had dashed past them a while ago, so it was obviously feeding time.

  Seth got a bit lost in the game and snapped out of it when both Dev and Leaf came to sit on the couch with him, one on each side.

  “I think we should tal
k a bit more, if you’re willing to let go of the game for now?” Dev teased. He helped him close the game, then also showed where he could start it again.

  “Okay, what’s on your mind?” Seth asked, leaning against Leaf’s side, smiling when he lifted his arm for Seth to cuddle closer.

  “Well, see, I know it’s much too early to even start to think about, you know, where we’re heading with this dating thing,” Dev started, then licked his lips as he thought some more. “I mean, obviously you have your own thing and have had it for ages. But I want to know where I fit in and how exactly. I’m not expecting anything, really, but I’d like there to be some sort of rules, maybe?” He peered at them thoughtfully.

  Leaf hummed behind Seth. “I think the best thing might be if we all are in this together, but also do things separately. Like Seth and I obviously share the everyday thing and such, but if you and I go on a date or you and Seth do, it should be just fine? Figure out the pair dynamics while we figure out the three-way thing?” Leaf smiled a little.

  Seth nodded. “I think so too. I mean, it seems like we both want to date you, but we have our life here as well. It won’t take away from our relationship if we extend it to you.”

  “Okay,” Dev said, nodding. Then he smirked wickedly and peered at them. “How about sex things?”

  “Oh, figures the young one starts that particular conversation,” Leaf teased good-naturedly.

  Seth came to Dev’s defense. “You know I like to be prepared for everything. I’d rather know beforehand what we might be getting into. It’s not an unimportant thing.”

  “No, it’s not. Let’s be serious about this,” Leaf amended.

  “So what’s okay and such? If there’s something that’s just between you two, I’d rather know now instead of fucking up at some point.” Dev looked vulnerable suddenly. He really did seem to want this and didn’t want to mess up—that much was obvious.

  “How about this,” Seth started, then finished the thought in his head before speaking again. “Everything goes. Whatever pace we take individually, that’s fine. What’s between me and Leaf is between us, what’s between you and Leaf is between you, and when it’s just you and me, that’s just us?”

  Dev grinned. “I’m pretty sure there would’ve been an easier way to explain that, but okay. Fine by me.”

  “Anything you like or don’t like specifically?” Leaf asked Dev. After all, he and Seth knew each other better than Seth had once thought it was possible to know another person.

  “Nothing too kinky. I’m pretty basic. Love giving and receiving blowjobs. I consider myself switch, so…,” Dev said, shrugging. “You two?”

  “First of all, Leaf is getting hard already,” Seth said, smirking and ignoring the groan behind him. “I can’t do oral. Well, I can’t give oral. I have a gag reflex, and it also freaks out about some textures and tastes. But Leaf here loves to get BJs, so….”

  “Duly noted.” Dev’s little salute and smirk were sinful.

  “We both switch too, albeit Leaf tops more than he bottoms.” Seth tried to figure out how to explain his own particular needs, but Leaf beat him to it, of course.

  “Seth needs it rough sometimes. I… I can’t do that. I don’t like hurting anyone like that, even a little, even if he asks for it. Even if it’s pleasurable for him,” Leaf confessed, and Seth turned to look at Leaf, who was frowning at himself.

  “Hey, it’s been a decade, love. It’s nothing new.”

  “I suppose I can help with that, then.” Dev smiled at them both. “As long as it’s not chains and whips, I’m pretty open for rough.”

  “Nothing like that. Just what a vanilla person would consider rough is fine. We can discuss it at some point.” Seth smiled back at him.

  “So, I know I don’t have any STDs, but I’d still prefer condoms. It’s less messy, and you know… I’ve never had sex without one.” It was Dev’s turn to look vulnerable, and it struck Seth just how young Dev was compared to them. He could’ve had a lot of sex already, but they still had years and years on him.

  “Sounds good to me,” Leaf murmured in his deep, kind tone.

  “Okay, now that this has been discussed, is the next date yours?” Seth asked, taking them back to a more cheerful mindset.

  “Sure.” Leaf looked at Dev. “I’ll be home for at least a couple of weeks now. I’m open for anything, really.”

  “During the day while Seth’s at work?”

  “Yeah, that’s fine. Any thoughts?”

  “Could we maybe go on a little hike with the dogs somewhere? I’d love to learn more about the area and get out too.”

  “Absolutely. I’ll figure out a good place and we’ll go,” Leaf promised, sounding truly happy and excited, and Seth’s heart soared for him.

  “I’ll need to grade all day on Saturday,” Seth said thoughtfully. “So you could go then?”

  “Stay out of your way and so on?” Dev guessed correctly.

  “Yeah, Leaf needs attention when he’s at home, and he and the dogs come to bother me while I grade.” Seth rolled his eyes for extra drama.

  “Like you mind…,” Leaf grumbled.

  “Want to pick me up on Saturday, then?” Dev asked Leaf.

  “Yeah, sounds like a great idea. The weather should be fine too.”

  “It’s a date!” Dev enthused, and they all chuckled at his tone. “Okay, I think I should go before my brother reports me missing. Can you send me Leaf’s phone number?”

  “Yeah, I can do that now.”

  They all got to their feet and Seth grabbed his phone. By the time they were all at the door, Dev’s phone pinged in his pocket.

  “Thanks,” he said, smiling at Seth. Then he looked a bit shy for a few beats.

  That was when Leaf stepped in.

  “Okay, I’ll let you know where we’re going and when I’m picking you up. You two finish your date,” he said, reaching to squeeze Dev’s shoulder. Then he backed away and vanished deeper into the house.

  “I think he expects us to kiss,” Dev mock-whispered at Seth.

  “Do you want to do that?” Seth whispered back.

  Dev nodded at him, and Seth took a step closer to him.

  He hadn’t kissed anyone but Leaf in a long time, so when his lips touched Dev’s, he reveled in the foreignness of the feeling. They were roughly the same height, Dev maybe a bit shorter, so there was no real reaching, just bending heads slightly. The kiss was sweet, very much like a first kiss should be. A promise of future heat but, for now, chaste and all about getting to know the other person.

  They both trembled just a little when they separated, and then Dev huffed out a breath and ducked his head. “Damn. I want to do a lot more of that, but maybe wait for the next date?”

  “Yeah, same,” Seth admitted. “Text me? And have fun on Saturday if I don’t see you before that.”

  “We will. Thanks, Seth. This so wasn’t how I thought tonight would go, but….”

  “Better?” Seth hazarded a guess.

  “Better.” Dev shouldered his bag and quickly pecked Seth’s lips again, then opened the door. “Bye.”

  “Bye, Dev,” Seth murmured at his back and closed the door.

  The butterflies in his stomach were still flapping around, but this time they felt almost content instead of excited and frantic.

  Chapter Six

  LEAF PACKED the dogs into his beat-up SUV and double-checked he had their collapsible water bowl with all the other stuff in the back. He’d gotten an idea on Friday evening and called a friend who co-owned a dude ranch by the mountains. Leaf felt certain that Dev would appreciate the dogs being able to roam free there instead of being leashed on a public hiking route.

  He’d texted with Dev a bit since their dinner, and the thought of having Dev to himself for the day filled him with excitement. It felt weird, almost, to feel all this again. He was fifty, but sometimes he felt that, in gay years, he was closer to a hundred. He’d sometimes wondered what he’d do without Seth in his
life, how he would have ended up during the last decade. Probably still on the road, even more than he was nowadays. Having occasional lovers in every port, so to speak. There was nothing wrong with that, but with age he’d come to understand that it might be more fulfilling to have a home somewhere with a lover, a life partner, waiting for him.

  He found his way to Dev and his brother’s house easily and parked by the curb to wait. The dogs were in the crates in the very back of the car, peeking out as much as they could to try to figure out where they were.

  Leaf glanced at the clock and realized he was five minutes early. He’d always liked a schedule when outside the house. At home, he’d laze about or work on his computer, but there wouldn’t be set times for anything. He went to bed when he got tired and woke up when he felt rested enough. When he had somewhere important to be—and this morning definitely qualified—he would set an alarm and be early anyway.

  The door of the nice-looking house opened and Dev came out, then made sure it locked behind him. When he turned to walk to the SUV, he smiled widely, looking oh so very young for a moment. It twisted something inside Leaf briefly, reminding him of their age difference, but as fast as the sensation came, it also receded, when his heart bounced with joy. Dev looked happy to spend time with him. It made Leaf happy in response.

  He pressed the button to open the passenger’s side window. “Just toss your bag into the back seat and say hi to the dogs so they’re calmer?”

  “Will do!” Dev opened the door and smiled at the crates, which took all the space, including the back seats Leaf had taken out ages ago in favor of the larger crates for the kiddos.

  “Hey there, babies,” Dev cooed at the dogs and petted them as much as he could through the holes. “We’ll be able to say hi properly soon, okay? Yeah, you’re such good dogs, aren’t ya?”

  Leaf smiled at the way Dev seemed to be as charmed by the dogs as they were of him.

  Dev dropped his light backpack and a small cooler next to Leaf’s bigger cooler and raised his brow. “I thought I was bringing the picnic?”

  “Oh, there’s drinks in there. Mostly I have it with me so I’ll always have water for the dogs,” Leaf explained as Dev closed the back door and climbed into the passenger’s seat.