Far From Home

by Megan Nugen Isbell

  “I’m sorry about what I said the other night,” Mandy said and she looked over to Jesse with apologetic eyes. “I always seem to say the wrong things and I hurt people when I swear that’s not my intention. I just love you, Jesse and I’m worried about you.” I heard Mandy’s voice crack and Jesse glanced over to her before he stood up and went to her spot on the table. He took her hand and pulled her up, wrapping his arms around her. She started crying and he held her. He was the one whose life had been turned upside down and yet here he stood, being strong for Mandy because that’s what he did. Then I noticed his shoulders moving up and down. He was crying too, something he hadn’t done all day. I walked over and put my arms around them both, followed by Holly, then Laura and finally Brandon. We stayed huddled in our group and I knew Jesse could feel the love emanating from all of us.

  When we finally disbanded, it was as if something had changed. He looked around at all of us and for the first time, he appeared to realize he wasn’t alone. He had us and I was hopeful that even though it would be a long road, he would be okay. Life would be different, but it would be alright and we’d be there for him.

  We spent the rest of the night eating from the feast in the fridge and playing pool and listening to music too loud in the backroom of the giant shed in Jesse’s yard, the way we used to. Jesse and Brandon even busted out the four-wheelers and we sped around the property as if we didn’t have a care in the world. For those few hours, Jesse let go and I hung back, watching him smile and laugh, something that had been missing since his dad passed away. There was nothing more beautiful to me than his smile and I was hopeful it would stick around, even though so much had changed.

  When our friends finally left, I stayed. We went back to the house and it seemed so quiet after all the noise from earlier. After cleaning up the kitchen, we sprawled out together on the couch, Rocky and Jasper snoring loudly on the floor.

  “I had fun tonight,” he began as we lay together.

  “Me too. I’m glad they came over.”

  “I was such a jerk to them last time, I’m surprised they did.”

  “Your behavior was understandable. No one holds it against you.”

  I wondered what he was thinking about as he began to stroke my hair with his fingers.

  “I guess it’s back to real life now,” he said softly. “Now that the funeral’s over, I’ve gotta get back to work.”

  “You should take more time if you need it,” I encouraged and I felt his fingers stop tickling my hair momentarily before starting up again.

  “I can’t. I’ve got to make money now to buy groceries, pay the utilities, ya know, the stuff my dad always took care of.”

  I swallowed hard, realizing how insensitive my comment had been. It still didn’t register with me that Jesse had to grow up instantly now. He was legally an adult and no one was going to help him except himself.

  “I’m sorry,” I said softly. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

  “You don’t need to tip toe around me, Riley. I’m aware of my situation. I’ve met real life face to face and it’s a bitch.”

  “If anyone can handle it though, it’s you.”

  I kissed him and he began kissing me back and soon our minds were only focused on each other, not the fact that Jesse’s father was gone or the fact that Jesse had to find a way to make it without him. All that mattered was that we were here together and all I could think about was how much I loved this boy in my arms. He had saved me once and it was my turn to return the favor.

  Chapter Thirteen

  It had been nearly a week since Mr. Baylor’s funeral. Jesse had gone back to work, but deep down, I didn’t know how he was doing. Sometimes he seemed okay and other times, he didn’t. I knew that wasn’t unusual. I couldn’t expect to blink and have the old Jesse back. I doubted I’d ever have the old Jesse back. Until some more time passed and he figured out this new life of his, I knew I had to adjust to the new Jesse and remember what he was going through and no matter what, he loved me and I loved him.

  I’d gone back to work too on the Monday following the funeral, but Matt hadn’t been at the shop all week. Jill told me he’d had to make an unexpected trip to Oklahoma to help his brother move and I found myself anxious to have him back at the store. Jill was nice to work with, but we didn’t have much to talk about since she was more than twice my age and the silence got awkward at times. Matt was easy to talk to and we seemed to like a lot of the same things, which made conversation almost effortless. Ever since he’d told me the story of the struggle with his girlfriend, it was like we shared this connection and he seemed to get me.

  I was glad to see him when he walked through the door on Friday morning as I was arranging a birthday bouquet. He smiled when he saw me, looking relaxed in a pair of khaki cargo shorts and a navy blue t-shirt, his hair tucked underneath a faded St. Louis Cardinals ball cap.

  “I’m glad you’re back,” I said as he passed me to check the computer.

  “You missed me?” he said with a smug grin.

  “No,” I said quickly, my cheeks turning red, hoping I hadn’t given him the wrong idea. “Well, yeah…maybe a little. It’s hard to keep up the conversation with just your mom,” I whispered once Jill had stepped into the bathroom and Matt laughed quietly.

  “Well, I’m glad to be back.” He took his hat off, resting it on the counter as he ran a hand through his wavy hair.

  “How was your trip to Oklahoma?”

  “Eh,” he said, shrugging his shoulders.

  “You don’t wanna talk about it?”

  “There’s not much to talk about actually. Just my brother being my brother.”

  “What’s that mean?” I inquired and then he mouthed, “Later”, when he heard the bathroom door open and Jill walked out. He obviously didn’t want to talk about it in front of his mom and I nodded my understanding.

  The morning went by uneventfully. Matt left shortly after arriving to make some deliveries. I was actually jealous he got to go and I had to stay back. Deliveries were the best part of the job. You got to drive around listening to music and then make someone’s day by showing up at their house with flowers. The feeling couldn’t be beat and I needed all the good feelings I could find in my life at this point.

  I straightened up the shop, took a few orders and waited for lunch time to come. Matt got back around noon and he must’ve heard my stomach growl because he looked over at with me a grin.

  “That was subtle,” he laughed. “I guess somebody’s hungry.”

  “Yeah, just a little.”

  “You wanna grab something to eat at A&W? My treat,” he offered and I thought to the sack lunch I’d brought with me. A greasy burger and root beer sounded a whole lot better than the ham sandwich and yogurt I’d brought.

  “Sure, but you’re not paying for me,” I said as I went to the back to grab my purse.

  “We’ll see about that,” Matt said as I followed him out the door. Jill had already gone to lunch and Matt flipped the sign to closed and locked the door. His black pick-up truck was parked next to my Jetta right outside the shop and I walked over to the passenger side while Matt climbed into the driver’s side.

  A&W wasn’t far from the shop, but that was the case with everything in Carver. It was an old building and my mom said it had been there for as long as she could remember. Matt and I sat at a booth and we glanced at the menus for only a second, both seeming to know exactly what we wanted.

  “What are you getting?” he asked.

  “Bacon cheeseburger combo with a root beer,” I told him and he picked up the orange receiver. It always cracked me up when ordering at A&W. It was the only place I’d ever been to where you placed your order from a telephone at your table.

  The restaurant was only half-full, but I noticed a few kids from school. I made eye contact and smiled, but didn’t say anything since I only knew them in passing. I’d never really expanded my circle of friends past Jesse, Holly, Brandon, Laura, and Mandy. After eve
rything that had gone down with Alex, trust was not my strong suit. I knew I could trust them and that’s all I needed.

  “So, why didn’t you want to talk about your brother back at the shop?” I asked and then wondered if maybe I was being too nosey. “I mean…you don’t have to tell me anything. Sorry, I shouldn’t be so pushy.” I reminded myself of Mandy and hoped Matt hadn’t gotten the wrong impression about me.

  “No, it’s fine. My brother’s a sensitive spot with my mom. Mark’s been kind of a headache for my parents for well…forever,” he said with a slight laugh.

  “Why? Is he into drugs and stuff?” I asked and Matt laughed again.

  “No. Nothing like that…at least I don’t think he is, but with Mark, who knows? He’s what my mom calls a free spirit. My dad has another term for it. Lazy bum.” We both started laughing then.

  “Is he older than you?”

  “By four years. He graduated from Wichita State two years ago, but has yet to do anything with the degree he earned. He floats from job to job, quitting when he gets bored and that’s only when he hasn’t been fired first. My mom says he just hasn’t found his place yet. My dad’s bitter about the money they flushed down the toilet for his education.”

  “I can see your dad’s point.”

  “Well, what did my dad expect when Mark said he was majoring in art history?” Matt grinned and I couldn’t help but smile too.

  “Good point. Not exactly a big job market out there for art history majors,” I agreed. “What’s he doing in Oklahoma?”

  “He’s been there for six months now. His buddy got him a construction job. It lasted two weeks before he quit,” Matt said with an eye roll. “This is the second time I’ve had to go down and help him move to a new place. It’s getting ridiculous. My mom just keeps bailing him out though. I’m starting to view the whole situation as a good comedy. I can’t help but laugh.”

  “Well, at least you’ve got a sense of humor about it.”

  “For now. My fear though,” he said, leaning in towards me with a grin. “Is that I’m going to end up having to support the bum once my parents are dead.”

  We both laughed again and I realized how much I was enjoying myself. Matt was so easy to be around and he made me laugh and laughing felt good.

  The server brought our orders over a few minutes later and we both dug in. The bacon cheeseburger was messy to say the least, but as I chewed the delicious greasiness of it, I knew it was definitely worth it.

  “I swear they have the most amazing root beer here,” I said, taking a sip.

  “You know they make it fresh here, don’t you?”

  “No way!”

  “Yes way!” he said, mocking me and I couldn’t help but grin. “My cousin used to work here and she told me.”

  “Well, it’s to die for,” I said, taking another big gulp and I saw Matt looking at me as his lips descended into a serious line.

  “How was the funeral?” he asked suddenly and I felt the pit that I’d managed to push away all morning, return to my stomach. “I was thinking about you as I drove down to my brother’s place.”

  “It was nice, in regards to funerals. I’m not sure funerals are ever nice, but it went better than I expected.”

  “How’s Jesse holding up?”

  I set the cheeseburger down I’d been holding and wiped my hands with a napkin and leaned back against the booth, sighing.

  “I guess he’s okay. He’s seemed a little better since the funeral, but he’s still quiet. He’s just trying to figure everything out right now. I’ll just be glad when this summer is over and we’re away from here.”

  “Jesse’s going with you?”

  “Yeah, and our friend Holly,” I told him and he nodded.

  “A change might be good for him.”

  “I think so too. Maybe if he’s not here, it’ll be easier for him. I hope so anyway,” I said, looking down at the half-eaten burger, my appetite suddenly gone. We were quiet for a few moments and it started to feel a little awkward and I asked about the first topic that came to my mind. “How’s Taryn?”

  “Fine, I guess.” His voice sounded unsure and I could tell he was by the expression on his face.

  “That doesn’t sound convincing.”

  “It’s fine, really. We just haven’t been able to talk much and then my mind starts to wander and I think about her being in Italy, having a great time and me being here and I get a little jealous that I’m stuck in Kansas.”

  “I can totally get that. I’d be pretty bummed too if my boyfriend was in Italy and I was here.”

  “But your boyfriend would be an idiot if he did anything to jeopardize his relationship with you,” he said with a smile and I couldn’t tell if his statement was meant to be flirtatious or not. I doubted it, but it caused me to blush anyway.

  “And your girlfriend would be an idiot to do anything to jeopardize her relationship with you.”

  Matt looked down at his watch and then up at me.

  “We should get back soon,” he said and I nodded as we both finished our burgers. I excused myself to the restroom when we were done and just shook my head and smiled when I saw he’d paid before I got back.

  ****

  I texted Jesse when I got home from work around five o’clock. He was usually done at the auto shop by six, so I hoped he would just come over and have dinner with my family straight after. By six-thirty, I hadn’t heard anything from him though and I was worried. I tried calling him and when he didn’t answer, I called his house phone, wondering if he’d just gone home without checking his cell. He didn’t answer there either and I decided to drive by his work, just to make sure he was okay.

  “I’m running to Wal-Mart,” I called to my mom and grandma as I grabbed my keys after dinner, not wanting to tell my mom where I was really going.

  Being the peak of summer, the sun was just beginning to dip near the horizon when I pulled out of the driveway and drove to Jesse’s work. I felt a bit like a stalker trying to find him, but I was relieved when I saw his Jeep out front and I pulled in beside it. I was puzzled because the garage doors were shut as if the place was closed. There was a light on inside though and I got out of the car and went to the front door. The sign said closed, but I knew he was there and I pulled on the door. Luckily it was open and I walked inside. No one was at the counter, but I could hear voices coming from the back. I walked slowly towards the sounds, unsure if I should keep going. It felt weird and intrusive, but I needed to make sure he was okay since I hadn’t heard from him all day.

  “Excuse me?” I said timidly as I approached the doorway.

  “Back here,” a deep, gravelly voice called out and I peeked inside.

  Jesse was sitting around a table with four other men. They were all wearing coveralls and holding cards, a pile of poker chips between them. Jesse turned to face me, the surprise evident on his face when he saw me standing there. His hair was a mess, but I thought it was adorable, and for some reason, I found the grease smudge on his chin sexy.

  “Riley.” Jesse’s voice was flat and I didn’t know how to read his tone.

  “Hey, Jesse,” I said, smiling to him and then waving to his co-workers, even though I didn’t know any of them. They were all much older than Jesse. They had to be over 40 and their skin looked rough and weathered. Jesse didn’t seem to fit in with them at all. “I’m sorry to interrupt.”

  “What are you doing here?”

  “I’ve been trying to get a hold of you,” I said, attempting to keep the smile on my face.

  “I’ll be right back,” Jesse said to the other guys, as he set the cards down and stood up.

  I stepped out of the doorway and into the hall, but not before I heard one of the men say, “The kid didn’t tell us he had a sweet piece of ass like that,” followed by a low whistle and chuckles all around. The whole thing made me incredibly uncomfortable and I was resentful that Jesse hadn’t said anything to them about talking about me like that.

  He met
me in the hall and his face looked cold for a moment until I reached up and kissed his cheek. He cracked a little smile and I felt a bit better.

  “What’s goin’ on?” he asked.

  “I’m sorry,” I began quietly, not wanting his co-workers to hear. “I was worried. I’ve been trying to reach you. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I didn’t mean to intrude.”

  “We were late finishing up,” he said, and I tried biting my tongue about the poker game, but I couldn’t.

  “So you decided to play poker?” I knew there was bitterness in my voice and I wanted to kick myself. I knew I needed to be careful around Jesse right now. This was getting harder though. I’d never had to be cautious around him before, but then again, he’d never acted this way before. He’d always been incredibly doting. I wasn’t liking this standoffish version of him.

  “The guys asked if I wanted in and I thought it’d be a good way to relax after work,” he said and I couldn’t ignore the twinge in my heart at his words. I thought he’d want to be with me after work. I knew I wanted to be with him.

  “You’re playing for money?” I asked, raising an eyebrow doubtfully.

  “What are you getting at?”

  “I’m just asking.”

  “Yeah. We’re playing for money. What’s the big deal?”

  “Do you think that’s the best thing to be doing right now? I mean…I thought you were saving money for expenses and stuff.”

  Jesse’s gray eyes turned cold as he stared back at me.

  “It’s twenty bucks. I can have a little fun now and then.”

  I just nodded and I hated the tension between us. There had never been tension since we started dating and now that there was, it was the worst feeling.

  “I’m sorry. I’m just concerned,” I said and was shocked when he cut me off.

  “Well, just back off, okay?” His voice was harsh and the image of him before me began to blur when my eyes filled with tears at his words. I quickly wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. I didn’t want him to see me cry. I didn’t want to appear weak. I was supposed to be the strong one now, but watching him like this hurt too badly.