His Texas Baby

by Stella Bagwell

  Yes, she supposed the years he’d been without his wife had turned him into a solitary man and perhaps he’d forgotten how to share things with a woman. She could forgive him those things. Besides, he’d called her Kit and the way he’d said it so soft and raspy had melted everything inside her.

  “I’ve already forgotten the whole thing,” she told him.

  His features softened. “Good. Because it doesn’t matter what race or horse or track is happening at the time you go into labor. When this baby decides to be born, I’ll be with you.”

  Yes, physically he’d be with her. She had no doubt about that. But emotionally would he be holding her hand and wishing she was the woman he’d lost, the woman he had really loved?

  When Kitty had first met Liam, he’d still been married, but she’d never met his wife during that time. In fact, Kitty had never seen the woman at any of the tracks where the Donovans and Cartwrights had raced in the past. She could only assume that Felicia hadn’t been that involved in her husband’s work. But he’d obviously adored his late wife. All these years since her death, he’d never shown any interest in another woman. And the only interest he’d directed at Kitty had been physical, not emotional. That had to mean his heart was still connected to his late wife.

  But she wasn’t going to think about that now, she told herself. A few weeks ago, she’d not pictured Liam being with her in any capacity, other than to hand their child back and forth between custodial visits. The fact that he’d married her was still a bit overwhelming to Kitty and she realized that, for now, she had to be satisfied with the part of him he was willing to give. And perhaps, if she was lucky, he might someday decide to give her his heart.

  *

  By the time the weekend arrived April had rolled into the month of May. Liam was growing more accustomed to the idea of having a wife again. At least, in a general sense. Having a woman in his house, his bed and his future was becoming a fixture in his thoughts. Whenever he made plans now, he didn’t just make them for himself, he had to include Kitty. He had to consider her condition, her wishes and thoughts. And though the changes in his daily habits had been abrupt and drastic, he realized he’d never felt so renewed or energized. Had Kitty done all that to him? Or the coming baby?

  Four weeks ago, he would have been quick to answer that self-imposed question. At that time, his baby had been the driving force behind every decision he’d made. It was all that had mattered to him. But that was beginning to change and that was the only thing that kept his life from being idyllic. Loving the baby was a natural response. It was his child, created from a part of him. He’d be a worthless man if he didn’t love it.

  But falling in love with Kitty? No! He didn’t want to think that might be happening. All those memories of Felicia were still crowding his mind, reminding him over and over of how it felt to love and lose. Her death and that of his child had brought him years of loneliness and guilt, confusion, sorrow and bitterness. And he’d spent just as many years trying to keep all those emotions bottled inside, trying to pretend to everyone, especially his family, that he’d moved on and was living life to the fullest again.

  No, he thought again, as the roar of the crowd could be heard rising up from the grandstand on the main track. He might enjoy Kitty’s company as they shared the same home and the same jobs; enjoy being married to her and having sex with her. But he wasn’t going to love her. That was too risky a venture and one that he wasn’t willing to take.

  Shoving that thought away, he glanced down at his watch then back to the horse Andy was leading around the walking ring. He and the valet had already saddled the brown colt called Awesome Joe. The blue saddle towel depicting the number 3 was smooth upon the animal’s back, the girth tight around his chest, the shadow roll on his nose in the perfect spot.

  As Liam went through the mental checklist, the jockey strode up to him and thrust out his hand.

  “Good afternoon, Mr. Donovan. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to ride Joe for you and his owner, J and M Stables.”

  Smiling, Liam shook the rider’s hand. He’d known Michael O’Day for several years and had used him here on the West Coast on many of his runners. He always called him Mike, but the jockey still insisted on calling Liam by his surname.

  “I’m glad you’re going to be aboard,” Liam assured him. “How’s the wife? The family?”

  After a few polite exchanges that had nothing to do with racing, Mike brought the conversation back around. “Any special instructions today?” he asked.

  “No. He’s feeling good,” Liam told him. “And you’ve been on him before. You know he’s a closer. Just do your thing and hopefully he’ll do his.”

  The jockey nodded. “Looks like the nine will give us plenty of speed to run to today.”

  “Yeah,” Liam agreed. “Just get Joe to relax and I think he’ll give you a good trip home.”

  At that moment the paddock judge yelled out, “Riders up!”

  Following the cue, Liam legged the jockey upon Awesome Joe’s back, and the colt began to dance in anticipation of the job he had ahead of him. Andy took a firm hold of the lead rein and headed the horse and rider toward the tunnel that would take him beneath the stadium and onto the main track and the waiting pony horse.

  Once they were on their way, Liam hurried to the grandstand and the box seats that had been allotted to him. He found Kitty already there and his eyes very nearly popped at the sight of her.

  A white sundress splashed with bright exotic flowers draped across her breasts in tiny pleats, while the whole garment was held up by skinny straps over her shoulders. A tiny headband with a cluster of wispy feathers that matched her dress adorned her long blond hair, while diamonds dangled from her ears.

  Her pink lips smiled impishly at his wide eyes. “What’s wrong? Didn’t recognize me in a dress without the smell of hay and horse liniment?”

  For most of this week, he’d either seen her wearing jeans, boots and a big work shirt at the stable area, or nothing at all in his bed. To see her so polished and elegant was quite a switch.

  Chuckling softly, he bent and placed a kiss on her smooth temple. The scent of flowers and grass and the ocean drifted to his nostrils. “You look beautiful. And I don’t smell a hint of horse liniment,” he teased.

  “Well, I realize Thursday was opening day and this is Saturday, but I wanted to dress for the occasion anyway. If your Awesome Joe runs like you tell me he will, we might just get to pose for a win picture.”

  “Let’s hope.”

  There were a myriad of things that could go wrong in a race. But right now, Liam didn’t want to think about any of them. He always got as nervous as hell right before any of his horses ran and today, with his beautiful wife looking on, he especially wanted things to go right.

  Go right! You want more than that—you want to win, Liam! You want to impress Kitty. Show her that you’re good at your job. That you’re a man she can be proud of.

  The little voice in his head sounded like a teenager wanting to impress his first date and the idea that he’d gone that sappy had him groaning out loud.

  Kitty looked at him and then, as though she understood his nerves were in upheaval, she reached over and clasped his hand in hers.

  “Don’t worry. You’ve done your job. It’s out of your hands now.”

  She really did understand, he thought. But that shouldn’t amaze him. She’d grown up in this business. She’d dealt with the fears and worries, the highs and lows that went with the job. But then, his late wife had also been familiar with the horse-racing industry, too. After all, they’d been married for nearly five years. And though Felicia hadn’t necessarily shared his passion for the sport, she’d supported his endeavors. Yet his late wife had never understood exactly what it all meant to him; how everything about it, from seeing the foals born to standing in the winner’s circle, to finding dignified jobs for the retired thoroughbreds coursed through his blood. The fact that Kitty did understand pulled on hi
s emotions, and in a strange way, left him feeling guilty. Felicia had been a wonderful wife to him. She’d been his first and only love. He’d be a traitor to let Kitty come in and fill up his heart. Or would he?

  The post parade was making its way in front of the grandstand and though he tried to focus on the field of runners and how they were behaving, he was completely distracted by the feel of Kitty’s little hand wrapped around his and how much her words had comforted him.

  Watch out, Liam. If you don’t catch yourself you’re going to stumble around and fall in love.

  As soon as the thought tumbled through his mind, he pulled his hand away from Kitty’s and lifted a pair of binoculars to his eyes.

  Love. This was a hell of a time to let that word enter his mind. They were in a grandstand filled with spectators. He had a high-class colt starting for the first time as a three-year-old. The owners were expecting Liam to produce great things from the horse. These were anxious moments for a trainer.

  Yet in spite of all these worries and distractions, he couldn’t forget or ignore Kitty’s presence beside him. And though he was watching the progress of the horses with the aid of the binoculars, the image of Kitty’s lovely face framed by blond hair and a sassy sprout of feathers swam through his mind.

  “The track is in perfect condition today,” she commented. “And the three hole ought to be good for Joe. Mike can hold him midpack, along the rail, and save ground.”

  “Yeah. Or get boxed in,” he muttered.

  “Losing is a part of the game, Liam.”

  Losing was a part of life, too, he wanted to tell her. A piece of the pie that he never wanted to taste again.

  Lowering the binoculars, he looked down to see she had her gaze on him instead of the starting gate.

  Liam swallowed hard. His wife. His baby. This time he was going to do everything in his power to hold on to his family. To lose them would end him. It was that simple and that frightening.

  “Not this time, Kitty.”

  Chapter Eight

  Was he talking about the baby? Her? Or the race? Even if Kitty had wanted to ask, she didn’t have an opportunity as the starting gates suddenly popped and the twelve-horse field burst onto the track.

  As she watched Awesome Joe settle into a long, rhythmic stride back in the middle of the pack, she sent up a silent prayer for the horse and rider. It didn’t quite make sense, but she wanted this win for Liam more than she’d ever wanted one for herself. And as the horses passed the half-mile marker, she watched, scarcely breathing, as Joe began to make a slight move along the rail.

  “He’s moving,” Liam said, the binoculars still glued to his face.

  Preferring to watch with her naked eye, Kitty replied, “I see. He looks comfortable. And happy.”

  “Yeah. His ears are pricked.”

  By now it was only two furlongs to the finish line. The jockey shook the reins at Joe and the colt shot forward as though he had rockets on his hooves. Unfortunately, so did the eight horse on the outside.

  “Come on, Joe! Dig down, boy! Come on! Come on! You got him!” Kitty yelled while bouncing on her toes.

  Side by side, heads bobbing, the pair of horses battled it out to the wire. Once they passed it, the crowd was roaring and Kitty and Liam exchanged questioning looks.

  “What do you think?” Kitty asked hopefully.

  He let out a choked laugh. “From this angle it was way too close to say! Come on, let’s make our way down.”

  He grabbed her hand and while they worked their way through the crowd, the photo sign flashed on the tote board and the announcer was instructing everyone to hold all wagering tickets. Out on the track Andy was leading Joe and rider around in a circle while nearby the eight and his groom and rider were doing the same.

  Three. Eight. Five. Ten. When the numbers finally lit up the board, the crowd roared, Liam grabbed Kitty by the shoulders and kissed her soundly on the mouth.

  “Let’s go get our picture taken, Mrs. Donovan,” he said with a happy laugh.

  *

  When Kitty and Liam finally returned home later that night, she was exhausted, but happier than she’d ever been since the two of them had married.

  She wasn’t sure what was going on in Liam’s head. If Joe winning the photo finish had put him in a joyous mood, or if something deep within him was changing. Either way, the whole day had turned fairy tale for her.

  At the track, he’d kept her close to his side and if he’d not had his arm around her waist, he’d been clasping her arm or hand or shoulder as if touching her and having her close was as natural as breathing to him. And after the races had ended, he’d taken her to an elegant nightspot for their dinner and for the first time ever she’d danced in her husband’s arms.

  Now as they entered the house, she didn’t want the night to end and her sigh must have spoken volumes as he’d turned and locked the door behind them.

  “Tired?” he asked.

  “Mmm. A little,” she admitted as she stretched her arms above her head. “But today was so nice it was all worth it.”

  Leaving the door, he snaked an arm around her shoulders and urged her out of the foyer and through the living room.

  “Why don’t you go on to the bedroom,” he suggested, “and I’ll bring you a glass of milk or juice. Whatever you’d like.”

  “I’d like real coffee with caffeine. Doused with gobs of cream and sugar,” she said with wry humor. “But I’ll settle for milk.”

  He chuckled as he broke away from her side and headed toward an arched doorway that would eventually lead him to the kitchen. “Our child will thank you for it whenever he goes for dental checkups.”

  Up until today, nearly all Liam’s thoughts and actions toward Kitty pertained to the baby and its welfare. She could understand that up to a point and she certainly didn’t want to be a woman that was jealous or resentful of her own child. But tonight, when he’d danced with her, she’d wanted to think it was all for her and no one else. And that had made her feel like a woman; a woman that was needed for more than just a sex partner or a baby incubator.

  In the bedroom, she slipped off her clothes and pulled on a blue satin robe that fell to her knees. Since the wrapped garment was supposed to belt at the waist, she tied the sash just beneath her breasts, which along with her belly, had grown considerably since she’d arrived in California a little more than a month ago.

  She’d always had a slender build, and even now, she’d managed to maintain the weight gain her doctor had prescribed. Yet as she caught her reflection in the dresser mirror, she realized it wouldn’t be long until her size grew cumbersome, making her job at the barn that much harder.

  But she refused to dwell on that worrisome fact tonight as she pressed the satin over her protruding belly and gazed thoughtfully at her reflection. She was having Liam’s child and that made every little ache and discomfort of her pregnancy worth it.

  “The baby is growing.”

  At the sound of Liam’s voice, she turned to see him walking toward her, a small glass of milk in his hand. Smiling, she accepted the drink.

  “Along with me. I’m heading toward my eighth month.” While she sipped the milk, he removed his tie and shrugged out of his pale blue dress shirt. As he draped the garments over the back of a chair, she went on, “Actually I should tell you that I have a checkup with my doctor next Wednesday. He’ll tell me then if I’m growing too much.”

  He tossed a questioning glance at her. “You’re keeping your doctor in El Paso?”

  She nodded, a bit mystified that this was a matter they’d not yet discussed. But their days were consumed with their jobs and when they were alone together, they didn’t do a whole lot of talking.

  “Yes. At this stage in my pregnancy I hate to change physicians.”

  “I understand. But that’s going to be inconvenient, isn’t it? Especially since we’ll still be here in California when the baby arrives.”

  Shrugging, she placed the empty glass on one
of the nightstands that flanked the bed. “It’s a short flight from here to there. And when my due date grows near I’ll stay on the ranch.”

  Frowning, he walked over to where she stood. “But that’s not where you’re living now.”

  “No. But Desert End is my home.”

  A pause of silence followed her statement, causing her to take a second glance at him.

  “If that’s your home, then what is this place?” he finally asked.

  “It’s where I’m living for now,” she reasoned. “But it’s not my home. My home is Desert End. Just like the Diamond D is yours.”

  “I didn’t realize you felt that way. That first night we were married you called it home.”

  He sounded hurt, almost resentful, and she arched her brows at him. “That was just a figure of speech. Why? Is something wrong with the way I feel?”

  He turned away from her and she watched him take a seat on the edge of the bed. As he pulled off his boots, he said in a flat voice, “No. I guess I was a little confused about things. Or I guess you’d call it a little old-fashioned. I thought wherever a man and wife lived together was their home.”

  Her hand pressed against the side of her belly as a hollow feeling struck the middle of her chest. Home is where the heart is. She wanted to repeat the old adage to him, but she didn’t. Because Kitty wasn’t in his heart. Not the way she wanted to be. But what did she expect? He’d told her straight out that after he’d lost his wife he’d not ever planned or wanted to marry again. Clearly, Felicia had been his one and only love. There wasn’t room in his heart for Kitty, too.

  But maybe that could change, she dared to think. Today at the races he’d felt so close to her and tonight as she’d danced in his arms, sparks of hope had lifted her spirits.

  She moved closer until she was standing next to his knee. “Liam,” she said softly, “we’ve been living here for less than a month. That’s not long enough to make it feel like home yet.” She touched his bare shoulder. “And you’re not old-fashioned. Not to me.”