Their Guilty Pleasures

by June Tate

  ‘Thank goodness we met and became friends, Rusty, I’d be lost without you.’

  ‘And where would I be at this moment if we’d not met? It was fate that brought us all together, and together we’ll stay!’

  ‘You are an extraordinary woman!’

  Rusty just raised her eyebrows and smiled. ‘So I’ve been told in the past!’

  ‘And naughty!’

  ‘That too! But I’m a survivor, I’ve had to be, but I’ve learned to fight for what I believe is right, and you must do the same. Do you think that Adam would want you to stay with him out of pity?’

  ‘In the beginning I don’t think he’d care as long as I was there, but later, no, he’d hate it . . . and what’s more he’d let me know it.’

  ‘And then you will have given up everything for nothing!’

  ‘I’ll just have to take it one step at a time, that’s all.

  ‘Then we’ll take those steps together, Jenny, because I’m not sure I trust you to be strong!’

  Jenny Procter didn’t answer, but she knew that Rusty spoke the truth. She would feel it was her sense of duty to stay with Adam, and she needed someone to push her when the time came. How lucky she was, she thought, to have found such a friend.

  Twenty-Four

  The next two months were difficult for everybody. Adam battled with his health; Jenny tried to help by visiting twice a week, and more if she could get away from her job with the forces. When she tried to explain to her husband that she was working, sorting out the papers and details of the GI brides, he was scathing.

  ‘That is more important than coming here to see me?’

  ‘I have to make a living, and I’m paid to do this job . . . and I feel it’s worthwhile.’

  ‘You don’t have to work! How many times must I tell you this? I will provide financially for you!’

  Jenny breathed deeply to try and remain calm. ‘Adam, there is no need to do so, especially under the circumstances.’

  He put his hand up to the bandages covering his eyes in frustration. ‘If only I could bloody well see, then we could talk sensibly!’

  Thinking of Rusty and her advice, Jenny tried to be firm. ‘Adam, not being able to see me makes no difference. You know what I mean, and nothing has changed.’

  He cursed loudly. ‘For me, everything has changed. For Christ’s sake, woman, how can you sit there and say that?’

  ‘That’s not what I mean, and you know it.’ She got up and walked to the window. She knew that it was never going to be easy, but why did it have to be so difficult? Then she chided herself for being so selfish; after all, she wasn’t the one in the hospital bed. But how to handle Adam and at the same time be of help was beyond her. She decided to have a word with the doctor before she left and see what he had to say.

  Dr Braxton tried to reassure Jenny. ‘The first few months are the worst. I promise it will get better in time, but, to begin with, the realization that you will never be able to see again is a terrible thing. There is desolation, anger, frustration . . . and, eventually, acceptance. That’s when we can really get to work and start rehabilitation. St Dunstan’s comes in to its own then. In time the patient realizes that there is a sort of light at the end of the tunnel, even if they can’t see one, and that all is not lost – then it’s up to the individual.’

  ‘How do you think my husband will cope, Doctor?’

  The man shook his head. ‘It’s very difficult to say, Mrs Procter. If your marriage is a strong one, that’ll help.’

  Jenny’s heart sank. ‘I feel you should know all the facts, Doctor Braxton, as it might help in my husband’s treatment. We are separated. I plan to get a divorce and move to the States when the war finally ends.’

  ‘Ah.’ The doctor smiled softly. ‘That would explain his extreme anger. He’s not only lost his sight, but you also.’

  ‘I know, and don’t think I don’t feel guilty about this, because I do. We were married for a long time.’

  ‘Forgive me, but I have to know – is there any chance that you might change your mind and stay with the captain?’

  Shaking her head, Jenny said, ‘No. At first I felt it was my duty to do so, but it just won’t work. The war changes us all, and I’m afraid although I have a deep affection for him, I no longer love my husband. I know that once we were home together, then the rot would set in, and that wouldn’t be good for Adam.’

  ‘Then I suggest, Mrs Procter, that you don’t visit the captain so often. The sooner he gets used to the idea that you won’t be around, the sooner we can rehabilitate him. Now he’s just confused and no doubt thinks that you will eventually stand by him, which will only make it harder for him when you leave for good.’

  Jenny felt like a traitor. To walk away from Adam at such a time seemed cruel in the extreme. She looked at the man sitting opposite and met his gaze. ‘Are you sure this is the way to go?’

  ‘Absolutely positive. Forgive me for being blunt, but if you are leaving your husband for another man, the sooner you go the better for him.’

  ‘You make it sound so callous! I was married to Adam for nineteen years, but I fell in love with an American. It wasn’t planned, it just happened. Then this! Believe me, Doctor Braxton, I have been torn between the devil and the deep, but I know getting on with my life will ultimately be the right thing for both of us.’

  ‘I’m not here to judge you, Mrs Procter; I’m just interested in what’s best for my patient. Captain Procter will soon be moved to St Dunstan’s, and I suggest you give him a month before you visit, which doesn’t mean you can’t write – a nurse will read out your letters to him – but please don’t give him any false hopes about the future.’

  Jenny rose from her seat and shook the doctor’s hand. ‘Thank you, you have been very helpful.’

  The next three months flew by, and December was soon upon them. Adam was now at St Dunstan’s and seemed at last to be settling down to a new regime. He was becoming more adept at walking around unaided once he knew the layout of his surroundings, which gave him a feeling of independence, and whenever Jenny did visit him he seemed more cheerful. But each time she saw him he told her he couldn’t wait to come home, which filled her with a certain amount of trepidation as to how he would manage. Once again, Adam would have to hire staff to take care of him. In her heart, Jenny knew that Adam was hoping she would step into the breach, that her feeling of duty would overcome everything else.

  Brad and Chad were still in Holland but no longer near Arnhem. It had been a bridge too far, and the American troops had had to retreat, eventually. The company had tried to cross the river to get to the bridge, but they’d had to use British boats, with which they were unfamiliar; there was also a shortage of paddles, which didn’t help their cause. The men were using rifle butts in some cases, but the covering fire was heavy and the men had to fall back. As they did so, they were trapped in a pocket of land, with no possibility of escaping. They dug themselves in as quickly as possible.

  Brad called for the radio operator and reported his position, hoping for covering gunfire; they were not any in position to help, but he was told that more troops would be sent to aid them.

  Brad could hear Chad giving orders to his men as they returned fire, keeping their heads down as the bullets whizzed past them. They continued to hold their position until eventually more troops arrived with their added firepower. It was a great relief, and they were able to fall back to safety.

  The two men had survived, and they wrote to the women they loved when they were able – never telling them of their narrow escape, of course, but about their hopes for the future, and about how the war could not possibly last for much longer.

  Rusty liked to curl up in a chair and try to visualize her future. She had nothing to leave behind that meant anything at all to her, except perhaps for the friendship of Jenny Procter, but they would be in the same country and nearby states. They had vowed to keep in touch with each other once they were in America. It was a kind of s
afety line which they both would protect and treasure.

  The girls had spoken about finding another flat to share now that Adam was back in England, but he wouldn’t hear of it.

  ‘How ridiculous! I’ve no idea how long I’ll be at St Dunstan’s, and in any case, the house is enormous, there’s certainly room for us all. Besides, I’m not sure how long it’ll be before I’m allowed home for good, so the house must be occupied when I’m not there.’

  Jenny had finally agreed, with the understanding that once Adam was back home permanently, they would move out.

  Christmas came at last. Jenny and Rusty spent the holiday at Beth’s, helping with the horses and enjoying a family Christmas after all. On Boxing Day they all went out for a ride early in the morning through the woods, which looked like a fairyland with the hoar frost making the ferns look magical.

  Jenny looked across at Rusty, sitting on her mount with confidence, and grinned at her friend. ‘If Brad could see you now, he would be surprised. You sit there as if you know what you’re doing!’

  ‘I need to practice for when we are back at his place! You know how he loves to ride.’

  ‘You’ll be joining the hunt before you know it!’ Jenny teased.

  ‘Not bloody likely! I’ve watched the hunt in action; when a fox has been sighted, it’s crazy. Everyone is off like a shot, jumping anything that gets in the way. That’s too bloody dangerous for me, thank you!’

  During the first week of January, Adam came home for a week to see how he would be able to cope. He had a male nurse in attendance who walked him round every room to familiarize him once again with the contents of his home.

  During this time, Sarah took Hans to stay at Beth’s. It was deemed too complicated to have Sarah stay, with little Hans running around and perhaps tripping Adam up, and Jenny wasn’t sure how Adam would feel about having them living there, anyway.

  Once he was settled in, on the day of his arrival, the nurse had a word with Jenny. ‘Whatever you do, Mrs Procter, don’t move any furniture or your husband could trip over it and hurt himself,’ he told Jenny. ‘He will have memorized everything in its place, and there it must stay.’

  ‘I understand,’ she told him.

  It was an uncomfortable time for them all. Rusty felt she was intruding, Jenny felt even guiltier about leaving Adam, and Adam became more and more demanding as each day passed.

  ‘I don’t know where you get your patience from,’ Jenny said to Jack the male nurse after Adam had been particularly unpleasant one morning.

  ‘Ah well, Mrs Procter, I know my patient. He’s proud, and now he feels less of a man because he’s unable to see and so is not in control. And he’s angry – even more so because of the state of his marriage, if you forgive me for saying so.’

  ‘He’s told you about us?’ Jenny asked with surprise.

  ‘Oh yes. In the beginning when the captain was first injured, he talked to me a lot. I think it was the only way he could cope. After all, he can’t see me; that makes it so much easier to open up. If he was sighted, he would never have done so.’

  ‘Yes, I understand.’

  ‘What perhaps you don’t understand, Mrs Procter, is that your husband honestly believes that when push comes to shove you’ll stay with him. But that’s not how you see it, is it?’

  Jenny was horrified. ‘I thought I made it very clear to Adam that my plans hadn’t changed.’

  ‘Oh, you did that, but you see that’s not what he wants to hear, so he refuses to accept the fact. I have tried to make him see he’s barking up the wrong tree, but he doesn’t want to know.’

  ‘What can I do about it?’

  ‘Move out of the house. As long as you are installed here, the captain thinks you’ll stay for good.’

  ‘Thank you, Jack. When Adam returns to St Dunstan’s, I’ll find a flat.’

  ‘It’ll be for the best, Mrs Procter, in the long run.’

  The following morning, Adam had just finished his breakfast when he heard the front doorbell ring. ‘I’ll go, Jack,’ he said, pushing his chair back and reaching for his white stick. He liked to greet the postman these days and open the front door to those who called. He was feeling more confident in his own surroundings and wanted to show those who knew him that he could manage perfectly well, thank you!

  ‘That you, postman?’ he asked as he opened the door. ‘Got anything interesting for me today?’

  ‘Good morning, Captain Procter. I’m afraid I’m not the postman.’

  Adam froze for a moment as he heard the American accent.

  ‘It’s Chad Maxwell; we met once before at the stables.’

  ‘You’re that bloody cowboy!’

  There was a note of amusement in the American’s voice when he answered. ‘Well, sir, I guess you could put it like that.’

  ‘What do you want?’ Adam was brusque.

  ‘I’ve called to see Jenny. I flew in from France a couple of hours ago and have to fly out again tonight.’

  ‘There’s no point in you seeing her, my man. As you can see I’m home now, and Jenny is taking care of me. She has decided that she needs to be with me, so any thoughts you might have of a future together with my wife, I’m afraid, are out of the question. She’s decided her place is here with me.’

  Chad was stunned. He had been taken by surprise when the door was opened by Adam; then to see that he was blind, and now to be told that Jenny had decided to stay with her husband! She’d not written about Adam in her letters. Those had been full of love and affection, talking about their future together. What on earth was going on? ‘Where is Jenny now?’ Chad demanded.

  ‘I have no idea,’ Adam lied. ‘She’s away for the day and won’t be back until this evening.’

  ‘Leaving you alone?’ he asked suspiciously.

  ‘No, I have a male nurse in attendance to give Jenny a hand. As you can imagine, this takes some getting used to, and it would be too much to expect her to take me on by herself.’

  ‘And where is Rusty? She and Jenny were staying here together; at least, that was what I was told in her letters.’

  ‘Yes, that’s right. Until I came home, of course, then she moved out to a flat.’

  ‘Do you have her address?’

  ‘What on earth would I want that for? Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve to take some medication. I’m sorry things didn’t work out for you, but frankly, I think it was only a temporary aberration on my wife’s part. It was never going to last – you know how it is in wartime.’ Adam turned away and closed the door.

  Twenty-Five

  Chad stood looking at the closed door, his mind in a whirl. He had been taken completely by surprise to see Adam and was shocked when he realized the poor guy was blind! How dreadful for him – and for Jenny. He’d been moving around France these past few weeks and hadn’t received any mail from her, no doubt telling him about Adam’s condition. But had she really thrown away a future with him to look after her husband, after everything they’d been to each other? As he walked to the jeep he told the driver to take him to the stables and gave him directions. Beth would know what was going on.

  But when he arrived, it was to discover that Beth was away and wouldn’t be back until that evening. There was no one there that he knew and could ask about Jenny. Unfortunately, Brad had been seconded to another company several weeks ago, so his other means of communication were closed. Rusty would have told Brad of any change in Jenny’s plans.

  On the way back to the camp, he got the driver to stop at a florists, where he ordered flowers for Jenny. On the card he wrote: Sorry I missed you today, darling. Will be in touch. Love you like crazy. Chad xx

  He had to let her know that, for him, nothing had changed.

  When the flowers were delivered, Jack took them to Adam. ‘These flowers have just arrived for Mrs Procter. What shall I do with them?’

  ‘Is there a card with them?’

  ‘Yes, sir.’

  ‘Open it and read it to me.’

/>   Jack did so, and when he’d finished, Adam calmly said, ‘Take them outside and put them in the dustbin! They never arrived, you understand?’

  ‘Yes, sir.’

  It was in Jenny’s best interests, Adam told himself. Her obsession with this young man would pass; it was a wartime madness. She belonged with him in this house, and he’d be damned if he would let her waste her life with a bloody cowboy! But beneath his veneer, Adam was scared. Without Jenny, he didn’t think he could cope. He realized, too, that his behaviour had been unreasonable during some of his stay, which was not the way to win her over.

  Jenny, unaware of all the drama at Chilworth, was visiting a letting agency during her lunch hour. She’d told Rusty what Jack, the male nurse had advised, and her friend was only too pleased to move.

  ‘To be honest, Jenny,’ Rusty had said, ‘I’ve felt very uncomfortable being in the house with Adam. I really felt I was intruding. But if he’s still determined to keep you by his side, then Jack is right to suggest you move out.’

  Jenny looked at a few flats and told the agent she’d bring her friend to look them over before deciding. One or two of them were perfectly adequate, as far as she was concerned, but Rusty would have to agree, it was only fair.

  Knowing that Rusty had plans to visit friends that evening, Adam had Jack order dinner from a restaurant, delivered to the door. Jack laid the table and found two candlesticks and candles and set it out in readiness. When Jenny walked through the front door, the nurse informed her that dinner would be served in half an hour.

  Taken somewhat by surprise, and feeling decidedly weary, she just smiled and said, ‘How nice, I’ll go and freshen up.’

  When she eventually sat at the dining room table with Adam, she had to admit he handled eating his food very well. Jack told him where everything was on his plate, as if the plate was a clock face. His meat at eight o’clock, his potatoes at four, etc. Then he left them alone.