Broken Compass

by Jo Raven

  She just leans forward, tugging on my hand until I’m close enough for her to kiss my jaw. “I love you. And I want you.”

  Fuck, me too. There was never any doubt about that. But…

  “We can take it slow,” she says.

  Slow is good. That’s what sort of worked before, right? With West. And the memory of that kiss gets my softening dick hard once more. It worked, at least when I took charge. Is that the answer?

  “Tell us what to do,” West says, right on cue, his blue gaze seeing right through me, like always. “You call the shots, man.”

  “Yeah, you tell us,” Syd murmurs, lashes lowering, head tipping back to gaze at me. “I like that.”

  And just like that the heat is back, in the air, under my skin, in my balls and dick. And it gets hotter when Syd leans in and puts her mouth on my neck, trailing her lips along my jaw. A gasp forces its way from my throat as her warm lips find my ear.

  “Tell us,” she breathes, raising goosebumps. “We want you, Nate.”

  I don’t know about the truth of that crazy statement, but I watch West tug her back against him, watch his hand dip between her legs, I hear her breathless exclamation.

  And Kash chooses that moment to tighten his hold on my hand and put his mouth in the center of my palm. I jerk when his tongue traces the lines there.

  The fuck? Never knew there was a direct line between my palm and my dick. I wonder what would happen if he sucked on my fingers… Shit.

  “What I want, Syd…” I struggle for breath, “is to see you with West… and Kash.”

  I’m leaking in my briefs now. This is fucking nuts. It’s watching live porn in the first row with the people you have the hots for.

  The people you care for.

  Life could be worse. Hell, I’ve been there, got the T-shirt, came out not entirely sane.

  Now this… this is the good stuff. If it won’t send me into another panic attack, then hell yeah. Let’s do it.

  West curses as he turns Sydney around and tugs off her blouse. He pulls her on his lap and kisses her, his hands in her long curls, her hands on his face.

  Then Kash kicks off his shoes and socks, shoves his pants down, and settles behind Sydney, fisting his cock.

  Oh fuck. They look so damn hot like that. West’s dark hair mingles with Syd’s copper curls as they kiss. He slides one hand down to her waist, his skin golden against her pale form.

  Then Kash presses himself to her back, kissing her neck, cupping her tits, his golden head bent beside hers, his tattoos dancing as he caresses her.

  Holy shit, what a picture. From where I’m sitting, I can’t see all the action, so I get up and go around the back of the sofa, prop my hip against it and watch, not willing to miss a thing.

  They kiss and kiss, Kash grinding against her back, their movements growing faster, desperate.

  “What next?” Kash breathes, looking at me, his sweat-soaked skin silvery, his hair plastered to his forehead. “Nate…” He grimaces and reaches down to give his cock a squeeze. “Dammit, I need to come.”

  My own cock gives an answering throb.

  West frees one hand to fish around by the couch, coming up with condoms. “Here. All set.”

  “Did you get into my stash?” I demand, and he quirks a rueful grin.

  “We share everything, don’t we?” he replies.

  Sydney laughs. It’s a beautiful, happy sound, and it makes her tits jiggle.

  “Okay, Syd…” I lick my lips. “I want you to go down on West. Take that big cock in your mouth. You want that?”

  Her breath catches, her eyes darken. She nods, biting her lip.

  Jesus Christ. “And Kash will fuck you.”

  West tosses the condoms to Kash without a word, and he suits up as West shoves his briefs down and pulls out his cock. Jeez, that’s big. I didn’t get a good look at it last night. Guy’s packing some serious heat down there. He’s almost as big as me…

  Nah. Let’s not exaggerate.

  “You’re too far away,” Syd whispers.

  I tear my gaze away from West’s dick to find her gazing at me, a wistfulness in her eyes that wasn’t there before.

  Damn, she’s right. I guess I unconsciously put some space between us.

  With an effort, I close the gap, take her chin in my hand and kiss her long and deep. “I’m here,” I tell her. “Right here.”

  She smiles at me, and when West turns her face his way and kisses her again, she moans, giving herself to him, and to Kash who’s stroking her pretty ass, her rosy pussy.

  Fuck… Fumbling with my briefs, I free my dick and jack off in slow, lazy strokes, stretching out the anticipation, building up the pressure. I should be there, between them, touching her, filling her up. Watching isn’t enough, it won’t ever be enough, and…

  Curls trailing on the cushions, she bends over, scoots back and puts her mouth on West’s dick.

  My mind goes blank. Holy shit…. It’s so big it stretches her mouth wide. Her eyes close as she sucks on his hard flesh and I feel a tug on mine.

  Kash pushes two fingers inside her pussy, opening her up, and I stare, transfixed, as she rocks back and moans around West’s cock.

  My dick is so hard it hurts. I curl my fingers around the base to stop myself from coming as Kash draws his fingers out and tastes them. Jesus, that guy.

  Then he shoves his dick into Syd, eyes closing as he sinks into her, his hands gripping her hips.

  She cries out, the sound muffled.

  What would it be like if one of us fucked her pussy, another that heart-shaped ass, and the last one her pretty mouth?

  And then we could switch around, try different ways… take her in every way possible. Make her come so hard, make her scream with pleasure.

  My cock twitches and leaks over my hand. I hiss. My balls ache, pulling up tight.

  So close.

  One arm thrown over the back of the sofa, one on Syd’s head, West is slumped back, his hips rolling, grunting as she sucks his cock. Her body moves with every thrust of Kash’s dick inside her, his eyes glazed with pleasure as he fucks her.

  I reach over, tug on her hair, pulling her head back a little. She moans loudly, and West curses. Kash is panting, face locked in a grimace.

  Letting go of Syd’s hair, I grab West’s chin, turn his head to me. He looks dazedly up at me. “Nate.”

  I kiss him, hard, as I beat my meat, and after a second’s confusion, he grabs my face and kisses me back, with teeth and tongue and everything.

  Goddamn… I’ve kissed them all. I’m kissing West and he bites into my lower lip and jerks as he comes. The sting of his teeth combined with his taste, the visual of Kash fucking Syd, the visual of her lips around West’s dick…

  My dick explodes, and I come all over my hand and chest in long, hot jets. My shout is lost in West’s mouth, and I’m left slumped over, hanging off the back of the sofa as Kash pulls Sydney back on his cock and fucks her hard.

  Her lips are wet and shiny from West’s cum, and Kash has one tattooed arm wrapped around her, right under her tits, and damn if my spent dick doesn’t make a half-assed attempt to harden again.

  West breaks the kiss, out of breath, and we both watch as Kash lifts his other hand to her throat, cupping it, squeezing lightly, his pale gray eyes finding us, his mouth tilting in a feral smile.

  He bends her over slightly, his smile hidden now against the back of her neck, his thrusts growing frantic and shallow. Sydney lets her head fall back on a muscular shoulder and gasps. He groans, and she cries out, and they come, their movements slightly out of rhythm as they chase their pleasure.

  “Fucking hot,” West mutters, stealing the words from my mouth. “Damn.”

  I put my arm around him, and he glances at me, his eyes still kinda glassy. A shadow moves behind them, a ghost of emotion.

  “His name was Jonathan Kingsley,” West breathes, and I’ve no clue what he’s talking about.

  “What was that?” I lean in closer,
careful not to rub my jizz all over the back of the couch or he’ll never forgive me.

  “Who are you talking about?” Sydney whispers, still caught in Kash’s arms, her voice broken and looking all fucked out and sexy.

  Damn…

  “The guy I thought was my grandfather,” West says. “All my life I thought I knew who he was, but no. He’s probably not related to me at all, unless… unless he was my dad. I dunno. He was in love with my… my mom. Della. The woman I thought was my sister.” He shrugs, a slight roll of broad shoulders, a strangely defeated movement. “You asked.”

  Kash shoots me a guilty look, and I just stare back, my mind echoing, thoughts stumbling over one another.

  Oh shit, Kash was right. This secret he overheard and told me about, and I didn’t believe him, because it sounded like something out of a Shakespearean tragedy.

  Real life is like that, I guess.

  Real life is sometimes worse than hell.

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Kash

  Holy shit. I was right. What I overheard was the truth—and now I wish I’d never asked, seeing the cracks of pain in his façade, the confusion and sorrow in his gaze.

  Only… West already knew. I didn’t break his fucking heart by uncovering that can of worms myself. He knew.

  “How did you find out?” I ask.

  “Grandpa… Jonathan told me. When I found Della dead.”

  Christ, what a fucking blow. To find your sister dead only to discover she isn’t your sister, that your granddad isn’t your family. That you have no one left.

  Like me…

  But still that’s not all, is it? The unease in West’s eyes hasn’t faded, and it’s not the sorrow of his family’s loss, or the horror at what he unearthed. It’s something else, and this time when I get him alone, I’ll pry it out of him, somehow.

  There’s no healing without lancing the wound—says the guy who turned into a pothead and has been on the run since forever, trying to avoid even thinking about his past. But I’m right about this, and if I can’t save myself, then at least I’ll save one of the guys I care for.

  “Come on,” Nate says gruffly. “Let’s get some sleep. Not here, we won’t be able to catch any Zs. My bed.”

  “Your bed isn’t any wider than mine,” Syd mutters.

  I roll my eyes. “Dude.”

  But we get up and drag West to his feet when he doesn’t make a move to follow. I let Nate haul him to his bedroom, and I take Syd’s hand, glancing at the small oval of her face, studying her.

  “Still okay?” I ask her. I’ve fucked her. Twice. No idea why Nate decided I should be the one to go again. Not that I’m complaining.

  She smiles at me, a sad smile. “Yeah.”

  How do I wipe the sadness off their faces, wash it off them until their smiles turn happy? Ever since I walked into their lives, that has been my goal, even if I didn’t know it at first. It’s what’s kept me here. Their pain, their cracks, their faults, their struggle.

  I never met people like them before. People like me, carrying so much darkness inside them, trying to move forward dragging the burden of their past behind them.

  No wonder I stayed. No wonder I chucked caution to the wind and opened my mind to possibilities. I never thought I’d find a family, a home, so far from the start, in a place I never expected to find anything but a passage.

  I sure never expected to feel things, to feel anything at all for these guys and this crazy, sexy girl.

  Nate pushes West onto the bed, climbing after him, and I haul Sydney on West’s other side, molding my body to her back.

  A tight fit? Please. We half-hang over the sides, but I don’t give a damn, not as long as I’m here, with them.

  Nate turns off the light, and we curl around Weston, creating a cocoon of protection, a bubble where he can rest and feel secure, because man, after everything he’s been through, it’s the least we can do.

  We can all heal, right? Together. We can create stability in this rocking world that is our life, right?

  As sleep pulls me down, Sydney’s warm body pressed to mine, my hand resting on West’s hip, Nate’s hand just inches from mine, on West’s warm, flat stomach, I have a sense that maybe we can.

  Sydney is saying goodbye to a blond, cute girl as I arrive at the ice cream shop where she works, not far from the school where she used to go. She’s Sydney’s bestie, Ginger or Gigi or something. Sydney has told me about her.

  I’m lounging on the wall by the stairwell, doing my best to blend with the background—as much as a six-foot, tattooed guy with piercings in his face can. The shop owners aren’t too happy about me hanging around here. I bet they think I’m a bum. I’m itching to smoke, but my smoke signals would defeat the whole blending-in effort.

  “Kash!” Sydney’s face breaks into a huge smile when she spots me and she runs to me and throws her arms around me. “You got my text. You’re here.”

  I laugh and pick her up, whirling her around until she squeals. This is what I want, to see this light in her eyes, this smile splitting her face in two.

  “Ready to go, Miss Carvajal?” I put her down and drag my knuckles down her smooth cheek, an answering grin on my face. “The limo is waiting.”

  She snickers and takes my hand, turns to wave one last time to her friend, and tugs me away from the shop. “Thanks for picking me up,” she says. “Limo or not.”

  I’m about to quip about limos being passé and tell her about an idea that came to me this morning about buying a motorcycle, but she glances over her shoulder and cold fear flits over her features.

  Twisting around, I follow her gaze to a group of guys in muscle shirts and hoodies who’re eyeing us. They’re not dressed any different than I am, and the tattoos around their arms are too few compared to mine. But the hard looks on their faces, the annoyed glances they shoot me, tell me all I need to know.

  “Who are they? Are they the guys from the school who used to bully you, Syd? That day, when I found you crying… was it them?”

  “Yeah.” She tugs on my hand. “Come on.”

  I dig my heels in. My fists itch to meet their sneering faces. “Those motherfuckers. I’ll teach them a goddamn lesson. Give them a reason to never ever touch you again.”

  “No. Kash.” She tugs harder on my hand, then when I’m still not budging, lifts a hand to my face. “Let’s go.”

  They’re whistling at us now, calling out names. Calling her names. Calling her a stupid, filthy slut, an ugly ginger cunt, worthless trash, bastard girl. Telling her that her mom is a whore, that they’ve all slept with her.

  Those motherfuckers.

  Letting her pull me away is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done—and I’ve done some damn hard things in my life. Knowing they’ll keep looking for a chance to hurt her, humiliate her… It makes me spitting mad. It makes me wanna hurt them so damn bad.

  And the worst part is that I know I can.

  “Come on.” She’s walking so fast she’s almost running, leading me away from the gang of pitiful dicks who think it’s cool to harass nice girls for shits and laughs. “Ignore the jerks.”

  I let her tug me away from there and resist the urge to turn back and introduce them to my fists. “Where are Nate and West? I thought they were walking you home these days?”

  “Nate can’t leave work so early today. It used to be West’s day, but texted me that he’s job hunting.”

  Well, looking for a better job makes perfect sense. He isn’t paid enough to live on, not in that diner.

  He needs money. I haven’t had a moment to ask him if he’s going to inherit anything. It all depends if the bastard who called himself West’s grandfather thought to make a will providing for Della and her boy.

  It seems doubtful.

  I grip her hand more tightly as we cross the street. “Is he okay, you think?” He’d been shell-shocked after he found his sister dead, and after finding out all about his family.

  “No. But I hope he wi
ll be.”

  Dammit. “Something’s eating at him.”

  “You noticed, too.”

  I nod. “So he’s out there looking for a job right now?”

  “Well, he said he’d swing by the old apartment first, grab some stuff before it’s cleared out. Papers, clothes, knick-knacks… you know..”

  “Yeah.” I walk her to the bus stop, making sure the assdicks are not anywhere nearby or getting on the same bus.

  She turns and gazes up at me. “Thank you for coming over. For looking out for me. For us.”

  I kiss her, a quick brush of lips, and I draw back before I deepen it. Can’t help myself around her, and her bus is about to leave. “Will you be okay if I leave you?”

  Is it weird I’m so protective of her? I’m not her parent, or her older brother, and I was balls-deep inside her yesterday.

  Maybe that’s part of it. That, and the way I feel about her. Like she’s mine, and I’m hers.

  “Yes. See you at home tonight.”

  I stay until she climbs into the bus and it rumbles away, leaving a cloud of dust behind. It’s not until the bus has turned the corner and vanished behind the buildings that I shove my hands into my pockets and start walking.

  I want to see West.

  My feet know the way to our old neighborhood, so I let them lead and light up on the way there, letting the sweet smoke calm me down.

  It’s just the idea of West back in that place. The apartment where he met death, and insanity, and managed to come out alive—but not untouched. I want to know what else he is hiding, what other secret he’s hiding.

  What can be worse than the one he admitted to?

  Problem is, my imagination can conjure up all sorts of scenarios. Real life is a lot more cruel than you’d ever think possible.

  The street is quiet. I ring the intercom for West’s apartment, and when nobody answers, I ring the apartment across from his. His sweet old lady neighbor answers and gladly lets me in.

  Score.

  She waits for me at her door when I go up the stairs.

  “Are you here to see Weston? He came up a while ago. Said he had to pick some things up. I’ll be so sorry to see him go.”