Drawn To Dark

by Emma Tharp

  A short guy goes on stage, introducing first himself as Dan, the owner of the bar, and then Lawless.

  My breathing speeds up and adrenaline spikes the second Kingston takes stage. He’s too damn hot for his own good. It’s effortless. Jeans and a black t-shirt, hair a tousled mess. Scanning the stage, I only give the other band members a once-over before my attention is drawn right back to Kingston.

  The drummer beats away for a few seconds before Kingston strums a few chords on his guitar. When the rest of the band joins in, their sound vibrates through me. I’m immediately energized and my hips sway to the beat. It’s a fast song, and when Kingston’s mouth opens to start singing, I’m completely mesmerized. A pulse hums between my thighs and I can’t help but think about how amazing it would feel to have his mouth on me. What the hell has gotten into me?

  Penny is dancing next me and yells in my ear, “Check out the drummer. His glasses turn me on.”

  Nodding at her in agreement, I say, “You’re right. He makes them look sexy.”

  They’re all good-looking guys, but the only one that has my attention, and probably the attention of all the warm-blooded women in the room, is the lead singer. Kingston.

  By the time the first set is finished, I’m sweating and in desperate need of another drink. We’ve been standing at our spots at the bar, which is convenient now that the masses are trying to get a drink. I place an order for two gin and tonics, one for Penny and one for me.

  “Aren’t they amazing?” Penny asks.

  “Yes, they’re great.”

  Penny takes a few bar napkins and wipes the sweat off her forehead. “I can’t believe you’d never heard of them before. I’ll be right back; I’m going to fight my way to the bathroom.”

  “Okay. Good luck.” I take a cool sip of my gin and tonic and see Kingston has come off the stage and is near the bar.

  Several people are standing in front of him, taking pictures with him and getting autographs. His eyes find mine and his face lights up in a big toothy grin. My heart instantly melts. He makes his way toward me.

  “You came.” He pulls me in for a hug and smells amazing, like sandalwood and spice.

  “I did.”

  “What’d you think?” He scans my face, leaning forward, so eager for praise.

  “You guys are great. Thank you for telling me about tonight.”

  Even in the dim lights, it looks like he’s blushing. He has a crazy way of turning my insides to mush with his adorable vulnerability.

  “Can I get you a drink?” I ask.

  He nods, but keeps his intense gaze locked on me. “That’d be great. I’ll take a club soda with lime.”

  No alcohol. I like it. After reading about him online, there were several reports of him getting DWIs and having issues with drinking too much. It’s good to see him refraining.

  Ordering him his drink, the bartender was quick to take my order, seeing that the lead singer is standing next to me.

  “Thank you,” he says as I hand him the cup. “You look great tonight.”

  Now it’s my turn for my cheeks to heat up. “You’re sweet.”

  “Kingston, can I get a picture with you?” A busty brunette eases her way between Kingston and me, nudging me out of the way. She points the camera and takes a picture of herself with him. “I’m your biggest fan. What are you doing later?” she asks loud enough for me to hear.

  “You have a great night,” Kingston says to the girl and moves his way back to me.

  Grabbing me by the belt loop, pulling me close to him, our bodies are now flush to each other, Kingston says in my ear, “Sorry about that. Thanks again for coming. I’ve got to head back on stage. Stay for the rest of the set, okay?”

  All I can do is nod. My body is worked up from being in contact with the hard lines of Kingston’s gorgeous body. I wave at him as he walks away. The busty brunette is giving me a dirty look, eyeing me like I just stole her boyfriend away. I wish.

  “What happened to you? Your eyes are all glazed over. You seem flustered,” Penny says after she’s worked her way back to our spot from the bathrooms.

  “Nothing. I just finished chatting with Kingston.” I fake nonchalance.

  “Yeah, whatever, he’s got you all keyed up. I don’t blame you though. I just ran into Davies, he’s the drummer. Look.” She whips her phone out of her purse and pulls up a picture she has of her and Davies together, both smiling from ear to ear.

  “Aww, you guys look cute.”

  Penny fans herself off with a bar napkin. “The next time Kingston comes into the office, I’m going to give him my number and tell him to give it to Davies.”

  “You can’t do that. It’s so unprofessional,” I say, folding my arms over my chest.

  “Sure. I can read it all over your face, all the unprofessional things you’d like to be doing to Kingston Lawless.”

  The band goes back on stage, just in the nick of time so I don’t have to deal with Penny’s harassment. Unfortunately, she’s read me like a book. All I’ve been doing since stalking Kingston online is think about him and all of the things I’d like him to do to me. I’ve got to get a grip. The last thing I need to do is go falling for a rockstar and end up fired from my job for unethical behavior.

  When the last set finishes up, I’m a little drunk and exhausted from the energy output of the night. I’ve danced more tonight than I have in forever. Staring at Kingston’s beautiful body as he sings his lungs out, so full of passion, I can’t help but be moved by his performance.

  “The Uber is here,” Penny announces in my ear.

  “Oh, okay.” I follow her out of the bar, attempting to disguise my disappointment that I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye to Kingston.

  6

  Kingston

  All I can think about after last night’s gig is how drawn I am to my sweet little nurse, Cam. She looked fucking hot last night in her tight jeans that highlighted her sexy little legs. And the top she had on was tight against her supple breasts. It was all I could do to keep my hands to myself. Seeing her at work in her scrubs shows me her sweet, innocent side. Last night I got to see the other side. From the way she was dressed to the way she was dancing to my songs. She’s intrigued me. I haven’t felt this way about a woman since I first met Helena.

  Damn. Helena. I’m sitting in my car outside her office now. The last thing I want to be doing now is going in to her office. The more I think about it, the more I realize that I need to be done with her.

  At least today my appointment is in the morning. I’m sure she will have clients after me. This way she won’t be able to try and sway me to stay longer or drive her home. One hour. I’ll get in and get out. Then I vow to myself to take the time to find a new shrink.

  “Dr. Bessett is ready for you,” Helena’s receptionist tells me.

  Walking into her office, there she sits behind her contemporary mahogany desk. She’s wearing her hair down today. I love it like this. She’s stunning as usual.

  I don’t say anything, just take my seat in the chair across from her.

  Standing up, she saunters over to me in that ultra-confident walk she has. She straddles my lap, but I don’t put my hands on her like I normally would.

  “Let’s play,” she whispers in my ear.

  “I’m good, thanks. Can we talk today?” My tone is cold and dismissive.

  “Please, Kingston. You have no idea how much I need this today. You can do whatever you want to me.” She stares at me with a pained expression on her face and cups my cheek in her hand.

  “I can’t do this. It doesn’t feel right now that I know you’re married. This isn’t what I want.”

  Her hand drops and her eyes dart around the room. “What do you want?”

  She’s never asked me that. It’s always been about her taking what she wants. “Does it matter what I want? You should be asking your husband what he wants.”

  Helena springs up off my lap and walks toward the window. “Not me. Not like y
ou do.”

  This is what she does. She tears me in two. There’s nothing worse than seeing her cry. I go and stand next to her and rest my hand on her shoulder.

  Turning to me, tears gleaming in her eyes, she brings her lips to mine. Everything about her is familiar, from the way she tastes to the way our tongues know just the way to come together with the perfect pressure. She takes my hand and brings it to her chest. Her heart is beating fast like mine. My head is at war with my dick.

  It’s beyond my comprehension how I can be so turned on and disgusted at the same time. I want to walk away but she knows just how to get to me. She deepens the kiss and brings her hands down to the front of my pants, stroking my length. How is it that we can know each other’s bodies so well, but I know very little about this woman? I’ve spilled my guts to her and what has she told me? Not much.

  When she pulls at the hem of my shirt, attempting to tug it off me, I stop her.

  “Don’t you want to tie me up?” There’s desperation in her dark brown eyes.

  “Damn it. No, I don’t,” I bite out.

  She gasps and her mouth falls open.

  Backing away from her, I say, “Look, I’m done. You and I aren’t meant to be together. You are married.” It’s like I’m a broken record. I may be a lot of things, but a home wrecker isn’t one of them. If and when I’m married, I never want to cheat or be cheated on.

  Her hands ball into fists at her sides. “That doesn’t matter. He doesn’t care about me. All he does is work.”

  “It matters to me, okay?” Since she’s never shared anything about him with me, this is all a surprise. If she’s unhappy, she should divorce the guy. This is her mess, not mine. Not anymore.

  “Why, Kingston? You don’t want to marry me. That’s not what this is about.”

  She’s right. At first it was only about the sex. But then everything changed for me. I wanted more from her. How did I ever convince myself that this would work? That she’d want what I want? It’s clear now she’ll never give me more. It’s never been clearer to me than it is in this moment that Helena’s and my paths are no longer in line. I’m not sure they ever were.

  “Yes, Helena. I can’t disagree. You and I are finished. I’ll be finding a new counselor. Best of luck to you.” A month ago, if you asked me how it would feel to tell her we were done, I don’t think I would’ve been able to do it. Weak and dependent, that’s how I’ve been with her. Today, I feel stronger. I’m not sure how or why, but I go with it.

  “Wait. Don’t leave,” is all I hear her say as I walk out the door without looking back.

  I’ve got an appointment at the Bone Marrow Center in an hour. I’d love to go have a few shots of whiskey at a local bar, but I can’t let Helena derail me. It’s been over a year since I’ve had a drink. If I can ever have a prayer of a normal life, I have to stay clean. And I’d like to keep my spot in my band.

  Instead of the bar, I stop at the coffee shop and order a double espresso and a blueberry muffin. Killing time, I scroll the internet on my phone. It’s not often that I’m on social media, but I look up Cam. Good thing I’m observant, I noticed her last name, Watts, on her badge at the Bone Marrow Center. I want to know more about her. She doesn’t spend much time on Facebook, but there is a picture of me singing last night and a post that says, “If you guys haven’t had the chance to check out Lawless yet, don’t wait. Do it now.” There’s also a selfie of her and the receptionist from her office. Cam’s cheeks are red and she’s got the sexiest smile that lights up her face. I’m glad she had a good time. I would’ve loved to see her after the show, but she was gone when I went looking for her. I zoom in on her selfie and take a screenshot of it, so it’s just Cam.

  I show up to the Bone Marrow Center fifteen minutes early for my appointment. I can’t wait to see Cam today and flirt with her. It’s fun watching her cheeks get red. When I check in at reception, Cam’s friend is sitting behind the desk.

  “Wow, what a great show last night.” Her name is Penny, according to her name tag. Her eyes are wide, giddy.

  “I’m glad you had a good time.”

  “We did. I hope I get a chance to see you guys play again this summer.”

  “You guys should definitely come to another show. Tell me when and I’ll get you guys tickets.”

  That does it. It looks like she might explode with happiness. Her eyes blink rapidly and she says, “Are you serious? Because if you’re joking, it’s not funny.”

  “No, you and Cam pick a date and I’ll make sure you have great seats.” The tour starts up soon. A little flare of excitement jacks me up thinking of seeing Cam’s face at another one of my shows.

  “Wow, I can’t wait to tell Cam when I see her tomorrow,” Penny says.

  Wait. “Did you say tomorrow? Where is she today?”

  “Oh, no, are you going to be okay? Your face just got white. Cam is off today.”

  “Who’s going to give me my shot?” Fear jolts through me and my knees feel like they don’t want to hold me up.

  “Your nurse today is Betsy. She’s great. She’s given millions of injections. Trust me, it’s going to be okay.”

  “You’re sure?” I know how I must sound. Weak and pathetic, but the only reason I’ve been good these last two times is because Cam calms me down.

  “I’m positive. Do you need some water?”

  The water never helps, but I’ve got to try something to calm me. “Sure.”

  Penny gets up and walks away. She comes back in a minute with a bottle of cold water that she hands to me. “I promise, you’ll be okay.”

  Chugging half the bottle, I take my seat near the door.

  Nurse Betsy comes out and calls my name. She must be in her early seventies. It’s a good sign. She’s been a nurse for years; she has to be good at giving shots.

  She is not as good as Cam. She doesn’t have any patience for me. She doesn’t ask me where I want the injection, she just takes an alcohol wipe and dabs my arm then pops the syringe in my tricep.

  “I think I’m going to pass out,” I tell Nurse Betsy. It’s not a second later that I land in a heap on the floor.

  One of my most embarrassing moments ever, waking up to Nurse Betsy holding a strong-smelling capsule in front of my face. “Breathe this in. It’ll help wake you up.”

  I’m not sure how long I lay here, but I get my ass up as soon as I think I can walk. “Are you going to be okay?” the nurse asks.

  “Sure, I’ll be fine. And from now on, Cam will be the only one to give me shots.”

  “Okay, sir. Have a nice day.”

  As I’m leaving, Penny flags me down. “Everything okay?”

  “I’ll be fine. You said that Cam is working tomorrow, right?” I’m impatient, but I can’t help myself. I don’t want to come in here and be humiliated again.

  “Yes, she’ll be here.”

  “Perfect. Make sure to call me if I have an appointment and she’s not working because I’ll have to reschedule.”

  My breathing slows a little and a sense of calm comes over me knowing that I won’t have to do this again without Cam. “Sorry if I’m a little short. That didn’t go well.”

  “Oh, gosh,” Her hand flies up to her chest. “I’m sorry, Kingston.”

  “It’s okay. I’m fine now.”

  Her eyes dart around the waiting room and she leans in closer to me as she hands me a slip of paper. “Do you mind giving this to Davies? It’s my number. We met last night.”

  Pocketing the paper, I say, “Sure. I’ll make sure that he gets it. See you tomorrow.”

  I’m going to make certain that Davies calls Penny. This could work to my advantage. Maybe I can get the lowdown on Cam. Either way, I get to see her pretty smile tomorrow and I can’t wait.

  7

  Cam

  “You okay today?” I ask Kingston as I take him back to the treatment room. He’s edgy like he was the first day I met him.

  “Yes, I am now that I see you’re here. I wo
n’t ever be treated by the nurse I saw yesterday.”

  I don’t let on that I heard all about Kingston passing out yesterday on Nurse Betsy. He doesn’t need to be any more embarrassed than he was when it happened. Betsy is a good nurse, but unfortunately she was very busy and didn’t have the best bedside manner. “Don’t worry, I’m here for you.”

  The muscles in his neck relax and he unclenches his fists. “Good. Will you be here for the apheresis? To be honest, that scares the shit out of me. I probably shouldn’t have, but I looked it up online.”

  Before I can think, I rest my palm on top of his. It’s warm and sends a shiver up my spine. My breath hitches in the back of my throat as I look into his deep blue eyes. His gaze is trained on mine. I want to speak, but I can’t make a sound. Removing my hand, I shake my head and go to the counter to get the syringe for his injection today. “Everything is going to be fine. Please don’t worry, and don’t go back online.”

  “Cam. I need a favor.”

  I turn back in his direction. There’s desperation in his voice and fear in his eyes. “What is it?”

  “Please meet me for coffee after your shift today. I need you,” he purses his lips together, “to talk me through everything.”

  He’s so amped up and vulnerable. I should tell him no, but I want to help him. “Sure.”

  Handing me his cell phone, he says, “Give me your number. I’ll text you where.”

  A jolt of excitement charges through me as I type in my digits. I do my best to keep my hands from shaking, but I’m doing a terrible job, having to re-type my contact information several times.

  He doesn’t even flinch when I give him his shot in his thigh. We say goodbye and I can’t believe how giddy I am for the rest of the day.

  On the way to the coffee shop, I feel like a schoolgirl going on her first date. All I can think about is how cute Kingston was today when I gave him my phone number. And when I told Penny that I was meeting him, she told me about how upset he was yesterday when she told him that I wasn’t working. She said he looked like a lost puppy dog. Penny insists that Kingston has a crush on me. I wish. More like he’s dependent on me for his nursing needs. Either way, I love that he trusts me and wants to see me outside the office.