Swallow Me Whole: A Friends To Lovers Romance

by Gemma James

  Mandy and I have a lot to talk about, but my unexpected…involvement with her brother isn’t going to be part of this upcoming heart-to-heart. I can’t even entertain the idea of coming clean to her. I mentally scoff at the thought of how that conversation would go.

  Where have you been, Sadie?

  Nowhere special. Just at your brother’s house sucking his cock and getting spanked on his lap.

  Yeah. That will go over well.

  I enter our apartment, and as I’m locking the deadbolt behind me, Mandy saunters out of her bedroom in a black tank top with a crimson skull on the front. Red and black flannel bottoms hug her curvy hips. Her short dark hair is wet and tangled as if she just got out of the shower. I know she favors tanks since the sleeveless style shows off her tattoos. They’re a colorful mixture of hummingbirds and flowers that wrap around her biceps. She’s a talented tattoo artist, so I’d expect nothing but the best work on her skin.

  She plops onto the sofa then pats the seat next to her. “Let’s talk.”

  I knew it was coming, but I still drag my feet across the room. “I’m all ears,” I say, taking the cushion next to her.

  “No, I’m all ears, so start talking. What happened yesterday that made you want to get shit-faced? I couldn’t understand a word you were saying over the phone last night.”

  “The short version is I caught Jake with his dick in his assistant’s mouth.” A small pang goes off in my chest. So maybe I wasn’t in love with Jake. His betrayal still stings.

  Mandy’s expression doesn’t change. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, since she’s been warning me all along about Jake’s true colors.

  “I’m sorry that bastard hurt you, but I can’t say I’m shocked. You deserve better than that.”

  “You don’t have to say ‘I told you so.’ I’m already kicking myself plenty for the both of us.”

  “Hey,” she says, her voice softening. “I’m not saying ‘I told you so.’ I’m saying you sell yourself short. You deserve better than these assholes you always end up dating. I swear, Sadie. I think you have some sort of asshole magnetism going on.”

  I toe off my boots and sit crossed-legged on the couch. “Yeah, well I’m over it. I’m done with guys for a while.”

  “That’s not what I’m saying.” Copying me, Mandy crosses her legs under her and turns so we’re facing each other. “I’m saying you’ve been in a rut where men are concerned. Maybe it’s time you shook things up a bit. Get outside your comfort zone, you know? Maybe you’ll find Mr. Right.”

  Jesus. I’m so far out of my comfort zone with Ashton, I don’t recognize my surroundings. I nibble on my lip for a moment, considering telling her. Because I need someone to talk to about all of this, and she is my best friend.

  But she wouldn’t understand, and no way would she approve. One, he’s her brother. Her manwhore brother. And two…she’d just see this thing with Ashton as another mistake I’m making. For someone like Mandy, who doesn’t have a problem in the sex department, she just wouldn’t get it.

  She doesn’t freeze up with guys. She’s not the type to sleep with every guy she dates, but I know she’s had several intimate relationships. Obviously, she knows what she’s doing.

  But I don’t. I have no clue what I’m doing.

  Maybe it’s still true. Here I am, risking my heart with her brother, and for what? So I can blow the next asshole I attract with a shred of confidence?

  No, she wouldn’t understand that.

  “I think I’m going to swear off boyfriends.” I pause, giving it even more thought. “No, actually, I’m going to swear off boyfriends and dating. How’s that for shaking things up?”

  “That’s not exactly what I had in mind.”

  My eyes narrow, and I scrutinize her with a good amount of suspicion. “You’re up to something.”

  “Okay, you caught me. I want to set you up with someone.”

  I shake my head before she can finish speaking.

  “C’mon, Sadie. You remember Brett?”

  “The guy you were talking to at the club last night?”

  “Yeah, him. Well Brett’s brother would be perfect for you.”

  Of course, Mandy can’t stick to finding herself a man—she has to find one for me as well.

  “You know I hate blind dates.”

  “I know. Normally, I agree, but I think you and Shane will really hit it off. You know I wouldn’t set you up with a loser.”

  I’m not convinced. “This sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.”

  And so does Ashton—a fucking disaster waiting on the horizon. Most people run in the opposite direction of a tornado. But me? I’m running straight for that twisty funnel of heartbreak. Maybe if I date someone, casually, of course…maybe it’ll help to keep things real with Ashton. Keep things in the right perspective.

  Ashton equals friend. He’s not even a friend-with-benefits. He’s a…teacher. Someone I can trust with my body. My heart, on the other hand, is another story. But this guy Mandy knows, well he could end up being Mr. Right if I give him a chance.

  Couldn’t he?

  “Let me think about it, okay?”

  And that’s when Mandy gets that look—the one I always dread because I know she’s about to say something I won’t like.

  “I kinda already set it up.”

  “What?” I jump up from the sofa, my voice a shrill echo through the apartment. “Mandy!”

  “You’ll thank me later,” she says in a sing-song voice, then the little shit bolts into the safety of her bedroom, slamming the door behind her. She switched the lock, which means I’m not talking her out of this tonight.

  Looks like I gained an ex-boyfriend and an ex-best friend all in the same weekend.

  Chapter Nine

  Ashton

  I tossed and turned for hours last night, unable to get the image of Sadie out of my head. I can still see her red hair fisted in my hands as she sucked me to oblivion. And the breathlessness of her voice as she rubbed herself to orgasm won’t stop haunting me. I can no longer deny that I’ve got it bad for her. Deep down, I’ve known it’s true for a long time. But Sadie never gave me any indication she might feel the same way, so I put her out of my mind and resorted to having meaningless fun with other women.

  I’m good at compartmentalizing shit, and when it came to Sadie Sawyer, she had her own special compartment in my heart, locked down tight with an unbreakable padlock.

  Until she crawled under that table and unlocked those dormant feelings by unzipping my fucking pants. It took me all night to figure it out, but I finally came to a decision.

  I’m going to date her.

  While she’s too busy focusing on learning all things related to sucking cock—and then some—I’m going to sneak in and get under her skin in a way she won’t be able to ignore. I’m going to risk our friendship for a shot at more, so much more, and the idea terrifies me because I can’t stand the thought of losing her.

  Glancing up at the sky, I mentally bargain with the clouds threatening on the horizon. They can spew rain all they want if they’ll just hold off for a few hours. Because I have a plan, and it involves Sadie on my bike, her hair rioting around us as she clings to my waist. It’s been years since she’s been on the back of my bike. She hasn’t come near it since her father screamed at me for ‘risking her life on that deathtrap’ during our senior year of high school.

  If there’s one thing I know about Sadie, it’s that she rarely stands up to Joseph Sawyer. She possesses a strong urge to please people; the trait is inherent in the fiber of her being. Some might see her as a pushover, a doormat. A weakling.

  I think she’s stronger than fuck—she’s strong enough to put other people before herself time and again. She might have a potty mouth and the sexiest rack you’ll ever see, but underneath the veneer, she’s pure sweetness.

  And holy hell, do I want a taste.

  Her apartment complex is dead quiet. It’s just past ten in the morning on a Su
nday, and most people are sleeping in. Mandy has already left for work, which is in my favor as that means Sadie is alone. We’ve never had to hide spending time together before, but I feel the need to do it now.

  Agreeing to give Sadie the sexual experience she wants is akin to opening a can of worms, and I don’t need Mandy lecturing me on how I’m going to hurt her best friend in the process. People in this town might know me as a heart breaker, but the last heart I want to shatter is Sadie’s.

  I try turning the knob, but it’s locked, so I rap on the door to her apartment. Several seconds pass, and I’m about to knock again when I hear footsteps. The deadbolt switches over, and she answers, rubbing sleep from her eyes as her hair frames her face in adorable dishevelment. Her skin is free of makeup, bringing out her freckles. I know she hates them, but I’ve always secretly loved those tiny spots dusting her porcelain skin.

  “Get dressed,” I say, my tone leaving no room for argument.

  Sadie blinks several times then raises her brows. “Aren’t you bossy this morning.”

  “You’re gonna see my bossy side a lot more, so you might as well just accept it.”

  She opens her door, gesturing for me to come inside, and I give her a teasing grin. “Besides, you know you love it, Sawyer.”

  The truth in that statement flushes her cheeks. “The jury’s still out on that.” She heads into the kitchen and picks up the carafe of coffee I’m guessing Mandy made before she left, because Sadie obviously just fell out of bed.

  “Want a cup?” she asks.

  “No, thanks. I already had my daily dose.” More like three, considering I barely slept last night.

  She pulls down a mug that says Redheads Do It Better. As she prepares her coffee, I lean against the counter and cross my arms, quietly watching her. Hell, I’ve watched her for years, but now it’s different.

  Now I know what it’s like to have her mouth on me. I know what her throaty moans sound like when she’s about to come. I’m getting hard just thinking about it.

  Raising the mug to her lips, she trains her jade eyes on me and takes a cautious sip. “So, I’m guessing you’ve got something up your sleeve for today?”

  “Thought we could go for a ride.”

  “What?” Her eyes widen, and she lowers the mug. “Seriously? You brought your bike?”

  “I did,” I say, biting back a smile at her excitement. “Think I can get you on the back of it without getting my ass chewed out this time?”

  “Heck, yeah. What my dad doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”

  I want to argue that point with her, since she’s a grown-ass woman living on her own, but I let it go. For now. If I ever get the chance to call her mine, that’s one thing that will have to change. She should have the freedom to make her own choices.

  Outside the bedroom, anyway.

  While she finishes her coffee and gets dressed, I scroll through social media, biding my time. Corinne messaged me, demanding an explanation for running out on her the other night. Eventually, I’ll have to deal with her, but today is not that day.

  Today is all about Sadie.

  Sometime later, she returns dressed in jeans and a black and white flannel shirt. Her wild hair is tamed into a ponytail.

  Pocketing my phone, I cross the few feet separating us and pull the tie from her locks.

  “Why’d you do that?” She reaches for the black band, but I slip it onto my wrist before she can steal it back.

  “I love your hair.”

  “It’s a disaster. I don’t want to know what it’ll look like after the wind whips the shit out of it.”

  “Mmm, sexy as fuck,” I say, wrapping her thick mane around my fist. “That’s how it’ll look.” I think she’s going to fight my hold, but she doesn’t. Her startled gaze locks on mine, and her mouth parts, releasing a quick breath.

  “Have you always thought of me like that?” Nerves shake the question off her tongue.

  Tightening my grip on her hair, I lean closer until we’re breathing the same air. “I’ve had dirty thoughts about you long before you decided to get a taste of me.”

  “Did these thoughts happen before or after you fucked every woman within a fifty mile radius?”

  “Better watch it, Sawyer. That sounds a lot like jealousy.”

  “Sounds like a question to me.” She jerks her head back, and I let her hair slip from my fist. “Are you taking me for a ride, or are we going to stand here all day flirting with disaster?”

  A smile twitches at the corners of my mouth. She’s sassy today, that attitude a shield for the defenses hiding behind it. We’re barely two days into this arrangement, and already, I’m rattling her composure.

  No kissing. No sex.

  If she thinks those rules will protect us from changing the foundation of our friendship, she’s delusional. Things are already shifting—she set the inevitable into motion when she crawled under that table two nights ago and unzipped me.

  Chapter Ten

  Sadie

  Riding on the back of Ashton’s bike again is exhilarating. A sense of freedom overcomes me as we fly down the two-lane highway. On either side of us, trees whiz past in a mural of burnt oranges, bright yellows, and flaming reds. The further we get away from Douglas Falls, the more beautiful the scenery. A hint of rain is in the air, and if Oregon had a signature scent, it would be the freshness of rainfall.

  The skies can open and pour on us for all I care because I feel alive. My long hair whips around my face despite the helmet Ash made me wear, and though it’ll be a tangled mess by the time we arrive wherever he’s taking me, I’m not bothered by the wind in my hair. I’m more interested in our destination.

  He wouldn’t tell me. It’s a surprise, he said with that smirk-like grin of his.

  As the road curves, Ash leans with it. And I lean with him, my hands clasped tightly over his abdomen, my thighs warm against him. I’d be lying if I said being so close like this isn’t affecting me. I grow hot between my legs, and it’s not just from the heat of his body. I rest my head against his back and close my eyes, enjoying the thrilling sensation of flying.

  Several minutes later, the bike slows, and I pop my lids open to find we’re pulling into the parking lot of a diner. It’s an out-of-the-way place I’ve never been to before, and plenty of miles from Douglas Falls. No chance of running into anyone we know here.

  He parks the bike then helps me off, and as we head toward the entrance, Ashton takes my hand in his. The place doesn’t look like much from the outside, with its grimy windows and fading brown paint, but once we cross through the doors, my mouth waters at the wafting aroma of pancakes and bacon hitting my nostrils. The interior of the restaurant has been updated. I like the rustic feel, with the wood flooring and knobby oak tables and benches. We pass by a sign instructing customers to seat themselves, and Ash leads me to a booth in the back.

  “Have you been here before?” I ask, sliding in across from him. The privacy of the booth isn’t lost on me.

  “A few times. The crew stopped here for lunch over the summer when we were working in the area.”

  “Do you like your job?”

  “Sure,” he says, taking off his jacket. “Better than being trapped inside all day long.”

  As I pick up a menu, I eye his arms and chest. He’s wearing a black thermal shirt that fits him to perfection. No doubt, his muscles got their definition on the job. I don’t know much about what he does for a living, but I’ve noticed how ripped he’s become since he started working for the Forest Service a couple of years ago. He smells like the outdoors most of the time, and it’s a scent I’ve come to associate with him. A scent I’ve always loved.

  The waitress stops at our table to take our order. She’s tall and curvy with a generous chest. Blond, just the way Ash likes them. She smiles at us both, but her expression turns appreciative when she gives him her full attention. I flick my eyes in his direction, expecting to find him returning her interest, but his ice-blue eyes are on
me.

  “Know what you want, Sadie?”

  Him. The realization hits me hard, stealing my breath. I’ve always been attracted to him, but this is different. This feeling is new and scary because I can see us hanging out like this all the time.

  Talking and laughing.

  Touching and feeling.

  Feeling so much.

  I lower my attention to my menu. “I’ll have pancakes.”

  “Same for me,” Ashton says.

  The waitress picks up our menus, and Ash and I are once again left alone. I’m having trouble meeting his eyes as these disconcerting feelings blaze through my blood. So much has changed between us in such a short amount of time, and I’m having trouble catching up.

  Having trouble making sense out of it. Before Friday night, I had a boyfriend I was ready to take the next step with, and now I’m sitting across from a guy I’ve known since grade school, practically drooling over him. I’m not sure how I got from there to here.

  I blame the tequila.

  “What about you?” he asks, bringing my gaze back to his face. “Do you still hate your job?” He knows I do, and the smirk on his face is proof. Ash has always enjoyed getting a rise out of me. When I was a girl, he did it by picking on me. When I was a teenager, he got under my skin by picking on my dates.

  “I still hate it as much as I did the last time we had this conversation.” I glower at him, not appreciating the reminder that I have to go back to work tomorrow and deal with Jake.

  “Then quit. Life’s too short to be miserable.”

  “It’s not that simple, Ash.”

  “Sure it is. You walk in and say ‘I quit.’ Just like you did with law school.”

  I scoff. “My father would have a heart attack.”

  “Your father will get over it.” Ashton clenches his jaw. “It’s time to grow up. You’re a college graduate living on your own.”

  “That’s right,” I say, voice rising. “I am living on my own. Which means I have bills to pay, such as rent.” Although splitting housing costs with Mandy definitely cuts down on the bills. Truth is, I could afford my own place if I wanted to move. But maybe I’m comfortable with my living situation as part of me does want to be able to quit at a moment’s notice. Plus, I wouldn’t leave Mandy in the lurch like that.