His Texas Baby

by Stella Bagwell

  Isn’t that what you really want, Liam? For Kitty to love you, to cherish you with all her heart? You’re running scared. Running from the very thing that could make you happy.

  Or the very thing that could crush him, Liam thought grimly.

  Fighting back the misery in his head, he stepped out of Awesome Joe’s stall and headed down the shed row toward his office. Halfway there, he caught the sound of someone calling his name.

  Glancing around, he spotted a tall, dark-haired man striding quickly toward him and as he recognized his brother, a spurt of pleasure and surprise rushed through him.

  “Conall! What the hell are you doing here in California?”

  Conall laughed and once he was within reach, grabbed Liam up in a tight bear hug. “I heard my brother needed someone to step in and tell him how to do things. So I figured I was the man for the job.”

  “Bull,” Liam countered with a chuckle. He’d not seen his older brother since the wedding at Desert End and Conall’s strong presence was like a balm to his raw emotions. “Now tell me what you’re really doing here? I hope everyone at home is okay.”

  “Fine. Everything is fine. Vanessa decided we needed a little summer break. And you and Kitty both have nice races scheduled for this weekend so we thought we’d come out for a little fun.”

  Conall had never been much of a fun type guy until about three years ago when he’d married Vanessa. Having her and the twins had changed his life for the better. But Conall was a brave man. He’d reached out and grabbed what he’d wanted. Liam wasn’t quite that confident.

  Liam glanced around his brother’s broad shoulder. “Vanessa came with you? Is she here at the barn?”

  An indulgent smile crossed Conall’s face. “I left her and the twins at the mall. She wanted to buy Kitty and the baby some things before we all met up.”

  As glad as Liam was to have his brother here, the family visit was going to make things awkward as hell, considering the tension between him and Kitty. And in spite of Liam’s effort to keep his lips spread into a smile, he could feel it quickly sliding away.

  Frowning, Conall studied him with a keen eye. “Is something wrong? Is Kitty ill?”

  “No,” Liam answered quickly. “She was just at the doctor’s office two days ago. He says everything is good and on schedule. The baby’s head is down. He or she could come any day now.”

  “That’s good.” Conall placed his hand affectionately on Liam’s shoulder. “So why aren’t you smiling? And don’t try to brush off my question. I can see the misery on your face.”

  Knowing he couldn’t fool his brother for long, Liam jerked his head toward the end of the barn. “Let’s go down to my office where we can talk in private.”

  Five minutes later, the two men were secluded in the private space of Liam’s office. Conall took a seat on the small couch while Liam poured them both a cup of coffee.

  “We haven’t made any definite plans yet,” Conall said, “but Vanessa was hoping you two might join us for dinner tonight. That is, if you think you can put up with the twins. They have fairly good table manners. But they’re at that age where they talk incessantly and the questions never stop.”

  Conall’s wife, Vanessa, had unexpectedly become mother to newborn twins when the birth mother had suddenly died and left them in her care. And since Conall had lost his fertility to a childhood illness, being able to adopt the twins was an extra special miracle for the both of them. If anyone understood the deep hunger Liam felt for a child of his own, it was Conall.

  Liam handed one of the coffee cups to his brother, but didn’t join him on the couch. He was too restless to sit. “The twins are a joy to us. But, well, I’m not sure Kitty will want to have a family dinner. She’s, uh, not too happy with me right now.”

  Conall’s eyes narrowed shrewdly as he watched Liam sip his coffee.

  “That kills you to admit that, doesn’t it?” he asked.

  Liam grimaced. “That’s a fool question. Hell, would you want to admit that Vanessa couldn’t stand the sight of you?”

  “Not exactly. But I’ll be the first to admit that in the beginning we had our own rocky moments. But you’re the world’s worst about wanting to pretend that everything is rosy.”

  Liam wandered aimlessly to the other side of the room and eased a hip onto the edge of his desk. “I’ve always been able to talk to you. You’re my brother.”

  Conall sipped his coffee before casting Liam a droll look. “Yeah. That much is true. Otherwise I would’ve never known that my ex-wife begged you to get her pregnant.”

  Liam let out a loud groan. “Why did you bring up that sordid ordeal? That happened years ago. And Nancy had become mentally ill. You had to be told.”

  Liam had hated like hell to have to be the one to inform Conall that his wife had gone off the deep end and propositioned her brother-in-law. But Conall had respected Liam for having the guts to be open and honest with him. In the end, the whole issue had drawn the two brothers closer together.

  “That was one of the few times you spoke up when you needed to,” Conall replied. “But most of the time you’re the mute one of our family. So tell me what’s wrong and we’ll fix it.”

  Liam’s lips twisted to a wry slant. “I realize you’re the oldest and wisest and all that good stuff, but you’re not a miracle worker, Conall.”

  “Are things really so bad that you need a miracle? That’s hard to believe. You and Kitty seem perfect for each other.”

  Liam wiped a hand over his weary face. “I was beginning to think so, too. But I’ve made a mess of things, Conall. And everything is just so damned complicated now.”

  A dumbfounded expression came over Conall’s face. “What things are you talking about? And what is this ‘beginning to think so’? Weren’t you sure about your feelings for the woman before you ever married her?”

  Liam could feel a red flush creep over his face. “I was sure I wanted her. And I was sure I wanted our baby to have married parents.”

  Conall stared at him with a mixture of disgust and disbelief. “That’s all? What about love? Don’t you love Kitty?”

  Rolling his eyes toward the ceiling, Liam groaned. “Look, Conall, I need to explain—the baby was conceived because of a one-night stand. Kitty and I— Well, we didn’t have anything serious going on between us.”

  Conall appeared shocked and deflated and Liam grunted with cynical humor. “What the hell is wrong with you? Since when have you gotten so righteous that you want to judge me for having sex with a woman?”

  “Damn it, Liam, I’m not judging you! I’m just thinking that you’re not a one-night stand kind of guy. You never were and you aren’t now. So don’t try to tell me that you took Kitty to bed without having any feelings for her!”

  Gripping his coffee cup with both hands, Liam stared at his brother while he thought back to that night the baby was conceived. Had he felt more than just physical attraction for Kitty then? At the time he’d told himself it was only sex, but that idea had always gnawed at him and dared him to take a deeper look at his feelings. But he’d been afraid to take that look. Afraid he might actually see a thread of love wound through them.

  Sighing heavily, he said, “I first met Kitty when she was only seventeen. I was married to Felicia at the time and, to me, Kitty was just Willard’s child, nothing more. Then Felicia was killed and for years after that the idea of connecting with any female was an obscene thought.”

  “But then you started noticing Kitty and something changed,” Conall went on for him.

  Liam looked down at the strong brown liquid in his cup. “Yes. And I guess—oh, hell, Conall—after that night with Kitty everything seemed to change. I couldn’t stop thinking about her any more than I could stop wanting to see her again.”

  “Sounds to me like you’d already fallen in love with her,” Conall surmised.

  Liam could feel the blood draining from his face as a fatal acceptance washed over him. How easy it was for Conall to speak
those words, Liam thought miserably, when he’d been fighting against them for months, afraid that if he spoke them, his world would fall apart. He realized his resistance hadn’t made good sense, but understanding that hadn’t made it any easier to deal with.

  “Conall, I don’t want to love Kitty. I never wanted to fall in love with her.”

  “Why? Because you feel guilty about Felicia?”

  Liam looked across the room at his brother. “No. Felicia was a practical person. She would have been the first person to want me to get married again. But what I feel for Kitty—it’s so different. Felicia and I had a quiet, comfortable relationship. This thing with Kitty is wild and it’s grabbed me so hard that I can’t think straight.”

  Grinning wryly, Conall said, “Vanessa still makes me feel that way. And I expect she will until the day I die. That’s the way love is supposed to be.”

  “Love! Damn it, Conall, I loved Felicia and you know what losing her and the baby did to me. I don’t want to hurt like that again. I don’t want to go through years of feeling dead. If I lose Kitty—”

  “Forget about losing, Liam!” Conall swiftly interrupted. “It’s time you started concentrating on living. Last fall you would’ve never known the joy of winning a Breeder’s Cup championship race with Kate’s Kitten if you’d been so afraid of losing that you’d not entered the filly in the first place. It’s the same way with love and marriage. It’s obvious as hell to me that you love Kitty. You need to grab on to her and never let go. If you don’t throw everything into the ring, you’ve already lost.”

  Liam raked both hands through his hair. “I’m afraid I have already lost,” he muttered miserably. “She thinks I only married her because of the baby. And I never told her any differently. Then about three weeks ago I found out quite by accident that Willard left a stipulation in his will. If Kitty doesn’t win the Oaks, Desert End and all its holdings will go to her brother, Owen.”

  Conall sat straight up and scooted to the edge of his seat. “The hell you say!”

  “That’s right. I find it hard to believe the old man could have done such a thing to his daughter. But it’s true. And I was— Well, I reacted badly to the whole thing. Mainly because she kept the problem from me.”

  Conall shook his head with stunned disbelief. “Oh, poor Kitty. My God, I can’t imagine the strain she’s been under. What she must be going through!” His gaze settled perceptively on Liam. “You say you reacted badly—what—”

  “I jumped to conclusions and we ended up having a horrible row.” Pushing himself off the desk, Liam walked over to his brother. “I accused her of marrying me so that she’d have an experienced trainer to help her win the Oaks and keep her home.”

  Conall’s frown was full of disappointment and Liam realized he couldn’t feel any lower than he did at this moment.

  “I hope she told you what a jerk you are,” Conall said.

  Liam heaved out a heavy breath. “More or less. And now, I expect that once the baby is born she’ll ask for a divorce.”

  “I’m assuming that you don’t want that to happen.”

  “Hell, no! I can’t lose her, Conall. I just can’t. And this is not about the baby. Kitty is a fair woman. I’m certain she’d agree to equal custody. I’m not concerned about that issue. This is just about my wife and how nothing would matter to me if I didn’t have her in my life.”

  “If that’s the case, then you’d better get on your knees and do some confessing.”

  Liam’s throat was suddenly so tight his next words came out in a hoarse whisper. “I’m not so sure that getting on my knees will soften her heart toward me.”

  “Don’t worry about the knees, Liam. It’s what comes out of your mouth that’s most important.” Conall rose to his feet and slapped a reassuring hand on Liam’s shoulder. “Where is Kitty now? At home?”

  Seeing that it was already dark, his wife should be home. But lately, she’d been staying here at the track later and later. To avoid him, no doubt.

  “She’s probably still here in the barn,” Liam answered, then shrugged. “She doesn’t always inform me whenever she’s going home.”

  “That bad, huh?”

  “Yeah. That bad.”

  “Then you’d better go find her.”

  Liam stared at him in wonder and his heart began to thud with a mixture of hope and dread. “You mean now?”

  “I mean right this instant!”

  “But you just got here and—”

  Conall shoved Liam’s shoulder in the direction of the door. “I’ll be here for several days. We’ll have plenty of time to get together. All of us. As a family.”

  “Oh, God, I hope you’re right.” At the door, he turned back and gave Conall a tight hug. “Thanks, brother.”

  His voice rough with emotion, Conall said, “Get out of here.”

  *

  For the past three weeks, Kitty had purposely kept her distance from Liam. She’d driven herself to and from the track and while she was there, she remained on her end of the barn, while Liam stayed on his.

  Enduring her husband’s cold, detached attitude only made her feel worse about everything. Besides, it was clear their marriage, for whatever it was worth, was over. She couldn’t figure why he was waiting until after the baby was born to tell her he wanted a divorce. It was clearly evident to Kitty that he no longer wanted to be her husband.

  She was surprised he’d not taken to staying nights at his office. But she supposed he’d chosen not to because it was so close to her delivery. He wouldn’t want to be away from the house in case she did go into labor. Making sure the baby arrived safely was the utmost important thing to him and she was very glad that he loved the child she was carrying. Her problem was that he couldn’t bring himself to extend that feeling toward its mother.

  She released a weary sigh as she slowly made her way to Dahlia’s stall. Loving Liam as she did was useless. She needed to move on and find someone who could truly love her in return. But she didn’t want someone else. She wanted Liam.

  At Dahlia’s door, Maryann, one of Kitty’s hot walkers, was taking a shift at guarding Dahlia’s stall. The young woman was sitting in a lawn chair, reading a book. Since the main lights in the barn had been dimmed more than an hour ago, Maryann was using a penlight to see the text. Kitty’s heart went out to her.

  “Maryann, go take a break,” she told the young woman. “I’ll stay with Dahlia for a while.”

  Reaching for a tote bag near the leg of her chair, she shoved the book inside it. “Are you sure, Miss Kitty? It’s getting late. I thought you’d already be headed home.”

  “I’m just now winding up a very busy day,” Kitty explained. And she didn’t want to go home. It hurt too much to be physically under the same roof with Liam but not really having him with her in spirit. So she stayed at the track as much as possible and tried to pretend to everyone that she was happy. “Don’t worry about it. Go take a break and I’ll call you whenever I need to leave.”

  Inside the stall she found Dahlia bedded down on the clean straw that was spread several inches deep over the concrete flooring. Not wanting to disturb the filly, Kitty gently eased down on the bedding next to the horse’s head.

  Gently stroking the side of Dahlia’s cheeks, she said, “You’re a tired, sleepy girl. You’ve been working hard. But you’ll soon get a nice deserved rest, I promise.”

  The horse groaned softly as though she understood what her mistress was saying. The reaction put a wan smile on Kitty’s face.

  “This has been a long, hard journey for both of us,” Kitty went on. “I’m sure much harder for you than for me. I want you to know how proud I am of you, my Dahlia. You’ve given me everything I asked of you and more. And Sunday when you leave that gate I know you’ll be running with your heart. There’re a lot of folks counting on you. Folks that might lose their homes and jobs if you don’t win. But they all love you and know that you’ll do your best, too. And no matter what happens in the Oaks, I want yo
u to remember that I’ll still love you. And I’ll be very, very proud of you, too.”

  Kitty went quiet for a few moments and even though Dahlia’s eyes were shut, the slight twitch of the filly’s ear told her that she was awake and listening to her voice.

  After stroking her for a few more minutes, Kitty spoke again. “I’ve been thinking a lot here, lately. And I’m not sure what’s going to happen to you and me once this race is over, Dahlia. We might not have a home to go to. And someone might try to take you away from me.” She stopped and swallowed hard as tears began to pour from her eyes. “But I’m not going to let them. No matter what. You and the other horses are my children. I’ll keep you somehow, someway—because I love you all.”

  She wiped a stream of tears from her cheeks then stared down at her hand in the muted light filtering through the stall. Even in the shadows her wedding band glinted against her skin and she gently touched the heavy gold the same way she used to touch Liam’s face.

  “Some people would call me silly for saying that. But those people don’t understand what it means to love. Like Liam—I tried to tell him, show him how much I loved him. But it didn’t mean anything to him. That’s the way it is when your love isn’t returned. Now I’m going to have his baby and I thank God for that. It’s the only bright star I have to hang on to. The baby and you. Liam has deserted us, but—”

  “Liam hasn’t deserted you. I’m right here. I’ll always be right here.”

  The sound of her husband’s voice shocked her and her head jerked around as her eyes searched the semidarkness of the stall.

  “Where—where did you come from?” she asked dazedly.

  He entered the stall and safely latched the gate behind him. “If you’re wondering whether I was eavesdropping, I confess. I’m guilty.”

  Her face flamed with embarrassment. “Oh. I didn’t realize anyone was around. Especially you.”

  He walked over to where she sat and reached a hand down to her. Her heart beating hard in her chest, she placed her hand in his and allowed him to help her to her feet.