Where Memories Are Made

by Lynda Page

  Jackie inwardly fumed. As usual Harold Rose had managed to offload all the work on to others, mainly herself. She appreciated that he’d a busy job handling the large amounts of money that came into the camp weekly via fees and till receipts from the bars and shops, plus sums going out again to pay suppliers and other bills, but they were experiencing a time of crisis when all the staff needed to pull together. Everyone else was doing their bit, some more so than others, particularly Jackie herself, yet for whatever reason Harold Rose didn’t seem to understand that his role involved him doing more than swapping one desk for another. It really wasn’t fair of him to pretend to Drina he was doing an exemplary job of covering for her when he updated her via her telephone calls.

  Jackie made to leave the office when something struck her. Mr Rose had just told her he was already engaged on the date of the dinner and dance, but how could he know that when she hadn’t actually told him which date it was being held on?

  Suddenly her weeks of being unfairly put upon by this man became too much for Jackie. Before she could stop herself she blurted out, ‘No, Mr Rose, that is not all. Mrs Jolly put you in charge, not me. You walked out early yesterday without affording me the courtesy of telling me you were leaving for the day, and left me alone to deal with everything. I’m sick and tired of doing work that you should be taking on. I certainly don’t have the authority or the knowhow to hire a nurse or deal with a charity organisation. I’m already trying to cover two people’s work, my own and Rhonnie’s, and most nights I have to work late. By the time I do finish I’m too tired to go out so I’ve no social life. And it’s your fault I lost my boyfriend. While I was having to work late, he found someone else.’

  At the memory of that, her anger turned to misery and she burst into tears.

  Harold Rose was staring at her blankly.

  Through her sobs it suddenly struck Jackie that no matter what she felt about this man, he was after all her boss and had every right to sack her for her outburst. That would leave her with no job and nowhere to live either. Oh, why hadn’t she checked herself before she had opened her mouth? She started to talk again but this time there was no anger in her voice, only remorse. ‘Mr Rose, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have spoken to you like I did. Please don’t sack …’

  To her utter surprise he shot out of his chair and dashed over to her. He gently took her arm and led her to the chair before the desk, pressing her to sit down. Once she was seated he took a clean, neatly folded handkerchief from out of his jacket pocket and handed it to her, saying, ‘It’s I who should be apologising to you, Miss Sims. I can’t very well sack you for speaking the truth, can I?’

  Opening the handkerchief, she wiped her wet eyes then looked up at him in bewilderment as he returned behind the desk, sank down in the leather chair, took off his horn-rimmed glasses and rubbed his hands over his face. His eyes were fixed on his desk when he spoke. ‘I should have told you I was leaving yesterday,’ he said remorsefully. ‘Well, left a message with Mr Stanhope to give you when you returned. I do apologise, but in my defence I’d forgotten I had a dental appointment until the last minute and rushed out without telling anyone as I was too concerned about being late and annoying the dentist.’ He heaved a deep sigh then before going on. ‘I … I … can’t imagine what you think of me, Miss Sims. Just what most people do, I should think, rude … obnoxious …’

  That was what she thought of him but Jackie only said, ‘I can’t understand why you accepted the job if you’d no intention of doing it, Mr Rose?’

  He heaved a heavy sigh. ‘It wasn’t that I had no intention of doing the job, Miss Sims. I’m … I’m … well, you see, I’m just not capable of doing it.’ He paused for a moment, seeming to have difficulty finding the right words before he went on. ‘Much of it involves dealing with people and that’s where the trouble lies, you see, Miss Sims. I find it very difficult to be around others. Whenever I have to converse with anyone, I break out in a cold sweat and never know what to say. I’m so frightened of making an utter fool of myself. The only company I feel comfortable in is my own. I do envy people like you, Miss Sims, who don’t seem to find it difficult at all dealing with anything life throws at them.’

  He paused for a moment, and from the expression that crossed his face then Jackie got the impression he was experiencing pangs of deep regret that he’d been born with such a debilitating character trait. And after what he’d just told her, she also realised that it wasn’t at all easy for him to open up to her about his problems. Taking a breath, he continued, ‘When Mrs Jolly asked me to step into her shoes while she was away, I was terrified. I didn’t sleep at all that night from worry. But it would only be for a couple of weeks at the most, Mrs Jolly told me, so I had no choice but to get on with it. She did assure me that you, Miss Sims, were very capable … there was nothing you didn’t know about how the company was run … so I thought in that case I could leave you to get on with it. You seemed to be coping very well, which came as such a relief to me. It meant I wouldn’t have to get involved. I never really gave a thought to what it was doing to you.’

  Jackie felt guilty now for thinking Mr Rose a snob and a shirker when in fact he was neither, just painfully shy and very insecure. As the outgoing person she was, who’d never had any trouble expressing herself, she was finding it difficult to imagine what life was like for him. Very solitary, she had no doubt. Her curiosity about the man got the better of her then and she asked, ‘Have you always been so shy or did something happen to make you like you are?’

  He was still addressing the desk when he responded, ‘Always have been. As a baby, I would only let my mother care for me. If she disappeared from my sight, I would scream blue murder until I had her back again. No one could hold me, do anything for me, except my mother. My father died just after I was born and my mother was very protective of me as her only child. Knowing how I was, she never exposed me to situations she knew I’d find uncomfortable.’

  His face clouded over with hurt. ‘She couldn’t protect me at school though. Those years were terrible for me. I was always the butt of the other kids’ fun. They used to steal my tuck money, lock me in cupboards, leg me over, call me four eyes because I wore glasses … just continuously torment me, because they knew I was too cowardly to stand up to them The teachers knew I was being bullied, yet did nothing to stop it. In fact, to me they seemed to encourage it. They would purposely put me in situations that they knew terrified me witless, making me stand in front of the class and read out a long poem, that sort of thing, and I would stammer and stutter and on one occasion I was so anxious I wet myself. They said nothing to help when the rest of the class jeered and laughed at me. I couldn’t tell my mother what was going on, because I knew how upset she’d be, and if she’d gone to the school to complain it would just have been worse for me. Mother was my only friend. She died last year and I miss her terribly.’

  Of course he would; she’d have been the only person he felt truly comfortable with, Jackie realised. She did wonder if the teachers at school had in fact been trying to coax him out of his shell by putting him into situations that he found uncomfortable so as to accustom him to them. Maybe they did reprimand the class for their reaction, it was just that Harold didn’t see it as he was so walled up in his own nervous world. Obviously his mother thought she was acting in her son’s best interests, shielding him from situations she knew were torture to him, but to Jackie’s mind she hadn’t done him any favours by not encouraging him to face up to things, and help build his confidence. Had she done so he might not be quite so reserved as he was now.

  A man for whom she’d felt nothing but contempt, she now felt mortally sorry for. If he wasn’t helped to overcome his anxieties and build his confidence in himself just a little, Harold Rose was going to end up very lonely, as if he wasn’t already. He obviously wasn’t happy about this state of affairs or he wouldn’t have told Jackie he envied outgoing people like herself. Her thoughts began to whirl. All Harold needed wa
s a helping hand to encourage him to overcome his difficulties – and maybe she was just the person to do that. She would have to tread carefully, so she needed to put some thought into how she could help without worsening his difficulties and making him into a complete recluse. She felt the best way to proceed was by taking small steps. She had an idea how to make a start. Her need to help Harold overcome his shyness and build some self-confidence meant she had no choice but to break his confidence and let those she needed to recruit to aid her plan know why he was the unsociable, aloof individual he was, so that they would agree to help her make life better for him.

  She realised he was talking to her again.

  ‘You … er … said that I was responsible for you losing your boyfriend because of the way I am. If that’s true, then all I can say is that I’m very sorry and I do hope you can still patch things up.’

  His remorse was so genuine, she knew it wasn’t fair of her to let him continue believing he was entirely responsible for her break-up with Keith, when he wasn’t.

  Meanwhile it had suddenly hit Harold that he had opened up to a stranger, something he had never done before. Although it had proved a relief finally to explain to someone that he couldn’t help the way he was, at the same time he was squirming with embarrassment, worrying that if the young woman had had any morsel of respect for him before she had entered the office, she would have absolutely none left for him now.

  So before Jackie could put him right about his contribution to her break-up, addressing a spot on the wall over her shoulder he brusquely said, ‘I really am busy, and I expect you are too, Miss Sims.’

  She was, and also desperate to make a start on putting her plan into action to help this man to lead a better life.

  It was an exhausted Jackie who made her way back to her chalet at just after six that evening, intending to freshen herself up and once Ginger had done likewise they could walk across to the restaurant together to join the other girls for the evening meal. Jackie’s appetite was still very poor but she was aware, from Ginger constantly telling her, that if she didn’t eat she’d be ill. Personally she couldn’t care less, feeling as low as she did, but if she was incapacitated for any length of time, there wasn’t anyone else who could take over her responsibilities, and that would in turn affect the running of the camp and mean letting Mrs Jolly down, so regardless Jackie would have to try and force some food down her.

  Arriving at her chalet, she opened the door and got the shock of her life to find not Ginger waiting for her but her own mother, sitting on Jackie’s bed looking anxiously over at her.

  Through her turmoil – a mixture of delight to see Gina again conflicting with feelings of hurt and anger at her betrayal – it struck Jackie forcefully just how dreadful her usually well-groomed mother looked. Her clothes were rumpled, hair unbrushed, eyes red-rimmed and puffy from crying.

  At the sight of her, Gina said tentatively, ‘Hello, love. You’ve a good friend in Ginger, she’s very loyal to you. She didn’t want to let me in to wait for you, but I managed to persuade her so please don’t be cross with her. She’s gone over to the restaurant to give us some privacy.’

  Jackie responded sharply, ‘Yes, Ginger does know the meaning of loyalty. Unlike you, Mother. I don’t know how I’d be getting through this if it wasn’t for her. Your journey here has been wasted, I’m not ready to talk …’

  Gina jumped up and pleaded with her, ‘Jackie, please don’t throw me out! I know I deserve it but please listen to what I have to say. Please, love, please?’

  She vehemently shook her head and harshly cried, ‘You surely can’t expect me just to accept that you and Keith are now together, and play a daughterly part in your happy little family? I love you, Mum, I miss you so much and want to forgive you, believe me I do, but you have to understand how hurt and betrayed I feel. I’ll need time to get over this. At this moment I can’t promise you I ever will. Now please just go and get on with your life with Keith, and leave me to try and get on with mine.’

  ‘But that’s what I’ve come to tell you, love. Keith and I are not together. It’s over between us.’

  Fury filled Jackie. ‘It’s over? You mean, this was all just a fling and you broke my heart for nothing!’

  ‘Oh, Jackie, you’re my daughter and the thought of losing you … well, I can’t bear it. If it’s you or Keith, for me there is no contest. I’ve come to tell you that I’ve sent him away. If you could just visit me, or maybe even one day come home … Your brother misses you too. If you can’t bear to see me just yet, please consider coming to see him. I told him the truth about why you’ve gone away and understandably he hates me at the moment, won’t even talk to me. It’s all so awful and I’ve only myself to blame. Anyway, that’s all I wanted to say.’

  In the midst of her own heartache, it was causing Jackie intolerable distress to witness her mother in so much pain, having to choose between two people she obviously cared for deeply. She asked, ‘Do you and Keith really love each other, Mum, enough to tolerate the gossip and backlash about how you got together and the age difference between you both?’

  Gina responded with conviction, ‘That doesn’t matter, love. All that matters is trying to repair the damage my stupidity has caused.’

  ‘It does matter to me, Mum. Please answer my question?’

  Gina hung her head, gave a deep sigh and said softly, ‘Yes. You know how much I loved your father. I never believed I could meet another man who made me feel like he did, but Keith does. I’m not a stupid woman, blinded by a man’s attention after not having any for so long. Keith has left me in no doubt that he loves me. He did care for you very deeply and was devastated …’ She paused as tears filled her eyes. ‘Please don’t make me go on, love. Hearing this is only adding salt to your wounds.’

  Jackie told her with conviction then, ‘I want you to go on, Mum.’

  She looked at her daughter for a moment, fiddling with the button on her crumpled cardigan, before she gave a resigned sigh and continued, ‘Well, as I was saying, Keith was devastated by the way you found out about us. I don’t suppose any way would have been less painful for you, but at least if we’d sat you down and explained properly, it might have prevented you from judging us so harshly. Anyway, when I ended it between us, he … well, I can’t explain it any better than to say he was a broken man. He said he can’t bear staying around here, possibly seeing you and knowing how much hurt he’s caused you, and possibly seeing me and knowing what he’s lost, so he’s going away. He might have already gone for all I know.’

  Silently Jackie turned and stepped over to the window, pulling aside the floral curtains to look outside at the comings and goings of the staff. A few minutes went by before she turned back to face her mother, saying, ‘Hopefully Keith hasn’t gone yet and you can stop him. If he has, find out where he’s gone and get him back.’

  Gina’s face was screwed up in bewilderment. ‘Pardon?’

  ‘If you love each other that much, Mum, then I’m not going to stand in your way.’

  Astonished at this unexpected development, Gina sank back down on the bed. ‘You’re giving our relationship your blessing?’

  Jackie went over and sat down beside her. ‘I suppose I am. There are three desperately unhappy people at the moment, when two needn’t be. Despite what’s happened, I do love you, Mum, and just want you to be happy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you. If that can only be with Keith, then so be it.’

  Gina stared at her, stunned, for several long moments before she uttered, ‘You really mean that?’

  She nodded.

  ‘But what about me and you?’

  Jackie sighed. ‘You’ll have to give me time, Mum. I can’t see you and Keith together, not right now, not for a long time, I just can’t. You’ll understand that I won’t ever come back home to live in these circumstances, but maybe in the future I’ll be able to come and visit. I’m thinking of getting a flat with Ginger so I’ll be fine. I’m nearly twenty-two, it’s abo
ut time I learned to stand on my own two feet. I need to get over this and start to rebuild my life.’

  Gina’s eyes filled with tears. ‘Oh, love, I …’

  ‘Don’t say any more, Mum. Just go and get Keith back and be happy together. I’ll meet Robby out of work one night and talk to him, tell him I’m okay with all this, and hopefully things will get better between you.’

  This was far more than Gina had hoped for. Mother and daughter had always been very demonstrative towards each other. She desperately wanted to hug Jackie now in an effort to take some of her pain away, but knew that wouldn’t be the right thing to do at this moment. Instead she patted her daughter’s hand, fully expecting it to be pulled away and mortally grateful when it wasn’t.

  Before she departed, Gina asked, ‘Can I at least write to you, love? And if you feel like it you could write to me … just a few lines, to let me know how you are.’

  Jackie nodded.

  Ginger arrived back at the chalet a while later, carrying a covered plate of food, to find Jackie sitting on her bed looking very pensive. She had obviously been crying.

  Ginger jumped to the conclusion that the meeting between mother and daughter had not gone well. Putting the food down on the small chest by the door, she dashed over to the bed and sat down by her friend. ‘Oh, Jackie, I’m so sorry I agreed to let your mum wait for you in the chalet. I thought I was doing the right thing as she was desperate to talk to you and …’