The Rain Never Came

by Lachlan Walter

  Her tombstone loomed over him, casting him in the shadow of an angel carved from stone.

  The transport’s cabin was crowded with junk—faded maps, a tarnished compass, a pair of broken binoculars, possum skins of bush tobacco and wild weed, battered canteens. I had to dig deep to find a seat.

  ‘It didn’t take you long to settle in,’ I complained, kicking aside the detritus at my feet.

  ‘There’s no place like home.’ Tobe’s voice was soft.

  I didn’t ask if he was okay; I knew better. He slipped the transport into gear, flicked the headlights on and started the engine.

  ‘You right back there?’ he said over his shoulder, his voice a little louder.

  ‘No worries,’ Ruby replied.

  And away we went. A wicked laugh came from deep in Tobe’s belly as we crossed the paddock—being back on the road seemed to shake his dark mood. Dust plumed behind us, dug from the churned earth of our tyre tracks. We shot through the driveway gate and turned onto the road. Tobe floored the accelerator as we straightened up. I couldn’t help shutting my eyes.

  ‘You bloody sook …’

  ‘Piss off.’

  ‘Now, now, not in front of the kids.’

  I opened my eyes.

  Tobe turned his head, looked into the back. ‘You okay?’

  ‘You bet.’

  A tree loomed in front of us as we drifted across the road. I reached over, corrected our course.

  ‘Cheers,’ Tobe said, turning back, taking the wheel.

  He revved the engine harder, throwing me into my seat. The world passed in a blur of green-brown-grey shapes. Tobe gestured for me to roll him some bush tobacco. I strained forward, scooped up one of the possum skins. The deep thrum that had drummed into my bones was replaced by a quieter burr as we turned onto the highway and swapped dirt for bitumen. I stared out the window; the ruined town had assumed a sad beauty.

  Tobe let go of the wheel, patted his pockets, found his lighter, then tossed it over. I dropped it, of course—clumsy as always. It fell to my feet, and I banged my head on the dashboard as I bent to pick it up.

  ‘Dickhead.’

  I lit Tobe’s bush tobacco in a dignified silence and then passed it over. The smoke shrouded his face. I was about to ask how he could see when he braked with a squeal, once again throwing me back in my seat.

  ‘Last stop, the pub.’

  Ruby laughed, clear and bright. I unbuckled, jumped out, hurried along. Red and Blue were asleep on their blanket by the door. I was half-convinced that they hadn’t moved since I had seen them last. Red woke with a start, met my eye, barked half-heartedly, curled up against his sister, went back to sleep.

  I looked around. The pub was dark, quiet. Something was wrong …

  ‘Bill, mate, hold your horses,’ Tobe shouted, hurrying ahead.

  Ruby joined him, helping block the way.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Look, don’t get too excited.’

  I tensed. They held their ground.

  ‘It’s just, ah … Fuck it—I wasn’t very convincing last night.’

  ‘You what?’

  Ruby reached up, tugged on Tobe’s arm and smiled an inscrutable smile.

  ‘Right you are,’ he said. To her, not to me.

  ‘What’s going on?’ I asked.

  ‘Why don’t you take a look?’

  He waved me on. I flung open the door—the only other person in the pub was Louise, standing behind the bar, forlorn and worn out. Tobe had no doubt spent a while expressing his displeasure.

  ‘Lou, wonderful to see you again,’ I finally managed to say, pulling myself together.

  ‘You too, Bill.’ Her voice was sad. She avoided my eye.

  I sat at the bar. She still didn’t look at me.

  ‘Where is everyone?’ I asked, unable to help myself.

  Louise looked me in the eye, answering my question with a shrug.

  ‘This is it,’ Tobe said, sidling up next to me. ‘Two shots and some water, thanks Lou. And fix the room up while you’re at it.’

  He started laughing, then stopped so sharply that the silence left behind seemed to suck the air away.

  ‘Bastards,’ he said.

  ‘Yeah, bastards,’ Ruby mimicked.

  ‘Good for you,’ Louise said to her, sitting our drinks down and pouring one for herself.

  I took my shot and held it up. The others took theirs and did the same.

  ‘Here’s to us.’

  We drank in a shared melancholia. Tobe finished first, slamming his glass upside-down on the bar. Louise and Ruby quickly followed suit. I lingered over mine, not wanting the moment to end, not wanting to say the last goodbye.

  ‘Well, no use sitting around feeling sorry for ourselves,’ Tobe said when my glass had joined the rest.

  He jumped out of his seat and hurried outside. Ruby was by his side so quick they seemed attached at the hip. When they were gone, Louise took the seat next to mine.

  ‘What happened?’ I asked her.

  She gave me a look that made me feel two feet tall. ‘No one else showed. How much clearer does it have to be?’

  I looked around the empty room. ‘No one?’

  ‘No one.’

  ‘I thought at least a couple of people would show. As much as we all love this place, it isn’t worth dying for.’

  ‘Most of them don’t plan on staying and fighting.’

  ‘So what are they going to do then? I know we’re all pretty tough, but tough enough to be on the road alone? I might sound biased, but out there, Tobe’s the man.’

  ‘You still believe that, after everything he’s put you through? Jesus, Bill … Last night, when that prick brought you in, we weren’t sure that you were going to make it. What happens next time you get hurt? What happens when he’s not there to save your arse?’

  I said nothing. She was right. But no matter, so was I.

  ‘Well?’ she demanded.

  I didn’t want to think about it; I didn’t want to know where my musing might take me. Desperate to change the topic, I stupidly tried to lighten the mood.

  ‘Well, at least there’ll be plenty of room for the four of us.’

  She didn’t laugh, didn’t smile, didn’t meet my eye. ‘I’m sorry, Bill, but I’m not coming either.’

  ‘Bullshit,’ was all I could say.

  ‘No bullshit.’

  I didn’t look at her. Why stay? Why? I couldn’t lose her too …

  ‘Haven’t you been listening? You weren’t there, Lou, you didn’t see what we saw. Whoever stays has no chance.’ I almost shouted the words, turning sadness into anger.

  ‘Bill …’

  I cut her off. ‘Everyone who stays will die.’

  ‘Bill!’ She looked at me hard. Tears cut shining paths down her cheeks.

  ‘What?’

  ‘I’m not staying, either. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry …’

  ‘Don’t.’

  There are only two real ways of giving up. I knew Louise was smart enough to choose the less drastic option.

  ‘The camp’s the only choice I’ve got,’ she said.

  Everything I had left fell away.

  I reached for her. We held each other tight. I didn’t speak, neither did she. I felt her silent sobs in the heaving of her chest, felt the wet of her tears on my skin, and I cried with her.

  I didn’t want it to end like this. How could she give in to them?

  I was torn. I couldn’t follow her, not after everything they had done. Never. I held her tighter, breathed her in. She did the same. We wept. We both knew that our minds were made up; we were too stubborn, too alike. That made everything worse, left us wailing.

  A muted cough broke our embrace.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ Tobe said, his voice soft, ‘but we’ve got to go.’

  I looked at him. Louise didn’t.

  ‘I’m sorry. I’ll, uh, leave you both alone for a minute.’

  He turned away and walked back outside. Red and B
lue’s barks beat down the morning quiet; the roar of the transport smothered its limp body.

  ‘Bill?’

  I looked at Louise. She had dried her eyes, managed a smile. I wiped my tears on my sleeve. She reluctantly let me go. It couldn’t be happening …

  ‘Good luck.’

  I couldn’t speak, didn’t know what to say. And then her eyes twinkled in a so-familiar way.

  ‘Time for a last kiss?’

  My answer was automatic. ‘Of course. But only as long as you don’t say goodbye.’

  She wrinkled her face in a question.

  ‘Make it “catch you later” or “see you around” or some shit. Goodbye’s a bit heavy, don’t you reckon?’

  ‘Shut up and kiss me, dickhead.’

  And so I did.

  Thirteen

  Hand in hand, we walked out into the sunshine; we had missed dawn. I squinted, the bright light blinding. Silently, Louise and I approached the transport. Tobe was already in the cabin, tactfully averting his eyes. Louise and I hugged a last time. I didn’t want to let her go; she playfully pushed me away.

  ‘Go on,’ she said.

  Wishing it didn’t have to be like this, I threw open the passenger door and climbed inside. Ruby sat in the middle seat, pressed hard up against Tobe. It was hot in the cabin, the air thick and soupy.

  ‘Good girl,’ Louise said, leaning through the open window, ruffling Ruby’s hair. There was nothing patronising in her voice, no sarcasm or condescension. Ruby smiled shyly.

  I looked at Louise, tried to put on the bravest of faces. ‘Well …’

  Tobe looked away as Louise and I kissed a last time. Ruby stared at us, seemingly unembarrassed. Red and Blue barked from over the back. The engine hummed. For a moment, time stopped.

  Louise broke away and stepped back. She looked at Tobe. She looked at Ruby. She didn’t look at me.

  ‘Good luck,’ she said, addressing Tobe.

  ‘Same to you. Take it easy out there, all right?’

  ‘You bet.’

  ‘See you round, then.’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ Louise said, finally looking at me.

  I mouthed the words: ‘Me too.’

  Tobe shifted the transport into gear and revved the engine. I started to cry. So did Louise, but that didn’t stop her from walking away.

  And then we were off, heading west once again.

  The town disappeared behind us, the ramshackle buildings giving way to empty paddocks. No one spoke; for that I was grateful. I blinked, and another piece of home was gone forever. I barely cared—it was nothing compared to what I had just lost.

  The empty Loddon River and the ruined bridge appeared before us. I closed my eyes. I couldn’t take it anymore.

  The transport swung left, the road quickly growing rough. I felt Ruby grab my knee, figured that she was doing the same to Tobe’s. The shriek of branches scraping at the transport told me that we had left the road and started bush-bashing. I kept my eyes closed. At some point, the shrieking stopped and the transport pitched forward. I braced myself on the dashboard, my eyes flicking open. Ruby was suffering in silence; Tobe was trying to wrestle the transport down into the riverbed.

  So much for the ford …

  Tobe cursed again and again as we bounced around like bugs in a jar: fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck.

  He managed to right the transport; we started climbing the far riverbank, fighting hard to crest the peak, the wheels gripping hard, the engine snarling. The engine suddenly screamed and then we were free, coasting across an empty paddock, going from struggling to strutting in seconds.

  Tobe laughed.

  Ahead, I could make out an old highway. An insignificant ribbon dwarfed by featureless paddocks of bleached-yellow grass, sad and alone without even a wreck for company. I reached forward, grasping for a possum skin of bush tobacco. Ruby pushed something into my hand. I opened my palm, found a misshapen smoke. When I stuck it between my lips, it threatened to unravel. She passed another to Tobe, then tried to get his lighter working.

  ‘Cheers,’ I said.

  She didn’t answer, still struggling with the lighter. I took it from her, lit up and watched the world pass by, deep in a melancholy funk. One of the dogs started barking, I couldn’t tell which.

  ‘Shut it, Blue,’ Tobe yelled.

  Blue whined pathetically. Ruby smiled sympathetically. Tobe matched her smile and went all in.

  ‘Go on, then.’

  She slithered through the hatch connecting the cabin to the back, crashing to the floor. She didn’t cry out. Tobe let her be. We cruised along a while in silence, before turning onto the old highway.

  ‘That’s more like it,’ Tobe said, pushing the engine harder.

  My loss still sat heavily in my heart. I tried hard to squash it down—I had to stay sharp now that we had left the safety of town behind.

  ‘So, what’s the plan?’ I asked in a desperate attempt to think about something other than my sadness.

  Tobe didn’t even blink. ‘We head south, try for the bay, maybe even for the cape. They still get a bit of rain down there, and there’s plenty of forest, too. We wouldn’t be short for food and cover.’

  I was dubious; it was a really long way. But I didn’t argue. In for a penny and all that …

  ‘No worries.’

  Tobe smiled. We kept going. Burnt paddocks hugged the highway, bordered by fences of rusting barbed wire, weathered posts, and crumbling rocks. A cool breeze blew through the cabin, keeping some of the heat at bay. If I hadn’t been so down, I would have thought it a beautiful day for a drive.

  ‘Grab the map,’ Tobe said. ‘Let’s figure out a way through the hills.’

  Happy for the distraction, I rifled through the junk covering the dashboard. I found a stack of maps, held each up in turn, pulled out the right one after much searching.

  ‘Right, if you take a butcher’s you’ll see that I jotted down some notes.’

  The brittle paper threatened to crumble to dust in my lap. Strange symbols had been drawn in, cutting roads in two or blotting out entire towns.

  ‘What’s this?’

  Tobe stole a glance. ‘The doodles that look like trees, they’re trees that are blocking roads. The doodles that look like cars, they’re cars. Those big smears, well … Do I have to go on?’

  I couldn’t see anything that looked like a tree or a car. Art was never Tobe’s thing.

  We crossed the barren land, the transport easily coping with the rough surface of the old highway. My spirits slowly lifted. Before too long, Tobe and I were lost in the joy of a meandering drive, looking at the world with little-boy eyes. Once or twice, Ruby laughed loudly, happily playing with the dogs. Each time, Tobe and I grinned stupidly.

  The hours crawled along. Every now and then, my sadness returned.

  We barely spoke as the road wormed through the bush and cut through the bare paddocks. I rolled bush tobacco, passed Tobe water when he asked, occasionally offered to drive. He declined, every single time. I checked the map every now and then, at some point directing us onto an unobstructed back road. Of course, unobstructed didn’t mean smooth or easy; deep cracks zigzagged across the blacktop.

  ‘There’s nothing this baby can’t handle.’

  Tobe patted the steering wheel as we flew over the cracks and kept on, our course a twisting snake. Tobe had done his research; every road that was clear on the map was clear in real life. But to find a way south we had to keep doubling back, taking tracks through dense scrub or dirt roads that seemed to lead nowhere. The transport shook constantly, sometimes so hard that we had to yell at each other. When the bush spat us out and the road once again cut through bare paddocks, the light was so bright that we had to slow down a little to get a grip.

  ‘Wouldn’t want to get lost out here.’

  ‘Shit yeah.’

  ‘Yeah, shit yeah,’ Ruby called from the back.

  Soon, the bush swallowed us back up, the sunlight a dappled shimmer through the pat
chy canopy. At some point, we started passing through towns so small as to barely be there, ruined houses and crumbling memorials to a forgotten war the only signs of civilisation. In some of the towns, the houses still stood proud, the damage purely cosmetic. Some of the ‘Welcome to Wherever’ signs we saw were a little too clean, still easily readable. For a long period of time, there wasn’t a single wreck to be seen.

  Something felt wrong. Nerves frayed, we opened up the engine and shot through.

  ‘I’ve got to take a piss,’ Tobe said once we had put a fair bit of distance between ourselves and the towns.

  I was glad he had said so; I had stiffened from sitting so long.

  Tobe slowed the transport as the bush around us began thinning out to a clearing. A cracked concrete picnic table sat next to a pile of rubble, all that was left of an ancient public toilet. Nailed to a tree was a faded sign declaring the clearing a mineral spring, in case anyone missed the rusty water pump hidden behind the rubble.

  We stopped and jumped out.

  The air was dry. Flies swarmed us. Tobe threw open the side door and the dogs ran free.

  Ruby hopped down, her eyes wary. She looked left and right, seemed satisfied, then looked up at Tobe. ‘What’s up?’

  ‘How about you keep an eye out’—he waved at the bush—‘while I do my business?’

  ‘No worries.’

  ‘Good girl.’

  Just as with Louise, there wasn’t a hint of sarcasm or condescension in his voice. There was only pride. The reminder of Louise saddened me, brought it all back. I looked away, tried to think of anything but the face I would never see again.

  I heard Ruby scamper off into the bush, following Red and Blue. I left Tobe to do his thing, wandered around trying to distract myself.

  ‘Tobe!’ I yelled, drawing up to the water pump.

  ‘Hang on a sec.’

  The pump itself looked as dry as dust. But you never know your luck; the dirt around it was darker than that by the road, the flat tang of mineral water spoiled the air. I took a step forward and Tobe clamped his hand on my shoulder, surprising me, stopping me dead.

  ‘Hold your horses, Bill. You can’t be too paranoid out here.’

  He started poking his rifle into the discoloured earth. Everything seemed normal. He increased the pressure and the ground simply gave way. Tobe grabbed my arm before I could follow it down; he knew how clumsy I was.