She Belongs to Me

by Carmen DeSousa

  “That sounds wonderful.” And Jaynee meant it. It should have sounded like effort, but it didn’t. It sounded like a family, a family she’d always coveted. “I think I’ll enjoy that,” she added thoughtfully.

  The men walked inside at that moment carrying the barbequed meat. “Enjoy what?” Jordan asked, curious.

  “We were just discussing our monthly cookouts…that haven’t felt too monthly lately,” Melissa reminded him with a frown.

  “You’re right, Sis, we need to initiate them again,” Jordan agreed, glancing in Jaynee’s direction, confirming she approved of his assertion. She appreciated the thought and smiled, nodding in assent. “Well, dig in everyone, Cody, Court, you first.” The two children appeared from the living room where they had been watching TV.

  Jaynee stood and watched as everyone filled their plates and headed to the deck. There was such an understanding in this family, a peace in the way no one was trying to get in anyone’s way or trying to be the center of attention; they all seemed to move in harmony.

  When everyone was at the table, Pat looked up at Jordan. “Jordan, why don’t you do the honors, honey?”

  Without a moment’s hesitation, Jordan broke into a beautiful prayer thanking God for all they had; family, food, health and his new wife then ended the prayer in Jesus’ name.

  She’d saw him bow his head several times, but this was the first time she had heard him pray aloud. It was beautiful.

  The evening flashed by, it wasn’t even ten, and everyone was offering their goodbyes. Jaynee wondered if that was usual or just their subtle way of giving them alone time. Pat and Velma hugged her along with her new sisters, and her new niece and nephew latched onto her legs calling her Aunt Jaynee. The name took her by surprise; she had no siblings, so she had never contemplated becoming an aunt. But as the idea blossomed, she found herself beaming. They were adorable, Courtney with her tendrils flowing down her back and Cody blushing every time she looked at him.

  Jordan called after them that they’d see them tomorrow. Of course, Jaynee had already forgotten the reception tomorrow. That’s why they didn’t stay late. They stood on the porch, waving goodbye, Jordan’s arm wrapped around her waist.

  Jaynee watched as the final vehicle drove away. “They’re all going to be there tomorrow?”

  “Uh-huh,” he said relaxed, but there was something anomalous in his all-too casual reply.

  “That will be nice…knowing someone there.”

  “That was sort of the idea.” A long pause elapsed as he pulled her closer, then his eyes took on a look she recognized. “Now, what do you say we go practice making a motor for a tricycle?”

  “A motor for a tricycle?” she burst out, understanding the gist of his comment. “As in a baby?” She laughed again, this time nervous, feeling a little apprehensive at his request. She’d thought she’d made it clear she wasn’t ready.

  “It was something my father always said, thought he was being clever I suppose, so us kids wouldn’t understand. I did say practice though…I remember...” His eyes held hers a fraction longer than necessary as if she may rethink her resolution.

  “Let’s go practice,” she teased, but something gnawed at her. She needed to know why he and his mother reacted the way they did when she’d asked Jordan if he wanted a beer.

  63

  Carmen DeSousa

  Chapter Twenty

  Brushing their teeth as a couple, in his and her sinks, felt bizarre.

  Was it only a week ago she was about to brush her teeth and had said he was the man she was going to marry, and now she was standing in his master bath as his wife. It felt like forever that they’d been together, as if she knew everything about the man standing beside her. Then in other respects, he was a total stranger.

  When they finished, Jordan approached her, wrapping his arms around her waist. “You were wonderful tonight, Jaynee. I am at home and completely content now that you are here, but I was just thinking how strange it must all be for you.”

  “It wasn’t as complicated as I anticipated. I feel comfortable with your family. For the first time in my life, I feel as if I belong.”

  “That’s because you do; you belong to me, and somehow it feels as though you always have.”

  Jaynee winced slightly at his words. But why should she, the way he said them, they didn’t sound possessive. They sounded perfect. As though they did belong together, forever.

  She took his hand and led him to their bedroom. “Jordan, I do have one question though.” Jaynee sat on the edge of the bed, pulling him down beside her. “Earlier tonight, when I asked if you wanted a beer, the look on your mother’s face and your comment caught me off-guard. I was wondering why you reacted that way?”

  “Well, I guess it’s only fair,” he said, his look turning serious. “You shared your demons. It’s only proper I share mine.” He pulled her back deeper into the bed so they were resting up against the headboard.

  He took a deep breath. “When I graduated high school I went directly to college. My dad wanted me to enter the military, but I didn’t want any part of that lifestyle. As a child, I detested moving every couple of years, never being able to establish lasting friendships. It was only in North Carolina, when I came to stay with my grandparents that I felt at home.

  “As a teenager, I decided on a career in law enforcement but knew I needed a degree to advance. So after high school, I enrolled at the University of Charlotte but lost focus. I started hanging out late, drinking and partying, standard college-kid foolishness. I managed to uphold my grades, but my father was furious, said I was throwing my life away, that I would never amount to anything.”

  Jordan took a breath. He glanced at her once then stared at the wall. Jaynee wondered what he could have possibly done that would upset him so. Was there something he hadn’t told her about his past? She’d always wondered why Jordan didn’t mention his father.

  He finally just shook his head as if deciding it didn’t matter. “I came home late one night after drinking too much. If I drink excessively, I get feisty or frisky—”He stopped abruptly, turned to look at her and placed both hands on her face. “Not that I have ever hurt anyone—well, no one who didn’t deserve it anyway. But I would never hurt you, Jaynee. I’d never hurt any woman.”

  Unable to speak, she nodded her belief. But, she wanted to hear the rest of what he had to say before she spoke.

  His hands fell back to his side. “Anyway, as I said, I was extremely drunk, and my friend, John, had just dropped me off at the end of my driveway.

  “My father—a God-fearing, passionate American who raised his family to have upright morals and serve fellow mankind—was standing on the porch when I stumbled up the front stoop. I was an affront to everything he represented. All he saw was how I was throwing my life away. When I tried to pass him, he pushed me off the steps and started yelling, infuriated by my actions. He thought every man should enlist, not only to serve his country, but also to become a better individual. And to him, I was mocking the lifestyle he had chosen.

  “With great effort, I stood upright, brushed myself off and attempted to walk around him. He grabbed me again. The second time my instincts took over and I knocked him down. I sobered up immediately when my mother rushed toward us, but it was too late. I had raised my hand against my father and in front of my mother no less.

  “My father was tough though. He scrambled to his feet, undeterred by my actions. That time I ran away, not trusting myself. I listened to his insults, how I was never going to amount to anything, and it strung a chord. I never wanted to disappoint my father.

  “So the following day, I did the one thing I imagined my father would consider a worthy accomplishment. In the vain hope of my father’s acceptance and escaping him, I enlisted in the Army.

  “I’d like to think we made amends over the next several years when I visited, but we never did completely. And then when my tour was up, Dad was dying, so I decided to return home instead of reenlist
ing. He died within months of my return.

  “While I was in the military, I continued to drink, got in fights and lived a life I was ashamed of. But since leaving the service, I quit drinking and roughhousing. And my mother, though she says she knows everything wasn’t my fault, she’d go ballistic if she ever saw me drink again. So, for her, I don’t. But honestly, Jaynee, I don’t want you to assume I am an alcoholic who goes off binge drinking and hurts the people he loves. I was just an ignorant juvenile.”

  Jaynee could see pain in Jordan’s eyes as he tried to assure her. “Jordan, I don’t assume that. You were a kid, and I’ve seen you drink…even my bartender commented on how you took just a few sips then pushed it away; alcoholics don’t do that. I’m not worried.” She exhaled in relief. Almost giddy that that was the worst thing he’d thought he’d done.

  “I’d never hurt you, Jaynee; you are everything to me.” He pulled her closer holding her to his chest. He made no attempt at making love, just held her.

  Jordan watched as Jaynee’s eyes fluttered open. He loved watching her wake every morning, even if it meant staying in bed longer than he would have normally. “Good morning, sleeping beauty.” He brushed the hair back from her face, so he could kiss her forehead.

  How he loved looking into her eyes. He hated that in a couple days he would have to return to work, which meant getting out of bed before she woke up. He doubted she would want to wake at four in the morning. Who would?

  He kept his hands to himself last night and this morning. He wanted to wait until this evening, it would be special he decided, like their wedding night all over again. He would enjoy the anticipation.

  “Did you sleep well?” he asked.

  She cleared her throat. “Of course, how could I not with you here watching over me? Do you ever sleep?”

  “Yes, but I enjoy watching you. You’re so peaceful. Sometimes I can’t even hear you breathe. I find myself holding my breath listening for your breaths like a new parent. You must have been exhausted. One minute we were talking and the next I felt you go limp in my arms.”

  “I was,” she admitted. “I guess the unwarranted stress I put upon myself at the prospect of meeting your family wore me out. But I feel wide awake this morning; we never did get to practice.” She moved her hands over his chest.

  “No we didn’t, but we have tonight,” he said casually, ignoring her innuendo.

  “Oh…okay…” Dejection saturated her voice.

  He tilted her head up at her distressed tone.

  “Jaynee…I was merely suggesting if we waited until tonight, after the reception, it would be like our wedding night all over again. You don’t think…you couldn’t possibly believe for a second I don’t want you this very minute…do you?”

  She laughed with relief. “Oh…” She shook her head. “No, that makes sense…I understand…anticipation, right?”

  “Exactly…but, if you want me to attack you, it wouldn’t take much convincing. We are married after all. I just figured, since you fell asleep last night, we’d just wait. Anticipation sounds like fun…” he trailed off, nuzzling her neck. “’Course, I could see if I could drive us both crazy with anticipation,” he murmured.

  Jaynee shivered as goosebumps traveled over her body.

  She could hear the smile in his voice. She knew he could stop; he’d stopped on several occasions.

  “No…no sense in tempting ourselves.” She rolled over and adjusted the pillow and blanket as if she were going to get out of bed. She waited, as the bait took hold, a couple of seconds she assumed. She wanted to maintain a modicum of control. Three seconds was all he could tolerate; he pressed his body against hers.

  “Where do you think you’re running off to, Missy?” Jordan’s voice was demanding, but playful.

  “But, you said…” He needed to swallow the entire bait, not just nibble around the edges.

  “Forget what I said, maybe I still want to fool around.”

  Hook, line and sinker as her father used to say, now what was she going to do with her catch?

  She turned over in his arms. “You’re right, Jordan, it will be stimulating to wait. I’m actually looking forward to this evening.” She buried her head under his chin.

  “Really?” he mused, chuckling lightly, as if to a private joke.

  “Yes, really. Your family is wonderful, and I am sure your friends are great.” She looked up at him. “By the way, what are we wearing?”

  “Your wedding dress naturally,” he said, grinning. He replied with such vehemence she didn’t feel there was a chance at arguing, but she did anyway.

  “Jordan…won’t that be awkward. Everyone knows we are already married.”

  “Not everyone, just the family. But even still, they wanted to experience all the traditions. Trust me; it’ll be fun. Everyone knows it’s formal, we won’t be the only ones dressed up.”

  They rolled out of bed a little while later after cuddling and talking.

  Jaynee still couldn’t comprehend how she had gotten so fortunate. One minute she was waiting tables, wondering how she was going to make her next grade, what she was going to do with her life or if she was ever going to find a man worthy of her love, and in strolls Jordan into her life. From the second she laid eyes on him, she wanted him. Now he was hers.

  “How ’bout French toast for breakfast?” she shouted to the second floor. Jordan had disappeared upstairs again.

  “Sounds fantastic, darling, I’ll be right down,” he responded.

  He appeared a few minutes later, plopping himself down at the island, watching her move about the kitchen. She could feel his eyes follow her as she prepared his breakfast. This was all she’d ever wanted. Of course, she still wanted to finish college. Without a college degree, she wouldn’t advance as an author. Her professors always loved her papers…said she was a natural. But this here, with Jordan, was all she’d ever wanted. She never enjoyed going out partying every night with different guys; she wanted what her grandparents and aunt and uncle had.

  Her father had married so many times she had been afraid of marriage but held out hope she could have what her grandparents had for almost sixty years. She couldn’t see anything ever happening between Jordan and her. She loved him madly and believed he too was deeply in love, even if it had only been a short time. History had shown her many people who had fallen in love instantly and had married within weeks had made it. But she also understood marriages failed for ridiculous reasons…he-said she-said discrepancies. They would have to always be honest with each other.

  Jaynee set the plate of French toast in front of him. It was her own specialty, one she had perfected since she was a teenager. She waited as he took a bite. Satisfaction lit up his face, as she knew it would. Everyone liked her French toast. She battered it with a blend of pancake mix, eggs and milk then seasoned it with cinnamon and nutmeg.

  “Wow,” he said, swallowing between words. “This is incredible! You are an excellent cook. Did I tell you how much I love you today?”

  “Several times, but you can remind me if you want.” She took a bite from her own plate.

  “Well, I do, and thank you for breakfast, this is pleasant.” He motioned his hand at her and him sitting at the island together. “Other than cereal or a granola bar, I’ve not once had breakfast in my own house.” He shook his head, contemplating his own statement it seemed. “Incidentally…I have another surprise for you.” He plopped another bite into his mouth before continuing.

  “Jordan, you can’t keep doing this; you’re going to spoil me rotten.”

  “Well, I’m actually nervous about this one. I don’t want you to be upset, so I am not sure if I should tell you.” He lowered his eyes to his plate and just moved the food around with his fork.

  She decided to let him off easy. “If you did something you thought was a good idea, I promise to not be upset.”

  He looked up at her and his eyes widened. “You promise?”

  “You sound like a little kid.
What did you do? Did you decide to move us to another state, colder than this one? Other than that, I cannot think of any reason I’d be upset.”

  He laughed once, a short burst as if he found what she said amusing. “No, nothing that drastic. I just wanted you to know there was a surprise, and maybe that will take the edge off when you see it, tonight at the reception. And—”

  She cut him off. “There’s more?”

  “I just wanted you to know my sisters are coming to pick you up this afternoon around three. I have to leave earlier.”

  “Uh…” She swallowed her words, why bother. “Okay,” she grumbled.

  “It’s for the best I promise,” he said, noticing her reaction, taking her in for a moment before speaking as if he was unsure himself. “It won’t be long, Jaynee. I just have a few things to look after, and then you’ll have me all to yourself. Well, not exactly…you’ll have to share me for a few hours.” He laughed. “You’re so cute when you pout. You tend to jut your bottom lip out like a southern belle. I find it very disarming.”

  She smiled despite herself. “I don’t pout.” She crossed her arms across her chest, proving his point.

  “Yes you do, but it’s adorable.” Jordan stood up with his plate and carried it over to the sink. “Our delivery should be here any minute, and I need to breakdown the old to make way for the new.”

  “Okay. I’ll clean up down here while you start upstairs,” she offered.

  He grabbed her in one of his unyielding embraces. “I do love you, Mrs. Monroe, and I will miss you this afternoon.”

  “I’ll miss you too,” she admitted, pouting for his benefit. He kissed her again, effectively ending her pout then bounded upstairs. Her stomach twisted at the thought of being alone with his sisters. Rachael didn’t seem to like her, and Melissa was a talker.

  The furniture delivery was punctual, and they worked together to set everything up.