Becoming Bella

by Sarah Hegger

  His gaze met hers in the mirror. “Do you want me here?”

  “Yes.” He didn’t deserve her bitchiness, not after all he’d done since Adam. “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s okay.”

  This nice-guy thing pressed against her like she owed him something. “It’s not okay.” Bella fiddled with her mascara. “Because you’re doing everything right and I . . .” The words weren’t there. “Can’t,” she said.

  Nate took the mascara out of her hand and placed it on the counter. “Can’t what?”

  “Do this.” Bella indicated the two of them. The tangle inside wouldn’t coalesce into words that made sense. “You and me. The store. Pippa. Liz. I can’t do any of it.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  That was the understatement of the year. Nobody did. “I’m dead inside.” Bella scooped her makeup into a drawer. “There’s nothing left. Adam ripped it out of me and it’s gone forever.”

  His expression thoughtful, Nate studied her in the mirror. “Can you do this opening tonight?”

  “Yes.” Because everyone had gone to so much trouble and she couldn’t let them down.

  “Okay, then.” He nodded. “Let’s go and attend to your hordes.”

  Not quite hordes, but the store was filled later that evening. Phi had cast her net wide. Over glasses of wine and canapés, people flipped through hangers, held up clothes to see what they liked, and strolled about.

  Liz manned the cash register, leaving Bella to move around her guests.

  When the store was up and running again, maybe she would do this more often. Host an event once or twice a year. Even Nana seemed to be having a good time with a small cluster of her cronies. When one of those cronies bought a cardigan, Bella nearly crowed.

  Nate stayed by her side the entire time, giving her a front-row seat to the Nate hotness factor. Even standing with his arm about her, he was a chick magnet. Women cooed, fluttered, batted lashes, and blushed when he was in their vicinity. Case in point, a peer of Phi’s and seventy if she was a day, stroked Nate’s arm and winked at him before sashaying away.

  You would think after a lifetime of watching this, she’d be immune.

  “You’re frowning.” Nate kissed her cheek.

  Even knowing he couldn’t help being this hot and he certainly hadn’t encouraged any of them, it still pissed her off. “What is it with you and women? They all love you. It doesn’t matter what age.”

  “Not all of them.” He tucked her against his warm, hard body. “One of them seems determined to resist my charms.”

  “Well,” Bella couldn’t help feeling a little smug, “she has good reason.”

  “Maybe.” His enigmatic smile tossed down the gauntlet. And damn, but she wanted to snap it up. “Or maybe I need to work harder.”

  Bella snapped her mouth shut. Then she blurted the first thing to come into her mind. “Did you not hear what I said earlier, at my house?”

  “I heard.” He handed her a flute of champagne.

  “And . . . ?”

  Nate took a sip of her champagne and grimaced. “I hate this stuff. But I love you, and I have more faith in you than you do in yourself right now. You’re still here, Bella, and I’m going to stay right by your side until you’re ready to come back to me.”

  * * *

  Nate tucked his special bundle in his office and shut the door behind him.

  “Everything okay?” Gabby looked up from her computer terminal. Who knew Gabby had a soft, gooey center? But his little bundle had Gabby melting so much she’d damn near smiled.

  “Perfect.” Nate grinned back at her. Bella didn’t stand a chance. For weeks, her detachment had baffled and frustrated him. He’d hung in there, waiting for a sign, something to clue him in. Then, the night of the opening, she’d given him the insight he needed. Telling everyone you were dead inside, pushing everyone who loved you away, even believing you didn’t give a fuck about anyone or anything—this was stuff he knew a lot about, and he also knew what lay beneath all that. Because he’d been pulling all that crap until a big, grizzled, gruff old sheriff had laid it down for him—jail or the police academy—and then told teen Nate that he hoped he chose the latter because he was worth it.

  Too long had passed since Nate had caught a glimpse of his Bella. The way her big blues would widen and she’d go pink-cheeked when he said something shocking. The way she looked at him as if he’d single-handedly brought the world to her feet. When Bella looked at him that way, it reminded him of the man he could be. The man he intended to spend the rest of his life trying to be.

  “Anything doing?” He picked up the stack of papers from Gabby’s desk.

  Like he knew she would, Gabby scowled and snatched them back. She hated when he messed with her shit. “Nothing that I need to bother you about.”

  “You know you’re never a bother, Gabby.” He propped a hip on her desk and gave her one of his Nate-on-the-hunt smiles. Now that he was permanently off the market, he liked to mess with Gabby a bit. Because it got under her skin even more than him messing with her shit.

  “What the hell are you so cheerful about?” Gabby glared at him. “You’re taking a huge chance that your little . . . surprise is going to work.”

  She had a point, but he felt so positive this morning, he couldn’t stop the bubble of happy sitting in his middle. He was a man with a plan. “First off, it worked on you, so Bella is a no-brainer.”

  Gabby snorted.

  Nate raised his brow.

  “Whatever.” Gabby rolled her eyes, but they both knew he’d called her bullshit.

  “And if it doesn’t,” he snagged one of her crackers and popped it in his mouth, “I’ll have to find something else.”

  “There’s always the cells.” Gabby slapped his hand. “Nothing says I love you like being arrested.”

  “Aw, Gabby.” He winked at her. “Look at you getting all romantic.”

  “Get to work,” she said, but not fast enough to completely disguise the tiny smile she tried so hard to hide.

  “You’re right. Keep your eye on the package.” He stood and adjusted his utility belt. “Wish me luck, Gabby. I’m off to scour the trees of Ghost Falls for a needy cat. Small-town police work at its finest.”

  He closed the door on the rasp of her laughter.

  Bright winter sunlight bounced off the crisp white snow. Above him stretched an endless arc of winter blue. He loved a good plan.

  * * *

  The momentum from the opening kept her store busy. Also, with Valentine’s Day around the corner, women from town and on the hill were all on the hunt for that perfect little number.

  “What do you think?” Liz stepped out of the dressing room. She had a big date coming up with Noel.

  Pippa sat on the new sand linen sofa and ate grapes. Last week it had been cherries, which, considering the season, had presented Matt with a dilemma because if Pippa wanted them, Matt got them for her. The grapes were a vast improvement.

  Pippa tilted her head. “Depends.” She popped a grape into her mouth. “What are we trying to say with this?”

  Liz shoved her hands on her hips. “Take me now.”

  “To the entire football team?” Pippa raised a brow.

  Liz scowled, stomped over to the mirror, and glared at her reflection. She had insisted on trying on a new short and sparkly dress Bella had ordered with the prom girls from the high school in mind. Liz, being Liz, saw no reason not to give it a try.

  “What’s wrong with it?” Liz tugged at the hem in a way that clearly stated she saw exactly what was wrong.

  Pippa laughed and raised an eyebrow. She held up her dress choice for Liz.

  “Fine.” Liz snatched the dress from her.

  Pippa smirked and went back to her grapes. “I don’t know why she still argues with me.”

  “You’d be disappointed if she didn’t,” Bella said.

  “Too true.” Pippa popped another grape in her mouth. Pippa and Liz had settled into
a weird sort of relationship.

  Liz yanked open the curtains to the dressing room. “Okay, so I’ve got it on.”

  “Oh, Liz.” Pippa blinked at her. She rummaged in her purse for a Kleenex. Along with the near-constant eating, Pippa’s pregnancy brought a lot of mood swings. “You look . . . perfect.”

  Liz did look as close to perfect as anyone Bella had ever seen.

  The shimmering black dress ended at the knee but hugged Liz’s curves all the way down. A modest neckline gave no hint of the sheer plunging back that would probably give Noel heart failure.

  “Good God, she’s crying again.” Liz rolled her eyes. She preened in front of the mirror. “But I do look pretty damn perfect.”

  “What about you, Bella?” Pippa stood and grabbed a pair of red stilettos and handed them to Liz. “Got any plans for Valentine’s Day?”

  “No.” The question struck her as strange. Everyone knew she wasn’t dating at the moment.

  “Nobody offering to rock your world?” Pippa shook the heels at Liz. “Don’t make me sit on you and put these on your feet.”

  “Those are old lady shoes.” Liz grimaced.

  “If by that you mean they don’t come with their own stainless-steel pole, you’d be quite correct. Now put them on,” Pippa said. “Ooh, and speaking of rocking Bella’s world . . .”

  They were? Bella shook her head at Pippa. Hormone brain was having its way with Pippa.

  The bell over the door jingled.

  “Nate.” Pippa beamed at him.

  Liz smoothed her hands down her hips. “Hey, Sheriff. Want to frisk me for concealed weapons?”

  “Sweetheart.” Nate kissed Pippa’s cheek, then grinned at Liz. “I’m not trained for that.”

  “Damn straight you’re not.” Liz slid into the shoes and turned back to the mirror.

  Bella ignored the spark that lit inside her the minute Nate walked through the door. He still made his nightly visits but didn’t often come around the store.

  The look in his eyes made Bella want to squirm. She should be used to it by now, but it always left her feeling a bit breathless. “Liz has a hot date for Valentine’s.”

  “Looking like that, it’s going to be a very hot date.” Nate slid his arm around Bella’s waist.

  Bella left it there because she didn’t totally hate it.

  “Have you got another dress like that?” He jerked his chin at Liz. “Something that would fit you?”

  Bella glared at Pippa. She could have warned a girl instead of that half-assed attempt earlier. Was Nate going to ask her on a date? Not that she intended to date. Ever. Again.

  “Not really.” Bella tried to slip away from Nate’s grip on her waist.

  He tugged her against his side. “In this whole store, not one dress that would make a man want to sit up and beg?”

  “Sure she has.” Liz the betrayer trotted over to a rack and started flipping hangers. She stopped and held one out. “This would look killer on Bella.”

  “Liz . . .” Pippa pressed a hand to her chest. “As much as it pains me to admit it, you’re absolutely right.”

  “What do you say, Bella?” Nate smiled down at her. “Want to wear that sparkly dress and let me take you out for Valentine’s Day?”

  They’d all lost their minds. This time Bella managed to get free. She marched over to Liz and snatched the dress from her hands. She hung it back in its spot on the rack. “I’m not dating. Anyone.”

  Nate shoved his hands in his pockets. “Hmm.” He shook his head. “That’s a pity. But if you won’t go out with me, maybe you could do me another favor.”

  “That would depend on what it was.” Bella gave him a repressive glare. He didn’t look in the least bothered by the fact that she wouldn’t go out with him.

  “Shit, is that the time?” Liz disappeared into the fitting room.

  Pippa grabbed her purse. “I have to go and do something pregnant.”

  Less than two minutes later, Bella and Nate were alone in the store. She smelled a rat. People did a lot of this sort of thing with her these days. She glared at the architect of her current setup. “What’s the favor?”

  “Wait here.” Nate went out to his cruiser and came back with something tucked into the crook of his arm.

  A puppy!

  “This is Sugar.” Nate held the fluffy, tawny ball in one of his big hands. “She’s the last of her litter and she needs a home.”

  He’d lost his grip on reality. What the hell was she going to do with a puppy?

  Sugar yawned with one of those puppy squeaks.

  “I don’t want a dog.” Sugar needn’t think that blinking at her in that sleepy way was going to work either. She didn’t have space in her life for anyone right now. Particularly not a bundle of fur that needed her.

  “I’m not giving her to you,” Nate said. “But I’m asking you to look after her for me.”

  “She’s your dog?” Bella searched his face for signs of the lie, but Nate had perfected the poker face somewhere around fifth grade.

  “I thought it was about time I made my house a home.” Nate shrugged. “But I need someone to watch her for the day.”

  “What are you doing?”

  He looked taken aback. “I’m working. I can’t take her with me. You know I spend a lot of time moving between the various county outposts.”

  “Leave her at the station.”

  “Gabby’s out on calls all day.”

  Sugar squirmed in Nate’s arms.

  “What am I supposed to do with a puppy in a clothing store?”

  “You’ll think of something.” Nate pressed Sugar into her arms. “I’ll be back to pick her up later.” He stared at her. “I need your help, Bella.”

  Damn. Shit. Crap. That way he had of looking at her still worked her over as well as it had in school.

  Sugar wriggled in her arms and tried to lick her.

  Nate had been so kind to her since the attack. How could she say no to him? Especially after she’d turned him down flat about the date. “You’ll pick her up later?”

  “Promise.” Nate crossed his heart. His kiss came and went before Bella had a chance to pucker up or evade. “I’ll see you later.”

  Sugar spent large portions of the day sleeping. In between she trundled around the store in Bella’s wake. Bella found her a plastic container for water, but Sugar preferred to upend it and chase the empty container around the store. She really was a good puppy. Only one accident the entire day and Bella took her out to the loading area behind the store for the rest.

  Closing time came. Outside, night had fallen and Bella went about locking up the store. With Sugar trotting along in her wake, she managed to press back the unease that always came around this time. Not that the fur ball could do anything, but her presence seemed to keep the monsters at bay.

  She’d texted Nate about the puppy and gotten no reply. She called the office and got Gabby.

  “Sorry, Bella, he’s been out for most of the afternoon. I don’t expect him back.”

  “But he left his dog here.” Sugar chased a price tag across the wood floor, slipping and sliding all the way.

  “Why don’t you take her home with you?”

  She knew it. Bella had smelled the setup all along. “Or I could bring it by there and you could watch it?”

  “Sure,” Gabby said. “But I’d have to lock her in a cell.”

  Sugar yawned and dropped onto her puppy butt, back legs splayed.

  Damn, Gabby was good. Picturing Sugar alone in a cell made Bella shudder. “You tell Nate I’m on to him,” she said.

  Gabby chuckled. “Will do.”

  Her suspicions were confirmed by the fluffy pink dog bed, the bowls, and the puppy food on her porch. Nate had saddled her with a dog. She picked up the envelope left in the dog bed.

  Sugar, it seemed, was a golden retriever and she was ten weeks old.

  Bella carried her into her kitchen and fed her.

  The puppy’s face disappeared
into her bowl as she devoured the food Bella had carefully weighed out.

  By ten that night, Bella was forced to admit Nate wasn’t coming around. She heated up some lasagna he’d left in her fridge and ate it with Sugar curled up next to her on the couch. For the first time since the attack, she checked her house without Nate by her side. She hated admitting it, but she missed the way he seemed to fill the house. She picked up Sugar and tucked her close. The puppy blinked at her, little pink tongue going all the time.

  Bella buried her face into the hair at Sugar’s scruff and took a deep breath of the sweet-milk puppy smell. It helped a little, but she still missed Nate.

  She had no idea where he was. He could be doing anything. Maybe he was on a call and in danger? She refused to contemplate the idea of him out on a date. But sooner or later, Nate would get tired of chasing her and move on. What would she do then?

  A horrible idea struck her. Had he given her Sugar because he needed to distance himself from her? Bella dragged the dog bed into her bedroom and got ready for bed.

  Sugar whined from her dog bed.

  “No.” Bella tried to fix the puppy with a strong look. “You sleep there. This is a human bed.”

  Sugar didn’t think much of that and put her fat little paws up on the side of the bed. She lowered her ears and gave Bella a blast of those big brown eyes.

  “Only because you’re a baby.” Bella lifted the puppy onto the bed. “But as soon as you get big enough, you’ll sleep in your bed.”

  * * *

  By Valentine’s Day, Bella wasn’t even fooling herself anymore. Sugar had nestled into her life. Also, Sugar was unlikely to ever spend a night on the floor. Not when they got so comfortable watching Game of Thrones together.

  Nate stayed away. Oh, he sent her the occasional text, but other than that, he remained MIA.

  Another thing she couldn’t keep lying to herself about. She missed the hell out of him. His cooking, for one, because she was running out of leftovers, but more his company over dinner. The way they would chat and share their days. So many times, Sugar did something cute and she wanted to tell Nate. Once or twice she even looked up to speak to him before she realized he wasn’t there.