by Carré White
Letting myself into Nick’s room, I began to putter around the kitchen, filling the kettle with water and loading wood into the cook stove. While the water heated, I sat on the couch and unbuttoned my dress, as Noah latched onto me quite aggressively, gulping greedily at the milk that spurted into his little mouth.
“Oh, for Pete’s sake. You’d think I never fed you.” It was while thus engaged that Nicolas returned home. Glancing over my shoulder, I said, “Hello.” I worried he might be upset to find me here, but he seemed resigned, his demeanor peculiar.
“I think we should talk.”
“If you want.” I answered vaguely, but my heart had picked up several extra beats in anticipation of what he might have to say.
“I revealed something today. I’ve been keeping a rather large secret.”
“You have?”
He unbuttoned the top of his shirt, loosening the bowtie. “Yes.” Then he placed a leather satchel on the table. Turning to look at me, his eyes roamed over my face before lowering to the baby. “I’m jealous of Noah.”
“What?”
“That’s exactly where I long to be.”
I stared at him, shocked.
He smiled somewhat sheepishly. “Sorry.” He sat on the rocking chair, resting his arms on the wood on either side. “I have to tell you something that might be upsetting.”
“The woman in the drawing.”
“Yes, that woman is the problem. I’m married to her.”
“I see.”
“She left me five years ago. She ran off with my best friend.” He closed his eyes. “It’s a humiliation I’ve never spoken about. But it was more than that. She broke my heart. She destroyed my faith in women. She was everything to me.”
“I’m sorry, Nick.”
He glanced at the floor. “I never thought I’d feel this way about anyone again. I truly thought I’d be alone. I thought God wanted it that way.”
“We can’t know what God’s plan is. It’s always a mystery.”
“Her name was Emma Cassidy. I’ve no idea where she went. She ran off with Joseph Wok, and that’s all I’ve heard. They were my childhood friends. We were best friends. She was my first and only love. We promised to always be together. Then after I married her, I discovered she’d been carrying on with Joe.”
“How awful.”
“They disappeared one night.” He began to rock, back and forth, the wood creaking. “I questioned everything after that. I didn’t trust myself. It seemed like everyone in my life knew too, including my parents. I thought they’d lied to me, and maybe they had. I left Cass County and never looked back, cursing them all.”
“I can understand why.”
“No one knew me here. It was a fresh start.”
“Why are you telling me this?” Noah had finished eating, and I worked the buttons on the dress quickly.
“Because I want to marry you.”
I had been waiting to hear those words, those precious, magical words. “You do?”
He nodded solemnly. “Yes. Of course I do.”
“You said you helped me only because I was in need. You’d do the same for anyone.”
“I lied.”
“Oh, dear.”
“I didn’t know how to deal with the Emma situation. I never cared before, if the marriage still existed or not. It wasn’t until you stumbled into my life that I wanted to be free.”
“But if you shackle yourself to me, you’ll be obligated to take care of me and Noah. You’ll lose your freedom that way too.”
“Gladly.” He grinned slightly. “If that’s the definition of suffering, I’ll take it.”
“Oh, Nick.”
“I adore the way you say my name.”
Chapter 17
“I should put him down. He’s asleep.” I glanced at Noah, who lay limply in my arms.
“All right.”
“I’ve water in the kettle. It’s going to boil soon.”
“He can sleep on my bed, if you want.”
“That’ll do.” A moment later, I left Noah in the center of the bed, wrapped in a thin blanket. When I returned to the parlor, Nicolas stood at the stove. “Would you like some tea?” I asked, feeling a rush of emotions at this happy turn of events.
“Yes.” As I approached, he drew me into his arms. “You’re staying here. You’re not leaving again.”
My nose pressed against his neck, inhaling his scent. “I didn’t want to leave before, but you made me.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I wasn’t in my right mind.”
“What about now?”
His lips brushed my cheek. “I’m insane with jealousy. Seeing you with Chuck annoyed the tar out of me.” He gripped me tightly for emphasis. “I wanted to jump from the pulpit and smash his face in. He has no business being anywhere near you.”
“Nick! Oh, goodness.”
“I know. I’m a man of God, but I wasn’t feeling anything but anger at that moment. It was possibly my worst sermon ever.”
“No, you were fine.” Being in his arms pleased me to no end. “I don’t think anyone noticed that anything was amiss. I didn’t.”
“What does he mean to you? Are you in love with him?”
I met his gaze, noting the stark look in his eyes. “No, absolutely not. He asked to have supper with me tonight, and I had said yes, but I don’t wish to see him now or ever again.”
“Are you trying to make me jealous? It’s working.”
“I need a husband, but I’d never marry someone I didn’t feel something for. I know that’s hard to believe, because of my first husband and how I came to be in Boot Creek, with the whole mail order bride thing, but I’d never make that choice today. I’ve decided I want more out of life. I want to love whoever I marry. It’s entirely unrealistic,” I grinned, “but I would prefer it.”
“I’m eternally grateful Earnest Hobart is an imbecile. If he can’t see your worth, he doesn’t deserve you. And you should marry the person you love, but that person needs to find out if he’s still not already married.” He released me, strolling over to the couch, where he sat, holding his face in his hands. “I honestly didn’t think I would ever feel this way again. I thought Emma had torn my heart out and that was it. I didn’t think I’d ever need it.”
Removing the kettle from the burner, I left it near the sink. I went to Nicolas, standing before him, while the urge to run my fingers through his hair had me doing just that. “What will we do?”
“I have to write someone for help. I don’t know.”
“The county clerk of Missouri?”
“I guess. I’ll ask Mayor Hershey about it tomorrow.”
“I knew you were married.”
He glanced at me. “What?”
“I was in Mrs. Hershey’s carriage when you told her. I was feeding Noah.”
“Goodness gracious. What you must’ve thought of me. How it must’ve sounded.”
“I understood everything rather well. I knew something was bothering you, but I had no clue what it was. It all made sense when I heard about her.”
He took my hand, but then he grasped my waist, drawing me onto his lap. “You’re so lovely, Celia. I can’t take my eyes off you whenever I see you, even when you looked like a street urchin. I’ve been miserable this week without you. I refuse to live like that. I’m willing to marry you anyhow, even if I’m already married. No one would know. I don’t care either. I just want you.”
“Nick … ” His blue eyes sparkled with determination. “I’m sure it will all be sorted out soon enough.”
He grasped my face, bringing me close. “I love you, Celia.”
“I love you too,” I murmured, kissing him.
One arm remained around my back, while his free hand began to undo the buttons on the dress. I did not have the strength or the will to resist him, not knowing what he intended. It felt as if I melted into him, not just physically and mentally, but with my entire being. I was conquered and ravished and blissfully happy. I
would give this man whatever he wanted and take what he offered. Kissing his cheek, I marveled at the abrasive quality of his beard, as it scratched my face. Like a cat, I clawed and rubbed myself against him, wanting to be as close as possible.
He had exposed the tops of my breasts, the heaving mounds straining against the material of the chemise. Having an abundance of milk, more than enough for Noah, I was always overly full, and any sort of stimulation could trigger a leak. His lips were on my neck, kissing and nibbling gently, while I threaded my fingers through golden hair. The hands on my waist had moved upwards, following the edges of my ribcage, ending beneath my breasts, which had begun to spurt profusely.
“I’m making a mess.”
“I’m so jealous of my son,” he murmured. “He has everything I want.” Pressing his face to my bosom, he held me this way for the longest time, as if I were a lifeline and he a drowning man. His hot breath warmed my skin. “Will you marry me, Celia?”
“Yes.”
“I wish it were now.”
“So do I, but I’ve only just had a baby.”
He seemed to understand my meaning. “I know. We have to wait for a few reasons, but it won’t make it any easier.”
“You can kiss me whenever you want.”
He met my gaze. “I plan to.”
“I didn’t think I’d ever be this happy. I didn’t know it was possible.”
“I can’t rejoice completely until I know I’m free.”
“What if you’re still married?”
“Then I’ll have it annulled. I pray it won’t take long.”
“If it’s God’s will that we’re together, it will happen.”
“He brought you to me. He gave me Noah.”
I smiled. “You’ll raise him as your own?”
“Yes, of course. He’ll have a brother or sister soon enough anyhow.”
“Oh, my stars.”
“I have to build you a house. We’re going to need space. I’ve been a frugal man for years, and I’ve some money from my uncle. I was his favorite nephew. I say we look for land as soon as we can. I don’t want to waste another minute. I want you to have all the nice things you deserve.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I’m already happy. I can’t imagine it being any better, Nick. You spoil me.”
“I haven’t even begun, sweetheart.”
All the promise of a life together lay before me, ripe for the taking. It was far more than I had ever asked for, but I would gladly take it. “I can’t believe I’m going to marry the most handsome man in all of Boot Creek.”
“I can’t believe I’m marrying an Irish firecracker.”
I giggled, “Oh, that’s true. I’ve quite a temper. You’ve never seen it.”
“Yes, I have, in the alleyway. I’ll know better not to get on your bad side.” He grinned.
“Are you sure? You don’t know what you’re getting into.”
“I can’t wait to find out.”
“I come from hardy stock. That much is true.”
“I’m more bookish than outlaw, but you don’t seem to mind.”
“I can’t find anything wrong with you, Nick. I think you’re perfect.”
In my mind’s eye, I envisioned the house he mentioned, with a garden out back surrounded by a fence to keep the rabbits and deer at bay. All the promise of the life I had wanted waited for me. The emotions this produced made me want to cry with happiness. Leaning into him, I rested my chin on his shoulders.
“Am I too heavy?”
“Not at all. You’re quite slight, Celia, even when you were pregnant.”
“There wasn’t enough food.”
“I’m sorry you’ve had a rough life. I want to change all of that. I want to take care of you and treat you like a queen.”
“I want to … ” the words that fell from my mouth were rather naughty, and I whispered them in his ear.
He drew in a sharp breath. “Celia.”
“I’ve never felt this, Nick, but with you, I know I’d adore being intimate. It wouldn’t feel like a duty. You wouldn’t make me want to retch. I’m quite eager for us to be together in this way.”
“You’re rather forward.” Appreciation gleamed in his eyes. “I’m foreseeing a new type of torture. I hope we don’t have to wait long until we can marry. I’m not sure if I’ll survive it. I’ve been picturing us together in this manner as well. You’re not the only one who’s curious.” He held me, while kissing the tops of my bosom. “You smell so sweet. I imagine you taste just as sweet.”
The husky tenor of his voice sent a shiver down my spine. I had begun to leak again, which left a widening stain at the front of the chemise. “Oh, gracious. I’ll have to wash everything.”
“You’ll have to take it all off first.”
Our eyes met, as heat flared around us, tinged with a fair amount of sensual energy. “I … ” Words failed me, because the things I wanted could not be spoken out loud, although I had whispered it. I kissed him instead, attacking his mouth as if I hadn’t eaten in days. He returned the favor, sliding a silken tongue across my lips. We remained locked in the embrace for long minutes, our mouths fused, while a clock ticked in the background and voices sounded in the hallway.
Gasping, he pushed me away. “I have to see the mayor.” He got to his feet, adjusting his trousers quickly, while raking fingers through his hair.
“What?”
“I’ve a few things to arrange, Celia. I’ll be back.” I must have looked downtrodden, because I felt bereft, wanting to continue to kiss and tease him. “Don’t pout,” he laughed. “I’ll return as soon as I can.”
“Where are you going?”
“The courthouse. There has to be a way to clear this up, and then I’m going to marry you.”
“Tonight?” It was impossible, but a girl could dream.
“I’ve no clue.” He drew me into his arms, holding me close, while whispering, “But soon. Very soon. I won’t be able to resist you for long. You don’t seem to want to help in this matter either,” he chuckled. “Go have your tea. I shall return shortly.” He left me then, hurrying from the apartment.
I waited for him, making tea and a snack, while sitting at the table with a newspaper. It seemed an hour before the door swung open again. His grin warmed my heart.
“Did you miss me?”
Jumping to my feet, I approached him, worried and excited all at the same time. “What happened?”
“I’ve put a request in for information, but it’s going to take some time, Celia. Everything’s in Missouri, and I won’t know for two or three weeks if I’m still married or not. If I am, then I can apply for a divorce based on the grounds of desertion. It’s also possible the marriage has already been annulled. We won’t know for a while. I’m sorry.” He held me close. “This will be torture.”
“But it won’t go on forever. You’ll be free to marry again soon enough.”
“I’m forever preaching about patience, yet I find I have none. Not where you’re concerned.”
I held his face, whispering, “We can wait, my love. We can do other things, if you like. I have some ideas.”
“You brazen woman,” he murmured huskily. Kissing my cheek, he held me close. “We shall endeavor to behave ourselves.” I met his gaze, as he winked at me. “Mostly.”
Chapter 18
Six weeks later …
I sat before a dressing table, while Mrs. Hershey’s maid fussed with my hair. She had artfully arranged beads and fake flowers, inserting them into a bun at the nape of my neck. A white bonnet would complete the look, but it lifted in the back to expose my hair.
“You’re lovely,” gushed Mrs. Hershey. She held a cup of tea, while Mrs. Lola Kelly, who I had been fortunate enough to befriend, sat at a nearby table. She had only just begun to show now, as her pregnancy had progressed.
“Indeed, she does. You’ve triumphed again, Doris. Three successful weddings.”
“Well, two and a half. Chastity Donovan
didn’t find love with her intended, although she ran off with his best friend. I received a letter from her, you know. She’s happy and with child. That is all anyone can ask for.”
“And I’m happy.” Mrs. Kelly smiled. “Jack and I had such struggles in the beginning. You know my family history. My mother’s still trying to convince me to come home. I’ve no desire to leave my husband.” She patted her belly. “Soon there will be a child, which pleases everyone.”
“Except your mother.”
“I can’t help that. You know why I could never go home. Some families don’t get along well, and mine is such a family.” She shrugged. “But I’ve a new home here, with friends who mean the world to me.”
I stood, smoothing the cream colored skirt, adoring the feel of the satiny fabric. “I do believe I’m ready.”
“Nicolas will be stunned when he sees you,” said Doris. “You are truly lovely, Celia.”
“Thank you.”
Mrs. Kelly got to her feet. “But the outfit isn’t complete until you wear this.” She withdrew a strand of pearls. “Something borrowed.”
“Oh, gracious!”
“Turn around.” I did so, as she attached the necklace, the pearls feeling cold around my throat. “Now you’re ready.”
“They’re lovely.”
“They belonged to Jack’s mother. I thought they’d complement the dress, and they do.”
“Everyone’s waiting at the church,” said Mrs. Hershey. “If we’re ready, we should go.”
“I’ll just check on Noah.” A nanny would bring him, watching over him during the ceremony.
“We’ll wait for you in the foyer.” Doris reached for her handbag. “I am always so pleased when a plan comes together.”
Mrs. Kelly grinned, her lovely face sporting pretty dimples. “It has indeed … again.”
“Now if only my husband would not give me such grief. I fully intend on continuing to match needy ladies with lonely men. Lord knows there are more than enough bachelors in Boot Creek to keep me in business for quite some time.” They continued to talk, as they left the room.
After I had seen to Noah, assuring myself he was in good hands, I descended to the first floor, feeling like a princess in the lovely skirt and bodice. My figure had returned, my waist having nearly shrunk to where it was before.
