Diffraction (Atrophy)

by Anastasi, Jess

  He brought a heavy hand up to brush the tears from her cheeks. “Don’t cry for me, Ella, I was lost a long time ago.”

  She leaned in to his touch, closing her eyes on a hiccupping breath. “You were never lost, Rian, just on a dark path.”

  Her ability to see the best in him, to believe he was capable of good, after everything he’d done, was a gift he didn’t deserve. And now he was repaying her by dying, leaving her alone in the captivity of the Reidar.

  He trailed his hand from her cheek to the back of her neck. She opened her eyes, drenched gaze making his heart skip a beat.

  “I never asked for compassion,” he murmured, fatigue dragging at him, the lack of oxygen making everything swim.

  “But you did deserve it. I shouldn’t have withdrawn from you the way I did. It was selfish. I would give anything—” She gulped a breath, desperation in her gaze for the first time since he’d known her. “Please don’t die, Rian.”

  In that second, he would have done anything to promise her that he’d stay alive, promise he wouldn’t leave her, get up and fight any Reidar who came near her. But all he could do was struggle against the consuming darkness for another few moments.

  “You’re strong, Ella. Remember that, and you’ll survive this.”

  “No—” She shook her head, pain suffusing the shadows in her eyes.

  He pulled her down, tilting his head to catch her lips, in his last breath taking the salvation from her that he didn’t deserve. Heat and light rippled through his body like nothing he’d ever experienced, a kind of pure euphoria he’d never aspired to touch.

  She cupped his jaw, deepening the kiss, until he could taste her sadness and desperation. And though he wanted his last moment of lucidity to be nothing but rapture, the old fury at the Reidar—for the fact they were stealing yet another facet of his life, for knowing Ella would be at their mercy—flashed through him in a final burst of futile vehemence.

  The next breath he tried to take didn’t come, and he lost his grip, hand dropping away from Ella as he went limp in her hold. She sobbed his name, and it was the last sound he heard.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  It’d been twenty minutes since Kira had rushed up-ship at the summons of Captain Forster. Even as Lianna had started searching for the vessel holding Rian and Ella, the others had been arguing about whether they could trust the intel and the chances of it being a Reidar trap, given that Varean was half Reidar. Qae had wanted to lock Varean up again and told her to stay clear of him.

  Lianna discovered the ship docked at Itzac station in the Nabyl system, close to cold-space, and Zahli had shut down the argument, telling her cousin she was going with Varean’s lead whether the rest followed or not. After that, they’d set the Ebony Winter on a course to the nearest transit gate, Callan’s forged documentation helping them get through the tight security measures and putting their arrival into the Nabyl system expensively, but instantly.

  With everything under control and nothing else for her to do while the others formulated a strategy to storm the Marsala to take Rian and Ella back, Kira had snuck out and returned to the medbay, finding Varean had put himself back into the coma or trance, or whatever it was when he accessed the Reidar consciousness. She might be on Qaelan Forster’s ship, but she’d tell him the same thing she’d told Rian—Varean was in need of medical care and there was pretty much nothing the captain could do to stop her from providing it, apart from chaining her up as well.

  But now, as she paced the short length of the medbay and prayed he woke up, she second-guessed every choice she’d made since Varean had returned and offered to help them. She’d pushed him away, trying to keep him at arm’s length because she’d known on some level that if she didn’t, all those feelings she’d been fighting would take over and she’d end up begging him not to leave again.

  But they’d ended up here, and this was so, so much worse. If he died—

  If he died, she’d go through the rest of her life with his death as a dark shroud on her heart and soul.

  The temptation to call him out of his trance—as he’d told her she should be able to do—was getting harder and harder to ignore. But if she brought him around and he hadn’t done whatever it was he thought he needed to do, there was every chance he’d simply put himself back under again.

  An alarm sounded from the inset screen above the bed, cutting off her agonizing. She rushed over, studying the readouts. His heart rate was dangerously high, almost four hundred beats per minute. Enough to make him arrest or stroke out at any second. His brain waves were also going haywire, the readings like nothing she’d ever seen before.

  “Varean!” She clamped her hands on his shoulders. “Varean, wake up!”

  Last time, he’d somewhat calmed at her voice, but now it didn’t seem to be working. “Varean, wherever you are, you need to come out of it.”

  The tone of the alarm cut out and then chimed a different sound. She knew what it meant without even looking at the screen, and it made her stomach drop and slam into the floor.

  He was flatlining.

  Though panic surged through her body in an acidic flood, she kept her movements calm and efficient as she set the gurney for resus—securing the low sides and stepping clear. She accessed the inset screen and tabbed in the command. The system whirred and then delivered a low pulse of energy through his body. This was followed by a series of clicking as the system reset and rescanned to check for vital signs.

  “Come on, Varean,” she muttered, her insides churning as the system delivered a second pulse, gently jolting his body.

  Again, no results were displayed, as the system reset for a final time. If this didn’t work, the protocol was to call time of death. If a resus and regen unit couldn’t bring a person back after three attempts, no modern medical technology could save them.

  She held her breath as the system delivered the final pulse. Sound zoned out, replaced by a rushing in her ears as she stared at the screen, waiting, praying for the tiniest beat.

  But the line of his heartbeat remained steady and straight, while the words “no signal recorded” flashed at the bottom of the screen.

  As she blew out a hard breath, rigidity left her body, and she dropped heavily on the stool. The doctor side of her had calmly catalogued that she couldn’t have done anything else and had expected this might be the result of him going under again.

  But a deeper part of her was screaming in disbelief and pain. For all the death and tragedy she’d endured in the past days, it was like her body just didn’t have the energy to expend on the grief.

  “Kira, we’ve docked, and we’re heading onstation.” Zahli came into the medbay, concentration on the weapon belt she was strapping around her hips. “Colt said Rian might be injured, so we need you to come with us.”

  Zahli paused, her gaze shifting over to the gurney. “Oh my stars. Is he—”

  “He didn’t make it.” Her voice came out monotone.

  “I’m sorry, Kira.” Zahli stepped closer and took her hand. “I know you cared about him, despite what he was.”

  From anyone else, the words might have been empty platitudes, but she could see from the shadows in her friend’s gaze that she really meant it. She might not have understood what had developed between them, but it was clear she didn’t wish this pain on anyone.

  “He knew the risk and took it anyway.” She didn’t know what the point of saying that was; it was just the first thing that came into her mind.

  “Regardless of everything Rian did to him, he still helped us find him. Varean was a good man, Kira. I can understand why you loved him.”

  The L word stabbed right into the middle of her chest, releasing the emotions that had been trapped behind the numb disbelief. And it hurt. God, it hurt more than she’d expected it to. Had she loved him? She didn’t know, and now she’d never get the chance to work it out.

  Zahli continued, “This is probably the last thing you want to be doing right now, but we have
to get Rian and Ella.”

  Having a task helped stabilize her emotions, gave her a reason to shove them down and something to focus on. “No, we need to go. That is exactly what I need to be doing right now. It’s what Varean gave his life for, so we could save Rian and Ella. If we don’t see this through, what he did will be for nothing.”

  She wiped both hands over her face, even though her eyes remained achingly dry, then took a breath to clear her mind and went over to grab a med kit. But then she paused, unable to leave Varean just lying there. She pulled a light blue sheet out from one of the recesses and handed her med kit off to Zahli while she flicked the material over his body.

  Something about the action was so final, making a hard lump swell in her throat and tears well at last. But she swallowed down the emotion and took the med kit from Zahli, putting everything out of her mind as she left the medbay, just like she would have when she’d been working the ED on Jacolby.

  Occasionally she lost a patient, but that didn’t mean everything stopped. Varean was gone, she couldn’t do any more for him, but Rian might be injured, might need her help when they found him. That was what she focused on as she joined the others waiting to disembark.

  Zander and Qae were there, plus Lianna, Tannin, Jase, and Colt. When Zahli and she approached the group, she ran a gaze over the commander captain.

  “Your wound might be mostly healed, but I don’t recommend coming along, Commander. You should be resting.”

  Colt sent her an indulgent, amused smile. “Noted, Doctor. But we need every able-bodied man on deck to take on these aliens, so there’s no way in hell I’m sitting this one out. Plus, one of those bastards put a hole in my chest, and I’d like to return the favor.”

  “Speaking of bastards,” Qae interjected. “Where’s that hybrid freak? He gives us a lead and then hides out on my ship while we put our asses on the line? That’s not suspicious at all.”

  Zahli had been making very unsubtle gestures at Qaelan to shut him up, but the marauder didn’t take the hint.

  “What?” Qae scowled at Zahli, who glared right back at him. “Am I not allowed to call him a hybrid freak? Isn’t it PC enough? What about half-breed mongrel?”

  “Varean is dead.” Kira’s words had all the effect of a bomb, leaving everyone stunned.

  “Well shite, why didn’t you say so?” Qae muttered to no one in particular as he released the atmospheric doors.

  Everyone stared at her, like they expected a different response, but no one said a word. Their awkward attention—clearly not knowing what to do with this news—sparked her temper. So it was probably lucky they didn’t try something stupid like offering their condolences, otherwise she would not have held herself accountable for whatever screaming or violence followed.

  She headed over to where Qae stood in front of the atmospheric doors as they slid open with a hiss of equalizing pressure.

  “Sorry for being a dick,” Qae murmured, loud enough for only her to hear.

  “You mean just now, or always?”

  Qae winced. “Ouch. Nice jab.”

  The doors finished opening, and she didn’t bother replying or waiting for anyone else as she stepped into the tubeway that temporarily connected the Ebony Winter to the space station.

  Everyone else emerged, and Lianna gestured deeper into the docking arm, instead of toward the station security gateway.

  “The Marsala is about a dozen berths out. I got us as close to her as I could.”

  “You mean we, of course,” Qae shot back with a suave grin. “After all, it was my smooth talking to station control that got us a slip on this level.”

  “Can we just get on with this before I have to punch you in your smarmy face on principle alone?” Lianna shoulder-checked the marauder as she strode by, leaving Qae rubbing his upper arm.

  There were only a handful of people on the gangway—which had been set out in a kind of zigzag pattern to accommodate more ships—as they made their way along. Itzac wasn’t exactly a bustling central system station; most of the other crews they passed looked like they were rough-living and hard-working. Luckily, they weren’t the only crew moving about as a group, so they didn’t attract much attention.

  They’d gone past about eight docking hatchways when Lianna slowed to a stop. “The Marsala is just around the corner. Tannin, you’re on recon.”

  The tech analyst hastened down the remaining gangway and disappeared around the corner. Everyone was silent for the minute or two it took him to come back.

  “Hatchway is closed and locked up,” Tannin said as he stepped back into the group. “One armed guard sitting outside. Doesn’t seem to be anyone else nearby.”

  “Only one guard?” Zander muttered. “That seem a bit easy to you?”

  “You still think it’s a trap?” Lianna asked, not seeming too worried about the prospect.

  “Of course it’s a trap,” Qae replied, his tone indicating it should have been obvious to anyone with half a brain. “You really think your dead hybrid intel is solid?”

  Zahli elbowed him, ending his words with an oomph.

  Maybe Qae’s snipe should have made Kira angry, should have upset or incensed her, but she’d left her emotions back on the ship and was focused on nothing but helping Rian. Whatever anyone else believed of Varean, she didn’t care. He’d vowed back on the Imojenna that he’d protect her with his life. She didn’t believe for a second the information he’d given them would lead into a trap.

  “It doesn’t matter.” Lianna took out her razar and nucleon gun. “If there’s even a chance Rian is on the ship, we’re not walking away until we know for sure.”

  The nav-engineer stalked to the corner of the gangway and leaned around it with her razar. She let off a single shot, then tossed a hard glance over her shoulder. “Reidar.”

  Before anyone could reply, she stepped out, this time leading with her nucleon gun. The others had their guns out but pointed down as they followed her.

  Since she was unarmed, Kira waited a beat before falling in behind the group. The last thing they needed was for the only person with medical training to take any stray ammo. But it seemed there wasn’t much of a threat after all. Lianna had made sure the Reidar who’d been guarding the hatchway was messy-dead, and no others appeared to back him up.

  Tannin was already accessing the screen to open the hatch to the tubeway, muttering something about it being partly Reidar coding. Most of the others took defensive positions in case some kind of reinforcements turned up.

  Time dragged by, but finally Tannin got the hatchway open, revealing the empty tube leading to the atmospheric doors of the Marsala.

  Lianna and Zander went in first, followed by Zahli and Tannin. She stayed securely in the middle of the group, while Colt, Jase, and Qae formed a defensive line behind her.

  Tannin took to the control panel of the Marsala’s atmospheric doors, seeming to have a better idea of what he was doing. It took half the time to get the ship’s hatchway open.

  When the hatch slid back, a few short feet in was another door, this one appearing to be metium-reinforced mesh, kind of like would be fitted in a prison transport. Off to the left, near the far bulkhead, Ella sat, Rian sprawled across her lap and very definitely not moving.

  “Oh god.” Zahli rushed up to the door. “Ella, is he okay?”

  The priestess wiped tears off her face with an unsteady hand. “I can’t heal him, these cuffs—”

  “We’re going to get you both out of there. Just hang on for a second.” Zahli turned to Tannin, who was already working on the electronic lock. “Hurry.”

  His shoulders were tense, his expression grim as he hacked the controls, breaking through the coded ciphers.

  Finally, the door clicked and swung free. Zahli dashed through first, but Kira was right on her heels as they ran over to where Ella gently laid Rian on the floor. Her heart hiccupped in her chest as she took in his gray complexion and blue lips.

  “How long has he been like th
is?” she shot at Ella, yanking the med scanner out of her kit.

  “Just a minute or so.” Ella’s usually calm voice was ragged, thick with emotion. “But he was having trouble breathing for a long time before that. He was stabbed.”

  She didn’t need the med scanner to tell her he’d probably suffered from a collapsed lung. But she waited the second or so it took for the information to scroll across the screen before she dove back into her med kit, snatching out the things she’d need to put in a chest tube.

  “Someone get his shirt off.” As she got the MRD ready to make an incision, Zahli and Ella ripped and tugged the cloth out of the way, revealing the stab wound and several ugly bruises covering his abdomen.

  “He did not go quietly,” Zander muttered from where he stood a few steps away, gun in hand, his attention clearly not focused on keeping watch.

  Kira lifted Rian’s heavy arm away from his chest and then ran her fingers over his ribs, counting the spaces between bones until she found the right one.

  “Wait.” Ella grabbed her wrist before she could make the first cut. “What are you doing?”

  “His chest cavity is filled with air. That’s why he can’t breathe. I need to release the pressure.”

  “But I can heal him.” Ella glanced up at the others standing around. “If someone can get these bands off, I can heal him.”

  “I can try.” Tannin came over and knelt down next to the priestess.

  “We don’t have time to wait.”

  She tugged out of Ella’s hold and opened a small hole in Rian’s side so she could insert the tube. In a hospital, this sort of thing would have been done from a distance, using robotics that left no room for error. But with only the most basic medical tech, she’d have to trust her judgment and skills and hope it was enough to save him.

  As soon as the tube was in, the air released with a hiss. She secured the line and checked his vitals. He hadn’t started breathing on his own, and the med scanner informed her that the last activity from his heart had been ninety-three seconds ago.