Bitter Ashes (Bitter Ashes Book 1)

by Sara C. Roethle

  I took a few steps closer to her. My instinct was to reach out and comfort her, but I wasn't sure if Sophie and I had managed that level of friendship yet. She solved the problem for me by sitting down on her bed and patting the spot beside her with her palm. I sat down next to her and waited for her to speak, shivering as her nervous energy touched me.

  She turned her worried, dark eyes to me. “Swear to me that you'll keep your mouth shut. It could be very bad for me if anyone knew what I was thinking, and I could make it very bad for you as well.”

  I cringed. “You know, threatening people really isn't the best way to get them to be your friends.”

  She waved me off. “I know, I know. I'm sorry. I had a long night.”

  When she didn't say anything else, I cleared my throat.

  Sophie glanced at me, then took a deep, shaky breath. “I need to help Maya escape.” She instantly looked horrified that she'd said what she was thinking out loud.

  I smiled. “I think that's a wonderful idea.”

  “What!” she rasped. “You can't. We can't go against Estus. He is Doyen. He'll have us all killed.”

  I patted her shoulder to try and calm her down, but she just started crying into her palms.

  “Okay,” I said soothingly. “First start by telling me why you want to free Maya.”

  Sophie looked at me with red-rimmed eyes and bit her lip again. “She was my lover,” she said finally, “and then she left. She no longer wanted to live in the Salr, but she's not a traitor. Estus claims that she's sided with Aislin, but I know she wouldn't. She wouldn't do anything that would hurt me.”

  “Who's Aislin?” I asked, feeling like I wasn't fully comprehending what Sophie was trying to tell me.

  “Aislin was once Doyen of a small clan,” Sophie explained. “But now she has gathered many clans together. They all answer to her. Estus is afraid that she'll come for us next, and if he's afraid, it means such a thing is likely to happen.”

  So Aislin was on the other side of this war I'd heard so little about. “Did Aislin send the Vaettir who attacked us?” I asked. “Was Maya sent to do the same?”

  “I told you she's not with them,” Sophie sobbed. “She's going to die simply because she did not want to live like we do. Obeying orders and hiding from the sun.”

  I sighed. I really needed someone to trust, and Sophie had just put her trust in me.

  “When I first met Maya she offered me information, but she would only tell me if we were alone. I waited until evening, then went to visit her in her cell. Some of the things she told me . . . ” I let my words trail off, still not sure what I thought about everything Maya had told me.

  “So you believe me?” Sophie asked like my answer mattered a great deal to her.

  I shrugged. “I don't know who to believe, but I'm going to tell you what Maya told me, because I need someone to help me understand what's going on.”

  I filled Sophie in on everything Maya had said. About half-way through Sophie seemed to calm down as she processed all that I was telling her.

  When I finished, she looked worried. “Estus told us about the charm, but only told a select few of us that he wants you to find it. Now we know why.”

  “So you believe what Maya said?” I asked. “She doesn't know me. She might not have been telling the truth.”

  Sophie looked worried. She gathered her long, dark hair over her shoulder and started stroking it like it was her favorite pet.

  “We need to tell my brother,” she said finally.

  I was both glad and worried that she wanted to tell Alaric. I didn't enjoy hiding things from him when he'd been nothing but kind to me. Okay, he'd been a lascivious tease, but he'd also been kind. Yet, the idea of telling him was troubling. He seemed firmly on Estus' side, and I wasn't sure how he would take what could very well amount to mutiny.

  “What if he doesn't believe us?” I asked.

  She glared at me, though the effect was lessened when she had to sniffle her nose and wipe more tears away. “He may not believe us, but he will also not turn us in. He would never betray his own sister, and well you . . . he has a certain affection for you, even if I do not approve of it.”

  “How will we get him alone?” I pressed, ignoring what might have been a subtle insult.

  Sophie rolled her eyes. “I imagine he'll solve that problem for us soon enough. He's developed a habit of lurking around your bedroom door.”

  The thought of Alaric hanging out around my bedroom brought a nervous flutter to my stomach, but I decided it would be best not to comment on it. “So I have to tell him?” I asked weakly.

  Sophie smiled as if she was enjoying some secret thought. “Yes, you'll need to go back to your room and wait for him there. It will work out beautifully actually.”

  “Beautifully?” I questioned, not liking her tone.

  “Well,” she answered, “he's much less likely to take his anger out on you. So, you can break it to him, and your discussion will lead the way for me to discuss matters more fully with him.”

  I bit my lip, anxious to find some way out of being the one to tell Alaric. “I don't want his anger either,” I argued weakly.

  Sophie sighed. “He won't hurt you, and likely won't even get mad at you at all. He would, however, be extremely angry with me, so you telling him first gives him some time to calm down before I speak to him.”

  “Fine,” I agreed sullenly. “I guess I should probably go wait, though I'm not as sure as you are that he'll just show up.”

  I stood to go, but Sophie grabbed my wrist to stop me. “How was Maya?” she asked, concern back in her voice. “What did James do to her? Estus won't let me see her.”

  “She's alive,” I replied, not wanting to tell her the gruesome torture that Maya had endured. “Let's do our best to keep her that way.”

  Sophie nodded to herself. “Okay,” she said distantly, “now go break the news to Alaric. If he gets angry . . . well, I'm sure it will be okay.”

  Great, I was off to play the sacrificial lamb, and the look in Sophie's eyes told me that despite her claims, I was about to get roasted.

  I left Sophie, and went back to my room to wait. I waited so long that I ended up falling asleep. My nights hadn't exactly been restful, and it finally all just caught up to me. When I awoke, the only indication of time I had was the lighting of the room. It had dimmed to almost darkness, so I knew it was late at night, but not past midnight.

  I felt the bed shift and I froze, thinking that Sivi had decided to pay me another visit. I waited for whomever it was to move again, but nothing happened. Finally, I sat up in bed and opened my eyes to see the pale outline of Alaric sitting on the side of the bed next to me. He was slumped forward with his elbows on his knees and his hair thrown over one shoulder.

  When he made no move to acknowledge me or say anything, I asked, “What's wrong?”

  “Well,” he began, “I was going about my night when my sister found me, and she was very upset that I had not yet visited you. Now, I love my sister, but she is not really one to watch out for other women. I pressed her about it, and eventually she told me a very elaborate story.”

  He turned and leaned toward me enough to make solid eye contact in the dim lighting. “You do realize these type of allegations can be very dangerous?”

  I nodded my head. “I'm not making any allegations yet. I just told Sophie what I'd been told.”

  “Sophie's judgment is clouded on this matter,” he stated.

  I sat up straighter and pulled my knees up to my chest as I watched him. “So you're not going to help us then?”

  He laughed bitterly. “Well I can't just let you get caught now, can I? Sophie is determined to see this through, and if I don't agree, she'll just do it without me and get herself killed.”

  “So . . . you don't believe us, but you'll still help us?” I pressed.

  He met my eyes again. “Something like that.”

  He continued staring into my eyes long enough that I fi
nally looked down, feeling uncomfortable with the pressure of his gaze.

  He reached out a hand and lifted my chin up so that I would meet his eyes again. “Why does Estus believe that only you can find the charm? I've never heard of the thing until now, and suddenly it's in the Salr and only our new executioner can find it. It seems far too convenient to be true.”

  So apparently Sophie didn't tell him everything. “Maya thinks that I can somehow use the spirits of the dead to find it. She thinks that I might be able to communicate with them. I don't know how much Estus knows, but I don't think he's figured out that piece of the puzzle yet. He thinks I'll somehow be able to see it. It's the only thing keeping him from forcing me to find it right now.”

  “And when the hell did Maya get a chance to tell you that?” he asked in surprise. “I doubt she'd say all of that with James around.”

  I blushed and was glad that he probably couldn't see it in the dim lighting. “I might have made a trip down to her cell,” I admitted hesitantly.

  He smacked his palm against his forehead in a sarcastic now why didn't I think of that? gesture.

  “Of course you did,” he sighed, then turned back toward me. “You know, it would be easier to keep you out of trouble if you bothered to tell me your schemes beforehand.”

  “I hadn't planned on telling anyone my schemes,” I explained. “I only told Sophie because she took a risk telling me about Maya. I figured it was safe.”

  He stood and started pacing in the dark. “And what makes you think that you're so unsafe here?” he asked as he walked.

  I stood, finally feeling agitated myself. “What is there to make me think that I am safe? Sophie almost died last week, and that was only from an outside attack. James seems to be torturing someone new every day. You people killed your old executioner. What did he even do to deserve it? If I can't find this charm for Estus, will I be next?”

  “I'm here because I don't want you to be next!” Alaric shouted as he came to stand in front of me. He seemed shocked at what he'd just said. Finally, as if coming to terms with his admission, he lowered his voice and added, “I don't want to see your heart in a box with all of the others.”

  “So I ask you again,” I began calmly, “How could I ever feel safe?”

  He smiled bitterly, and I realized that he had gotten rather close to me for me to be able to see it. “You have a point, I suppose,” he admitted.

  “Darn right I do,” I seconded.

  His smile turned friendly as he added, “Though you would probably feel safer if you had someone to sleep in this big, lonely room with you.”

  I looked up at him innocently. “Do you think Sophie would have a slumber party with me?”

  “Sophie,” he said as he put his hands on my waist and pulled me close, “was not who I was referring to.”

  My skin buzzed as the line of his body molded against mine. The sudden shift from arguing about matters of life and death to flirting left me feeling dizzy.

  “There's something else,” I said breathlessly.

  Alaric nodded for me to go on, but continued holding me close.

  “When I was first summoned to see Maya,” I explained, trying to keep the quaver out of my voice, “she wasn't afraid of me at all, and it was like Estus knew that was the case. He even let her whisper in my ear. That's how I knew to go find her in the dungeon. There were no guards around her cell to keep her from speaking to anyone. Why would Estus let an alleged traitor tell me anything, when he's so intent on keeping me in the dark?”

  Alaric's eyebrows raised. “Maybe because he wanted you to do exactly what you're doing now.” He paused in thought. “If Estus knew that Maya had information on how to get the charm, and knew she wouldn't tell him, he would logically turn to tricking someone else into finding out the information.”

  Icy fear shot through my gut, speeding my heart rate even more than Alaric's closeness. “So why hasn't he come to get it out of me then?”

  Alaric's expression turned stern. “Because it would make much more sense to just wait for you to find it. Then he could take it from you and be done with it.”

  I shivered at the thought.

  “I won't let anything happen to you,” he assured.

  I shook my head. “How can you promise that?”

  He began rubbing his fingers in small circles at the small of my back. A smile suddenly crossed his face. “I have a plan.”

  My thoughts were becoming increasingly jumbled as his hands played across my spine. “Care to share it?” I breathed.

  Alaric smiled even wider. “Nope.”

  He suddenly pulled me more firmly against him, and all of my arguments slipped away. All I could think of was that the room was dark and cozy, and Alaric's body felt warm and exhilarating. I looked up into his eyes and felt like a field mouse caught by the big, predatory, barn cat.

  He had managed to distract me from what we were originally discussing, and I wasn't sure if he'd agreed to help us, or to just not tattle on us. Did he really have a plan, and if so, why wasn't he telling me? I knew he'd distracted me on purpose, and I should have pressed the subject, but the warm electric feeling in my chest made the fear I'd been feeling just a short time before irrelevant.

  Alaric leaned down and kissed me, but it was gentle this time, not like the kiss we'd shared the night before. The softness was nice, but I wanted more. If matters were really as bad as they seemed, I wasn't going to waste my time with gentle niceties.

  I wrapped one hand around the back of Alaric's neck and the other around his waist, pulling him tighter against me. He let out a sound in his throat that made me pull even harder.

  He put his hands underneath my butt and lifted, giving me the choice of either hopping up and wrapping my legs around him, or keeping them straight to be held off of the ground awkwardly. I hopped. He held me up and carried me toward the bed effortlessly.

  Being carried like that was a new experience for me. Matthew and the few guys I'd dated before him had been my height or just an inch taller, which meant if they lifted me up, my torso would tower above them.

  With Alaric's height, the once-awkward position was comfortable. Well, it was comfortable for the few moments it took to reach the bed. I was no longer thinking about comfort as he laid me gently on the bedspread and smoothed himself over me.

  As he kissed down to my collarbone he glided his hands up from my hips to the sides of my chest, then ran the barest of touches over my bra. I tried to hold still, but the anticipation was too much.

  I pushed at Alaric's shoulders and rolled him off me. At first a look of disappointment crossed his face, but it was soon erased with a wry smile as I slowly crawled up his body until I was straddling him.

  I grabbed his arms and pinned them over his head, much like how he had pinned me during my sparring lesson. His smile turned into something dark and feral, just as I felt the same smile creep cross my face.

  See? I told you I'm no cream puff.

  Chapter Ten

  I had reveled in the feeling of touching and being touched. It was a relief to know that I could still be sexual at all anymore. Since Matthew, I had closed myself off, not even allowing myself the simple pleasure of a kiss for fear of harming someone again.

  To go past a kiss and have everything thrown at me in one heaping punch of passion left me nearly delirious. Beyond that, was the feeling of actually going to sleep in someone's arms. It was delectable, but something still itched at me. I couldn't stop thinking about Maya wasting away down in her cell, or even worse, about James taking another shot at her.

  I believed what she had told me more than what anyone else had said. She stood nothing to gain in meeting with me, and even told me the very thing that she'd kept from James and Estus. She had tried to leave the Salr, and they brought her back and tortured her. Even the possibility of her choosing to work with our supposed enemies wasn't excuse enough for what had been done to her.

  Alaric had long since gone into what seemed a dee
p sleep as I worried over a woman I barely knew. Of course, I was in bed with a man I barely knew, so I couldn't judge Maya based on that fact alone. I stayed in bed a moment longer, saying in my head just do it, just do it, until I finally sat up and gently placed my feet on the floor.

  Alaric turned onto his side and reached toward my now-empty spot, but his eyes didn't open. I wanted to reach out and touch him, but I couldn't risk waking him. Instead, I crept around the room, picking up the pieces of my clothing that had been thrown haphazardly about. When I had everything, I dressed quickly in the corner as I watched Alaric for any signs that he might be waking up. If he did, I'd just tell him I was going to the bathroom.

  After quietly putting my tennis shoes on, I took one more moment to observe Alaric in my bed. It was strange seeing him in such a defenseless position, when normally it seemed like nothing could touch him. I left him there as the warmth of his embrace left my skin.

  The halls had a little more light than my room, which I was thankful for, but it also meant that I would be easy to spot. Of course if Stella was out and about, she would sniff me out regardless.

  I wasn't sure if I should try to find Maya again, or if I should just look for the charm. Maya had said that there was no way for me to get her out of her cell, but there had to be a way. If someone could put her in, then I should be able to get her out.

  I hurried down the hallway, following the twists and turns that led to Sophie's room. She opened the door before I even had a chance to knock and pulled me inside.

  “What did he say?” she whispered as soon as the door was shut. “I didn't mean to tell him before you could, but he forced it out of me.”

  She'd changed clothes with the obvious intention of not getting any sleep, and was now dressed in skin-tight black leather pants and a billowy black blouse. There was one of those battery-powered touch lights illuminating the room, answering my question as to what we were supposed to do when the Salr decided that it was lights out, though no one had given me a touch light.