It Wasn't Love at First Shalini and I

by Prashant Sharma

  Then she got up. And started walking again. I followed. “Will you sing for me again?” “No.” “But why?”

  “I sang for you when I had practically stopped singing for the world. That is special. Let it be. I don’t want to spoil it.”

  “I have no answer to that.”

  I made a sad face.

  “Okay, now don’t look so distraught. What can I do to make you feel better? Mmmm. Okay, I will talk about your work. So where do you work? In one of these buildings is it?”

  “No, my office is close by but not over here.”

  “You like your work?”

  “It pays my bills. I guess that is how much I like it.” “Am sorry, I can’t ask you anything more about your work.” I smiled. “As if your work is really interesting.”

  She raised her eyebrows. “I travel all around the world, meeting all sorts of new people, seeing all sorts of new things, doing what I love to and what I do the best- that is singing. What can be more interesting?”

  “Projecting how much your product will sell in the next quarter. And then multiplying it by 2 to show your seniors that you have a grand vision and being happy for two and a half months in the quarter and taking shit in the last fifteen days. That doesn’t sound that bad does it?”

  She gave me a disgusted look “Do you even want me to answer that?”

  “Not really.”

  “Thought so.”

  “So how are your parents?”

  “They are good. They are still in the same little town. I have asked them a million times to shift in with me, but they say they can’t start their lives all over again.”

  “Get them.”

  I saw a tinge of remorse in her eyes.

  “If I could have convinced my mom to come with me to the US, maybe she would have been alive today, and maybe, I would have had a family.”

  “I have tried.”

  “Try harder.”

  “So you have no family in India now?”

  “No, my parents had no siblings. And my grandparents are also

  no more. So it is pretty much me alone in this world right now. There are some distant cousins, but we don’t even exchange Christmas cards.”

  “In India, it’s Diwali greetings.”

  “What?”

  “In India the phrase is not ‘Christmas cards’, its ‘Diwali greetings’.”

  “Yeah whatever. I want to eat aaloo paranthas. Can you take me to someplace where we can get those?”

  “Yeah whatever.”

  “Shut up. You can so not pull off a ‘yeah whatever.’” “I so can.”

  “Can’t.”

  “Do you want aaloo paranthas?”

  “Yeah, whatever. See, that’s how you use the phrase. Now take me to the aaloo paranthas place.”

  I really could not pull it off.

  “Okay, let’s go.”

  I held her hand again and led her to a dhaba which was an all nighter. My office was not in this area but I had frequented the parantha shop in the vicinity. She would raise some eyebrows considering the time and considering Gurgaon, but I assumed there would be some female population in the form of call centre executives. Luckily, I was right, there were some females around when we got to the place. We sat on one of the corners, as far away from a group of rowdy drunk guys. I could remember more than one occasion when I was one of the rowdy drunk guys and people with females used to sit far away from me. In fact, the only time I had come here with a female was when I had come here with Pooja and when she had decided that we were together. Not a really nice memory. But it had been quite a while.

  “What are you thinking?”

  “Some old memories of this place. How things change.” “Things change, people should not.”

  “You changed. In fact, you changed so much that you even changed your name!”

  “I am different. Different rules apply to me.”

  “Oh come on!”

  “Yeah, whatever.”

  She giggled. I giggled right back at her.

  “You giggle like a girl.”

  I giggled some more. The waiter came to take our order. “So what will you have?”

  “I told you right. Aaloo paratha.” “Okay, chill. Anything else?” She talked to the waiter.

  “Bhaiya, do aaloo paratha with butter ke saath and sir ke liye ek chai and ek aur aaloo paratha.”

  I laughed out. The waiter joined in.

  “What?”

  “You talk like a Punjabi girl who has lived in Canada too long.” “Oh shut up!”

  “Yeah whatever.”

  I took out my tongue to tease her, the waiter interrupted, surprisingly in English.

  “Sir, when you two are done, please call me. I have other work also.”

  We both looked at him surprised. Me because he spoke English, and she because of his attitude. Before she could say anything, I ordered.

  “Three aaloo paranthas, one chai and one Thums Up.” “Fifteen minutes.”

  “A little quickly please.”

  “You have a train to catch?”

  “No,” “Then fifteen minutes.”

  He left. We both laughed. I don’t know at what, but we did. He got us the food in less than the stipulated time and we started gorging on the food. It was really good and worth the insult by the hands of the waiter in front of Shalini.

  “You know what, now I am getting that Swades movie feeling.” “Is that music playing in the background? Tae tae tae taeeeeee.”

  “Stop it, you are really bad at it. And yes it is. And even Shah Rukh is there. And he looks so good. And plus, he is not even insulted by the waiter at a dhaba.”

  “Hold on, he will be in some time.”

  “Shut up.”

  I did. She fantasised about Shah Rukh and I just ate the paranthas.

  “These parathas are heavenly. I wish you could get something like this in US.”

  “So how long are you here?”

  “Don’t worry, this time I will not just run away. Honestly, I am too famous now to run away.”

  “And pretty modest too!”

  “I call a spade a spade.”

  “But seriously, how long are you here?” “Long enough.” “Will I get to know how long?” “What do you think?” “I think- no.” “Correct answer. But this time, I won’t vanish.” “Yeah, considering how famous you are.” “Or considering, that I don’t want to.”

  She looked at me and for the first time, I saw something more than mystery in her eyes. She had always been a mystery to me, but for the first time, I thought that this was leading to something. I did not know yet what it was though.

  We ate the paranthas, I paid the guy, no tip of course, and we headed towards nowhere and got close to the national highway.

  “You know, there is supposed to be a 15% tip.”

  “Welcome to India. Here, we do not tip, we ask for a discount.” “Where does this road lead to?”

  “Jaipur, if you go like a really long way on it. Otherwise there is Manesar, Pataudi and lots of other small towns.”

  “You been to any of those places?”

  “Yeah, for work.”

  “Okay, so let’s not talk about that. Your work is boring. I like this highway, pretty much like an American highway.”

  “Yeah, took a long time to build. You see that building over there?” “Yes, what about it?”

  “Well, never mind.”

  “Tell me.”

  “Never mind.”

  “Tell me now.”

  “You will find it boring.”

  “Is that your office?”

  “Yes, how did you guess?” “Two things, one of course when you said that I will find it boring. And two, the dread in your eyes when you looked at it. Let’s go.”

  “Where?”

  “I want to see where you sit.”

  “Its 3 am at night. It would be closed.”

  “We will break in.”

  “I will get fired.”

&nbs
p; “Come on, we will not steal anything. We will just go inside, take a walk, and come out. Does it have CCTVs?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Then let’s check. Come on, don’t be a sissy. Plus, if they fire you, your next job will be much better than this.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Because there can be nothing more boring than what you do. Now come on.”

  So we walked the200 metres to my office. The guy at the security was sleeping so we directly walked into the compound. The same compound which used to be full of people dressed formally in pants and shirts and talking about sales, numbers, promotions and affairs now bore an empty look. There was not a single soul in the vicinity. We tried the door. It was locked. Shalini looked at me and asked me where the fire escape was. I just stood there. She went around the building and found it.

  “You are being a chicken.”

  “I am not chicken. I just don’t want to be fired.”

  “Don’t worry, even if you are, I will make you a singer in my troupe. Then atleast life will be a bit interesting.”

  We entered the fire escape.

  “Which floor you sit on?”

  “First.”

  We climbed up to my office. The door was locked. She tried pushing it open. I took out my access card and opened it. She smiled, and we were inside. My office had the typical office look. Some lights were on so that it was not completely dark. There was a huge open space which had cubicles in it, and on the left, right, front and back, there were offices of the senior people, and there were a couple of conference rooms.

  “Which office is yours?”

  “I don’t have an office.” And then as an after affect “yet.” I held her hand and took her to my cubicle.

  “This is where I sit. A 4 by 4. Now you can go ahead and make fun of it.”

  Surprisingly, she did not. She sat on my seat and looked at the partitions which separated my cubicle from other cubicles. There were photos of me and Hari at a cricket match, there was a cricket ball signed by Sachin himself, there were one or two certificates from work, and there was a lot of mess. She was taking a very keen interest in whatever was there. She took a couple of minutes studying the photographs, and a couple of minutes making sense of the mess. I sat on my table and she on my chair. There was an eerie and romantic feel about it.

  “Have you ever made out with a girl in your office?” “No.”

  “That status is not going to change. Now let’s go or else you might get caught.”

  We took the same route to get out of the office and once we were on the highway again, she spoke.

  “Thank you.”

  “For what?”

  “For taking me to your office.”

  And that too, just hung in the air. We walked along the highway for some more time, clueless to where we were going, clueless to where we wanted to go. Just walked. It had been a very long time since I had just walked and doing that with her felt amazing. I thought of Kriti when I was with Shalini. Would I feel the same way had I been walking with her instead of Shalini. I tried to kick the thought out of my mind. Kriti was for real, Shalini was an unknown fantasy. I spoke to clear my head.

  “So how long are you here this time?”

  She smiled.

  “You can ask as many times as you want, but do you really think I will tell you that?”

  I let that pass.

  “Doesn’t this look pretty.”

  I pointed to the road in the front. It had a hazy look to it. She all of a sudden turned towards me and said

  “Kiss me now.” “What?” “Now.” I puckered my lips and she burst out laughing. “I got you again with this one.” We both smiled at each other. She spoke

  “How desperate are you? Not getting any action is it? Are you seeing someone?”

  This was the first time either one of us had asked such a direct question, and she let it slip in so casually. I prepared myself for the answer. I put my hand in my pocket, held the ring and spoke

  “I was seeing someone, but it’s now over. Been quite some time.”

  I kept on playing with the ring. I wanted to see her reaction to my statement. Would she be happy that I said I was single? Or would she not really care. She took the latter option. No change of reaction. Nothing at all. And then after 5 seconds, I saw a twitch. I did not know what to make of that.

  “Did it hurt?”

  “What?”

  “The break up?”

  “What break up? Oh that, yes it did. I would be lying if I said it

  didn’t hurt. It hurt bad. But it has been more than 8 months now. So I am over it.”

  I lied to her. There had been no break up. I had been engaged the same day. What was I doing?

  “Enough of me. You tell me, are you seeing anyone?”

  “No. I waited to meet you again, because I really liked you. But then, I guess I left too much on fate. Should have tried harder to get you. And I liked you all these years, so I really couldn’t get into a relationship with anyone else.”

  I waited, for her to burst into laughter again. I was not going to fall for this any more. But 10 seconds passed, then 20, then a whole minute, and nothing happened. Then she spoke again.

  “And I also know you are engaged. I changed my name, you did not. I guess almost the whole world on Facebook knows that you are engaged. You have quite a thing there- Kriti right?”

  I didn’t know what to say but a yes.

  “She is pretty. Very pretty. And you both will look great together. She will make up for your lack in the looks department. And why did you lie to me? You could have told me that you are engaged.”

  She looked at me expecting an answer. I was not really sure on what was happening.

  “I just did not know what to say. We were meeting after all these years. And it was you! I mean, it was you, how could I say that I was engaged. How could I just let you out of my life like that?”

  “Well you did by getting engaged.”

  “But I didn’t know that I would see you again. And that too today!” and then as an afterthought. “Is this meeting planned?” “What do you think?”

  “I really don’t know what to think. I mean, you have been following me! For how many years? And why did we meet today of all these days? Seems like too much of a coincidence.”

  “Why do you think? You got engaged today. Today is the last chance I have with you.”

  “Shalini, I am seriously very confused. Could you please spell it out to me. And yesterday was the last chance you had with me, not today.”

  “I had to do it sometime, and tonight is as good as any other. So why not.”

  She held my hand, we stopped walking. She led me to a grass embankment close to the road under a lamp and sat on a bench. She folded her feet and sat facing me, I did the same. This was going to be difficult for her. But I was listening. This could change everything.

  “I fell in love with you. It wasn’t love at first, but it was love every time after that. And I was so stupid that I could not understand it for so many years.” “When did this happen? On the train.” She broke into a smile. I really wanted to see that smile. Serious talk was on, I wanted something to relax us both. Her smile did it.

  “No you idiot. I was too young at that time to love you. I liked you at that time. I told you right, it wasn’t love at first. But you were the first guy I ever wanted to talk to.”

  “So the next time we met? At my college?”

  “I guess it was that time. In fact, I am sure it was then. It’s not that you looked great or had a great personality or that you were very funny that you swept me off my feet...”

  “Thanks. Compliment it is.”

  “Anytime! Anyways. It was not that you looked great or had a great personality or were very funny...”

  “Thanks again.”

  “Anytime! So, as I was saying, you were not smart, neither were you too funny, but there was something about you. I don’t know what it was. I still
don’t know what it is. In fact, I don’t think it’s anything about you. It’s just the way I feel when I am with you. Its different, it’s never been this way with anyone. I just don’t want the time to end. ”

  “But you are the one who has always left without any warning!” “I know. Because I was scared. Scared of getting you and then of losing you. When we met during college, I was so devoted to my music that I saw you as a big distraction. And when I did not win the competition in your college, I was sure you were a distraction. That was the first time I had ever lost a singing competition. And because I was thinking of you the whole time!”

  “Thank you.”

  “No, I am not putting the blame on you. What I am saying is that you were a distraction.”

  “No, the ‘thank you’ was not sarcastic. It was a genuine ‘thank you’ for thinking about me the whole time. And if it helps, I was thinking of you not only that day, but on many days that followed.”

  “Obviously you were.”

  “What is so obvious in that?”

  “I told you right. You did not look great, did not have any personality and were not funny. If a girl spent the whole night with you, you ought to be thinking about her for atleast seven years!”

  “So that is the reason we met after seven years?”

  “Shut up. So as I was saying. I considered you to be a distraction, and hence I did not do anything about us. In fact, as soon as the competition got over, I decided to leave. I knew that had I spent any more time with you, something would have happened.” “You would have fallen for the charm.”

  “Don’t overdo it. So yes, I also thought about you for a long time after that. In fact, for seven years. I always thought that what would have happened had we been together. Would the pain of my father’s death been lesser? Would I have been more successful with my music? Would I have been happy?”

  Her eyes had lost all color. She was back in the mode she had been seven years ago. She continued.

  “Life really did change in those seven years. My father died, my mother died, I failed in the one only thing I thought I could do, I shifted countries to run away from the pain and from a lot many more things and I lost all hope and all confidence in life.”

  She was quiet, and then she spoke “I will tell you something that I have not told anyone.”

  There was a pause. I knew this was going to be something big, I just knew it.