Who Needs Men Anyway?

by Victoria Cooke

  All sense of propriety abandoned me. ‘Take me to the hospital. Now!’ I yelled.

  ‘Oh Jesus,’ Andrew said, swiping up the basket and linking his arm under me for support. My car is just there by the gate.’

  I managed to hobble to the car before another wave of pain hit me. ‘These are coming quick and fast – I thought it was supposed to build up!’ I said between gasps.

  He helped me in and shot around to the driver’s side, screeching away from the kerb seconds later.

  ***

  By the time we reached the hospital, my urge to push was so strong, I couldn’t speak. A ripping pain tore through my stomach what seemed like every thirty seconds. I vaguely remember someone rushing towards me with a wheelchair and racing me into a delivery room.

  ‘You’re ten centimetres!’ the midwife had said. Apparently, there was no time for any pain relief, just gas and air. My birth plan went flying out of the window.

  ‘Push,’ the midwife instructed.

  Andrew was there, face as white as a sheet. He definitely wasn’t in my birth plan. As far as first dates went, this had to be the strangest. Giving birth was a lot for men to deal with at the best of times. He was holding my hand, but I didn’t want to squeeze it so I clenched the bedding with my other hand instead.

  ‘Push!’ the midwife repeated. I was scared. I didn’t know how to push – I’d never pushed anything from there before. I was supposed to be having a water birth. Surely they had my plan. I didn’t have my plan; I didn’t even have my hospital bag. I started to feel panicky. Come on, Charlotte. I tried to pull myself together. I pushed. With everything I had.

  ‘And again.’

  Then the door burst open. ‘Oh, thank God, I’m not too late!’ It was James.

  ‘I sent him a message from your phone,’ Andrew said. ‘I hope you don’t mind.’

  Pain surged through me. At that moment in time, I didn’t care.

  ‘Push!’

  Andrew’s hand was replaced by James’s and he slipped out of the room. I didn’t want him to leave. He was technically my birthing partner but through the pain and the gas and air, I never managed to communicate my thoughts.

  ‘I’m so glad I made it,’ James said, stroking my hair. I wanted to yell at him to get off, but I didn’t. I was too focused on getting the baby out.

  ‘Okay, I see the head, nearly there,’ the midwife said. ‘Push.’

  I batted James’s hand away and pushed. ‘Aggh’ and almighty pain tore through my lady parts. I was panting, completely worn out.

  ‘Not long now, sweetheart,’ James said.

  ‘You squeeze the bloody thing out,’ I screamed.

  ‘Just relax, take some air,’ the midwife soothed and it took all of my resolve not to bite her head off too. ‘Are you ready? It’s the shoulders next. Push.’

  I did. The hot tearing sensation wasn’t as bad that time and I could feel myself she was nearly out. One last contraction forced me to push before the midwife spoke.

  ‘She’s coming, she’s here,’ the midwife said as I panted for breath.

  The midwife placed a tiny person on my chest and for a little while, time froze as I stared into her perfect little eyes. She was beautiful. Love at first sight does exist.

  ‘Alert little thing,’ the midwife said, acknowledging her open eyes. She was; she took in everything but most of all, me. I was in love.

  Not long after the midwife took her and wiped her down. She was handed back to me in a nappy, BabyGro and pink woolly hat.

  ‘She’s perfect.’ James smiled.

  For a moment it all felt perfect, like a glimpse into how it should have been. But I’d be going home to my cottage, and James would return to the apartment he’d apparently moved into. I had to remind myself that just because he was an awful husband, it didn’t mean he would be a bad father.

  ‘Am I too late?’ Frances’s voice pierced my eardrums as she burst through the door. ‘Oh, what a little beauty!’ she said making a beeline towards us. ‘And does she have a name yet? I still have lots of ideas.’

  ‘I’ve been thinking about names,’ I continued. ‘And I really like Penelope Rose.’

  Frances didn’t say anything; instead, she actually smiled.

  James nodded in agreement. ‘I like it.’

  ‘Would you like to hold her?’ I offered, realising I’d hogged her all to myself. As he took her from me I instantly regretted offering; I just wanted my warm little precious bundle back.

  ‘Oh, she has your features, Charlotte,’ Frances said, stooping over my daughter. ‘She looks just like you.’ She stopped short of getting too close to James. I had no idea whether they’d been in contact or what had been said but it was the first time Frances had been anything but doting over her precious son.

  They left about an hour later and I lay back down, staring at my precious Penelope Rose. I kept saying her name over and over in my head until I knew it was perfect for her.

  There was a knock at the door, and Andrew popped his head round. ‘Am I allowed a look?’ he said, smiling.

  ‘I can’t believe you’re still here.’

  ‘Are you kidding? We’re on a date!’ There was a mischievous glint in his eye. ‘Besides, you’d have to call security if you want me removed.’ He hovered over for a look, and our faces were impossibly close. ‘She’s beautiful,’ he whispered, his eyes locking on to mine for a moment too long. I wondered if he’d kiss me, or perhaps he thought it inappropriate. He kissed my forehead instead. ‘Well done, you were amazing.’ My heart swelled with love – not just for Penelope, but for my life.

  ‘Well this looks cosy.’ Kate burst in, Megan and Sam following behind her. ‘Congratulations!’ they all cheered in unison.

  A wide grin spread across my face. I couldn’t wait for them to see her.

  ‘Ahh, she’s beautiful,’ Megan said, giving me a hug. Andrew sloped back and sat on the chair in the corner of the room to let them have a look.

  ‘And if she doesn’t grow into that nose by the time she’s eighteen, we can have it fixed. I know a great surgeon,’ Kate said. I frowned at her in response, but even Kate’s comments couldn’t penetrate my happy bubble.

  ‘Well, I think she’s perfect,’ Megan said.

  ‘She’s a little cute thing,’ Sam added.

  ‘Nice long legs,’ Kate said. I think that was her attempt at warmth.

  I reluctantly passed Penelope around for them each to have a cuddle. Though Kate held her with the same love and affection as Baby in Dirty Dancing when she was carrying a watermelon, I did notice a soft, gushy expression wash over her as she glanced down at Penelope.

  ***

  The weeks after Penelope joined the world were a blur. No sleep, minimal adult interaction, and pure bliss. There had been a stream of visitors to our tiny little cottage but most of the time, I enjoyed it best when it was just the two of us. Andrew had visited a fair few times; he had a knack of turning up when I needed him the most, such as after a stressful morning of unfathomable crying or after four consecutive poonamis. On one occasion, he turned up at three p.m. to find me un-showered and still in my pyjamas.

  ‘Let me hold her,’ he’d said. It was a relief to hand her over for a moment and to be able to use my arms for my own gain for a minute or two.

  ‘Thank you.’ I sighed. ‘She’s been crying non-stop. She’s been fed, winded, her nappy is clean, and I just can’t figure out what the matter is. She just wants to be held and jiggled.’

  ‘Well I’m happy to hold and jiggle if you want to have some you time,’ he said.

  I didn’t think twice. ‘Thank you.’ I almost teared up. ‘I’ll be upstairs having a soak.’

  The bath felt amazing. I was fortunate to have escaped with minimal damage below the belt, but I’d been doing my pelvic floor exercises at Kate’s insistence, religiously. I don’t know why I’d thought about that so much. Maybe I was hoping something might happen with Andrew once day, though I wasn’t sure I could even bear
to even think about that for a very long time.

  When I went downstairs half an hour later, Penelope was fast asleep, curled up in a little ball on Andrew’s chest, and he was holding her in one of his strong arms watching The Deadliest Catch.

  ‘You have the magic touch!’ I said quietly, so as not to wake her.

  ‘I’m the baby whisperer.’ He smiled. ‘She did a big burp, then a huge yawn, and that was it.’

  It usually was something simple, but days like that often had me in a tizz to the point where my imagination got the better of me and built up the problem to something huge or life-threatening because nobody healthy should ever need to cry that much.

  ‘Pass me over the Moses basket,’ he said and placed Penelope in it carefully when I’d placed it down. ‘I’m going to go now she’s asleep and give you chance to have a rest.’ My eyes welled up. It was such a small gesture but exactly what I needed.

  My words burst out in an only-just-decipherable sob. ‘Thank you.’ He wrapped me in his arms and I finally got that cuddle. I felt small, protected, and wanted to stay there for ever.

  ‘Get some rest.’ He kissed me on the head and I thanked him again before he left.

  I spent a glorious few hours sleeping on the sofa and was only woken up when my phone shrilled.

  ‘Hi, Kate,’ I said, yawning after my blissful nap. She was phoning to check in. She and Carl had been in each other’s pockets. Since everything that had happened with James, Mike, and Samantha, I think Kate had realised she’d actually found a keeper in Carl after all he’d done to help with her various plans and schemes.

  ‘How do you fancy a night out?’ she said.

  ‘A night in bed sounds better.’

  ‘Who with?’ she shrieked. Clearly, she had no idea how tired new mothers could be.

  ‘Alone, just me and a huge super king, made with luxury Egyptian cotton of at least a four-hundred-thread c—’

  ‘Let me stop you there before you bore me to death with what I can only describe as the crappiest fantasy ever!’ She took a deep breath and I sensed she was nervous, which was very unlike Kate. ‘Anyway, I know most people my age are packing their kids off to senior school, but Carl has suggested trying for a baby . . .’

  She paused to allow me time to digest (or squeal, which is actually what I did). ‘That’s amazing!’

  ‘Well, I’m not convinced, so we thought we’d test-run your baby.’

  ‘Oh, thanks, when you put it like that, how can I refuse?’ I said to the least enthusiastic babysitter of all time.

  ‘Oh, come on, I’m really keen to try. You know I’ve not been around babies much. I don’t even know any and so many people have them that I’m sure there’s more to the appeal than nappies and vomit. And I do love spending time with Penelope.’

  I thought about it for a moment. It had been nice when Andrew came to give me a break, and I was sure visits wouldn’t always be enough for James and Frances; they’d eventually want to take her away for a night or two so I’d have to get used to being apart from her. ‘Okay,’ I said. ‘On one condition . . .’

  ‘Don’t give her champagne?’

  ‘Not funny! The condition is, you have her during the day. You’re not just bathing her and putting her to bed then buggering off before the night feed. You do the daytime, you watch her laugh, soothe her tears, feed her, and change her nappy. Only then you’ll be qualified to make the decision.’

  The phone went so quiet I wasn’t sure she was still there until I heard her draw a breath. ‘Okay. It can’t be that hard.’

  ‘Super, I’ll let you know about dates.’

  Once I’d finished on the phone, I noticed a text message from Andrew.

  You looked like you needed a break today but when you’re feeling up to it, I’d love a second date if you’d fancy it. Probably something low-key and definitely less dramatic than our first date. A xx

  My heart bulged.

  I’d love to, but I’m not sure we could top the first one. C xx

  ***

  I walked back in from having a much-needed colour touch-up at the hairdresser’s and Kate was already picking up her coat and bag. ‘Got to dash, Penelope is napping. She’s fine. Bye.’ She kissed me on the cheek as she barged past to the front door. It wasn’t until I turned towards the kitchen, her odd behaviour made sense.

  ‘Low-key.’ Andrew smiled as he lit a candle, placing it on the kitchen counter.

  ‘Ahh, this explains Kate’s behaviour. Although, Kate explains Kate’s behaviour.’ I laughed to myself as Andrew walked around the counter and stood facing me. ‘Charlotte?’ he said, intertwining his fingers with mine. I looked up at him and he took a step closer, so his chest was pressed against me. ‘You are incredibly strong, and I admire that in a woman. You’re determined and that’s sexy as hell. You’re beautiful and you’re a fantastic mummy. For all these reasons, I’ve wanted to do this.’

  He wrapped a strong arm around my back, pulling me in and rested his forehead on mine. ‘I’ve wanted to do this for a long time,’ he whispered, pressing his hot lips against mine, moving them in rhythm. I responded, grabbing at him, pulling him in closer. I couldn’t get close enough. He smelt deliciously fresh and citrusy and I ran my hands up and down his firm, toned back before he scooped me up and I squealed.

  ‘There’s been something I’ve been meaning to do for you.’

  ‘What?’ I giggled.

  He carried me to the sofa and sat down, with me on his knee. ‘I know you’ve wanted me to do this for a long time,’ he said. There were a few things I wanted him to do to me but I couldn’t recall ever telling anyone. I felt my cheeks flush. Then he wrapped his arms around me in a big bear hug. ‘I know you’ve been desperate for a cuddle.’ He laughed; I did too.

  ‘Get off!’ I giggled. ‘You’re messing my new hair up.’

  ‘I can’t, I’m making dreams come true here.’ He was still laughing and I tickled his sides and he jerked away and I looked him in the eye.

  ‘I preferred that other thing you were just doing.’

  ‘Ahh, okay, this,’ he whispered. Drawing me closer he cupped my face and kissed me again. I could have stayed there for ever.

  Epilogue

  The Following Summer

  The warm, salty air was breezy and delicious in the heat as I sat on a grey stone wall, looking out over the turquoise waters of the Amalfi Coast. I’d taken Penelope out of her pushchair to see too – not that she cared in the slightest at eight months old. I tried to turn her around but she grabbed at my face, my hair, anything she could get her cute, chubby little hands on, basically. I kissed her perfect little nose and giggled at her disregard for natural beauty.

  ‘Looks like Pen has found something more beautiful than the views of Amalfi to look at.’ Andrew approached us, juggling three ice creams.

  ‘Ahh, you’re too kind!’ I smiled before twisting my face into a mock-serious expression. ‘Too kind . . .’ I pointed at the third ice cream. ‘She’s a baby.’

  ‘She’s on her holidays!’ He kissed Penelope on the forehead. ‘Aren’t you, darling?’ I shook my head as he put the ice creams on the wall and shoved a spoonful into her mouth. She wasn’t complaining. ‘See, she loves it.’

  ‘She doesn’t need ice cream.’

  ‘Nobody does.’

  It was pointless arguing, and deep down I loved how he doted on her. He’d been around almost every day since we’d got together properly, and he’d helped me so much. Without him, I wasn’t sure I’d have kept my sanity. She loved him and I loved him.

  When we’d eaten our ice creams and Andrew took our pots over to the bin. I’d stayed seated, laughing at him trying to negotiate past a cute old couple taking up the entire pavement. I turned back to the sea, leaning on the wall with Penelope propped in front of me. I pointed out some fishing boats to her and eventually, she started taking in the beautiful colour of the sea.

  Andrew came up behind us and snaked his arms around Penelope and me, nuzz
ling into my neck as my hair blew gently around us all. ‘So, I’ve been meaning to ask you both something,’ he said, as I took a deep breath of the salty air and kissed Penelope’s cheek.

  ‘Yes, you can have an ice cream tomorrow as well.’ I sighed, looking him in the eye with a teasing grin.

  ‘Well that’s good to know, and I will take you up on it . . . But I was wondering about this.’ He lifted his hand, and in it sat a black velvet box.

  I turned my head to the side to catch his eye.

  ‘There is something for you and Pen in there,’ he said casually.

  I glanced once again at the box, and with all the restraint of a chimpanzee in a banana plantation, tried to open it, which wasn’t easy as Penelope was flapping her arms about. Probably because she wanted to turn around and see Andrew.

  When the lid was fully open, I looked inside the box and gasped. ‘Andrew!’ I clasped a hand over my mouth as he turned us to the side and came around to face us so we could all see each other against the beautiful backdrop.

  ‘Charlotte Thomas, I fell in love with your personality, even before I saw your beautiful face. Your generosity is rare and precious. Penelope Emsworth, you’re a cute little button, and even though you throw spaghetti at me and can manage trumps to rival those of a builder, you are perfect and not a day goes by when you don’t make me smile.’ He lifted his eyes to mine. ‘Both of you.’ He let out a small, nervous laugh, and I did too, but my pulse had started to race and the entire team GB Olympic gymnastics squad were backflipping in my stomach.

  ‘I’m not doing very well here.’ He took a deep, steady breath. ‘Charlotte Thomas, will you marry me? And Penelope Emsworth, can I be your step-daddy?’

  ‘Oh my God!’ I gasped, before my entire body started to shake. From nowhere, my eyes sprung a leak and tears rolled down my face uncontrollably as I convulsed with emotion. Andrew’s eyes started to glisten too as he stood there looking smaller and more vulnerable than I’d ever seen him before.

  ‘Yes! Oh my God, yes, double yes, we both say yes,’ I squealed excitedly.

  The dawdling elderly couple were wandering back towards us with a shopping bag and the old man yelled ‘Meraviglioso!’ and tipped his straw hat before kissing his wife on her cheek.