Subspace

by Sierra Cartwright

  “There’s nothing wrong with feeling that way,” Sloan said.

  “And let me guess, you’re a dominant man.”

  He smacked her rear end lightly, and Diana gasped, feeling a hot imprint from his hand.

  “Yes.”

  He smiled at her with a trace of shyness. She liked that, seeing that he had something in common with her.

  “We’re meant to be together,” she thought she heard him murmur, but then colour touched his cheekbones and he avoided her gaze, clearing his throat.

  “I’ve never been kinky,” she told him.

  “You’ve never had the chance. Like you’ve never hit one of those heavy bags. If you did it, you’d be surprised what you are capable of.”

  Diana’s gaze went to the silent hanging shapes. Although when she’d first come here she’d found martial arts made her uncomfortable, now she felt a prickle of curiosity.

  “You see?” He smiled again, uncertainty gone. “It feels good to work out with them. I’d love to teach you a few moves.”

  “I think you already are,” she said tartly and earned another smack.

  “Do you want me to spank you?” he asked, not making it easy for her.

  If he just did it, took over, it could be his fantasy that she went along with, but if she asked him, it was like coming here, deciding to surrender herself to him. It was admitting she found the idea hot.

  “Yes, I think I do,” she said, feeling a rush of empowerment when she said the words. She saw the heat, the respect in his eyes and felt almost as if she’d been matched with him in a kickboxing tournament. Whatever this was they were exploring together, it was about being partners.

  “I’ll start off easy and then intensify it. If you want me to stop, say so.”

  Starting off easy meant caressing the open lips of her sex. She shuddered as he pushed her open and delved inside, letting no part of her hide from the intensity of his touch.

  She looked in the mirror to see his movements and saw he was looking too. His eyes were heavy, his face flushed. He stroked her in earnest.

  It felt so good, especially since his fingers rasped gently over her most sensitive flesh. She was aware she was under the control of a man who could fight, who had mastered his body and now he mastered hers.

  When he smacked her again she wasn’t prepared, so she jerked at the soft tap but then relaxed as it continued, uneven but like rain falling, growing in strength. He punctuated her discipline with more strokes to the inside her body so that she opened her legs wider, her reddened ass bringing more blood to the area. She was so sensitive she could feel the passage of air from his movements. She anticipated, body vibrating, and suddenly her nerve endings rioted, almost as if she were in a scalding tub of water. She couldn’t take another strike of his palm on her rear end, and yet she needed it as she squeezed her sex, grinding down on herself, almost able to come just from that alone.

  As if he knew what she was feeling, he pressed her firmly with his fingers. She thrust back against them, leaving his hand slick from her juices. Her neck and back were wet with perspiration; she was digging her hands into his thighs, holding on.

  And then it was like she stumbled somehow, slipping, floating…every red pulse of her blood lifting her higher.

  He squeezed her sex firmly and she came, but she felt somehow removed from her body’s automatic response, although her clenching muscles sent streams of pleasure that coloured this new alien experience.

  She slumped against him, aware of the sweat between her body and his, aware of the hum of her abused rear end, and the satisfied throb of her pussy.

  She was completely aware of him as he shifted her to lie on her stomach, aware of his erection and his worried dark amber eyes.

  He was gone for a moment, but then she felt the weight on her back of a light cotton blanket. He stayed beside her, stroking her hair as she continued to revolve around the room.

  As spacey as she was, she needed his proximity to ground her and she wanted to beg him not to leave her—but he didn’t leave her, and then finally, her fingers twitched.

  Sloan hefted her up and she burrowed her face against his neck, aware of tears seeping down her cheeks and onto his skin.

  “What…was that?” she asked in a groggy voice.

  “Something I didn’t expect you to feel the first time we—”

  He let out a breath and she sensed he was concerned about something.

  “You were so ready to go there.”

  She wanted to ask him where, but her body was so heavy and she was sleepy. She could hear the sound of her watch ticking and as she stared at it numbly, she thought it was funny she’d left it on when she’d stripped off her clothing. Then she noticed the time.

  “Jeff!” She jerked away from Sloan, horrified. “He’ll be home any moment.”

  “Easy, easy, Di,” Sloan said, still stroking her trembling limbs.

  She swatted his hands aside, sudden anger flowering in her chest. “I don’t have time for your games now!”

  She thought something like hurt flashed across his face, but he was handing her clothing and she was shoving it on. Her ass throbbed, and she was suddenly aware she’d been thoroughly spanked.

  “I’ll walk you to your apartment.”

  “No!” She didn’t want him anywhere near her real life.

  His jaw tightened. “It’s not negotiable.”

  He stood and offered his hand, and she needed his support to stand.

  As soon as she could, she stepped stiffly away from him, averting her face.

  He followed her to the landing that led to her condo. “Don’t try to operate any machinery or cook right now,” he said, and she had the impression he did not want to leave her. “Promise me or I’m not leaving you alone.”

  She frowned, wondering what he was talking about, but there was no time to ask. Jeff would be home from school any moment.

  “I won’t but I’m fine.” Her tone said, go away.

  When he turned away and she heard his retreating footsteps, Diana’s eyes stung. She covered them with a shaking hand. What was wrong with her?

  Chapter Five

  “Hey, what’s up?” Jeff asked her a couple of hours later. “You know you’re reading that book upside down, right?”

  Diana thrust her hair out of her eyes, putting down the book. “Distracted, I guess.”

  “No kidding. Want to talk about it?”

  His tone reminded her so much of his mother right then, the way he cocked his head…

  She flushed. “No.”

  “You sure? You’re always bugging me to talk.”

  “I know. This is just something…” She wanted to forget. She should never have gone back to Sloan’s studio. What had she been thinking? She was always cautious with her affairs with men. She never went far sexually until she knew them well. Mair had told her that’s why her relationships always fizzled out, because she was too controlled, not wanting to let someone too close.

  As always, the thought of her best friend made her throat tighten. She looked at Jeff and remembered taking his hand outside of Mair’s hospital room after she’d passed away from cancer, promising him he would not be alone.

  She sighed, reluctant to shut Jeff out now he was finally talking to her. “It’s something adult that I have to figure out.”

  “Oh, a guy.”

  He grimaced and Diana laughed, surprising herself since she’d felt so depressed after leaving Sloan, as if she needed to stay with him a little longer.

  “Are you going to like, start bringing him home or something?”

  “No,” she said.

  What would Jeff think of her dating a man so much younger than herself? And wait a minute, she and Sloan hadn’t exactly been dating. They’d never shared a candlelit dinner. They’d never sat and talked while watching the tide roll in or shared popcorn and a movie. They’d skipped all that and gone to him touching her.

  She’d been naked for him before he’d even boug
ht her a single latte. Geez, at least she should have got coffee with him before they’d…done what they’d done.

  That thought confused her even more than the residue of what they’d shared. She still didn’t know what that was, but it had left her feeling very vulnerable. Sloan was the last person she wanted to see right now.

  “I was thinking it might be nice to enroll you in some classes outside of school,” she said, hitting on an idea she’d been mulling over.

  “You mean like camp? Lame.”

  “Jeff, a lot of kids don’t have the opportunity to do that kind of thing,” she said. “But no, wrong time of year. I was thinking of something like photography or badminton.”

  “No badminton.” He shifted on the couch, as if he was getting ready to lock himself in his room again, blast music and play one of his world-building games. Then he hesitated and took something out of his back pocket.

  Hot colour washed Diana’s skin as she recognised it—a brochure for Sloan’s kickboxing school.

  * * * *

  Sloan was staring at his computer screen at the front of his studio without really seeing it. Instead, he heard Diana’s soft, sexy sounds as he spanked her. He felt the warm weight of her body over his knees, saw her ass shake with the impact of his smacks. He could almost smell the musky aroma of her arousal.

  He closed his eyes tightly, not wanting to relive how she’d pushed him away. It couldn’t have been more obvious that the older woman thought he was all right to fool around with for an hour or two, but she didn’t want him infringing on her life.

  The last thing he’d wanted to do was let her go after she’d reached subspace during her first small taste of BDSM. Although he was experienced, he’d never expected Diana, an innocent, to reach that state so quickly. He’d been taken off guard, though when she’d gone there, he’d also felt triumph, riding it with her in his Dom’s version of subspace, caught up in what he’d given his new submissive.

  But she wasn’t his. And that was the problem. She’d clearly had no idea what the hell was happening to her so she’d ditched him and ran, leaving him pacing the studio for hours last night, wanting desperately to call her or to stride over and thump on her door, demanding to see she was all right.

  She might not have agreed to be his submissive, but he felt all the protective feelings of being her Dom.

  And…it was more than that. He was hurt. Prospective-boyfriend hurt.

  But he wasn’t her boyfriend any more than he was her Dom. He’d fucked everything up with his impulsiveness.

  He ran a hand over his eyes and looked up when he heard the rattle of a bucket. Nath. He’d finished washing the floor.

  “All gleaming,” his friend and employee said. “Ready for the big opening day Saturday.”

  Sloan nodded.

  “Hey, this is your chance to shine,” Nath continued. “All that scrimping and saving so you could have your own place. All those times you were bruised up from competitions and you’d talk about how this was your dream.”

  “I know, and I wouldn’t have made it without all your help. Thank you,” Sloan said.

  Nath studied him, forehead wrinkled. “This about your landlady?” he finally asked.

  Sloan didn’t say anything, and after a moment, Nath said, “Ask her out.”

  Sloan blinked.

  “You deaf or somethin’?”

  “Nath…”

  “You like her so much, ask her to dinner. But maybe work out first. You look like you could use it.”

  Sloan already felt bruised, but maybe Nath was right. He had always been action-orientated. It had tripped him up in his relationship with Diana, but it had given him moments with her that haunted him.

  “Or…you could talk to her now.”

  Nath nodded to the front door, and Sloan’s heart jumped when he saw Diana standing there, but a second later he noticed a boy with her.

  The bell over the door rang as they both walked in, and after giving him a wry look, Nath discreetly faded away.

  “Jeff wants to take some classes,” Diana said crisply as soon as they were in the door, as if to make it crystal clear she was not there for personal reasons.

  Sloan managed to keep his expression impassive. If she’d come alone he would have demanded to know how she was feeling but he knew what had gone wrong was his fault. Although a submissive had never reached subspace so quickly with him, it wasn’t impossible. If they had communicated first, if she’d known what to expect—

  But he had to swallow his regrets. He had to find another way to get the initiative back.

  “Have you ever done any martial arts before, Jeff?” he asked the boy, switching his attention to his prospective new student and focusing on him. He loved introducing the sport to kids and was itching to teach his junior classes again.

  “When I was a kid, I used to go to yoga with Mom, but not really since then,” Jeff said.

  Sloan’s gaze went to Diana’s face, and she shook her head, signalling that Jeff’s mom was somehow out of the picture.

  “Yoga is really good for stretching the body and building strength and flexibility. If you did even a little of it, it’ll help with taking classes here. In fact, we will be offering some yoga classes twice a week.”

  “You will?” Interest sparked in Diana’s eyes before her expression smoothed out.

  He decided he’d make it a priority.

  “I’m certified to teach Qi Gong, Chinese yoga,” he said, but she looked away, as if taking a class with him was out of the question. He swallowed his disappointment. Why couldn’t she take him seriously? Was it just the age difference?

  She’s afraid, his inner voice told him, the voice that he’d honed through countless matches when he’d squared off with another kickboxer, staring into his opponent’s eyes in a silent battle of confidence.

  If Diana was running from him, his usual aggressive style was not going to work with her. What would?

  Back off and give her space to come to you.

  He didn’t like the idea, not at all. What if she started dating someone else? He gusted out a sigh, and his gaze went to the shadowy corner where they’d shared those intimate encounters.

  When he looked at her again, he saw she’d noticed the direction of his gaze. She crossed her arms, her body language tight and defensive.

  “If you decide to take yoga again, Jeff is welcome to come with you,” he said pleasantly.

  Diana blinked, but then a hint of suspicion entered her dark eyes.

  Did she think he would use a kid to get close to her? Sloan shoved aside his frustration, keeping his cool. How did she get under his skin so easily?

  But if he gave her time, took it easy, sooner or later she’d come to him, he thought. And this time he would make sure he didn’t fuck up and send her running.

  * * * *

  Diana watched Sloan giving Jeff a tour of his spacious studio. Since she’d last been here, more equipment had been set up, including a boxing ring on a platform. It partially obscured the dark corner of the room where she and Sloan had—

  No, she’d promised herself to stop obsessing about that. It was over, whatever it had been. In fact, Sloan seemed fine with their leaving it. She thought she’d detected something like pain flash in his eyes when she’d automatically rejected the idea of taking yoga classes with him, but after that he’d ignored her, talking to Jeff, even showing him how to punch one of the heavy bags.

  As she watched, Sloan stripped off his T-shirt, revealing smooth golden skin and tight nipples. He punched the bag to demonstrate, and she stared at his back, at the tattoo of a leaping tiger she’d somehow missed before. It was finely done work, not a typical tattoo that bunched and flexed with his dance.

  She curbed an impulse to ask him where he’d got it. Distance. She had to keep her distance.

  He was so beautiful. God, he was so beautiful.

  “Now you try,” Sloan was telling Jeff.

  Jeff struck the bag, and Diana noticed a
flush of colour in the boy’s cheeks. Usually he was sedentary when he got home after school. This could be really good for him.

  Sloan’s bleak gaze caught hers before she made herself turn away to stare at the garden and parking lot outside the windows.

  Chapter Six

  “I didn’t do so bad!” Jeff said, crowing to Diana as he wiped his sweaty face with his T-shirt. “I mean, for my third week.”

  Diana made herself smile at Jeff, pleased he was enthusiastic. This was the most animated she’d seen him in months—and it didn’t involve an online computer game.

  “I knew you’d do well. You were always good at balancing poses in yoga.”

  He hadn’t done any yoga for a while because she knew he associated it with his mother.

  “Yeah. Sloan told us in class today there’s a tournament for juniors coming up this spring,” Jeff said, shaking one hand Diana noticed was splotched with pink on the knuckles. From hitting the heavy bag?

  “You just started doing this,” Diana said, a little concerned.

  “I’d have to train hard. But Sloan says—”

  “Sloan says ‘hit the showers, Jeff’,” Sloan drawled, interrupting. He caught Diana’s eye.

  Diana tightened her grip on her handbag, but she stood her ground. She’d managed to avoid the studio all month but not thoughts of Sloan. She was getting used to waking up in the middle of the night, damp and aching from erotic dreams about him.

  When Jeff disappeared down the hallway she assumed led to the locker room and showers, Sloan turned to her and she almost took a step back at his direct stare. She’d forgotten what it felt like to be the focus of his intensity.

  His dark brows were lowered and his forehead creased. He was sweaty from teaching his young students so that his dark, untamed hair was curled on his forehead and neck.

  And Diana was a bad person, because her thoughts immediately went to sex, to thinking Sloan would look just like this after a sweaty bout of it.

  “Don’t look at me like that,” he ordered her softly.