Who Needs Men Anyway?

by Victoria Cooke

  ‘Andrew!’ I shouted across three tables when I spotted him and had to squeeze myself through some impossibly tight spaces in between the packed-in chairs to traverse the very cramped coffee shop.

  ‘I don’t even realise how big my tummy is any more – I still feel like a much slimmer person. I’m sure it changes each day,’ I puffed as I sat down.

  ‘Well, I’m honoured you fought your way through the chairs to see me.’

  He gestured to several cups on the table. ‘I wasn’t sure what you’d want so I’ve got you a decaf coffee, a decaf tea, a berry tea and a water, just in case.’

  ‘Oh, I fancied a frappe . . .’ I pulled a face of mock disappointment, and he looked crestfallen. ‘Relax, I’m joking! Sorry! That’s so very thoughtful.’ And it was – James could just about remember I couldn’t drink alcohol while pregnant and that was only because he’d realised the benefit of having a designated driver. I took a sip of the berry tea and he relaxed visibly.

  ‘So, how about these holiday snaps then?’ I said.

  He moved his chair around so he was sitting close to me and his arm brushed against mine. I could feel the heat radiating from his body and despite it, I got a chill. ‘I’m not really going to bore you, but there’s a few I’d like to show you because I think you’ll appreciate them.’

  He pulled out his phone. ‘This is me on the Amalfi Coast – the colour of the water was something else.’ He was sat on a wall, high up on a cliff overlooking the stunning turquoise waters of the Mediterranean. ‘Embarrassingly, I had to ask an Italian teen to take this picture for me. It took me a while to get my phrases right and after about five minutes, he finally understood what I was saying, at which point, I felt like an utter idiot and wished I hadn’t bothered. Then I had to stand on the other side of the road so he could take it with the view in the background, and I was just praying he didn’t run off with my phone, so I hope you appreciate it!’

  I giggled. ‘It sounds like a lot of effort, but you soldiered on! Perhaps buy a selfie stick next time?’

  ‘A selfie stick?’ He looked visibly pained. ‘Perhaps I’d better just brush up on my Italian. I’m a bit too cool for a selfie stick, don’t you think?’

  I shook my head, smiling.

  ‘Ouch!’ He put a hand on his chest. ‘And I thought my class gave me a rough time!’ He smiled, and his eyes crinkled a little in the corners.

  We talked a bit more about his trip and he asked about my pregnancy, looking genuinely interested as I told him about my more frequent loo breaks and odd cravings for salt and vinegar crisps at all hours. I felt so relaxed in his easy company, and I noticed that when he laughed, his eyes sparkled.

  ‘So, do you have any more plans to travel?’ I asked when there was a comfortable pause in the conversation.

  He shrugged. ‘I’m not sure. I loved Italy, but travelling alone isn’t really my thing. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad I did it because I have to push myself back into the life I had and loved. It would be nice to travel with someone again, though.’

  ‘What about any of your friends?’ I asked.

  ‘They’re all married with children. I’ve been invited along on some of their family holidays – out of politeness or pity, though, I’m sure.’

  I gave a sympathetic smile. ‘I know where you’re coming from. It’s going to take me some getting used to. I won’t actually be alone, but travelling with just me and a baby will take some getting used to.’

  An absurd idea flashed through my head, and for a moment I had to clench my jaw to stop it coming out of my mouth. Maybe he’d suggest it first if I just hung on. I wanted him to suggest it.

  He didn’t.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  The next few weeks were a blur. Moving day was fairly simple since I had very little, and Megan, Sam, and Kate insisted on being there to help, though Kate’s version of helping was to bring some of the builders who worked for Carl along.

  ‘Free eye candy.’ She’d winked as the burly, vest-clad men spilt from a white van on the morning of moving day. ‘Sit, sit!’ she’d ordered us all. ‘They’ll sort it out; we’ll drink tea.’

  So we drank tea until the van was filled and ready to go. ‘Is there anything you want to pick up from your old house?’ Kate asked.

  I thought about it; I’d collected most of my personal items. There was furniture that I supposed I was entitled to and other bits and bobs, but I wanted a clean slate. The cottage didn’t have the grandeur of the house, and the things from there would just look silly and oversized.

  ‘No, I’ve got everything I need.’

  We beat the van to the cottage, and as I pulled up outside, leaving the driveway free, I stared up at my new home. It was just as pretty as I remembered. Some of the plants had died and the odd pot had vanished, but all that was superficial.

  ‘I know I’d joked about it being small when I saw the brochure, but my shed is actually bigger. How will you live here?’ Kate said, climbing out.

  ‘I think it’s perfect,’ Megan said.

  ‘I’ll get you some new plants,’ Sam added, running a droopy leaf through his fingers.

  I stood at the door, flanked by the other three. Taking a deep breath, I pushed the key in the lock and shoved the door, which swung open revealing a clean but empty shell. I could tell, as I could on the open day, that it was exactly what I needed. ‘In we go.’

  Once the deliverymen had taken all the boxes upstairs, us ladies sat on the floor in the bedroom whilst Sam was downstairs assembling a bookshelf. I had no bed, no sofa or table, but the happy endorphins were dancing – so much so my eyes teared up when I tried to tell the others how happy I was.

  Megan rubbed my back. ‘It will all be okay.’

  ‘I’m not worried, I’m . . . I’m happy.’ A sob escaped me.

  ‘And so you should be,’ Megan said. ‘You’ve so much to look forward to.’

  ‘I just worry about doing it on my own.’

  ‘I’ve already told you – you have us! Don’t ever think you’re on your own. Right, Kate?’

  ‘Of course. I’m good with fashion, sex ed, and boyfriend advice.’ She winked.

  ‘Have you got a birthing plan?’ Megan asked, ignoring her.

  I nodded. ‘There isn’t much to it other than I’d like a water birth if possible.’

  ‘What about a birthing partner?’ she asked.

  I shook my head. ‘I hadn’t thought about it. The midwife asked but I told her I wasn’t interested.’

  ‘Nonsense, you should have one – she should, shouldn’t she, Kate?’

  ‘Yes but please, Charlotte, for the love of God, pick Megan. Seeing a human squeeze out of your hoo-ha could seriously affect our friendship,’ Kate said. I chuckled but Megan glared at her.

  ‘I’d be more than happy to be your birthing partner, if you want me too that is, and I promise I won’t go anywhere near your hoo-ha,’ Megan said.

  ‘Thank you. I’m nervous about the whole “squeezing a human out” thing. I’m contemplating booking an antenatal class at the birthing centre, just to gain some insight into what to expect.’

  ‘Do it, I’ll come with you,’ Megan said. I was so happy to have her around that happy tears pressed at my eyes.

  ‘We should go out for dinner,’ Kate said, slapping her hands on her thighs. ‘To cheer you up and also because you’ve bugger all by way of food, pans, utensils, or plates!’

  I gave a watery smile. ‘Well, I might not bother getting any if the punishment is eating out.’

  ‘How about that new gastropub behind the high street?’ Megan suggested.

  ‘If they have salt and vinegar crisps, I’ll be a real advocate for that suggestion,’ I said, earning a sideways glance from Kate. ‘Cravings!’ I added.

  A few hours later we were sitting in the pub, me with almost a full beer-battered cod in front of me.

  ‘Aren’t you going to finish that?’ Kate said.

  ‘I can’t. The baby seems to be taking up
most of the space in my abdomen. My poor stomach is squished up like a sponge,’ I said, rubbing my hand across it.

  ‘So, have you heard from the teacher?’ Megan had her head resting on her hands and was staring wistfully in my direction.

  ‘Actually, we’re in touch, as friends, but we’re starting to become quite good ones at that.’

  ‘Charlotte. This is the most frustrating love story of all time. More frustrating than Bridget Jones!’ Kate said, causing Megan to gasp.

  ‘You didn’t like Bridget Jones?’ She was visibly shocked.

  ‘Oh, come on – you want the guy, you throw yourself at the guy. It’s simple. You don’t bumble your words and flash your arse on TV and feel like shit for God knows how long only to finally get the guy and then lose him again.’

  ‘You don’t,’ Megan said. ‘The rest of us feel exactly like Bridget.’

  ‘Well that’s just sad,’ Kate said, sipping the last of her wine.

  ‘Kate!’ I said, laughing. ‘You must have scared men to death when you were single. I bet you never got a second date.’

  ‘No, but I always got what I wanted on the first date.’ She flashed a wicked smile and raised a glass.

  We laughed. I admired her confidence but imagined Andrew, or most men for that matter, would run for cover if she ever happened to take a shine to them.

  ‘Well I’ve got what I wanted too. Andrew is my friend. I was serious when I said I don’t need a man. I’m hugely pregnant and I’m only getting bigger. Now is definitely not the time to start thinking about romance and for the first time in ages, I actually feel . . . complete.’ I didn’t tell them about the chest flutters and stomach flips I got every time I saw him, because in my heart of hearts, I knew his friendship was what I wanted most, and okay, maybe I fantasised about being wrapped in his burly arms a little but I was sure pregnancy hormones played a huge part in that.

  ‘You’re probably right about that,’ Kate said. ‘I’ve actually got an announcement to make.’

  ‘Oh?’ I asked. There was no way Kate was pregnant, and she was smiling so it wasn’t another divorce. Probably.

  ‘I’ve been hard on Carl. Demanding his attention and behaving like a spoilt brat when I didn’t get it.’ She paused to point at Sam. ‘You can drop those eyebrows right away, mister! Anyway, I’ve come to realise, I was just bored. What else did I have to do but shop and make sure I always looked fabulous?’ We all nodded in agreement but still had no idea where she was going with her speech. ‘After drafting up those marketing posters, I realised that my self-worth shouldn’t come from Carl, it should come from myself.’

  Sam interrupted with an overdramatic fake yawn, which resulted in a few muffled giggles from Megan and me. Kate cocked her head to the side. ‘When you’re quite finished, I wanted to say, I’ve decided to set up a marketing company for small businesses.’

  ‘Wow, Kate, that’s amazing,’ I said, genuinely surprised. The others made murmurs of agreement.

  ‘Thank you, Charlotte – I think so, and Carl does too. I’ll design adverts, flyers, brochures, and so on.’

  ‘You could sell snow to the Inuit,’ Megan said.

  ‘You have a customer right here – I could do with some updated leaflets,’ Sam added.

  ‘Perfect.’

  ‘Me too, I could always do with new clients,’ Megan said.

  The conversation turned to the Maldives, as Kate listened intently to the stories Sam and Megan told. Kate mentioned wanting to book something there and wanted tips. It wasn’t all that long ago I’d have been the same, but it just seemed so trivial. I was having a baby and I had to do everything I could to provide for her. I was more interested in making sure I had the right type of bottles and the best type of baby bath. I gathered my things and stood up. ‘I’m going to go.’ Everyone stopped speaking to look at me.

  ‘Is everything okay?’ Megan asked.

  ‘I’m fine, just tired – it’s a pregnancy thing. You stay and have dessert and I’ll meet you back at the house later.’ With that, I left and went straight back to Megan’s house. I couldn’t bring a baby into the world without knowing what I was doing with my life. I needed a plan, and Kate’s talk of setting up a business was exactly the kind of thing I needed to do.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  It had been another week of sleeping at Megan’s until my furniture arrived, and I’d bought all the necessary items. My first night in my new home felt a little bit like I was closing one book and starting a new one. My decree nisi had arrived a week earlier meaning I only had five weeks of marriage left to James. By the end of October, I’d be rid of him but I was numb when I thought about it. My phone buzzed, breaking my thoughts.

  My new class really want to help your charity. They saw the posters my old class designed, and to be honest, there are some right of horrors in my new class and anything positive they want to do I’m going with. They want to run a mile but would love ‘that pretty lady’ to come and visit them. Basically, they all idolise Skye and she’s still nattering about you. Would you like to come and run/walk a mile? A x

  I smiled at my phone. It was wonderful that I’d had such an impact on the children, and getting them involved in fundraising was fantastic. It wouldn’t hurt to see Andrew again either – see him, his beautiful eyes, and those biceps. Eye candy was all I could hope for at that stage in my pregnancy.

  That’s why I found myself clad in Lycra leggings, leading a group of kids around the field in the freezing cold a few weeks later in late September – and loving it. Andrew ran beside me, keeping pace, which must have been excruciating since I was mostly just power-walking (waddling?). The kids had a great time, and one hundred and twenty-eight pounds was raised for the Springwell Hospice, which I knew they’d be grateful for.

  After the children had gone home, I helped Andrew and some other members of staff pack away cones and things that we’d got out for the event. ‘I’ve never seen them so keen!’ he said. ‘I spent the whole of last year dreading having that class, and with a little something to focus on, they’re not too bad!’ He smiled ruefully. ‘We are only a month in, though.’

  ‘You’re a great teacher. They really idolise you,’ I said, recalling how they wouldn’t leave him alone and how they all wanted to run next to Mr Watts.

  He batted away my comment. ‘I’m the only male teacher in the school. It makes me more unique, and believe me, that novelty has worn off.’

  ‘You’re very modest!’

  He smiled. ‘You did amazingly well today. I really admired how you ran all that way.’ He stretched out a hand to brush a hair away from my eye, which I hadn’t noticed was there. My skin tingled where his hand made contact, and I looked down at my trainers to avoid meeting his eyes. There was too much energy in such close proximity.

  ‘Ran!’ I laughed, cutting through it. ‘You’re very sweet but that wasn’t running – I’m too big. Just you wait until I’ve had the baby. I’ll show you real running,’ I said when I eventually composed myself.

  ‘You’re on.’ He grinned, and a little butterfly danced in my chest. Finding reasons to see Andrew again and succeeding felt strangely triumphant.

  He drove me home. Since I’d walked to his school and the run had tired me out I was happy to accept – tiredness seemed to be a by-product of pregnancy.

  ‘It’s a pretty house you have,’ he said, pulling up at the end of the gravel driveway. He turned to me. ‘I’ve got you a present.’

  ‘A present?’ I was surprised.

  He produced a packet of salt and vinegar crisps from his glove box. ‘I thought you might have worked up quite a craving running around like that.’

  I laughed as I took the packet. It was a far cry from the gifts James used to give me, but somehow so much more benevolent. ‘Well thank you, it’s very thoughtful of you.’ I couldn’t believe he’d remembered. ‘Goodbye, Andrew.’ I sat facing him with my hand on the door handle but I couldn’t motivate myself to pull it.

  �
��Bye, Charlotte,’ he replied, and we sat for a moment, eyes locked. My stomach fluttered and at first, I mistook it for those inner teenaged-girl feelings I always had whenever I was around Andrew, until it happened again. I clasped my hand to my mouth.

  ‘The baby just kicked.’ I gasped.

  ‘What, just now? Are you sure?’ Andrew said. I nodded, smiling widely as tears brimmed in my eyes.

  ‘It’s the first time she’s done that.’ I’d felt flutters before but they were never strong enough to know for sure. I put my hand to my stomach and felt her again. My chest swelled with love and instinctively I grabbed Andrew’s hand. ‘Feel.’

  We sat for a few moments, waiting. All I could feel was the heat from his hand and I prayed she’d kick again.

  She did.

  ‘Oh my God,’ he said, smiling.

  I let out a small laugh. ‘It must have been all that running.’

  ‘Or the excitement of salt and vinegar crisps,’ he replied.

  ‘Well, you can’t underestimate salt and vinegar crisps,’ I joked.

  I was about to be brave and invite Andrew in for a coffee when a familiar gold car pulled up across the road. ‘Oh, no,’ I groaned.

  ‘Unwanted visitor? You could always borrow my holiday snaps if you want to bore them away,’ Andrew said, keeping the mood light.

  I giggled. ‘Thanks, but I’d need something more along the lines of holy water and burning sage to keep this one at bay.’

  Concern flashed across his face. ‘I can come in if you like?’

  ‘Oh no, don’t worry. It’s the ex-mother-in-law.’ He gave a knowing look. ‘Thank you for the lift. I had a great time.’

  ‘Me too,’ he replied.

  I forced myself to get out of the car, but the tingly feeling in my tummy stayed with me until it was scared off along with all small creatures and children in the vicinity.

  ‘Hello, Frances, what a pleasant surprise,’ I trilled, as she got out of her car and approached me when I was pushing my key into the door.

  ‘Can I just have a moment of your time, Charlotte, please? This won’t take long.’ Her face was worn and crumpled like it was straight off my ironing pile. She wasn’t herself.