Star-Crossed Memories

by Geri Watson

  Snapping out of her thoughts, she heard Dr. Walker announce their reading assignment for the night and excuse the class. Zack's hand patted her shoulder as he stood up after she did and he kissed her cheek.

  "See you at home. Good luck with the Doc," he winked and waltzed out of the classroom.

  Taking a deep breath and composing herself, Star made her way to the front of the classroom to stand next to the professor. Dr. Walker was collecting his planner and other items then shoving them into a tattered messenger bag that he always lugged everywhere.

  His office hours began directly after this class, so unless someone had made an appointment, she and Tristan were going through with this. Star cleared her throat gently, and he looked up at her and welcomed her presence with a smile.

  "What's keeping you after class today?" his warm voice asked.

  "I was wondering if I could talk to you about something...that is if nobody made any appointments." Star shifted from one foot to the other awkwardly.

  Dr. Walker's face took on a concerned expression. "Are you alright, Star?" he placed a hand on her shoulder and looked her in the eye.

  She shook her head slowly. "Not really, that's what I want to talk to you about."

  "Hm. Well, let's go to my office then." His hand went to her back, and he gently guided her down the hallway toward the row of offices.

  As they entered, he went around to his side of the desk and set his messenger bag down. He motioned for Star to have a seat and she obliged but shot a quick glance at the doorway, knowing Tristan would be arriving shortly. She took a look around the office, seeing if she may have missed anything on reincarnation since she hadn't been looking for it before. Nope. Still only the scattered photographs of him and students on the trips out of the country he took them to every summer.

  Dr. Walker felt it was important for his students to study the use of Psychology in other countries than their own, so every year he took a small group of them off somewhere. It varied from year to year, last summer it was England. The shelves behind his desk were filled with different versions of the DSM and various other Psychology textbooks and manuals for teaching them. After taking a seat, Dr. Walker leaned back and rested the palms of his hands together, clasping them and setting them down on the desk.

  "What seems to be troubling you?"

  There was a light knock on the door, and Star turned to see Tristan stick his head in the office. He looked confused, but once he saw her sitting there, he appeared to relax. Star motioned for him to come in and Tristan walked over to her. She took his hand lightly.

  "He's with me," she explained.

  "Oh." Dr. Walker's eyebrows raised. "Have a seat then uh..."

  "Tristan." he introduced himself and stuck out his hand.

  Dr. Walker shook it and sat back down. "Okay Tristan, have a seat. I was asking Star what seems to be bothering her."

  After seeing that there was only one seat available and that Star was already occupying it, Tristan perched on the armrest. He looked over at her, and she could see how exhausted he still was.

  "I don't know how to begin to explain this," she started. "I guess I could start with...um...you wrote a book called Cases of Reincarnation?"

  Upon hearing the name of the book, the professor looked a bit frazzled but recomposed himself quickly. "Yes, I did. Right after Grad school."

  "Did you keep in contact with the people in that study?" Tristan asked.

  "Well, no. I lost my funding for the project halfway through and had to finish it out-of-pocket. Why do you ask?" Dr. Walker looked interested.

  "Well, we're more interested in two people that were in the study than the others," Star tried. "Chris and Lisa?"

  Dr. Walker sighed. "I remember them quite vividly." He shook his head. "Tragic. They were so in love with each other and Chris was terrified for Lisa. Every night he thought she'd perish. He looked a lot like Tristan does if you'll forgive me for saying so."

  Tristan gave a weak laugh. "Well, that makes sense. Every night I'm terrified that being with me will kill Star." Her heart hurt hearing him say that, but it did explain why he looked like he did now.

  The professor nodded absently until what Tristan said sank in, then he leaned forward quickly, his hands gripping the armrests. "Wait just a minute, are you saying what I think you're saying?" He looked at Star, his wizened eyes widening.

  "Ever since I met Tristan in November, the two of us have been having blackouts and flashbacks of our past lives together." Star's voice shook a bit as she said it out loud. Tristan squeezed her hand to comfort her.

  "We both read your book, and we were hoping that if we talked with you, well, that you might be able to help us." There was a strain in Tristan's voice that Star wasn't used to hearing. She guessed it was because this was their last chance and he knew it.

  After taking off his glasses and rubbing his nose with his pointer finger and thumb, Dr. Walker set his glasses back on and looked at them. They were both watching him so intently that he let out a short chuckle. "First off, calm down. Both of you."

  They looked at one another but remained tense. Star looked back across the desk. "Can you help us, or is it a lost cause?"

  "On the contrary. Never lose hope. That's what the others did, and it got them nowhere." Dr. Walker leaned back again and folded his hands across his chest. "If I'm going to help you, it's going to take a while. I need to understand what's going on with each of you separately before we can begin to tackle what's going on when you're together."

  Tristan looked over at Star and closed his eyes briefly before turning back to Dr. Walker. "If I stay with Star, is it inevitable she's going to die?" his voice caught at the end.

  "As I said, it's impossible to tell without knowing your case. If we can keep Star alive, I'll do whatever I can to help. I promise you both that." The professor looked each of them in the eye.

  Star felt relief for the first time in a while and looked up at Tristan, who was still looking on edge. Clearly; Dr. Walker hadn't said what he had been hoping for. But he told them not to give up hope, and she needed Tristan to listen to that above everything else.

  She wondered what kind of questions Tristan had lined up in his head to ask and was surprised when he stayed silent with his lips pursed together. Since Tristan wasn't saying anything, Star decided to ask some questions she had of her own.

  "There's another problem," she said, ghosting a look up at Tristan to gauge his reaction. He stayed stoic.

  "What kind of problem?" Dr. Walker asked, picking up a pen and notebook.

  "In your book, Chris and Lisa had the same flashbacks when they blacked out," she started out.

  "Yes. They had the same memories of at least three separate lifetimes if you included the present," Dr. Walker affirmed.

  "Right. That's the problem. I have the same flashback every night, and Tristan stopped having them completely," Star explained in a rush.

  "We apparently are on lifetime number five," Tristan added, adjusting on the arm of the chair.

  "Five?!" Dr. Walker leaned forward again and set his elbow on the desk, rubbing his chin. "Extraordinary."

  Tristan sighed impatiently. Star reached up and rubbed his arm.

  "The flashbacks started when?" Dr. Walker questioned.

  "Everything started when Tristan came up to me for the first time. I blacked out and had a painful stream of visions that were all jumbled up," Star explained. Come to think of it, Tristan recognized me, but I didn't recognize him until...he...kissed...me. Her eyes went wide. "Dr. Walker?"

  "Yes?" he answered, writing everything down and not looking up.

  "Would Tristan kissing me interrupt the natural flow of things?" When the words came out of her mouth, she felt Tristan stiffen at her side and look down at her slowly.

  "I don't understand the question." Dr. Walker looked up from his writing.

  "I didn't recognize Tristan, but he recognized me. He knew everything about me. Until he kissed me I had no recollect
ion of him whatsoever." Her words came out faster as she went on. "I fainted when he kissed me. My mind went on overload. It was like all of our lifetimes got smashed into my head at once." Star demonstrated by slamming her hands together into fists.

  Dr. Walker looked at Tristan. "What made you kiss her?"

  Tristan shrugged. "I wanted to, and I was entranced by all of this knowledge I had of her...I mean really knowing her. I asked, and she let me."

  The professor tapped his chin thoughtfully. "Anything's possible."

  Tristan stood up and crossed his arms. "You mean to tell me it's possible that if I hadn't kissed her, we wouldn't be in this mess?"

  "That's what I'm saying, yes," he responded.

  "Well, that's perfect." Tristan collapsed against the arm of the chair again. "This could all be my fault."

  Star thought about that. It was difficult for her to think about how things would be if Tristan hadn't kissed her. She might still be with Alex. Her nights wouldn't be filled with nightmares. She wouldn't be terrified of the feeling of a headache coming on, wondering if she had enough time to get somewhere safe before she blacked out. Zack wouldn't be so worried about her.

  Then Star started thinking about all of the things that wouldn't have happened. She wouldn't have known what it felt like to be really loved, or what it felt like to fall in love. The way her heart swelled when Tristan's blue eyes met hers that she had grown so accustomed to wouldn't exist. Most of all the way it felt when she woke up in his arms would have been a feeling she would never have experienced. No matter what happened from here on out, Star was glad Tristan had kissed her.

  Even if it meant she'd die.

  CHAPTER 32

  Tristan stared through the bohemian professor before him. They come here to their would-be savior only to find out this could have all possibly been prevented if his lips hadn't been on Star's that fateful day? He wanted to scream; he wanted to hit something. His mind was on overload, the synapses misfiring. The headache that he'd been nursing all day came to its peak, and he winced. He noticed Dr. Walker and Star looking at him and realized he'd zoned out. They must have said something to him. Tristan cleared his throat.

  "I'm sorry, what?"

  "I asked if you wouldn't mind staying for a bit so that we could start with you and what's happened since you met Star," the professor stated, his fingers folded in front of him on his desk.

  He looked down at Star. "You're leaving?"

  "Tristan, haven't you been paying attention at all?" she admonished with a scowl.

  His features softened in an apology as he looked into her angry eyes. It wasn't like he'd done it on purpose! He didn't want to look like an idiot in front of Dr. Walker either, but maybe he was already too late for that. Knowing he had to get a grip on himself, Tristan rubbed the back of his neck and shrugged, facing the professor again. Maybe he could redeem himself. "Sure, I'll stay."

  Star stood up and brushed her lips against his for a second before collecting her bag. "Are you coming back to the apartment tonight?" she asked as she straightened up again.

  "I'm heading over to the hospital to see Art first, but yeah...wait...you aren't going to be alone are you?" Tristan's eyes searched hers. "Did Zack hear back about getting his shifts switched for this semester?"

  Star looked over at Dr. Walker for a second and then back to Tristan. "They called this morning and told him he was set to switch to Monday, Wednesday, Friday shifts. He was happy about it since that means he won't have to work weekends anymore."

  Tristan nodded. "Alright. I'll see you at home then." Star started walking out of the office, and Tristan called out to her. "Oh! Make sure Zack took Scout out for me?" he asked, worried he was starting to sound as pitiful as he felt.

  "Sure." Star smiled warmly at him. "Say hi to Art for me."

  "I will." Tristan watched her go and felt a little bit of his heart leave with her. Now he was alone with the professor and knew he couldn't remain as silent as he had been. He cleared his throat and sat down in the chair, relieved to be more comfortable than perching on the armrest had been. Dr. Walker gave him a knowing smile.

  "Hard to let her go, huh?"

  Tristan smiled slightly. "Yeah."

  The professor let out a heavy sigh. "You do remind me of Chris."

  "Is that bad?" Tristan asked, worried what the answer would be.

  Dr. Walker scratched at his 5'o'clock shadow. "It concerns me. You look exhausted, Tristan. That can't be good for your studies."

  "I am," he admitted. "Star's flashback...the one I die saving her in that she's been having every night. I..." He shook his head and closed his eyes, the thought being painful. "I can't do anything for her and I don't know how to make it stop. You telling me that I may have caused all of this by kissing her makes me feel worse."

  "I'm sorry if I caused you to feel that way." The sorrowful look in Dr. Walker's eyes made Tristan realize the words were truthful.

  "Tell me what I can do to make this better," Tristan groaned. "I'll tell you anything you want to know."

  "What really happened the day you met Star?" His eyebrow raised as he asked the question. "Think hard; even a small detail may prove to be important."

  Tristan slouched in the chair and closed his eyes, leaning his head back so he could concentrate. He tried to visualize the day that seemed so long ago now in retrospect. He'd gone to his History class, and Emily had been harassing him to go to some party with her, so he’d been irritated and bolted out of the door when he had the chance.

  Distracted, he kept looking to make sure Emily wasn't following behind. When he glanced back one more time, he caught sight of Star, her warm hazel eyes locked on his for a mere second and his heart froze in his chest.

  He couldn't move. It's her! His mind screamed frantically at him. Go! Don't let her get away! You'll never see her again if you don't!

  It was a ridiculous thing for him to be thinking, but his body didn't listen and lunged toward her. His mouth opened on its own as he called out to her and then he ran after her at full speed when she didn't stop. He'd been slightly out of breath when he'd caught up to her. The second their eyes met again he felt his heart constrict and had stupidly asked her if he knew her and where she went to school.

  Tristan knew that wasn't where he knew her from, but he needed to get the conversation going somehow. Then she'd walked away from him again.

  Don't blow this; you need her! She's your life! His mind screeched at him.

  Setting his jaw, Tristan had followed her to the nearby building and collected himself enough to tap her shoulder lightly. Confused, he took control of his mind for the moment and tried to figure out why she was so familiar. When Star gave him her name and he didn't recognize it, she'd walked away once more.

  Three strikes you're out, Tristan. He tried to tell himself. Tell her the truth...make her realize who you are, his mind demanded of him.

  That's when Tristan had grabbed Star's arm before she disappeared inside. She'd looked deeply into his eyes then and, he'd done it. He told her what he knew about her. Once he was that close to her, their breath mingling with one another as he had each hand by her head all he could think about was his lips being on hers.

  It was a nagging compulsion that didn't cease. So Tristan had done the only thing he could think of, he'd tricked Star into letting him kiss her. The kiss was heated and electrical, and his mind, body, and soul seemed to sigh into hers as if it had found it's home after a long search. Then Star remembered him. Promptly after that, she'd fainted in his arms.

  Tristan gave Dr. Walker a detailed account of what he remembered, and the professor responded with "hmm's" and "I see's" as he worked his way through it. It was a good thing Tristan knew that Dr. Walker wasn't going to judge him for confessing all of this; otherwise, he wouldn't have admitted it to anyone. Recalling everything reminded Tristan how crazy it had all been. It was terrifying having his mind take control...or rather it was his heart that had been talking to him? Who knows. Do
wn was up and up was down as far as Tristan was concerned. They had fallen down the rabbit hole into Wonderland.

  "Well? Does that help explain anything?" Tristan asked, his voice hopeful.

  "It appears that your soul did indeed 'speak' to Star's when your eyes met." The professor jotted down more notes. "I can't explain the kiss though." He shook his head once. "After that meeting how long was it before you suffered from your first blackout?" He raised his eyes back to meet Tristan.

  "It was that night," he recounted. "I was researching reincarnation in the library. I'm a fact-based person. Everyone in my family is. We're all doctors...I'm Pre-med. Fact is reality, you know?" He shrugged to convey his sentiment, and Dr. Walker had nodded, so Tristan continued. "Anyway, I was doing research, and the more I thought about Star, the worse my headache got, and then I was nauseated, and everything went black. Up until I had another blackout I thought I'd fallen asleep and had an odd dream about the Great Depression."