Like Breathing

by Tia Fielding

He carried most of his bigger things, like the chair and two monitors, down the stairs himself. He put them carefully by the front door, then went back to his room to carry more. It took a few trips, but in the end, everything he needed was piled in the hall.

  Angel hadn’t said anything, and neither did Dev. The rumble of the SUV sounded from the driveway, and he sighed.

  Very pointedly, Angel got up off the couch, left the TV on as a signal that he’d come back to it, and went upstairs. His door closed with a click, and the choked-up feeling came back with vengeance.

  Seth didn’t have a chance to ring the bell; Dev wrenched the door open just as Seth got to it. He took one look at Dev, opened his arms, and let Dev burrow into a hug. Soon another pair of arms wrapped around them from the side, and kiss pressed against his hair.

  “It’s gonna be okay, Dev. I promise,” Leaf murmured.

  They let him soak in the comfort for a moment, but then Dev remembered the neighbors and pulled away.

  Dev wiped his eyes, only then realizing there was something to wipe in the first place, and stepped back inside. “So, this is everything. If we put them in the car in a smart way and you drive carefully, I don’t think we need to wrap the screens or the computer.” He’d ended up taking just the work machine, because he had the dogs for company and he doubted he’d be doing much gaming anyway.

  “Okay, let me grab this,” Leaf said, lifting the chair. “You take something, and we’ll figure out how Dev wants it in the car.”

  Dev let Seth grab the plastic bins and took one of the monitors himself. He could’ve carried more, but he’d rather not risk it.

  They managed to get everything nice and steady in the car, and Dev carried his suitcase to add to the back of the vehicle last. Then he remembered something and groaned. “Give me two minutes,” he said and ran to the house and up the stairs.

  He went to his room and picked up his pillow, because he couldn’t sleep well without it for extended periods of time. It was a fancy one his mom had gotten for him because he needed good support for his neck with how much he sat at the computer daily, and he’d grown to love the weirdness of the memory foam.

  He was about to go back downstairs when he changed his mind. He walked to Angel’s door and knocked lightly. “Angel, I’m probably back next weekend sometime. Not sure how long it’ll take for them to get back, depends on Seth’s mom I suppose. Anyway. See you.”

  He waited for a few seconds, but when he got no answer, he walked away, feeling small fissures cracking into his heart.

  Dev loved Angel more than anyone. He just couldn’t let this go easily, and he certainly couldn’t let Seth and Leaf go just because Angel didn’t approve.

  SETH DROVE and Leaf sat in the back, his large palm on Dev’s shoulder the whole way to the pink house.

  He was comforted, but also bone-weary, like he’d run a marathon instead of just packed some stuff and had an argument with Angel.

  They unpacked at the house, and Seth showed him the space he’d made for Dev’s stuff in his study while Leaf went to feed the dogs.

  “I just took everything and dumped it on the corner on Leaf’s desk. It’s not like he uses it anyway,” Seth said, smiling, but Dev could tell he wasn’t feeling the levity he was trying to portray.

  “Thank you. I’ll set it all up properly tomorrow, but it looks good.”

  “The password for the Wi-Fi is there, and if you need anything else, just call us. I’ll always pick up if it’s you.”

  The words meant more to Dev than he could’ve put to words, so instead of replying, he went and hugged Seth again.

  “Come on. Let’s have some dinner and go to bed,” Seth suggested, and Dev’s stomach was in knots suddenly.

  “I’m not sure I feel like eating to be honest,” he said apologetically.

  “It’s okay. Just sit with us even if you can’t eat.”

  Seth pulled him into the kitchen and didn’t seem to mind when he sat down on the floor to wait for the dogs. The way he suddenly needed to see them surprised Dev a little. They all came to greet him, a bit more slobbery after their dinner than Dev usually would’ve liked, but he didn’t care right then.

  Grace stuck to his side, and Missy crawled all over his lap. Even Husky didn’t seem to want to go far. It seemed like his need for comfort broadcasted enough for them to take notice.

  “Okay, kids, go back out. Human dinnertime,” Leaf told them once it was time to sit at the table.

  The dogs left, and Leaf pulled Dev to his feet.

  “Here,” Seth said, pouring them all some wine. “I know you’re not a fan, but I think it’ll make you feel better.”

  Dev took a sip and grimaced. It wasn’t good, but wasn’t the most horrible thing he’d tasted either.

  “We’re having a light dinner. This is my tuna-and-pasta salad, and there’s garlic bread if you want some. You don’t have to eat, but you probably should,” Leaf said, plating some food for Seth and then himself, and finally, after Dev acquiesced, for him too.

  Dev ate slowly, almost forcing the tasty meal down instead of really enjoying it. He drank the wine, and a second glass Seth poured him. Seth and Leaf talked about their travel plans and other things, leaving Dev out of the conversation when they sensed he wasn’t up to it.

  He finished about half of his meal, and then Seth remained to clean up while Leaf took Dev’s hand and walked him upstairs to their bedroom.

  “You’re going to be sleeping here with us. I don’t want you to be alone tonight, okay?” he said quietly, and Dev nodded. Leaf took him to sit on the edge of the bed and sat by him, taking his hand. “I don’t need to know any details of your fight with Angel. Just… know that we want you here. You’re part of us now, Dev. Something drastic needs to happen for that to change. We care for you so much.”

  It was the declaration they were ready for, Dev realized. The heavier stuff was in the distance somewhere. They’d gone from fun to serious pretty quickly, and while the physical side was still waiting for them to get there, the mental side of this relationship had already locked in.

  Dev didn’t have words, so he looked at Leaf beseechingly, feeling tears gather into his eyes.

  “Oh, sweetheart,” Leaf said, pulling him closer.

  Leaf kissed him gently, waiting for him to open his mouth to deepen the kiss, but it wasn’t about lust—it was still comfort.

  Dev made a sobbing noise right into Leaf’s mouth. He clung to Leaf, and all he got back was kindness and caring. It almost embarrassed him how much he was clinging, but Leaf kept murmuring to him and gave him kisses when he wanted them.

  After a while, Seth came into the room, took one look at them, and stripped to his boxers and T-shirt. Then he climbed into bed and told Leaf and Dev to get up and get undressed too.

  They did so, quietly and, in Dev’s case, wearily, then got into bed with Seth.

  Dev was put in the middle.

  Suddenly Seth tensed. “Wait a sec,” he said and got out of bed. He padded downstairs almost silently, and he came back with Dev’s pillow. “We forgot it in the study.”

  “Thank you,” Dev said, putting his pillow between Leaf and Seth’s, and let them hold him.

  They didn’t talk, and at some point, Dev fell asleep, surrounded by his lovers.

  HE WOKE up in the morning, feeling better in some ways and just the same in others. When he rolled over, Leaf was on the other side of the bed, using a tablet for something.

  “Morning,” Dev murmured.

  “Good morning, sweetheart.” Leaf smiled and leaned in to kiss his forehead. “There’s coffee and breakfast in the kitchen. Seth’s working a bit, last-minute stuff.”

  “Might wanna shower first,” Dev grunted, feeling grubby. He liked to shower in the evenings, but he hadn’t last night.

  “Sure. I brought your suitcase up. There’s clean towels for you on the counter.” Leaf raised a brow at him. “Unless you want me to join you…?”

  Dev chuckled. “Thanks for t
he offer. I think we can try that another time. Besides, I think I owe some one-on-one time to Seth first anyway.”

  “Right, I forgot that,” Leaf said in a thoughtful tone. “We could talk about all this when we get back. Figure out if we have to go with this turn-based system or not.”

  Dev got out of the bed and stretched, scratching his treasure trail. “Yeah, I think we could just say screw it and go with whatever works for any given situation.” His suitcase sat nearby and he hauled it onto the bed to open it more comfortably. “It seems like we can make any situation work, when it comes to sex at least. Dates, well, that too. I mean, it’s probably more about who is free when at this point. I wouldn’t get jealous of you two if you spent more time on dates. Besides, you guys live together anyway.” It made no sense to get jealous of their time together when he just couldn’t physically be there anyway.

  “True. We’ll talk about it when we come back.”

  “When do you leave?” Dev asked, digging out clean underwear from his suitcase.

  “We’ll leave the house at two.”

  “Okay, gives us time to have lunch at least.”

  “Yeah. I’ll take the dogs for a long walk before we go, tire them out a bit so you have it easier tonight. You’re free to join us after you have breakfast,” Leaf said, and put the tablet on the bedside table.

  “Yeah, might do me good as well. See you downstairs in a bit?”

  Leaf got up and kissed his cheek. “I’ll go fry some bacon for you.”

  “Be still my heart,” Dev moaned dramatically, clutching his chest as he left the bedroom.

  He showered efficiently, suddenly eager to see Seth too. Once he looked and felt presentable, he opened the bathroom door, just to find a wiggly-looking Missy sitting behind it.

  “Well, hello there, girlie,” he cooed, and she wiggled her butt and tried her best to be good. “Morning, little one. Let me get dressed, okay? Okay, good girl.”

  Dev had discovered that he’d gotten used to Missy’s particular look. He appreciated Husky’s blue eyes and sleek beauty, but in his eyes, Missy was the most gorgeous of the three dogs. She didn’t look like any other dog he’d ever seen—her shape wasn’t familiar like Grace’s—and somehow his sense of beauty had latched on to that.

  He put on some comfy clothes he could go for a walk in and told Missy to lead the way. She did, happily bouncing down the stairs and into the kitchen.

  “It’s like she has this indoors bounce. Like you’d tell a human kid to use their indoor voice, you know?” Dev grinned as he accepted a mug of coffee from Leaf.

  “You’re actually right. We did teach her that, because she was being too rowdy at one point.” Leaf put a plate of eggs, toast, bacon, and some fruit in front of Dev. “Eat. You didn’t have much for dinner, so….”

  Dev dug in, then took a sip of the orange juice that mysteriously appeared by his plate when he was looking out of the window. He felt better than the night before, but he could still feel the odd ache in his chest that he always associated with arguments with Angel. They fought so rarely, the feeling was very distinct yet still alien in some ways.

  “Hey, you’re up,” Seth said, coming in from his study. Dev guessed he’d been using a corner of the desk that now housed all Dev’s shit.

  “Yeah, I’m being treated to a breakfast too,” he said brightly, surprised to feel it. It might’ve been partially because of Seth, because he seemed happy to see Dev.

  Dev put his mug down and grabbed Seth’s wrist. He pulled Seth closer and tilted his head just so, wordlessly asking for a kiss.

  He got the kiss and then some.

  They separated when Leaf chuckled from where he was filling his coffee mug. “Come on. We need to have time for the walk. More of this when we get back,” he promised, and Dev and Seth separated reluctantly.

  “Okay, okay. You do need to show me where you guys walk. I want to take the kids out every day, even though you said hiding treats and throwing toys in the backyard would be fine too.”

  Both of the men looked at Dev like he was precious, and he ducked his head to dig into the food still on his plate.

  Maybe they felt his sudden shyness, or maybe it was something else, but they left him eat his breakfast in peace.

  Afterward, Dev pulled on his sneakers and looked at Leaf expectantly. “So, how do you go about with your routine?” he asked, knowing Leaf had written him a list of instructions for feeding the dogs and such, but he wanted to get things right.

  “They basically just need to go out at certain times, and you can keep the doggie door in the utility room unlocked if you want to give them free access. They’ll still probably guard you most of the time, but the regular schedule I try to keep is in the list with the feeding instructions.” Leaf whistled, and the three dogs came in from where they’d been keeping Seth company while he sent yet a few more emails.

  Once the dogs were all sitting down next to them, Leaf took their leashes from their hooks by the door.

  “Okay, so if you want to go for a faster walk, I’d suggest using the belt to hook them all into. Saves your hands if they stop abruptly, which they sometimes do. But regular walks, I’d say put that black harness on Missy—otherwise she’ll try to pull your arm off if she sniffs something awesome—and just clip the leads to Husky and Grace’s collars.”

  “Harness for Missy, got it,” Dev said and picked the black harness from the row of dog paraphernalia on the wall. He frowned at it, trying to figure out which way it would go on the dog.

  “There’s just one spot to attach the lead, so that’s on top,” Leaf explained the configuration. “If you lower it, Missy knows what to do.”

  Skeptical, Dev knelt and took hold of the now identified top part. Missy came to him when he looked at her and promptly stuck her head through one bit, then stood like a statue for him to finish the job.

  Dev blinked at her, then figured out what to do. “Ta-da!” he exclaimed, proud of himself. “You’re such a clever girl about some things, aren’t you, Missy?” He ruffled the dog’s short, coarse fur, making her wiggle.

  “She can be, yeah. She knows by now she’ll get out faster if she stands still. Here,” Leaf said, handing him the black leash.

  They left the house with Dev holding on to Missy’s lead and Leaf the others.

  “Anything specific I need to know?” Dev asked, as Leaf showed him how he liked to hold the leashes so that they’d be secure in his hands even when tugged, and he could still pull the dogs separate from each other if he needed to for some reason.

  Leaf explained some routines, told him which houses and dogs to avoid, and so on.

  “I would expect that your dogs can go anywhere,” Dev confessed after the warnings.

  “Oh, they absolutely can. But say, the dachshund in the yellow house, she bit Missy when she was still a baby. And the greyhound in the neighborhood dislikes Husky, so they both bark. I’d rather not put the dogs into situations where they get upset. I mean, it’s easy to avoid it, so why do it, you know?”

  “You’re such a good daddy for them,” Dev said with feeling.

  Leaf smiled almost bashfully. “Thanks. I try my best.”

  SETH AND Leaf left in the afternoon, and Dev went to set up his borrowed desk space. It didn’t take long, and once he was sure everything worked as it was supposed to, he decided to give his mom a call.

  “Hey, baby boy. How are you?”

  “Hi, Mom.” Dev couldn’t help the sad smile echoing through his voice.

  “What’s wrong, Dev?” she asked immediately. Damned mom instincts.

  “I might’ve fought with Angel.”

  “Oh no,” she gasped, knowing how rare it was for them to argue.

  “Yeah. I think… there’s something I need tell you and Dad. Is he around?”

  “He is, actually. You got us in a good time.” Mom’s voice was gentle as she went to look for Dad.

  Dev made himself comfortable on the couch, and Grace hopped up to sit next to
him.

  “Okay, you’re on speaker now, baby,” Mom said.

  “Hi, Dad,” Dev said, sighing.

  “Hi, Dev. What’s going on?” He sounded worried too, albeit in his usual absentminded way. Dev was pretty sure his dad had ADHD, which meant his mind always ran mile a minute, but while he could sound absent, he was always alert to his kids.

  “So, you know how I told you I met someone?” Dev started, putting his arm around Grace for support.

  “Yes, and I told your mother because I think she deserved to know,” Dad said gently.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t call you before, Mom. It’s just so new and—”

  “It’s okay, baby. Just tell us what’s worrying you now and why you’re arguing with your brother?”

  “Okay, so… I’m actually dating a couple, not just one person,” Dev forced the words out, then tensed for a reaction.

  “What are they like?” his mom asked, sounding curious, as if it was totally normal to date a couple.

  “Yes, tell us more about them,” Dad piped up, with no judgment in his voice either.

  “Well, see, that’s where the problem with Angel comes up.” Dev sighed. “It’s actually Angel’s professor, Seth Kent, and his partner, Leaf DeWitt.”

  “So, they’re quite a bit older than you,” Dad said, this time sounding careful.

  “Yeah, Seth is in his midthirties and Leaf is just a year younger than you, Dad, but somehow we just all… fit. I don’t even know how it’s possible.”

  Mom hummed in a hard to read tone. “Is Angel’s problem the fact that it’s his professor?”

  “Mostly, I think. And I do get it. It’s… it’s a tricky thing anyway. But it’s not like I can help it either, you know? Like, it just all happened and we’re rolling with it, because it feels so… good. Right.”

  “You sound happy.” Mom’s voice got a bit choked up.

  “Yes, you do, son. If they’re treating you right, then I don’t see why you couldn’t have this relationship and make it work. I mean, sure, they could be a bit younger and the age gap is probably going to bring some difficulties sooner or later, but you’re not a child, Devin,” Dad said, sounding serious.