A Perfect Homecoming

by Lisa Dyson

  Didn’t he think she knew that? Ashleigh stood so quickly that her purse fell to the floor. She faced Kyle with her hands on her hips. “I’m a doctor, too, or have you forgotten?”

  He stared at her, his mouth pinched shut after her sudden outburst.

  “I’ve also been where she is,” Ashleigh continued. “Or is that something else you’ve conveniently put out of your mind?” When he remained mute, she added, “I may not have been as far along as Paula, but the worry and fear are the same.” She frowned at him. “But you wouldn’t understand.”

  She stepped away from him and looked down the hall in the direction of Paula’s room. “Why is Rosy taking so long?” She didn’t expect an answer. “Shouldn’t Rosy have come out by now to let us know what was going on?”

  Ashleigh settled in a seat far away from where Kyle sat silently, his head now in his hands. Several more minutes went by before he finally spoke.

  “For months...after that last miscarriage—” His voice sounded ready to break. “For months,” he repeated, “I avoided this floor. I couldn’t bear the pain, the memories, the awful feeling of helplessness.”

  Ashleigh turned her head in his direction. He spoke to the floor. “These hallways bring all that back,” he said. “The sounds, the smells, the decor. Everywhere you look on this floor you’re reminded that this is where babies are born.”

  “And the realization that I’d failed you,” Ashleigh added.

  “What?” His head came up and he stared, wide-eyed and incredulous, at her. “Why would you think you’d failed me?”

  The acid in Ashleigh’s stomach churned. “You know very well why. I couldn’t give you children.”

  Now Kyle stood, his hands balled into fists. “You wanted children as much as I did. Why the hell would I blame you for the miscarriages?”

  “Because that’s what you did,” she said bluntly.

  “How?”

  “You kept insisting we see doctor after doctor, specialist after specialist. When nothing could be done, the blame lay directly on me. You were perfect, enough healthy sperm to fertilize a small nation. I was the one who couldn’t carry a baby to term.”

  “I never once blamed you, Ashleigh, and you know it.” He rubbed at the strain in his temples.

  “Maybe you didn’t say those exact words,” she said, “but I know that’s how you felt.”

  “How could you know how I felt?” His tone was seeped in frustration. “We never even discussed it.”

  He’d avoided her, that’s why they never talked.

  “If you’re going to hold yourself responsible, then I have to do the same for myself,” he said when she remained silent.

  His statement sounded utterly ridiculous to Ashleigh. “How do you figure that?”

  “Because it takes two to have a baby and if it becomes impossible, then it’s the result of both parties.”

  “Then why—”

  “Excuse me.” Rosy had come down the hall without either of them hearing her. They looked at her expectantly. “Paula’s one centimeter dilated and fifty-percent effaced. Even though her contractions were strong, they weren’t efficient.”

  “Were?” Ashleigh let out the breath she didn’t even know she’d been holding. “Did you stop her labor?”

  “Not quite,” Rosy said. “But I’ve started nifedipine and her contractions have already slowed.”

  “How’s her blood pressure?” Ashleigh asked. “Are there any signs of preeclampsia?”

  Rosy shook her head. “Her blood pressure is a little high, but not as high as it was at my office a few days ago. I’m more concerned right now about stopping her labor.”

  “Are you going to let her go home?” Kyle asked.

  “No, I think it best we keep her in the hospital for the rest of her pregnancy to monitor her, even if we’re able to completely stop her labor.”

  Kyle nodded. “I agree.” He turned to Ashleigh, who had taken it all in. There was a buzzing in her ears. “Ashleigh?”

  She looked at him because that’s what seemed to be called for. Her breathing became normal again.

  Relief can do that to a person.

  At the same time, she selfishly wondered why Paula was always the lucky one.

  * * *

  KYLE HADN’T MOVED after Rosy’s update and subsequent departure. Knowing Paula was being well taken care of, his thoughts returned to his conversation with Ashleigh.

  How could she have believed he blamed her for miscarrying? Had he been so blind to her emotional needs that he never recognized the guilt she carried?

  It made perfect sense now, but when it was all happening neither one of them was thinking rationally.

  He and Ashleigh walked down the hall to visit with Paula for a few minutes. They’d promised Rosy they’d only stay long enough to see if she wanted anything, because Paula needed to rest.

  “I hear you have an obedient child,” Kyle kidded when they entered Paula’s room, trying to keep the atmosphere light.

  She gave him a tired smile. “Bam-Bam must have heard me yelling at the boys and decided I don’t take guff from my children.”

  “Smart for someone who can only hear.”

  “Bam-Bam?” Ashleigh had remained unobtrusive at the end of the bed until now.

  Kyle explained, “That’s what she nicknamed this one.”

  “We decided not to find out if it’s a boy or a girl,” Paula added. “Either way it’s got quite a kick. Hence, Bam-Bam.”

  Ashleigh blinked rapidly several times.

  Kyle tugged at the neck of his shirt, useless to diminish the lump in his throat. They’d never gotten far enough along in their pregnancies to nickname the fetus, let alone settle on actual names.

  “We don’t want to stay long—you need your rest,” Kyle said. “Is there anything you want us to bring you tonight?”

  Paula pursed her lips as if considering. “I’m good for now. If you can get me a pencil and some paper I can start making a list for tomorrow. I’m not sure how long I’ll be in here.”

  Kyle didn’t want to be the one to tell her she’d be in for the duration—let her doctor be the one to break the news.

  “What about Scott?” Kyle asked.

  Paula’s head jerked up. “What about him?”

  “Don’t you want to let him know what’s going on?” Ashleigh asked.

  “What is this, gang-up-on-Paula time?” Her voice rose and her eyes narrowed as she included both of them in her query. “When and if I tell Scott about me being in the hospital is up to me. Is that understood?” She waited until they both nodded in acknowledgment before she relaxed back into the pillow, running her hands through her hair.

  Turning away, Ashleigh dug through her shoulder bag for writing materials and passed them to Paula.

  “Thank you,” Paula said politely.

  “You’re welcome,” Ashleigh answered in a matching tone.

  Kyle kept his mouth shut, even though it was difficult to see the sisters be so awkwardly civil to each other. “Are you ready to go?” he asked Ashleigh.

  She gave him a puzzled look. “I have my own car.”

  “I’ll walk you out.” When she continued to stare at him, he added, “I want to finish our earlier conversation.”

  “Oh.”

  Paula’s unconcealed attention was on Kyle during his exchange with Ashleigh. He prayed she wouldn’t ask what they were talking about, because he wanted to keep her out of it for now.

  After promising to bring the boys and her laptop back in the morning, they said goodbye and left together.

  When the elevator doors closed, Kyle asked, “What were you about to ask when Rosy interrupted us?”

  Ashleigh furrowed her brow. “What do you mean?”

 
“You said, ‘Then why—’ right before Rosy appeared with news about Paula.”

  “Oh, it was nothing.”

  Kyle caught her arm and gently turned her to face him. “It wasn’t nothing. What were you going to ask me?”

  She held up a finger when the elevator doors opened on the first floor. “Wait till we get outside.”

  They walked down the hallway and through the emergency room, stopping along the way to pick up his truck keys. They were going to be grist for the rumor mill from some of the glances they received.

  They walked to the staff lot. “It’s almost midnight,” Ashleigh said.

  “Yeah, what a way to spend a Saturday night. Sorry I messed up your plans.”

  “Oh, no. I’m glad you got in touch with me. Thank you.”

  They reached Ashleigh’s car and she had her keys ready. An awkward silence ensued. “I guess I’ll see you in the morning?” she finally said.

  He cocked his head. “You promised to tell me—”

  “I know.” She met his eyes. “I’m not sure what I was going to say. Maybe I wanted to know why...” She stopped as if trying to decide how to phrase it.

  “Why I was such a jerk?” he suggested.

  She smiled somberly and her features relaxed. She stepped closer, less than a foot from him. “No, you were never a jerk. You...you were a doctor.”

  He was puzzled. “But I am a doctor.”

  “I know. I guess what I mean is I needed you to be my husband and best friend during that time more than I needed you to be a doctor.”

  He thought for a moment, surprised at her revelation. “I guess I fell back on what I know best. I’m trained as a doctor...and I’ve definitely proven to stink at being a husband.”

  “Not true.” She laid a hand flat on his chest. “Not true at all. It’s taken me two years to figure things out. Don’t beat yourself up for not figuring them out before I did.”

  He covered her hand with his own and the warmth and softness of her instantly penetrated the hard shell he’d erected to protect himself.

  Their eyes met before her gaze traveled to his mouth. He moved a fraction of an inch toward her and she jerked back a step, just out of his reach.

  “I’m sorry.” She lowered her head and spoke to the ground. Her hair hung down over her face. “I didn’t mean—”

  He lifted her chin and stopped her words with his mouth, taking care to give her the freedom to end the contact.

  Instead, she kissed him back, moving forward into his arms until their bodies met in their old familiar way.

  His hands cupped her face and he deepened the kiss. He’d never expected to kiss her again.

  She moaned in the back of her throat. He’d missed that sound, and the urgency of her mouth, as she gave as much as she took.

  He finally forced himself to regain control of the situation. “We’re in the parking lot.” He leaned his forehead against hers and she bobbed her head ever so slightly.

  “I should go,” she whispered.

  Exactly the opposite of the words he’d been hoping to hear.

  He cleared his throat and tugged on the neck of his T-shirt. He spoke to the asphalt and kicked at a loose rock like a five-year-old. “That’s a good idea.”

  Worst idea ever.

  Ashleigh unlocked her car and opened the driver-side door. With a little wave, she slid into the seat and shut the door.

  Kyle took a few steps back to allow her room to back out of the parking space.

  Click.

  Click. The engine wasn’t turning over.

  Click.

  Even through the dark car windows, he could see Ashleigh leaning her forehead against the steering wheel. Then she sat up, moved the gearshift and tried the key again.

  Click.

  Kyle walked around to her door—he had to believe there was a greater power looking out for his interests.

  He opened her door.

  “I think I left the overhead reading light on.” She sighed. “Stupid!”

  He checked his watch. “It’s only been on for about two hours. How old is your battery?”

  She grimaced. “As old as the car?” Automotive maintenance had always been his responsibility.

  He chuckled.

  “It’s not funny!” Though she sounded only slightly offended.

  “I wasn’t laughing at you,” he assured her. “But you have to admit the situation is slightly ironic.”

  “Ironic?”

  He chuckled again. “You’re trying to make a quick getaway and your car doesn’t cooperate?”

  She smiled and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “I wasn’t trying to get away.” She paused, probably searching for another reason for leaving. “It’s late. I just want to get home and go to bed.”

  “Right.” Going to bed had been his intention, too, he realized with a start. Except his goal was slightly different and there was no resting involved.

  “It’s true, Kyle!” Even she was laughing when she got out of her car. She swiped at him, but he edged away in time. “Stop laughing at me.”

  “You’re laughing, too,” he pointed out.

  She sobered. “I guess I am.”

  He shut her car door. “Lock your car and we’ll worry about it in the morning.”

  “But—”

  “I’ll give you a ride home since I don’t have any jumper cables in my truck. It’s late and I know you’d rather go to bed than wait here for the auto club.”

  She opened her mouth as if to protest.

  “Don’t argue.” He took her elbow to lead her to find his truck. “I’ll take you to Paula’s. No funny business. If you want, I won’t even stop. I’ll just slow down in front of the house and you can jump out.” He looked at her and winked. “Just remember to roll away from the moving truck.”

  Now he had her laughing so hard she nearly stumbled, if not for his hold on her arm.

  How long had it been since they’d laughed together? Several years at least. He couldn’t remember the last time.

  Before he could check himself, he swung his arm over her shoulders and pulled her closer while they continued to walk. “You know, I’m not even sure where my truck’s parked.” Her head jerked in his direction and she stared at him until he explained that an orderly had parked it.

  “There it is.” He pointed to one row over, suddenly wondering how he would feel with her in the passenger seat of the same truck he’d driven while they were married.

  He pulled out of the parking lot and they waved to the security guard in his patrol vehicle like the old days. Kyle decided it was easier than he expected to have her next to him. Much more natural.

  After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Ashleigh said, “I’m glad Paula and the baby are okay.”

  “Me, too,” he said.

  “Where did you say the boys are?”

  He gave her the details and, until they reached Paula’s house, they chatted companionably about the boys teaching her how to play video games.

  “Thanks for the ride.” She reached for the door handle, then turned back to say, “And thanks for not making me jump out.” She gave him a genuine smile, making his heart yearn for the way things used to be.

  “My pleasure.” He grinned. “I’ll even walk you to the door.”

  “No, no, that’s not necessary,” she said.

  Before he knew what was happening, she leaned over to him and pressed her lips to his. “Good night,” she whispered. Her breath was warm on his mouth.

  She was already unlocking Paula’s front door before he could think straight since the blood had drained from his brain to his crotch, naturally expecting it was needed there. Little did his circulatory system know how wrong that assumption would turn out to
be.

  He kept the truck in Park, watching Ashleigh go from room to room. Lights went on, then off, while he imagined her making her way upstairs.

  His hand on the gearshift, he finally shifted into drive and slowly pulled away from the curb. There was no sense staying on the street any longer.

  Had he expected Ashleigh would change her mind and wave to him from the window to come in?

  Of course not. They were divorced. They’d been divorced for over two years. They’d both gone on with their lives.

  At least Ashleigh had.

  For most of that first year, he couldn’t sleep at night and could barely function during the day. If not for his intensive medical training, his intrinsic ability to treat patients, and a stellar grief counselor, he would most likely be unemployed and homeless by now.

  He found himself going around the block and stopping in front of Paula’s house again. What the hell was he doing? He should be at home in bed. Alone. By himself.

  Not panting for a female like a teenage boy.

  The house was dark except for a dim light he supposed was the upstairs bathroom. The light in Ryan’s bedroom went on and Kyle pulled away from the curb again.

  What would she think if she saw him outside? That he was nuts, that’s what.

  He turned right at the end of the block for the third time and once again he took two more right turns to end up in front of Paula’s.

  The house was dark. She’d gone to bed. He continued to drive.

  She’d always looked fresh and sexy when she’d come to bed at night. Her face would be washed and moisturized, her teeth brushed, and her hair soft and flowing over shoulders that were usually bare. The combination of floral and mint had become an aphrodisiac.

  Right now was no exception.

  He drove around the block and this time when he reached Paula’s house, he pulled into the driveway and put the vehicle in Park.

  He turned off the engine and got out of the truck, pocketing the keys before he changed his mind.

  The walk to the front door was heady, not knowing what kind of reception he’d get.

  How could it be any worse than when they divorced?