by Kiki Swinson
By the time I was able to sit straight up on the sofa, Matt was standing over me, holding my face roughly and forcing me to look at him. “You better stop fucking wit’ me before I kill you right here on the spot!” he said, snarling at me. I had come to the quick conclusion that he was at his wit’s end with me.
I locked eyes with him. Matt’s eyes were black and icy. I swear I had never seen him like this. He had this intimidating look and it was scary. And I knew at that very moment that he meant business. He was more concerned about this last score than anything. He could care less that my baby was in that other room crying his poor little heart out. He didn’t give a fuck about me or my baby, for that matter. So I knew that if I didn’t agree to help him get that money, then I could kiss me and my baby good-bye.
“How much are we trying to score from this job?” I asked him, trying to act like I still had some control.
“My inside contact told me that we can make out with half a million if we get in the back safe. And make it out of there with a clean getaway.”
“How much is in it for me?” I quizzed him. I knew he had no intentions of giving me shit. But it didn’t hurt to test the waters.
“I shouldn’t give you shit since you and those punk-ass niggas you were with brought heat to my trap house and my boys had to close down shop because of it. But since I’m a nice guy I’ll give you ten percent of what you bring out,” he answered quickly. I didn’t believe him, though. He said it too fast. Matt was never a person who wanted to give away money that easily. He was bullshitting me and he knew I knew it. But at this point in the game it didn’t matter so I agreed to do the last score for him.
“When are we hitting this bank?” I asked him.
“Tomorrow after the lunch traffic dies down. That’s the best time to make the mark.”
“How long have you planned to rob this bank?” I wanted to know. It sounded like he just thought this shit up. I mean, didn’t he have enough money? He used some of the money I gave him back to get a couple of kilos of dope. And I was sure he was making a profit off that.
“After I found out that you didn’t have all of my money. You owe me.”
“I don’t owe you anything. Your crew can handle this robbery.”
“No, I need you to pull it off,” he began to explain. “I knew once I took your baby, you’d come looking for him. So I figured when you got here, I’d put you to work.”
“If you knew this, then why kill my fucking husband?”
“Because I didn’t like the nigga for one. And two, I had to make an example out of him. Do you think I was gonna keep having that nigga around me looking in my face, knowing that he was fucking my ex-girl? And he gave you a baby on top of that? Fuck, nah! I wasn’t having that.”
“That’s fucked up. You’re a heartless nigga! You know that?” I spat. Just thinking about my husband lying dead in that hotel room back in New York made me even sadder. I still couldn’t believe that he was gone.
“I’ve been called worse,” he commented, and then he chuckled.
I shook my head with disgust because I had no other words for him. “Can I see my baby now?” I changed the subject.
“Yes, you may,” he said, and then he turned around and motioned Juice to go in the other room. A minute later Juice walked back into the room with a woman in tow. It was the same woman I saw with Kanan the other night, dropping him off at Matt’s cousin’s spot on Lexington Avenue. The way she cradled my son in her arms sent me the message that I could easily be replaced. This made me sick to my stomach. But then I quickly reminded myself that I couldn’t be replaced. As a matter of fact, I refused to be replaced. I’d die before I let anyone take my son from me.
I erased the notion that my son could be taken from me and preceded toward the young lady. She held him out for me to take me into my arms. After I grabbed him, I looked down at his face and saw how he was sound asleep. He looked so peaceful.
“I missed you so much, Lil D,” I whispered loud enough for only him and me to hear. “I love you so much,” I continued as tears began to fall from my eyes. I stood there sobbing, but it was tears of joy. I was so happy to finally have my baby in my arms. The relief that I felt inside of me was so overwhelming that I could hardly catch my breath. I could only think that it had to be God’s will for me to find him.
“Did you just say that his name was Little D?” Matt asked me.
I ignored him, hoping he’d think that I didn’t hear him. But that didn’t stop him from repeating his question. “Did you say that his name was Little D?” he asked me once more.
“Yeah,” I replied, and then I used my right hand to wipe away the tears falling from my eyes. I was having a moment.
The young lady stepped backward, and then she left the room.
“What does ‘Little D’ mean?” Matt pressed the issue.
“Damon,” I lied. I knew I couldn’t dare tell Matt I named my baby after his father, Derek. Things were going smoothly right now; I couldn’t afford to turn the tables.
“Why didn’t you name him after his daddy? I mean, he is dead. And that way that lil nigga can carry on his pop’s name,” Matt commented sarcastically.
Listening to Matt mock me with Derek’s death was a hard pill to swallow. I wanted to curse the day he was born but I decided against it. Instead, I continued to admire my son’s face as I walked over to the love seat not far from where I was standing and sat down.
“I see you’ve become really good at ignoring me.” He wouldn’t let up as he walked in my direction. I tried to keep my eyes on my baby, but the closer Matt got to me, the more uneasy I felt. I looked up at him as he approached me.
“I’m not ignoring you,” I told him while I cradled my son closer to my chest.
“Well, it sure seemed like it,” he said, and then he looked down at my baby. “You know that should’ve been my son, right?”
Instead of commenting, I smiled.
Matt knelt down in front of me. “Since he ain’t gotta daddy no more, think I can be his stepdaddy?” Matt asked in a sinister type of way.
“Think you’re up for it?” I asked him, tossing the question right back at him. I refused to give him the impression that he could be my son’s stepfather. He was fucking disgusting. The sight of him made me cringe. He was like a bottom feeder and I would never see myself getting back with him again.
“Of course I am,” he replied, and then he stood up and turned around toward the other guys in the room. “Don’t y’all think I’ll be a good daddy?” Matt asked them.
“Yeah,” Kanan said.
“Damn right!” Preech agreed.
“Of course,” Juice added.
Matt turned back around toward me. “See, even my boys know that I’ll hold shit down,” he mentioned proudly.
I smiled at him once more. But on the inside my blood was boiling. I knew I once loved this man, but he turned into someone else. This guy I was in front of was a maniac. He was a cold-blooded murderer with no compassion. I could literally see the terror in his eyes and it was all directed at me. He’d already murdered my husband. So I knew he wouldn’t hesitate to kill me and my baby, especially since we meant nothing to him. Matt always wanted to have a baby with me. And as much as I had loved him, I knew that I couldn’t have a future with him. Not with the lifestyle we lived, which was why I aborted both of my pregnancies with him. It hurt him to his heart when I told him what I had done while he was in prison and after he came back on the streets. It broke his heart. So I guess that was why he fucked Yancy and got her pregnant. I thought it was fucked up that he’d betray me like that, but hey, that is what men do, right? Cheat!
“Let me hold ’em,” Matt said as he leaned forward with his arms extended toward me.
I knew he was testing me. He knew I didn’t want him touching my son, but I had no other choice. I had to do what he said, or else! My stomach started doing somersaults. And my body was so tense it felt like I was coming down with the flu. I guess that
was what stress could do to you.
A flash of heat came over me and I quickly averted my eyes back down to my arm, where my son lay. As bad as I wanted to lift my head up and tell Matt to kiss my ass, I was too afraid that he might kill me on the spot. I swallowed the lump that had formed in the back of my throat and fought the urge to spaz out on him. Instead, I lifted my baby away from my chest and held him out for Matt to grab him. I cringed when he took my son from my hands. I forced myself to smile the whole while.
Matt looked down at my son, cradled him close to his chest, and then turned around toward the other guys. “What y’all think? I look like daddy of the year, huh?” he boasted.
“Yeah man, that’s a good look on you,” Preech spoke.
“Yeah, you good,” Kanan chimed in.
Juice nodded his head.
“Think we can be a family again?” Matt asked me after he turned back around and faced me.
I forced myself to say, “If you want to.”
Matt turned away from me and turned his attention back to the guys. “Y’all hear that? Me and Lauren getting back together,” Matt announced.
The guys smiled, but I could clearly see how uninterested they were. They saw my facial expression. They knew I wasn’t feeling Matt, but they dared not express that to Matt. Matt looked down and smiled at my son and then he looked up at me. “I want you to change his first and last name to mine,” he demanded.
“Are you serious?” I asked him, knowing that he was.
“You fucking right I’m serious. You think I’m gonna be taking care of this little nigga while he got another nigga’s name?” Matt chuckled in a menacing way.
“All right, then,” I reluctantly replied.
Matt continued to walk around the room with my son in his arms. The sight of it sickened me, but what could I do about it? He had transformed into someone I didn’t even recognize. He was like a sadistic goon all of a sudden. Certainly not the man I grew to love all those years ago.
Just hold on, Lauren, this will be over soon, I tried to convince myself. All the while my stomach was churning over and over, I was sweating, and my head was pounding like someone was hitting it with a huge sledgehammer. Watching Matt rocking my son in his arms rattled me. I would’ve taken anything at that moment that would’ve calmed my raggedy nerves.
Matt’s little charade lasted almost an hour. I couldn’t believe I lasted through it. And when it was time to call it a night, Matt instructed me to go with him to his room. “Y’all hold shit down out here while I go handle business in the other room,” Matt told them, and then he led me out of the den. I had no idea what kind of business he was talking about and I didn’t want to know. I just prayed his business had nothing to do with me.
On my way to the room, I walked by the bathroom and got a glimpse of the woman again. She was standing in the mirror brushing her hair. She looked back at me and gave me this ugly stare. I was taken aback by it but I brushed it off and figured that maybe she was having a bad day. That fucking place looked like a fucking war zone, a trap house in the backwoods.
16
THE FINAL SEDUCTION
I was taken to a bedroom on the other side of the house. It was dank, dimly lit, cold, and smelled like mildew and incense. I don’t ever remember being in a place so dark and dreary in my entire life. In all of the trap houses I had ever been in, this one was by far the worst.
I surveyed the bedroom to see if there was a way to escape. No such luck. The windows were covered with metal bars on the outside of them. I figured my chances of getting out of there were slim to none. Even if I were small enough to fit between the bars, I would have to break the glass to slide through it. Yep, it would be impossible.
Matt locked the bedroom door behind us and laid my baby boy down on what looked like a queen-size bed. Of course the bed wasn’t made up. There were piles of clothes everywhere. The room was a fucking mess. That didn’t stop him from trying to seduce me, though. “Come here,” he demanded as he pulled me into him. I cringed immediately. My worst fear had come to a reality. That nasty motherfucker groped me while he tried to force his tongue down my face. He started saying nasty things to me and licking my neck and the side of my face. I was disgusted down to the core of my soul. Several times I was tempted to push him away from me, but then I stopped. I knew it would be a very bad idea, considering the position I was in.
“Come on, and give me some of this good ole pussy for old times’ sake?” Matt huffed into my ear. He wasted no time going back to putting his hands up my shirt.
My nostrils were flaring and I clamped my legs together on his hand. He grabbed my face with both of his hands and pulled it directly into his. Our noses practically touched while he zeroed in on my eyes. His face was crumpled into an evil snarl and his icy blue eyes were glinting with hints of malice.
“Why is your body so stiff? Don’t you love me anymore?” he questioned me.
I knew not to dare answer this question wrong. I knew I had to play the role or else. “You know I love you, Matt. You are my first love,” I told him, trying to sound pretty convincing.
“I can’t tell. You act like you’re not enjoying what I’m doing.”
“I’m tired. And I would really like to lie down and get some rest before I do that score for you tomorrow. And besides, you know I just had my baby a couple days ago. I’m still bleeding,” I replied, hoping this would turn him off.
“I don’t give a fuck about that. Your pussy belongs to me and I want some of it now,” he spat as he let go of my face and pulled my body in closer to his. He whirled me around and pressed his groin against my butt. The fact that he was touching me made me sick to my stomach. But I kept my cool.
“Open your legs,” he grumbled, moving his hand down inside of my pants. I tried my best to relax. I closed my eyes, eased the muscles in my legs, and allowed him to thrust his hands up into my crotch. I murmured my disapproval and I turned my head to the side so he wouldn’t see the tears rimming my eyes. I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of knowing he was dominating me. That’s what Matt’s plan was all about. He hated the fact that I left him and started a new life with another man. Not to mention, that I took his share of the last score we did too. Everything he was doing now was his way of getting revenge.
Matt kissed me on my lips, licked my neck, and fondled my breasts. I was dying inside, but I wanted to stay in Matt’s good graces so I played along. One by one, Matt took off all of my clothes. I was stripped down to nothing.
As I stood there, butt naked, waiting for him to do whatever he was going to do to me, there was a volcano of emotions exploding inside of me. It was a mixture of pure hatred, sorrow, fear, and most of all the desire for revenge.
At first he started kissing me on the back of my neck. I closed my eyes and bit the inside of my jaw. It was all I could do to keep myself from screaming out or from turning around and punching him in the face. Next, Matt reached around to the front of me and fondled my bare breasts from behind. He started off soft, but I could feel his touch getting rougher and more forceful with each passing minute. He was breathing hard—an animalistic pant that also made me sick to my stomach.
“You feel like magic. I miss you so fucking much!” he panted into my ear as he unzipped his pants and pulled out his dick. My eyes shot open. You disgusting piece of shit! I don’t love you anymore. I hate you and everything you stand for. I was screaming in my head, but I didn’t dare say a word. Matt continued to have his way with me.
A few minutes later, he grabbed a handful of my hair and forcefully yanked it until he succeeded in pulling me down to the floor. I was too shocked at his sudden abuse to even put up a defense or break my fall. My knees went crashing to the hardwood floor and pain shot through my legs. I felt my teeth click in the back from hitting together. The pain in my scalp from him pulling gave me an instant headache.
“Ahhh!” I screamed out. I tried to put my hands on top of his to ease the pain shooting through my scalp,
but Matt was too fast and too strong.
“Suck this dick good, baby! You know how daddy likes it,” he said.
I was about to go completely insane. How the hell was I going to suck his dick and restrain myself from biting it off? The sight of this fucking maniac repulsed me. The smell of his musty dick made my stomach even sicker. “Put it in your mouth,” he instructed me.
I reluctantly opened my mouth, allowing Matt to push his manhood inside it. “Grab it and put it in your mouth,” he demanded.
Semi-paralyzed, I reached up and grabbed ahold of Matt’s penis and put it in my mouth very slow. “Stroke it,” he continued.
I began to stroke it like he instructed me to do and I tried my best to pretend I was enjoying it but I started gagging. This pissed Matt off.
Breathing like a raging bull, he grabbed my hair again and stopped me from blowing him. “What the fuck are you doing?” he boomed.
I removed his dick from my mouth so I could speak. “What do you mean?” I asked.
“Don’t fucking play games with me!” he hissed, and lifted me up to my feet and tossed me onto the bed. I hit the bed hard. I thought I had awakened my baby, but when I looked over at him, he stretched out his little body, then curled right back up and continued to lie in the fetal position.
Matt would not have cared if my son had awakened or not because within seconds he was straddling my stomach with his body and pinning my arms to the bed with his knees. His weight felt like it was crushing my chest. I had always hated being held down. Fear of suffocation had started taking over my senses.
“Ouch! You’re hurting me!” I struggled, trying to buck my body and at least kick my legs. I was no match for Matt’s body.
“You better shut the fuck up before you piss me off really bad. I’m trying to have patience with you,” he said in a tone that sounded more maniacal than he had earlier. His dick was mushy against my chest. I felt vomit creeping up from the pit of my stomach to my throat. I was afraid that if it came up I would choke to death so I fought hard to swallow it back down. It was hot and acidy. I started coughing.
