Diffraction (Atrophy)

by Anastasi, Jess

  Something must have shown—her features did feel tight and drawn—because Varean stepped closer as they set off across the docking hangar.

  “Is everything okay?” he murmured, presumably so the others wouldn’t overhear.

  “No, everything is not okay.” It would have been easy to pretend otherwise. but being honest with Varean felt good, gave her a small moment of relief. He’d trusted her with the truth of his past, it seemed only natural for her to do the same.

  “Does it have something to do with why you need a friend to help you get clearance at the hospital and you can’t go yourself?”

  She glanced up at him, expecting to find intense curiosity or scrutiny in his regard, but instead, she saw only warm concern.

  “That, and pretty much everything else in my life.”

  He nodded. “Do you mind— Can I ask why you’re flying around the universe in an old Nirali classer under a captain who is clearly on the deranged side of psychotic, when you’re obviously a highly trained doctor?”

  She took in a deep breath, and it caught as she tried to exhale. Rian had never asked for the full story, she’d told him simply that she wasn’t able to practice medicine in the central systems, so he’d had Callan make the fake ident for her. After she’d been on crew for two years, she’d told Zahli everything, and it was the one and only time she’d spoken of it.

  She wanted to tell Varean. He would understand, wouldn’t view her any differently. But just the thought of speaking the words made her stomach tighten. She would tell him, just not here and now.

  “Something happened, and I was barred from practicing medicine in the central systems.” Her voice came out on an uneven note, and she swallowed down the anxiety.

  It had been years ago; she’d dealt with the fallout of grief and rage and then picked up the pieces as best she could to move forward. Finding a place on the Imojenna had been close to a miracle. If not for Rian, she wouldn’t even be a doctor anymore, or she would have ended up on one of the almost-lawless outer planets where modern medical supplies were considered a luxury. So while it might not seem like it to Varean, onboard the Imojenna with friends she could basically call family, she was actually happy and content. If not for the threat of the Reidar, life would have been just about perfect.

  Varean’s hand touched hers lightly on the outer side of her thumb, before he caught her fingers and twined them with his. “Whatever happened, you don’t have to tell me. I already know it wasn’t your fault. I’m guessing you got screwed by the system or some individual. Either way, it doesn’t change who you are where it counts.”

  Her heart skipped a few rushed beats. As a commando, as a guy who looked like he did—tall, broad-shouldered, rippling muscles, and intimidating when he was pissed about something—it was unexpected and surprising to find he was insightful, compassionate, and pretty much seemed to have a big squishy heart underneath his tough exterior. Which only made her burgeoning feelings toward him that much more acute. And, most inconveniently, it made her want to kiss him the second they were alone. Heck, maybe not even when they were alone. She was pretty well tempted to stop right in the middle of the spaceport walkway, throw her arms around his neck, and show him exactly how much those simple words meant.

  Warmth brushed her cheeks, and she glanced away. At least she wasn’t caught in the cold grip of her unchangeable past any longer. “It’s more complicated than that, and I could have made different choices. But thanks for saying it all the same.”

  “I’m sure it was in the best interest of someone, totally disregarding your own well-being.”

  “There are some people who’ll never see it that way, and I don’t blame them.”

  Would he still regard her with the same warmth when he heard the entire story?

  They arrived at a security checkpoint, saving her from any more conversation. Once they’d made it through the usual checks, Lianna led them outside to hire an aerosphere car, Tannin entering the address of his parent’s house after they were onboard.

  As the aerocar took off, rising vertically into the flow of traffic skimming above the city, Kira closed her eyes, took a few deep breaths, and put her memories back to where they usually lived—in the deep, dark corners of her mind where they couldn’t affect her.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Varean had to wonder about the crew of the Imojenna. When they’d treated him like crap and had him locked in the bottom of the ship, he hadn’t cared about anyone except Kira, because she’d been the only one willing to stand up for him.

  But since they’d had to abandon ship, he’d learned some mighty interesting tidbits. Added to the few snatches of things people had said in front of him since he’d been dragged half-conscious from the Swift Brion, he’d become more than a little intrigued with the disparate group of people Sherron had collected.

  First, there was Kira. From early on, it’d been clear she was a highly skilled, well-trained doctor, so it made no sense for her to be living on the fringes of society aboard a decommissioned war supply ship for what he guessed was very little money.

  There were only a handful of scenarios that would see a doctor banned from practicing medicine in the central systems, and none of them painted her in a good light. But he’d meant every word—whatever had happened, he refused to believe she’d done anything wrong. It seemed more likely someone had either blamed her for something that hadn’t been her fault, or she’d done something in the best interest of her patient, which resulted in the same thing.

  Then there was Rian. From what he could glean, most of the guy’s problems stemmed from a bad run-in with the Reidar. Now, the captain not only had the authorities after him, but the aliens as well. Talk about living life on the edge. By all rights, it was probably amazing the guy was still breathing.

  Next came Callan, because the gorilla was a universal-class forger and made sure the fugitive crew of the Imojenna could blatantly go wherever their wanted hearts desired without fear of being identified. He’d been surprised the security specialist—or whatever title the guy used—knew how to work anything that didn’t involve ammo, a charge pack, or a blade.

  Varean hadn’t worked out whether Zahli or Lianna had any kind of shady pasts, but there was definitely a story behind Tannin’s spot on the crew. Hacker extraordinaire who’d been disowned by one of Barasa’s most prominent, wealthy families and now engaged to marry Rian’s sister. The guy must have had one giant pair to even think about touching Major Captain Rian Sherron’s baby sister, let alone enter into any kind of relationship with her. Varean had to hand it to the guy, he must be one steely sonuvabitch, if he was willing to take Rian as family.

  Speaking of Tannin, he was the reason they were flying in an aerocar above the fanciest neighborhood he’d ever seen. No simple houses here. Not even any large family residences. Every single dwelling on this street was a mansion, the kind of palatial living reserved for less than one percent of the population.

  The car lowered to the street, entering the parking lot of a public garden with a playground filled with under-school-age children and adults who were more than likely their nannies.

  “My parents’ house is two blocks back that way,” Tannin said, gaze on the playground, expression shuttered. Had he played here himself as a child?

  Varean tried to imagine what it would be like to have parents only to be disowned by them. Suppose it’d be worse than never having them in the first place. His mom had died before he was old enough to remember her. With no other family and no clue as to who his father was, he’d ended up in the foster system, his longest residence lasting two years. He had no concept of a permanent home or what it would be like to have the constant care and attention of a parent. Without knowing these things, he didn’t have a reference for exactly how Tannin might be feeling, but assumed it probably sucked big time.

  He could kind of understand the guy’s decision to break in and help himself to a few things. Plus, if the authorities got wind of whatever hacking
Tannin planned on doing, the guy’s olds would have a few awkward questions to answer.

  Varean had promised Kira he’d stay until she’d run her tests and found out what the freck was going on with him, even though there was a solid-metium weight in his gut telling him he didn’t really want to know the answer. He didn’t want to believe it, but he couldn’t shake the notion that Sherron had been right, and the damn aliens had done something to him at some stage that he had no memory of.

  After he got the results, he’d no doubt have some decisions to make about how to live his life going forward in the new universe he found himself in, where every single person he came across could be a shape-shifting alien in disguise. The only thing he knew for certain was that, for Kira’s safety, he had to walk away from the Imojenna and never look back.

  The aim to be gone should have filled him with a sense of relief. Instead, his brain oh-so-helpfully reminded him of the way Kira had moaned his name when he’d had his fingers inside her, taking her right over the edge he’d so desperately wanted to plunge off himself.

  What did he really think could happen here? He’d never been boyfriend material and never would be. The best he’d ever done was casual hookups over a few months. He didn’t do relationships or family. Growing up in the foster system, he didn’t know how. And he sure as hell hadn’t tried once he’d become an adult and joined the military. He’d found his sense of belonging in a unit, in formations, and regulations.

  Besides, no doubt Sherron wanted him around about as much as he wanted to be around. Yeah, maybe he’d be missing out on something he could have had with Kira, something he’d never experienced before. But the reasons to leave stacked way up against the one reason to stay.

  As they left the aerocar and headed out of the park, Tannin and Zahli took point, while Lianna brought up the rear in a way that told him they were used to being on guard.

  Though he didn’t have a weapon, he was definitely on alert as they walked along the block edged by high fences, the yards so big the houses were hardly visible from the street.

  “So is there some kind of plan here?” he asked as they turned a corner. “Do any of you have B and E experience, or is this just a winging-it-as-you-go kind of thing?”

  “Just because you’re not chained up any longer doesn’t mean I want to hear you talk,” Lianna said from behind him.

  “Lianna, really.” Kira tossed an annoyed glare over her shoulder.

  “Wow, you really don’t like me, do you?” He glanced back at the nav-engineer, but she was too busy scanning the street like a pro, hands on the weapons holstered low-slung around her hips. Seemed like she had a few more skills than a regular ship navigator or engineer. Color him not surprised.

  “I don’t know you,” Lianna replied in the same prickly voice. “And considering your last place of residence was our brig, and the stunner affects you and no one else, I’m a long way off trusting or liking you, Command Donnelly.”

  “It’s Lieutenant Captain,” he muttered.

  “What?” This time, Lianna actually looked at him, confusion creasing her brow.

  “My rank? It’s Lieutenant Captain Varean Donnelly, tier one commando, Armed Forces unit Alpha-Alpha. I’d nearly worked my way up to getting my own unit to command when you all so very politely asked me to join you for this little excursion on your superior vessel. So glad I came along.”

  Lianna scowled, but he caught an amused glint in Kira’s gaze.

  “Well then, Lieutenant Captain Donnelly, sir.” Lianna gave a sarcastic salute. “You’re welcome to take your commando assets and get lost whenever it suits you.”

  Really, Lianna’s insults didn’t bother him.

  “Looks like I’m multitalented,” he murmured to Kira.

  She regarded him with a conspiratorial look. “How so?”

  “I can talk and piss Lianna off at the same time.”

  She started to laugh, but caught it with a badly covered cough, putting her hand over her mouth.

  “While I’m glad some of us are having fun,” Tannin interrupted, “I’m sure you won’t be insulted if I suggest you shut the hell up, since we’re here.”

  Tannin paused just a few steps down from a large ornate security gate.

  “So what’s the plan?” Lianna asked, as if he hadn’t just said the same thing.

  Kira wrapped a hand around his elbow and shook her head, as though she thought he was going to say something. He liked way too much that she was apparently watching out for him. Instead of saying anything, he sent her a heated look, back-burning with exactly how damn good it had been when she’d taken him for a ride.

  Her eyes widened, and she glanced away, a light brush of rose coloring her cheeks and leaving him more than a little gratified. Maybe he planned on disappearing sooner rather than later. But before he did, they needed to finish properly what they’d started onboard the skimmer.

  “You guys just hang here for a minute,” Tannin was saying to Zahli and Lianna, pulling his commpad out of his pocket. “My parents have an extensive surveillance system like all the other paranoid, uber-rich people around here. I should be able to override it if I splice my commpad into the gate control and ident screen.”

  Zahli murmured something he didn’t quite catch, but was probably along the lines of be careful, then Tannin headed for the huge double gate. The fence had an old-fashioned gatehouse built into it, but he doubted anyone ever stood around in there, considering tech security was so much more reliable.

  The four of them remained silent for the time it took Tannin to hack his way into the house’s surveillance program. He waved them over after about ten minutes, looking more apprehensive than satisfied with his efforts at circumventing what was probably an expensive and sophisticated system.

  “We’re in luck. Logs show my parents have been offworld all week and won’t be back for a few more days. There’s a skeleton staff, but they leave at six in the evening and come back at eight in the morning. We’ve got the house to ourselves for the night.”

  “How long do you think it’ll take to track Quaine?” Lianna asked.

  “A few hours, if I’m lucky. Probably longer, if he was trying to keep a low profile.”

  Lianna glanced at her comm screen. “It’s nearly four thirty. What are we going to do until the staff leave?”

  Zahli glanced between him and Kira. “Should we go to the hospital and get the tests done?”

  Kira’s expression tensed. “I’d need to check if my friend Mel has messaged whether or not she can help me. But the tests could take a few hours as well.”

  Lianna tapped her commpad screen. “I’ve got the skimmer’s system linked to me. Logs are showing no message has come in.”

  “It’s probably a long shot, but I want to give it a bit more time to see if my friend will come through.”

  “Okay. We’ll head back to the skimmer and wait it out.”

  “How about we find a bar and decompress for an hour or so?” Everyone looked at him after he’d made the suggestion as if he’d grown a second head.

  “What?” he demanded after a long second of silence. “We just spent two days stuck on a skimmer the size of a tin can, and I don’t know about you guys, but before that, I’d been posted on the Swift Brion for three straight deployments without any downtime. Last time I saw a bar, it was a crappy one on some random waystation, and I was still getting carded.”

  “We could probably do with some downtime,” Tannin agreed at last, though he sounded hesitant.

  Lianna gave him a full-on evil eye. “First we bring him along on our little mission to find Quaine, and now we’re going to take him out drinking? What the freck? I mean, seriously, if Rian knew about any of this—”

  “But Rian isn’t here, and he’s not going to find out,” Zahli said in a hard voice—one that was scarily similar to her brother. “At least not until we have some answers.”

  Muttering a curse and looking skyward as if praying for divine guidance, Lianna obv
iously realized she was outnumbered. “Fine. But if he starts a bar fight, I’ll shoot him myself.”

  She brushed by them, stalking back down the block the way they’d come earlier.

  “Jezus. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Lianna in such a bad mood,” Tannin muttered.

  Zahli watched after the nav-engineer with a concerned gaze. After taking Tannin’s hand, she tugged his arm to get him to go along with her. “Lianna loves the ship almost as much as Rian. Actually, there’s a good chance she loves it more than Rian, no matter how much she bitches about having to fix it. And I’d guess she’s also stressed about the fact we’ve split up. She’s used to being there for him, both on the ship and as extra backup. Since he’s currently on a whole other planet, I’d say she’s worried about him, though she’ll never admit it.”

  Varean slowed his steps to put some distance between him and the couple a few paces ahead.

  “Are Lianna and Rian a thing?” he asked Kira in a low voice. Not that it was any of his business, but the crew of the Imojenna had proven to be way more interesting than they’d appeared on the surface, and he found himself wanting details.

  Both her eyebrows shot up. “Lianna and Rian? No!”

  Consternation etched her face, as if the notion had never occurred to her.

  “No,” she repeated, though this time she sounded more unsure. “They couldn’t be. I mean, someone would have worked it out. Living on a ship the size of the Imojenna, it’s impossible to keep anything a secret. And Rian’s never shown the least interest in anyone or anything except his obsession to track down the Reidar. I guess she could have feelings for him, but they’d be deeply buried, and she’s never acted on them. So, no, it’s not like that, they’re just friends. We’re all close, in different ways.”