Far From Home

by Megan Nugen Isbell

  Matt stood up and then held out his hand to help me up. He gathered the blanket and I helped him fold it, before he tucked it under his arm and we walked in silence back to the car just as the next set began on the stage.

  The drive home was a quiet one, but not as awkward as I feared it would be. We mostly listened to music, but when he pulled up to my house, I wondered how we would leave things.

  “Thanks for taking me tonight,” I said, looking over to him. He looked nervous and uneasy. I knew I couldn’t let us leave with things weird between us. Matt was my friend and I didn’t want to lose that. I had to do something to lighten the mood. “I had fun…even if you did try and kiss me.”

  I saw his cheeks flush, but then he grinned.

  “I was just trying to make tonight memorable.”

  “Mission accomplished then.”

  “Thanks for being so cool with what happened tonight,” he said as my hand rested on the door. “I really hope things aren’t completely weird between us now.”

  I felt my mind drift back to when Jesse kissed me while I was dating Alex. We’d had a similar conversation about not letting it change things between us. We’d worked through it, but I always remembered the kiss. It was constantly in the back of my mind because deep down I’d been in love with him. As I looked back at Matt though, I knew things wouldn’t be weird between us because I didn’t have feelings for Matt. If I’d been able to keep things normal between Jesse and me after our first kiss, it would be no problem doing the same with Matt.

  “Everything will be fine between us,” I assured him, opening the door and getting out. But then I stopped and looked back into the cab of the truck. “Go call Taryn. Tell her how much you love her.”

  He just smiled and I shut the door, heading up to the front door. I waved to him and he drove off, leaving a trail of dust behind him.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  It was just after nine o’clock. I pulled out my phone and dialed Holly’s number.

  “Can you do me a favor?” I asked when I heard her voice.

  “Depends. What do you need?”

  “I’m gonna tell my mom I’m sleeping over at your house tonight. If for whatever reason she calls or something, let me know so I can call her back.”

  “What’s going on?” she asked and she sounded concerned.

  “I just need to be with Jesse tonight.”

  “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine. Just please cover for me, alright?”

  “Okay.”

  “Thanks, Holly,” I said and quickly put my phone away before going inside.

  “How was the concert?” my mom asked from her spot in the living room where she was watching TV.

  “It was good,” I said and then walked over to her. “Mind if I sleep over at Holly’s tonight? She called on the way home and asked me to come over. She’s home alone with her brother. They watched some scary movie or something and she doesn’t want to be alone in the house with just Seth.”

  My mom looked at me curiously and I wondered if she suspected something. I’d never been good at lying. I just hoped she’d believe me.

  “Fine with me,” she said and then turned her eyes back to the TV.

  “Thanks, Mom,” I said and went upstairs to grab my things.

  I threw a pair of pajama bottoms and a t-shirt in the bag along with my toothbrush and a change of clothes for the morning before looking in the mirror and taking in a deep breath. I didn’t know why my heart was pounding so hard, but I ran a brush through my hair quickly before going downstairs again. I said goodbye to my mom and then got in my car and headed towards Jesse’s.

  When I pulled up to his house, it looked surprisingly dark. I knew he was home though because his Wagoneer was out front. I saw a light glowing in the back of the house and I wondered what he was doing.

  Grabbing my bag, I stepped out and walked up to the door. I thought about just going inside, but things had been different between us lately and it didn’t feel right barging in on him. I knocked and Rocky and Jasper started barking. A few moments later, I heard footsteps and then I saw Jesse peek out the window.

  “What are doing here?” he asked when he opened the door.

  “I thought you might like some company,” I said, waiting for him to invite me in.

  “Sure,” he said, stepping aside and I walked into the kitchen. I was always surprised at how neat Jesse kept things, even after his dad passed away. I had a hard time keeping my room clean, let alone a whole house.

  I dropped my bag on the kitchen table and looked around. I was glad to see there were no alcohol bottles of any kind lying around. The living room was quiet and dark and then my eyes drifted down the hall. The only light on was coming from his dad’s bedroom.

  “I didn’t expect you to be home so early,” he said and I glanced at the clock.

  “I wanted to come home,” I said, meeting his gray eyes with mine.

  “I’m surprised. It looked like you and Matt were having a good time.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  He held up a finger, telling me to hold on, and then walked into his dad’s room, returning a moment later, handing his phone to me.

  “I’m talking about this,” he said and I looked at the picture on the screen. It was the picture from the concert Matt had taken of us. He’d shared it on Facebook and tagged me in it, so of course it showed up in Jesse’s newsfeed.

  “I hope you’re not upset,” I said, looking back down at the picture. I’d understand if he was. To a stranger, Matt and I would’ve appeared to be a happy couple out on a date or something. I knew I wouldn’t like seeing a picture of Jesse with another girl.

  “I’m not upset,” he said and something about his tone told me he wasn’t. He put the phone in the pocket of his jeans and then looked over to me again. “It’s just nice to see a smile like that on your face again. I haven’t seen it in a while,” he said and we both knew he was right. It’d been a while since either of us had truly smiled. “Did you have a good time?”

  “Yeah. The music was good, but…” I said, pausing for a moment and smiling over to him. “I missed you, which is why I asked Matt to bring me home early.” I saw one side of his mouth raise up in a smile and I walked slowly across the room, closing the gap between us. “It’s also the reason I told my mom I’m sleeping over at Holly’s tonight.”

  “I was wondering what was up with the bag,” he said as I reached over and took his hands.

  “Would you mind if I stayed with you tonight?” I asked softly and the smile reached both sides of his mouth as he leaned down and brushed my lips with his.

  “I’d like that,” he whispered as he pulled away. He was still close though and I stared at his lips, wanting to kiss him again. Instead though, I slipped my arms around his waist and pulled myself into him. His arms folded around me and I was glad I hadn’t let Matt kiss me tonight. I could never risk doing anything to lose Jesse. I could never love someone the way I loved him.

  “It’s so quiet in here,” I mentioned a few moments later when I’d finally let go of him. “What’ve you been doing all night?”

  “Just going through some of my dad’s things,” he said and I couldn’t tell if this was a good or bad thing.

  “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m good,” he said, taking my hand and leading me down the hall into his dad’s room.

  The bed, aside from a small space where he’d been sitting, was covered in pictures. He walked over to it and sat back down in the space, clearing a spot for me. I sat down and glanced around at all the photographs. Most of them looked like pictures from Jesse’s hunting trips with his father. I picked one up in which a little boy, who couldn’t have been more than seven or eight, was posing with a small buck. He was dressed in camouflage as he held up the buck’s head by the antlers. I assumed the boy was Jesse. I’d never seen pictures of him from when he was young. He was a cute kid with the same dark hair and gray eyes. His smile reve
aled missing teeth and he had a sprinkle of freckles on his nose that had now disappeared.

  “You were kinda goofy looking as a kid,” I laughed as I looked down at the picture.

  “Yeah, I was, but look at me now, right?” he grinned as he took the picture from me.

  “I can’t argue with that.”

  I continued rifling through the pictures and Jesse seemed to stare at each one as if trying to relive the moments captured on the film. It was fun seeing a younger Jesse. He seemed happy with just his dad and I realized my thoughts about Mr. Baylor were probably wrong. I’d thought he was distant, but it was obvious from these pictures, he adored Jesse and it broke my heart he’d never see his dad again.

  “It looks like you and your dad had a lot of fun together,” I said, picking up a picture of Jesse and his father riding a quad.

  “We did,” he said and then was quiet again.

  My eyes focused on a picture of Jesse and some people I assumed were his grandparents. He was maybe four and very cute with chubby cheeks and a big grin. I picked it up and then noticed a photo underneath that caused me to pause. It was a young woman and an infant. She was tall and skinny with long dark blonde hair. The baby was wearing nothing but a diaper and clinging to his mother.

  “Is this you and your mom?” I asked and Jesse glanced over to the picture for a moment before taking it from me and continuing to gaze down at it. He flipped it over for a second and then nodded.

  “Yeah, I guess it is,” he said and I noticed the words Marlene and Jesse 1996.

  “She’s pretty,” I mentioned, but Jesse just put the picture at the bottom of a stack he was sorting.

  “I guess so,” he said and I knew it was a subject he didn’t really want to talk about. “There aren’t many pictures of her so I forget sometimes. Well…” he said, pausing for a moment. “I wouldn’t say I forget. I guess I just don’t care.”

  I understood his bitterness. I probably wouldn’t care about someone who abandoned me at the age of two either.

  “Do you ever wonder about her sometimes?” I asked carefully. He just kept his head down, looking through the pictures.

  “Sometimes,” he said as he began gathering the pictures and placing them in a box.

  “Have you ever thought about trying to find her?”

  “No,” he said firmly, looking up to meet his eyes. “I have nothing to say to her.”

  His eyes left mine and he returned to picking up the pictures. I did the same and helped him put them in a large shoe box on the bed.

  “You should put these in an album,” I suggested. “I could help you with that.”

  He looked up and smiled a small smile at me.

  “That’s a good idea. I had no clue he had all these.”

  “I’ll go to Wal-Mart and pick some up.”

  “Do they even sell albums anymore? Everything’s digital now,” he laughed.

  “I’ll find some somewhere and then we’ll get them all put together and you can look through them whenever you’re missing your dad,” I said with what I realized was probably too much enthusiasm when I noticed the sadness on his face. I reached out and set my hand on his leg. He looked up and I saw his eyes were moist. “I’m really sorry this is happening to you,” I said softly, reaching up and brushing my fingers over his cheek. He took my hand and pressed it firmly to his lips before he let go and finished putting the pictures away. He stood up and put it on the shelf in his dad’s closet. “Have you thought anymore about the lawyer’s suggestion to sell the house?” I asked quietly.

  “I’m not selling it. I’ll find another way to make money,” he said resolutely.

  “I’m glad you’re not going to sell it,” I said, getting up from the bed. I walked over to him and slid my arms around his waist.

  “Me too. Maybe someday I will, but I can’t do it right now. I’m not ready for that,” he said, hugging me back and I nestled into his chest. It was peaceful as we stood in each other’s arms. The tension was gone and Jesse was present. For the first time in a long time, it felt as if he wasn’t a million miles away, trying to push me away. He seemed content.

  “I’m getting tired,” he said a few moments later, kissing the top of my head. “Would you mind if we went to bed?”

  “Not at all. I’m pretty tired too.”

  He took my hand and together we walked out of his dad’s room. He looked inside once more before flipping off the light and shutting the door. He went into the kitchen and brought my bag to me before we went into his room.

  “I’ll let you get changed,” he said and headed towards the door to leave.

  “You can stay,” I said. “I don’t mind.”

  “Okay,” he said and I noticed how shy he looked.

  He kept his back to me as he searched through his dresser while I changed into my pajamas. I grinned to myself though when I caught him peeking at me in the reflection of the mirror above the bureau.

  Once I was dressed, he exchanged his jeans for a pair of loose cotton lounge pants and I watched as he pulled off the shirt he’d been wearing, replacing it too quickly with a white undershirt.

  We both went into the bathroom then, brushing our teeth, side by side in front of the little sink. My mind drifted to how this might be someday if we ever got married. I thought about that a lot. While I didn’t want to get married until I was at least finished with college, the thought of being Jesse’s wife made me happy. I knew he would make an amazing husband and father someday.

  I went back into Jesse’s room when we were done while he went around turning off the lights and locking the doors. When he got back, I was standing at the edge of the bed, not knowing what to do. We’d never spent the night together and I didn’t know how we should go about it.

  He came over and pulled the covers back, crawling inside and then holding the blanket open for me. I got in, my back facing him as his body spooned around mine. He draped the blanket over both of us and then reached over onto the nightstand and turned off the light. The room grew dark and I rested my head on the pillow. He stroked my arm with his fingertips and his warm breath tickled my neck.

  “I like this,” I said softly.

  “Me too.”

  It grew quiet again and I pulled his arm around me, never wanting him to let me go.

  “Have you thought about going to visit your dad before school starts?” he asked quietly a few minutes later.

  “Not really,” I said honestly. I hadn’t thought twice about it since telling my dad at graduation I’d try and come. The death of Jesse’s father had changed the entire dynamics of everything. What I thought would be a carefree summer before heading off to college had been anything but.

  “I think you should go.”

  “Why?”

  “I just think you should go see your dad while you have the chance,” he said gently and I felt a lump form in my throat at what he was implying. I could still see my dad. He couldn’t and he didn’t want me to miss out on any time with him.

  “You’re right,” I agreed, my voice barely above a whisper. “I’ll look into it. Do you wanna come?”

  “I have too much to do here, but you should go,” he encouraged softly and he squeezed my hand. “I love you, Riley.”

  I snuggled in closer and closed my eyes. I fell asleep, content and peaceful in Jesse’s arms. Even though we were crammed in his twin sized bed, I had never slept so well.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Jesse had to go to work the next morning and when I got home, my mom didn’t seem the least bit suspicious. A part of me felt guilty for lying to her, but I needed to be with Jesse and she never would’ve gone for that.

  I took Jesse’s suggestion and looked into flights back to Boston before I had to leave for work. I found a fairly reasonable ticket for the following weekend, but I had to see if Jill would allow me to take a couple of days off. I didn’t think it would be a problem, but I decided to wait on the ticket until I could ask her once I got to the shop.

/>   As I pulled up to the store, I was suddenly nervous. I’d almost forgotten about what had almost happened at the concert with Matt, but now that I was sitting beside his pick-up, I remembered all too clearly. When he’d dropped me off, I’d done my best to squash the awkwardness and I thought I’d done a pretty good job, but we hadn’t spoken or even texted since then, so I wondered how it would be. Even though I knew I could keep things normal between us, I wondered if he could.

  There was no point avoiding him, so I took a deep breath, undid my seatbelt and got out of my car. When I walked inside, Jill and Matt were both busy making arrangements: Jill’s a large bouquet of roses and Matt’s a collection of tropical looking flowers. Even after all this time at the shop, I still hadn’t mastered the names of all the flowers and if truth be told, I probably never would.

  “Mornin’, Riley,” Jill called over the slow-country song playing over the speakers. I thought it was Miranda Lambert, but I wasn’t sure. Just like the flowers, I doubted I’d ever familiarize myself adequately with country music.

  “Hey,” I said, cheerfully and I realized I was purposefully avoiding looking at Matt. I knew that wouldn’t alleviate any awkwardness, so I drew my eyes to his. He seemed nervous, but once I smiled, he seemed to relax and smiled back. “How was your Sunday, Jill?” I asked, setting my stuff in the back room.

  “Typical Sunday,” she said with a shrug of her shoulders. “What about you two? How was that concert my son dragged you to?”

  “He didn’t drag me to it,” I said, looking over to Matt again. “And we had a good time.”

  “Glad to hear it,” she said and I decided I should talk to Jill about my trip to Boston before she got too busy.

  “Can I ask you a question, Jill?”

  “Of course you can.”

  “I’d like to see my dad before I head to college,” I began and then I realized I was nervous as the question was about to leave my mouth. “And…I was wondering…I mean…would it be possible if I took Wednesday through Saturday of next week off? I’d be back to work on Monday morning. I understand if you say no, but I just wanted to ask…” I babbled quickly until she stopped me.