Gaige

by Alaska Angelini

  The flush and sweat across her nude skin. Her hard nipples and spread thighs. It was so much better than the hallucinations. I stepped back, colliding with the door, making it bang against the wall. Her hand eased from between her legs and she pushed up to her elbow, her full lips swollen from biting them. Just like she was doing now. Hungry. Yes…I was hungry, too, but for something I shouldn’t want.

  “I told you to go away. Why can’t you leave me in peace?”

  “Peace?” I spat the word out along with the bitter taste it left behind. “I haven’t known peace since Marco took you. Where’s mine?” My roar echoed through the room and she jumped at my outburst, moving toward the wall like a frightened puppy. “Hours. That’s all I want from you,” I said, lowering my voice. “Tell me everything so I can move on. I need this, Elle. I can’t take a minute more of not knowing how everything played out.”

  She jerked the covers, sliding underneath them. “You. You. You. That’s all I’ve heard since you barged back into my life. What about me? What about what I’ve gone through? Do you not care? Don’t you think it doesn’t kill me to know what happened? I wish it would have been me, Gaige! I wish I could have taken Carson’s place. That way the world wouldn’t have missed out on the most amazing person I ever had the privilege of knowing. God, I would have traded places with him in a heartbeat. No one would have missed me. Not really. I would have died that day without a second thought if I would have known Carson lived.”

  The words were barely recognizable through her cries. My legs felt weak. My fight…momentarily gone. I slid down the door, staring at the frame of the bed. The whole inside of my chest ached at the heartbreak I’d pushed aside now for years. I was a mess, but she was even more so. It destroyed me to look at what was going on through Carson’s point of view, if he happened to see how this was playing out. If he could see inside my mind…I could almost imagine the horror and disappointment on his face.

  “It would have destroyed him had it been you that died. Even if he would have lived, it would have killed him to know that you were taken. He would have never of been the same. He loved you more than I’ve ever seen anyone love before. When I said he told me he was going to marry you, that was the truth. He did tell me that. Got angry when I wasn’t necessarily supportive.” My stare rose to see Elle clutching the covers to her face, her swollen eyes the only thing in view. Her sobs kept me going.

  “When he mentioned leaving for Texas. And I promised him I would watch over you. Back then, I’d had every intention. I know he’d want me to do it again. The truth is though, Elle, I’m not so sure I can. Not like he meant.”

  I pushed up, grabbing the door handle. With all the emotions I felt, I weeded through them, begging for some kind of answer to come. Some guiding voice to tell me what to do. Nothing stood out but the anger I still harbored. “You’ll tell me everything tomorrow, and then I’ll make some calls. I was wrong bringing you here. You might have been safer back with Marco.”

  Chapter 8

  Elle

  Hours stretched out and sleep came in vivid scenes of Gaige’s large body leaning over mine as he thrust into me hard, fast, and every way but loving. No matter how much I tried to stop projecting the images, my will was gone. I was a slave to the power of the drug. What it showed me, I hadn’t wanted to see. It warped my thoughts, twisted the need I had for Gaige until there was nothing for me to do but be faced with what I secretly craved.

  “Gaige.” His name fell from my mouth for what had to have been the hundredth time. Harder he pounded and tighter I gripped to his back. There was no tenderness in what he gave me. I felt his anger. His hate for what had happened. It was interwoven with his actions and although I knew it was wrong, I soaked it in.

  My love for Carson was still in the background, just out of sight. I felt it prickle my skin, trying to come back. I wanted it to. I wanted this thing I felt for Gaige to disappear, but nothing changed. Nothing but my position.

  “You want to feel me so bad? I’m going to be so deep inside that pussy that I’ll never truly leave. And you know it. You’ll remember this, baby, for as long as you live.” His hand weaved in my hair and he pulled back, arching me while he slid in deep. Stretching me so wide I fought to breathe.

  “Now say it, again. Tell me who’s fucking you.”

  At my hesitation, his hand slapped my ass. My pussy clenched around his cock and I pushed back. “Gaige.”

  His hands locked around my arms, pulling them toward him as he slammed into me, continually. My skin tingled and shaking took over.

  “Elle.”

  “Gaige,” I said, again.

  “Elle.” More shaking.

  “Ow!” My eyes flew open at the slap to my cheek. It wasn’t too hard, more annoying than anything. “What the hell is the matter with you? Have you lost your mind?”

  “I think maybe I have. The drug worn off?”

  An impatience I couldn’t understand kept Gaige pacing next to the bed. I sat up, blinking. “Yeah, I think so.”

  “Good.” He walked toward the back of the room, opening a door I assumed was the closet. I pulled the blanket up tighter, feeling embarrassment wash over me as I recalled the last few hours. I’d masturbated in front of him. Begged him to fuck me. My head lowered, shame making me wish I could erase everything he’d seen and heard.

  Clinking of metal had me looking up and I blinked, trying to make out what I was seeing. A big X was in the middle of the floor. Black leather padding covered most of it. Cuffs were hanging from the top and bottom ends, swinging from the movement.

  My eyes snapped over to Gaige, but he was already stalking toward me, rage projecting from his eyes like a madman who was ready to extract the worse kind of torture imaginable. I didn’t think about being nude. I dove to get off the bed, barely making it to the floor before he was on me.

  “Oh no you’re not. I gave you what you wanted,” he said, spinning me back around and carrying me to the X. “You asked for my help. You asked for sleep. You asked for my cock. I gave you all but the last. Now, you’re going to give me two things that I want—you entirely at my mercy, and for you to suffer.”

  I screamed, going wild in his arms.

  “That’s right, fight me.” The cool leather pressed into my skin as he used his body to pin me to the middle. My arm was forced up and buckled in, the other following despite my violent jerks to get away from him.

  “Don’t do this,” I begged. “Gaige.” His name came out as a sob, regardless that I was growing wet at the thought of being under his control. It was too much like the dreams.

  “I wasn’t going to do this, but fuck that. I’ve waited too long for you to get away scot free. Do you know what you did?” A growl tore from his throat as his fingers bit into my ankle, fighting my resistance. “I’m going to hurt you so fucking good.”

  “Gaige!” I screamed as he restrained my other leg and stood. His chest rose and fell from his deep breaths. Even at Marco’s angriest, he never had the dominance to make my inner self want to cower. But, Gaige…I truly feared the energy he expelled.

  “Scream, baby. Scream louder. I want you to.” His hand gripped to my face, his fingers biting into my cheeks for only a few seconds before he pulled away. I knew that look. Seen in all night in my dreams.

  As he walked back to the closet door, he never turned his back to me. Never broke his stare from my nude body. His hand moved just past the entrance along the wall, then toward the back. My eyes widened as he pulled out a riding crop and something else he shoved in his pocket. The slow calculation he had as he began to walk back over left my whole body trembling.

  In two big steps, he made himself even with me and his hand reared back. My eyes squeezed shut while I braced for the agonizing pain. Whack! Whack! Whack! The sounds made me flinch and I opened my eyes, confused. The crop was down, still by the leg he’d just got done hitting. His leg.

  “Don’t look so relieved, princess. You’re next. Had I not taken the majority of t
he hate I have for what happened out on myself, you’d be dripping red right now. But don’t assume you’re out of the woods, either. I am going to hurt you. And I’m going to enjoy it in more ways than you know.”

  My lip twitched, my anger easily matching his. I’d trusted him, even if slightly. Relied on my sick lust and the fact that he was Carson’s brother, when his intentions weren’t really good at all. “Go ahead. Hit away, Marco! You’re no better than him.”

  Gaige’s hand clasped around my throat, his face not inches from mine. “Fuck that motherfucker. I am nothing like him.” Tighter he gripped, until fire engulfed my neck. Only when I fought against the cuffs, did he loosen. But barely.

  “Look at you,” I forced out, barely able to speak from the pressure. He continued to ease his grasp as I continued. “You have a victim restrained to some fucking…thing. Your hand around her neck, ready to beat her just so you can cope. You. The supposed good guy. I fucking hate you. I hope Carson is watching. I hope he fucking see this!”

  The crop dropped to the floor and Gaige stepped back, his anger turning into some emotion I couldn’t even decipher. Horror. Regret. Fury…he was obviously conflicted.

  “Don’t say his name. You’re not allowed to speak of my brother. It’s your fault he’s dead! You did this.”

  “You’re right. I did. I asked to get kidnapped, raped, and beaten for ten fucking years, you ignorant fuck.” I pulled at the cuffs, ready to attack him. Ready to fight for all the times I couldn’t. “Let me out,” I yelled. “You want to hurt me, be man enough to do it while I’m free. Not that that’s even manly, more like weak. Yes. You’re a coward, Gaige Sullivan, and I pity you.”

  The anger was returning and he moved in closer.

  “So do it, coward. Pick up that crop and beat me until you can sleep at night. What’s one more week or two of not being able to move? At least you’ll be better. Who cares about me.”

  Despite my attempts to guilt him, he did it. He reached down and picked up the crop. I swallowed hard, trying my best to hide the fear and betrayal that seared my insides.

  “Honey, I never had plans to beat you, as you put it. Hurt you, yes. Beat you, not even close.”

  Fire flared over my outer thigh. Once. Twice. I sucked in air, refusing to make any sound to signal my pain.

  “You’re about to find out the difference in what you thought I was going to do, and what I actually have planned. You may wish for the beating by the time I get done.” He paused in bringing it down again. “You can expect for this to be even worse now that you mentioned my brother. Do it again and you will regret it.”

  I pulled at the cuffs, again, just to feel the stinging connect with my other thigh. Whack! Whack! The higher he got to my hip, the harder it became. As soon as he reached the end of my leg he moved across my lower stomach. Up toward my breasts. My eyes closed, every slap alive with the needles that remained from the impact. There was something different about what Gaige was doing than the abuse I got from Marco. I…liked the way this felt. It wasn’t meant to cripple me. More, to leave me soaking in the throbbing after-effects.

  “Don’t you dare leave this room. I bet you’re an expert at disappearing from reality. Not here, you won’t.” The end rubbed over my hard nipple and my eyes flew open, pleasure shooting straight to my core. “That’s more like it. Watch me. See who has you at their mercy.” A heaviness made his tone deeper. Sexier.

  Whack!

  I gasped as he slapped my inner thigh. My eyes almost shut from the tingling in my clit. He’d been so close to my pussy that I wanted him to tease me there, too.

  Whack! Whack! Whack! Continuously, he worked my legs, the sides of my ass, my stomach, and breasts. There wasn’t a spot he hadn’t given attention to. I was humming. Every inch of me was more alive than I’d ever felt before. Even the drug hadn’t made me so in tune.

  “Look at you, up there so helpless. I could degrade you in the vilest ways and there’d be nothing you could do about it.” Slowly, he walked forward, turning the crop sideways in his hands and placing it under my chin to push my head back. “You’re under my control now, Elle. I call the shots, decide how much I want to make you pay. With what I’m seeing, I think it’s going to be a lot.”

  He released my face and the side of my mouth rose into a smile. He didn’t get it. Didn’t understand. “You’re not going to break me, Gaige. Not with that stick you have. Not with any of your toys. I’ve been beaten within an inch of my life on more than one occasion. I didn’t break then, I’m sure as hell not going to give you the satisfaction of doing it now.”

  He pushed against me with his hand on my mouth before I even saw him move.

  “I’m not here to break you. If I wanted that, I could do it in ten minutes. Tell me how much you could stomach seeing my brother’s dead body lying on the street? I’ve seen the pictures more times than I can count. What I want is for you to feel my pain. Suffer at my hand, by the way of my choosing.”

  His palm slid from my mouth, down to my chin, where he gripped my chin. Quietly, he stared at my mouth, not talking. Not moving. As if he could read my racing thoughts, his eyes rose to meet mine.

  “This was my life.” His fingers slapped the leather next to my arm. “There was nothing I enjoyed more than having women submit to me. They came willingly. Needing my pain. Wanting my pleasure. But you see, it all ended. The satisfaction wavered. Disappeared completely.” He took a step back, but grabbed my hair, tracing his finger over my lips. “Every blonde that graced my room was you. I thrived at hurting them. I’d make them come so good, they’d be screaming my name. Somewhere along the way, things got fucked up. The more I wanted it to be you, the more I made them pay. The last girl was lucky to walk out of here at all. I could have seriously injured her. Could have kept her and continued to pursue my sick fantasy because she reminded me so much of you. But I didn’t. I would have destroyed her in the end. She didn’t deserve that.”

  The grip tightened and his touch traveled to my cheek only to give it a slap. Again, not hard, but enough to leave a slight sting. “Now that I have the real thing, you can see where it’d be hard for me not to unleash everything. I sure as fuck want to.”

  I tried shifting, not sure how I felt about his confession. He wanted me and not just to hurt me. He wanted to mix it sexually. My body burned at the thought, making all the welts come to life all over again. The tingling increased and I suddenly realized I didn’t want this to end. Not until I could experience his fantasy. It was wrong; beyond sick that I wanted to be taken over by him completely.

  My head tried to turn away, but with the grip, I was powerless.

  “Dismiss me, Elle. Go ahead. I want you to. Fight me, if it makes you feel better.” The low tone at the end, the whisper, almost sounded like a plea. He needed this. Although I knew nothing good would come out of it, I obeyed, somehow needing it too. Maybe it would ease the guilt I felt at surviving. Carson had died. I had lived, even if it wasn’t in the best conditions. Gaige needing to make me pay almost seemed justified in my eyes because I felt like I needed to, too. But I couldn’t give in. Not easily.

  “Let me down.” I pulled against the cuffs, thrusting my chest forward. My nipples slid against him and he grabbed one of my breasts, pushing me back into the padding. The pain of him pinching the hard nub caused me to suck in air and moan at the same time. His hand covered my mouth as if he couldn’t stand the thought of me enjoying what he was giving me. My brain clicked and I knew I needed to be more vocal. Show him I wanted this, but pretend I didn’t.

  I moved my head back and forth trying to dislodge his hold. His hand traveled over my ribs, down to my stomach, and I continued to make sounds, even though I tried to fight him.

  The pressure from his palm fitted around my hip and his eyes rose to mine, narrowing as he moved his fingers even further, right to my inner thigh. The deep exhale that left him was accompanied by him digging them into my skin.

  “You’re so fucking wet. I knew you’
d want this.”

  My head shook as I screamed against the hand that still covered my mouth. In a way, I wish I didn’t yearn for him. Carson kept pushing through, the reminder only helping to fuel my resistance.

  “I’ve waited so long to make you pay. Now you need to take more.” He stepped back, heading to the closet again. My eyes widened at the flogger. I’d never seen one in person, but I knew what it was. During high school I’d come across a book that had described something similar. Nowhere in that text had it mentioned the use for sexual gratification.

  “Gaige. Please. Let me down. Don’t do this.” The words were genuine. Fear was creeping back in as I tried my hardest to break away from the restraints. Would he seriously harm me? I didn’t know him anymore. The lack of trust must have shown because he slowed and lowered his gaze. But he didn’t stop.

  Strands of leather bit across my thigh, wrapping around to the innermost part. A cry came out and I clamped my mouth shut, pushing past the tears and weird sense of arousal that the multiple sensations were causing.

  The next blow to the other leg was harder. The steady spinning rotation of his hand sent the leather repeatedly slapping against me as he began to move to my stomach. The pain became nonexistent, only there at his choosing. He wanted me to feel. I could tell by the way he had them tickling against my skin as it climbed higher. So different than the treatment I’d gotten below my hips.

  Heat poured from the lower half of my body while he stopped just between my breasts. Again, his hand went between my legs. My breathing quickened at his fingers brushing against my folds. I pressed my lips together, waiting to see if he went further while secretly hoping he would.

  “God.” He knelt, his grip locking just above my knees, his head, lowering. For minutes, he didn’t move and neither did I. His fingers would push into my skin, painfully, only to loosen. The internal battled he was having broke my heart. We’d both lost someone we loved dearly and his way of coping wasn’t sitting well within him. I knew Gaige. Knew the type of person he was. Maybe he had changed in the last ten years, but the goodness he’d held inside had to be somewhere deep within. And he knew this was wrong.