She Belongs to Me

by Carmen DeSousa

She hadn’t had feelings for Brian in years anyway. He destroyed everything the first time she discovered he cheated. Tolerating drugs and alcohol was stupid, but there was no excuse to remain with someone who didn’t care enough to be faithful.

  Jordan stared out the window, attempting to control his emotions.

  He contemplated having a drink to settle down. It had been so long since he had more than a few sips of alcohol, though; he wasn’t sure how he’d react. The last thing he wanted was to be undisciplined around Jaynee. He wanted her to trust him. He needed her to believe in love.

  As he thought about Jaynee, he realized she was the only drug he needed. Already his adrenaline slowed, replaced by a different sensation. He envisioned her walking out of the bathroom in his t-shirt, hair wet, smelling fresh and clean, and then she would lie in his arms all night. He imagined they were already married, and it was just another night. How he hoped it could turn out that way. What he wouldn’t do to have her in his arms every night for the rest of his life. Yes, he definitely felt better.

  He quickly changed out of his jeans into shorts. He reached for a t-shirt, but then realized he gave Jaynee his last one, his favorite one, his Van Halen concert shirt. The band wasn’t expected to tour again for a while; he hoped he wouldn’t lose it. It would look ridiculous if he dressed in a polo or an oxford shirt, so he opted for nothing. He had stopped her last night and this morning when she tried unbuttoning his shirt, so he hoped she would not feel he was being forward. But an even larger desire was that she would appreciate what she would see.

  Jordan lay back on the bed staring up at the ceiling waiting for her return, not knowing what would happen when she came out of the bathroom. Naturally he knew what he wanted to occur; he was a man after all. The question is...what he should do. He had turned his life around a few years ago and had not been with a woman since. It hadn’t been an issue. He never desired a woman the way he yearned for Jaynee.

  No doubt, he wanted to make love to her, but he would be the gentleman she needed tonight and let her set the pace.

  63

  Carmen DeSousa

  Chapter Eight

  Jaynee stepped out of the bathroom. The shower had definitely helped her feel better.

  Jordan was lying on the bed, his hands folded behind his head. He had changed his clothes and was wearing just a pair of cargo-style shorts. His chest was broad and muscular, and she could see the outline of his abdominal muscles. Not only was he beautiful on the inside, he also had an awesome body, and she felt warm inside just looking at him. He was just staring at the ceiling, not even watching TV as she suspected he might be. He looked over at her as she started across the room. His eyes widened, and his mouth lifted into a heart throbbing smile. His good mood had definitely returned.

  “Well, that shirt has never looked better, and you are unmistakably more beautiful every time I see you. Why do you even bother putting on makeup when you look so incredible coming out of the shower?”

  She felt her cheeks warm.

  Jordan held his arms out for her to come to him, an irresistible request. Her feelings seemed to change directly in response to his. No longer angry about his earlier demand she not return to work, she walked over to the bed and allowed him to pull her into his warm embrace.

  “And you smell…Mmm…good enough to eat.” He groaned lightly, quickly rolling her over on her back supporting his weight over top of her. His lips pressed down against hers with more fervor than the last time they kissed, and Jaynee felt the burning need in him as his breaths grew uneven.

  She pulled him down on top of her, letting the weight of his body overtake her as she ran her hands over his shoulders and down his back. He was strong; she liked that.

  He pulled back a few inches from her face and locked his steel-blue eyes with hers. “Are you ready to give me all of you, or just your body?” His voice was like velvet.

  What exactly was he asking? At the moment, she didn’t care. She wanted him desperately. “I’m ready,” she insisted, breathless. Her heart pounded so fiercely in her chest she found it difficult to speak.

  “Are you positive? Heart and soul, nothing less. I won’t accept anything less than everything. You don’t have to tell me all that has happened, but you cannot keep anything from me from this moment forward. You will have to submit everything and be willing to be loved completely.”

  Submit everything? The thought scared her. “I’m willing,” she gasped. Her heart swelled in her chest. She wanted to believe she could trust him and truly wanted to feel loved by Jordan.

  “Tell me, Jaynee. Tell me what you want.” His warm breath caressed her neck.

  “You…” Her blood raced through her veins as he trailed a line of kisses up her throat, continuing along her jaw.

  “I need more, Jaynee. Everything, heart and soul, remember? Tell me.” His whispered words sounded like pleas. He wanted her too.

  “Please, Jordan, I want you.” The words rushed out of her. He was what she wanted. It had been too long since she had felt anything.

  His mouth was hot over her lips again, kissing off her words. His kisses moved up her jaw to her ear again. “I love you, Jaynee. Are you ready for my love? There’s no turning back.”

  His breathing increased as his lips moved back and forth along the line of her jaw, waiting and anticipating.

  Her hands smoothed over his broad shoulders and traced the lines of his biceps. Dear heavens she wanted him. Why was he toying with her? “Yes, Jordan, I want all of you.” She did, more than she’d ever imagined possible. She needed to feel again, and he was doing just that. He was opening up a well she’d thought had run dry.

  He trailed kisses up her throat again as his fingers grazed her neck. “Open your eyes, Jaynee.” She did and witnessed the burning in his. “Don’t you know what I want?”

  She shook her head back and forth, unable to form a coherent response. He teased her with his tongue as he moved his mouth back over hers, his lips moving on hers as he spoke between his kisses.

  “Tell me, Jaynee, I need to hear you say it aloud.”

  She tried to pull him closer, but he was stronger and held himself suspended over her. “Make love to me, Jordan. Now please.”

  Jordan’s breathing was ragged, but he pulled back abruptly. “That’s not want I want to hear. I love you, Jaynee, but you’re not ready to make love to me.”

  He rolled to his back, pulling her with him. His fingertips caressed her lips then brushed lightly over her cheekbones. Excitement burned in his eyes, but she could tell he wouldn’t continue. He wasn’t going to make love to her. What happened? How could he stop so easily?

  “I am ready, Jordan. Why did you stop?”

  He brushed her hair over her shoulder. “Jaynee…did you hear me? Did you hear me even once? I love you, and I want you, but I don’t want to just have sex. I want all of you. Don’t you understand?”

  She lowered her gaze, shaking her head. She didn’t understand. If he loved her, why didn’t he want to make love to her? Suddenly, she felt like a harlot.

  He pulled her chin up and kissed her softly. “I’m sorry, Love. It’s not that I don’t want you. Believe me, I do. But, there’s no turning back for me. When we make love, it will be because you love me firstly, and then because you want me. Not the opposite. I know it’s soon, and I’m sorry if I’m scaring you.” He sighed. “It’s just—I don’t want to take advantage of you like everyone else in your life. I want all of you. Can’t you see that, Jaynee?” His eyes melted into hers as if trying to prove his words.

  Jaynee gazed back astonished, not certain how to respond. She heard him say it but wasn’t sure he really meant it. Hadn’t she heard in all the songs and in movies where men said they loved a girl just to get her in the sack? Did she love Jordan? She believed so but couldn’t say it now, just to get him to sleep with her. How ironic. She worried that he would attempt to sleep with her, when repeatedly it was her endeavoring to seduce him.

  “Jordan, I
—”

  He shushed her gently with his fingertips. “You don’t have to say anything, Jaynee. It’s enough to have you here in my arms. You will fall in love with me. I promise.” He embraced her tightly, and she knew he was right. How could she not be in love with Jordan? He was the most incredible man she had ever met. If she could only release herself, let the past go. Maybe she could believe.

  Jordan watched Jaynee as she slept in his arms.

  She was beautiful. She was everything he’d ever sought after and more. She loved him; he could see it in her eyes. He was confident she would be his bride, but first she had to admit she was in love with him.

  Would she be okay moving to North Carolina, changing colleges and the hardest part, leaving her grandmother? It was the logical choice. He had a career, a business and a home to return to in Stanfield.

  He caressed her silky-smooth curls and exposed arms. Her skin had a natural glow, the epitome of a native Floridian. Would she miss her state?

  It wasn’t as though she was happy here. She hinted numerous times the only thing positive in her life was her grandmother. He wondered how he was going to get her to confess her troubled past. He had been honest when he said he didn’t care. She didn’t have to tell him, but he ached to take the pain away. He drifted off to sleep holding her securely in his arms, hoping she would recognize her feelings and tell him what he needed to hear.

  Sudden movement and muffled groans woke Jordan up. The soft glow of the alarm clock cast a red hue on Jaynee’s face, and he could see her eyes dart under her lids. She was dreaming.

  “No! Please don’t!” Jaynee’s cries broke the silent air, and then just desperate mumblings with more pleadings emerged from her lips, but her eyes remained closed.

  Jordan shook her gently. “Jaynee, wakeup.” He hated that she was in pain, even in her dream. “Jaynee, please wakeup.” She just kept pleading for it to stop. “Caycee!” he said louder, watching gratefully as her eyes suddenly popped open. “It’s okay; I’m here. You’re okay.” He soothed her hair and arms to calm her. She didn’t utter another word and drifted right back asleep.

  It was quiet again; only the whir of the air conditioner filled the room. It didn’t matter how peaceful it was; he wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep. The nightmare and scream were so unexpected. What had she lived through that frightened her so much? He wondered if she’d remember the dream. He wanted to ask her about it. He wanted to wake her, but perhaps that would startle her just as much. She certainly wasn’t accustomed to having a man in her bed.

  Since he wasn’t able to fall back asleep, he lay there pondering how he would ask her to marry him and whether he could really deal with not knowing her past. He couldn’t come up with anything original, because he wasn’t familiar with the area and didn’t know what she would like. But more than anything…he didn’t have time. He needed to get back home. He didn’t want to start a long-distance relationship. It wasn’t that he couldn’t remain faithful. No doubt there. But he didn’t think he could leave her without it killing him. He had to convince her that they belonged together. But how do you accomplish that with someone who doesn’t believe in happiness?

  Jaynee awoke to strong arms embracing her for the second morning. “Mm, I could get used to this,” she mumbled sleepily as she attempted to burrow herself deeper into the crux of Jordan’s arms.

  Jordan squeezed her shoulders. “That’s a very good thing, because I don’t want to let you go.”

  She sighed but didn’t look at his face to see his expression. He’d made his position crystal clear last night on what he’d wanted. The ball was entirely in her court. She had to decide if she could trust her instincts. It wasn’t an easy thing to do when you’ve made errors in judgment your entire life.

  “Are you awake now, darling?” he asked playfully.

  “Uh-uh. It’s Saturday. I don’t have to be anywhere. I don’t want to get up.”

  “Who said anything about getting out of bed?” he drawled seductively.

  He pulled her chin up so he could look in her eyes then kissed her head, her cheekbones. He brushed the hair off her neck, continuing to plant kisses down her neck and under her ear.

  Chills ran down her body as he caressed the length of her side. His hand moved down her waist, her thigh and then wrapping his large hand behind her knee, he hitched her leg up over his.

  Her body shivered at his touch with anticipation.

  His hands were like magic as they caressed her exposed skin. Every square inch of her body reacted to his touches, and she couldn’t keep herself from moaning with satisfaction. Something she had never done in the past. She never felt comfortable with a man before Jordan. The idea of someone touching her had always made her uncomfortable.

  With Jordan, everything felt different. She hungered for his touch, the intimacy of his embrace, to feel loved.

  “Jaynee,” he said on a sigh.

  Her body quivered when he whispered her name. But as before, he stopped short of anything sexual. He gathered her tightly against his body. There was no mistake he was as aroused as she was.

  “Please don’t stop, Jordan. Your touch is incredible.” She groaned in exasperation.

  He gripped her tighter, releasing another sigh. He was serious. He wasn’t going to make love to her until she admitted she loved him. Why couldn’t she just say it? She did love him. She knew she would be happy with him forever. Hadn’t she admitted to her grandmother that he was the man she was going to marry?

  “I just can’t, Jaynee. I’m sorry.” His voice was raspy as if he were holding back some emotion. “Not until you realize you love me, too.”

  “Jordan, you have…I mean…you have made love before, right?” What on earth made her ask such a question? He was twenty-seven years old and too incredible not to have made love to a woman before.

  Jordan looked at Jaynee solemnly as he thought about his answer. “I’ve had sex, yes. But, no, I’ve never made love. I’ve never wanted it to be more before I met you. I don’t understand either, but I just can’t.” He stared into her eyes. “And you? I know you have, but—” He couldn’t frame the words to ask the question he didn’t want to hear the answer. The idea of her with someone else angered him. What was wrong with him?

  “Only with one person. I thought it was love at first, but now I realize it never was. I wish I had never met him. I wish it had been you, Jordan. I never felt about him the way I already feel about you, and we were together almost three years.”

  Now they were getting somewhere, Jordan thought.

  He didn’t want to hear about her past lover but was thankful to hear it was only one. And even better, she was opening up and admitting she had feelings for him.

  He took a deep breath. He was going to have to ask, and he was going to hate himself for it. “What happened?

  63

  Carmen DeSousa

  Chapter Nine

  Jaynee sighed heavily in response to Jordan wanting to know about her past.

  Was it time? She didn’t want Jordan to disappear. He said he didn’t care, but would he leave when he discovered she was damaged merchandise? Decision made, she pulled herself upright. “It’s a long story.”

  “I have all day.” He sat up, pulled her back into his arms and rested his back against the headboard.

  She pulled away slightly so her back was also touching the headboard, but she was not looking him in the eyes. She braced herself for what she was about to do.

  “Okay, from the beginning, but I’ll have to edit. I’ll fill in the pieces later if you decide to keep me.” Why was she doing this? He said it didn’t matter, but she knew it did…it was the only way to free herself. If he wanted her after she told him her past, she could trust him. “You’re right, though. We can’t start a relationship without you knowing what you are getting yourself into.” She glanced at his face. His eyebrows narrowed, showing his frustration at her comment.

  Jaynee let out a long breath. “I told you my
mother left when I was three, but I didn’t explain why.” She looked at his face to gauge his reaction. Was he really ready for her story? “Let me back up a tad, so I can fit my dad in, which will help you understand the choices of both my parents.

  “When my dad was nineteen, he married a beautiful, tall model-type woman. My dad was only five seven, but he was attractive in a rugged, country boy way. He was always the life of the party, and women loved him. Anyway, his first wife had a baby, a boy. Come to find out, she’d been having an affair with his boss, and it was his baby. He moved away and never looked back.

  Three months later, he met my mother. Two months later at only eighteen, she got pregnant. She was beautiful. She loved to laugh and fish—which was his favorite pastime. Life was perfect until I came along.” Jaynee shut her eyes as she remembered the turmoil she went through as a child. “You know how children always blame themselves for their parents’ separation.”

  “Oh, Jaynee,” Jordan interrupted. “It wasn’t your fault; you were a baby.” His eyes were instantly concerned.

  “I know it wasn’t my fault. I didn’t ask to be born. But, I was the cause of their troubles. My mother went crazy afterward. Dad had to work, but she constantly harassed him. She accused him of drinking and cheating and not holding down a job. He worked as a mechanic for his older brother and ran a part-time business installing security systems.

  “My grandmother and aunt noticed the change in her first. Gram said when we would go to church I would try to scoot away from my mother, but my mother would grab me and yank me back.

  “My aunt told me a story about a birthday party at her house. My mother sat me on the couch but wouldn’t let me move, said she was punishing me. When my aunt brought me cake and ice cream, she grabbed them and threw them away.

  “But the only time my mother slipped was in front of my uncle. I had dropped something I was playing with, and it broke. She ran over, hand drawn back to slap me across the face when my uncle grabbed her and told her firmly, ‘You will never hit that child in my house!’ She gathered me up and left.