Sapphire Beautiful

by Ren Monterrey

  “I’m sorry,” I tell her as I unlock my door. “I was a little tied up this weekend. The holiday and everything.”

  She deflates like a balloon that just had the air let out of it.

  “I can look it over now, if you don’t mind waiting.”

  “Great!” She’s way too eager this early in the morning. I haven’t even had my coffee yet.

  She follows me into my office and takes a seat. I toss my bag onto my desk and sit down.

  I remove her packets from my bag and take a few moments to look them over. She’s looking at me expectantly, her eyes wide, like a puppy waiting for her supper.

  “You did quite a bit of research as an undergraduate,” I observe.

  “I’m very fast, but also quite thorough,” she assures me.

  “Okay.” I place her vitae on my desk. “I’ll give you a shot.”

  Her face lights up like the Las Vegas strip. “You won’t be disappointed, Dr. Pine. I promise.”

  “Would you like your first assignment?”

  She nods eagerly.

  “I’ve just started some initial research on representations of femininity in the Middle Ages. I plan on submitting a book proposal this fall to see if I can interest any publishers. Would you like to do some research to see what’s already been published on the subject? I’d like to find a unique angle that hasn’t been explored yet.”

  She’s already out of her seat. “Of course. I’ll see what I can find. How soon do you need it?”

  “There’s no rush,” I tell her. “I don’t want this to take any time away from your school work. Work on it in your free time.”

  “I won’t let you down,” she tells me as she hurries out of my office.

  “She’s a keener,” Andrew says as he enters my office carrying two cups of coffee.

  “And you’re a life saver,” I tell him when he hands me one of the cups.

  He frowns. “Why do you look tired? We had a three day weekend.”

  “True,” I tell him. “I was busy.”

  “The new boyfriend?”

  I nod.

  “So when are you going to show him off to your colleagues?” he presses.

  “Nice try. I like to keep my private life private.”

  “Is that why you never gave me a chance?”

  I heave a sigh. “It’s not you, Andrew. The timing just wasn’t right.”

  He nods. “Is it wrong for me to hope things don’t work out between the two of you?”

  “Kind of.”

  When Dante pokes his head into my office it scares the hell out of me. “Dr. Madden. I was looking everywhere for you. I hope I’m not interrupting.”

  When he stares right at me a chill runs through my body. Why do I feel like I did something wrong? Andrew and I were just talking.

  And he was kind of flirting with me again.

  “It’s good to see you again, Dr. Pine.” Dante makes a point of exaggerating Dr. Pine. At least he didn’t call me Baby, which he’s been making a habit of doing at home. “How was your weekend?”

  He’s biting back a grin. Luckily Andrew isn’t paying much attention to him.

  “My weekend was fine, Dante. How was yours?”

  “I spent most of it in bed.”

  That gets Andrews attention. “You’re not sick, Dante, are you?”

  Dante shakes his head. “Nope. I feel great.”

  “Good, because we’ve got a lot of work to do this week. Missing yesterday really put us behind.”

  “Let’s get to it then, Dr. Madden. I’m ready whenever you are.”

  “It was great to see you again, Dante,” I tease.

  “Always a pleasure to see you, Dr. Pine.”

  After Andrew makes his way out the door Dante gives me a quick wink before he follows him out of my office.

  ***

  Over the next few weeks Dante and I fall into a routine. He spends his weekdays going to class, studying in the library and doing research with Andrew. I spend my days teaching class and working on my research projects with Misty.

  In the evenings we make dinner, talk about everything and anything then spend the night making love or fucking, often both.

  Things with Dante are easy and comfortable. For the first time in a long time I feel content. We’re almost like a normal couple, except that we can’t really be seen in public together anywhere close to campus. On the rare occasion that we want to see a movie or go out to eat we drive to a far suburb where the chances of us being spotted together by someone at the university are slim.

  Neither of us talks about the arrangement. We pretend it doesn’t exist. When the money is deposited into my account on October 1 I don’t even mention it. I just transfer it into my bank account without a word to Dante.

  Then one chilly evening in mid-October I find Dante sitting on the front porch with his nose in a textbook.

  “What’s going on? Why are you sitting out here? It’s getting cold.”

  “Dr. Walter’s class was cancelled. He got hit by a bus.”

  “The Latin professor?”

  He nods.

  “Is he okay?”

  “He’s in the hospital. They have to do surgery on his hip. It sounds like he broke a number of bones. They believe he’ll be out for the rest of the term, so they’re trying to find a replacement. There was some kind of sorority scavenger hunt going on at the library. It was way too noisy to study. So I just came here.”

  “I feel horrible that you had to sit outside like this. Why didn’t you text me?”

  “I knew you had class.”

  I bite my bottom lip. I can’t believe I’m doing this, but I tell him, “Come with me.”

  “Where are we going?” he asks.

  “You’ll see.”

  We take the short walk to a small locksmith shop a few blocks from my townhouse. When we go inside I hand the older gentleman behind the counter my house key and ask him to make a copy.

  When I glance over at Dante he’s grinning. I point over to a spinning display of keychains. “Pick one.”

  As the locksmith makes the key Dante and I pick through the keychains until we happen upon one that’s absolutely perfect. It’s Gandalf from Lord of the Rings.

  Once the locksmith is done I pay for the key and keychain. Dante and I exit the store.

  As we’re walking back to my place I put Dante’s key on his new keychain and hand it to him. “A key to my house. It’s yours.”

  He stares at the key for a few long moments before he slips it into his pocket. “Does this mean we’re living together?”

  “It means that I don’t want you to have to sit out in the cold the next time one of your professors gets hit by a bus.”

  We’re both quiet for a while until Dante says, “I really want to hold your hand right now.”

  “You know we can’t do that. Not while you’re still a student in the program and I’m one of the professors.”

  “The program is two years long.”

  “I knew there was a reason everyone says you’re absolutely brilliant.”

  He rolls his eyes at me. “I could always quit the program.”

  “No you can’t. I don’t want you to. You were born to be a medieval scholar just like I was.”

  He stops in front of me. “You’re more important to me than anything. If it means we can be together as a real couple I’ll quit the program.”

  I shake my head. “And what about your trust fund?”

  “Screw the trust fund.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. You need to finish your Master’s degree. And you need to go on for your doctorate.”

  “I need to be with you.”

  “We’re together, Dante. I just gave you a key to my home. We just can’t be together in public.”

  Disappointment crosses his face, and it tugs at my heartstrings, but there’s really nothing more I can do.

  ***

  When I wake up I’m dizzy and nauseous. I fly from the bed and just about make
it into the bathroom before I throw up.

  Did I eat anything last night that could have possibly made me sick?

  Dante and I made pasta with garlic and mushrooms. Bad mushrooms maybe? But Dante doesn’t seem to be sick.

  He pounds on the door. “Are you okay, baby?”

  “No,” I manage to get out before I vomit again.

  “I’m coming in.”

  “Don’t,” I get out a little too late. He’s already hovering over me.

  “What can I do?” He sounds worried. I am a little too. I’m never sick. I’m the one who the flu seems to bypass every year.

  He wets a wash cloth in the sink and hands it to me. Then he crouches down beside me and places his hand on my forehead for a few moments.

  “You don’t feel hot. Any hotter than you normally are anyway.”

  When I heave again he holds my hair back for me.

  “I’m sorry,” I tell him as I blink back tears. I had forgotten how much I hate being sick. The last time I threw up I was a kid. I cried then too.

  He places a soft kiss on my cheek. “Do you want me to get you a glass of water?”

  “No!” Just the thought of drinking anything makes me gag.

  “I need to lie down for a few more minutes,” I tell him.

  “Let me help you back to bed.” As he rises he grabs my elbow and pulls me up with him.

  “Oh, God.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I feel really dizzy.”

  “Okay, we’re going to deal with this another way.”

  He scoops me into his arms and carries me back into the bedroom. Then he carefully places me back into bed.

  “Do you want me to rub your back?” he asks. “My mom used to do that when I got sick when I was a kid.”

  “Okay,” I agree.

  He lies down behind me and gently strokes my back.

  “How do you feel?” he asks.

  “I feel like I’m on a roller coaster and I can’t get off.”

  “Close your eyes and try to relax.”

  I do as I’m told. I take in a deep breath and try to concentrate on him caressing my back.

  “I have to go to work,” I remind him.

  “You’re sick.”

  “I have to teach class.”

  “Don’t they have substitutes or something?”

  “They’d have to cancel class. I’ve never cancelled my classes.”

  “How are you going to stand up in front of a class when you’re dizzy and vomiting?”

  It’s a good question. “Maybe I can just prop myself up somehow.”

  “I really don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  I close my eyes and try to relax again, but it’s nearly impossible. All I can think about now is my classes.

  “Maybe some tea and biscuits will settle your stomach,” he suggests.

  “I don’t keep tea or biscuits in the house.”

  “Crackers?” he suggests.

  “I don’t have those either.”

  “There are stores close by.”

  “I don’t want you to go to any trouble,” I tell him.

  “It’s no trouble,” he whispers in my ear. “I’ll be right back.”

  I’m just starting to nod off when Dante comes into the bedroom carrying a tray with a small pot of tea, tea cups and a plate with several different kinds of biscuits.

  “You went all out,” I tell him. When I sit up in bed the room feels like it’s spinning again. I take in a deep breath and will myself not to vomit.

  I take a tiny sip of ginger tea and a nibble of a biscuit. Then close my eyes and do my best to keep it down. I do this a few more times until my stomach feels like it’s settling down a little.

  “Better?” Dante’s voice is still filled with concern.

  “A little.”

  “Do you think it’s the flu?” he asks.

  I shake my head. “I never get sick. I haven’t thrown up since I was a kid.”

  “Are you sure you want to go to work?”

  “I have to go. There’s a difference.”

  “Text me if you need anything. I can be at your office in two minutes.”

  “I will.”

  “Promise?”

  “I promise.”

  Eleven

  “You don’t look good,” Lucy states as she enters my office.

  She carrying two cups of coffee, which would normally delight me, but right now the smell is making me sick.

  “Take it away,” I tell her then put my hand over my mouth to keep myself from throwing up.

  “Take what away?” She sounds genuinely confused.

  “The coffee. Please take it out of my office.”

  “Sure.”

  She exits my office and reenters a few seconds later sans coffee. “What was that all about?”

  “I’m sick,” I tell her. “The smell of the coffee makes me want to throw up.”

  She frowns. “Seriously?”

  I nod. “Seriously.”

  “But you love coffee.”

  “I know. And I’m starting to get a headache from caffeine withdrawal. But I don’t want to vomit again. I did enough of that this morning.”

  “You’re never sick.”

  “Thank you for stating the obvious.”

  “Did you try eating crackers?” she asks.

  “I had some biscuits and tea this morning.”

  “Did it help?”

  I nod.

  “Try eating some crackers again,” she instructs.

  I rummage around in my desk drawer until I happen upon a stash of Ritz crackers I keep as an emergency snack for those few days right before my period when I tend to get famished.

  Then it hits me that I haven’t had my period yet. It’s not something that I keep very close track of because I can’t get pregnant, but just then it occurs to me that the last time I had a period was right before I met Dante.

  That was two months ago.

  Lucy and I both stare at each other for a long moment. Then she closes my office door behind her and sits down.

  As I nibble on a Ritz cracker it does seem to settle my stomach again.

  Then tension in the air between us grows thick, but neither one of us says what we’re thinking, even though it’s pretty obvious to both of us that we’re thinking the same thing.

  Finally Lucy says, “Is there any possibility you might be pregnant?”

  Even as I shake my head deep down in my heart I think she might be right.

  “You’ve been dating your mystery man for—what— two months now. I’m sure the two of you have been having sex.” She raises a questioning eyebrow at me.

  “Of course we’ve been having sex. A lot.”

  “Do you use protection?”

  I heave a sigh. “You know I can’t get pregnant.”

  “You couldn’t get pregnant with Doug. Maybe the problem was with his swimmers and you just didn’t know it.”

  “The doctor told me that it wasn’t possible for me to conceive.”

  “Doctors make mistakes. It happens all the time. That’s why there are malpractice attorneys. A lot of them.”

  I place my head in my hands. “Oh, God...”

  “We’ll go to the drug store at lunch and get a pregnancy test, okay?”

  When I look up at her I’m blinking back tears. “I’m applying for tenure. I can’t be pregnant.”

  “You put your application in next month. If you are pregnant I doubt you’ll be showing by then. You probably won’t pop out until long after the tenure committee makes its decision.”

  “Oh, God...” I say again. “This can’t be happening. There’s no way I’m pregnant.”

  “We’ll find out for sure at lunch.”

  I’m surprised when Lucy takes my hand in hers. She’s not the nurturing type and rarely shows any physical affection, even to the people closest to her. “Does he love you?”

  That’s when I lose it. Tears start to stream down my face. “I’
m fucked.”

  “If you are pregnant, I would say that’s accurate. You have been fucked.”

  “You don’t understand.” I swipe at the tears rolling down my face. “He’s a student in our department.”

  Her jaw drops. I can see the wheels spinning as she tries to figure out which student I could possibly be fucking.

  “It’s Dante McNally.”

  “Wow.” She blinks a few times clearly shocked. “I didn’t see that coming. I would have been willing to bet money that you were screwing around with Andrew.”

  “You can see my dilemma.”

  “First let’s figure out if you really are pregnant and we’ll take it from there.” She rises from her chair. “Meet me at my office at noon. We’ll walk over to the pharmacy on the south corner of campus.”

  ***

  The sleeve of Ritz crackers I slipped into my book bag was the only thing that kept me from getting sick during my first class. Luckily most of the students were Snap Chatting or whatever it is that students do on their phones these days, and for once I did nothing to stop them.

  Lucy is waiting patiently next to her office when I arrive.

  “Let’s roll,” she says as soon as she spots me.

  “This could just be the flu, right?” I say as we head toward the drug store.

  “Sure, because you get the flu so often. And how old were you the last time you threw up?”

  “Six.”

  She rolls her eyes at me. “It’s definitely the flu and not morning sickness.”

  “Funny. And why do they call it morning sickness if it lasts all day? It’s afternoon and I still feel like I want to puke.”

  “Cracker,” she reminds me.

  Luckily the drug store is practically deserted when we enter. The last thing I want to do is run into a student while I’m buying a pregnancy test.

  The place is tiny, and there are only a few brands in stock, so I pick the Big Blue Stick because it seems the most obvious. If the stick turns blue when you pee on it you’re pregnant.

  “Do you have a restroom?” I ask the young woman at the registers as she rings up my purchase.

  She nods and points to the back of the store.

  “You want to do it here?” Lucy whispers to me.

  “Oh yeah.”

  The bathroom is small with just two stalls. I take one and Lucy takes the other. It takes me a few moments to read the directions and get the Big Blue Stick out of the box and in position.