Extra Time

by Michelle Betham

  ‘Want me to come with you?’

  She turned around and smiled at him, backing up against the wall. ‘Well, that all depends, doesn’t it?’

  He walked over to her, sliding his hands up under the thin material that was doing little to cover up a body that Ronnie knew could, in the words of the Rolling Stones, make a dead man come. ‘On what?’

  ‘On whether we’re taking this to the next level or not.’

  ‘Is that what you want?’

  She looked at him. Was it? Not forever. But she figured he already knew that. ‘I don’t think it matters what I want, Ronnie. You need to be sure…’

  He shut her up with a kiss; a long, deep, languid kiss that, at first, surprised her, but then it began to fill her with a warmth and an exuding feeling of calm that she couldn’t get enough of. It was exactly what she needed.

  ‘I’m going to kiss you, okay?’ Ronnie said, divesting her body of the unnecessary negligee, slipping first one thin spaghetti-strap down over her shoulder, then the other, until it fell to the floor. ‘I’m probably going to kiss you for most of the night. I might even touch you, just quickly, because I need to feel you, right here…’ He slid a hand between her legs, causing Amber to groan out loud as he pushed up against her and she opened her legs wider to give him more room. ‘But no sex, do you understand?’

  She looked into his eyes, a sharp flood of disappointment filling her as he moved his hand away. ‘Why? I mean, we’re just one small step away from fucking each other anyway so why stop now?’

  ‘No sex, Amber. I just want it to be that way. For now.’

  She smiled, sliding a hand round the back of his neck, pulling him down closer so her mouth was almost resting on his. ‘For now?’

  ‘For now,’ he whispered. ‘I know it’s stupid, and probably pointless seeing as I’ve just had my hand between those incredible legs, and you are so fucking wet… Shit!’ He pushed a hand through his hair, backing away, just a couple of centimetres, but he’d needed to back off, just for a second. The confusion was absolutely overwhelming. ‘This is killing me…’ He looked at her, moving closer again, resting his hand on her hip. ‘But it just feels right. To stop it here.’

  There was nothing right about this situation. Nothing at all. But somehow Amber understood his somewhat warped logic.

  ‘Okay.’ She nodded, resting the palm of her hand on his cheek. ‘Okay. But… will you stay with me? Please. I want you to stay with me.’

  He smiled, running his thumb lightly over her nipple, the hardening of which did nothing to abate his now-painful hard-on. ‘Yeah. I’ll stay with you.’

  ‘So, what are we going to do about this, then?’ She smiled back, her hand briefly resting on his erection.

  ‘I guess I’ll just have to fly solo.’

  ‘Same here,’ she whispered, her mouth touching his as she spoke. ‘You don’t have the monopoly on frustration.’

  He kissed her gently, the feel of her naked breasts against his chest sending a million and one mixed emotions flying round his brain. ‘Can I watch?’

  ‘Oh, so that’s okay then, is it? That’s allowed?’

  ‘I’m making this up as I go along, Amber. Humour me.’

  ‘So, you want to watch me touch myself?’

  ‘Jesus, yes, I want to watch.’

  She smiled, all thoughts of Jim, Brandon, and babies she would never have suddenly disappearing from her mind, albeit for a brief amount of time, she knew that. They’d be back. But what little respite she could take she was grabbing with both hands. ‘Okay. But no helping, all right? Look, but don’t touch. Two can play at rule-making, Ronnie.’

  Two could play at lots of things. But once the playing was over, just what would the consequences be?

  Chapter Thirteen

  ‘Sorry, you want what?’ Jim asked, pushing his chair back slightly and staring at Ryan as though he’d just started speaking in a foreign language.

  ‘I want to put in a loan request.’

  ‘You want to put in a loan request,’ Jim repeated, getting up and walking round the front of his desk, causing Ryan to take a couple of steps back. ‘Do you want to tell me why?’ He leaned back against his desk, folding his arms, not taking his eyes off his striker. ‘Because I can see no reason why you would want to leave a club that has shown you the kind of support Newcastle Red Star has shown you over the past year.’

  ‘It’s personal.’

  Jim laughed – a short, sharp laugh, looking briefly down at the floor before meeting Ryan’s eyes again. ‘It’s personal. This wouldn’t have anything to do with my wife now, would it?’

  What was Ryan supposed to do? Deny it? Putting in a request to be voluntarily loaned out to another club meant that the reasons had to be good, and they had to be valid. And even then there was no guarantee that any request would be granted. But Ryan had to try. He had no other choice now.

  ‘Things are complicated, boss. I’m sure you understand…’

  ‘Oh, I understand plenty, Fisher. I understand plenty.’ Jim walked back behind his desk, but he didn’t sit down. ‘I understand that this club has shown you nothing but respect, despite everything that’s happened. And you want to throw that back in its face? Back in my face? I put my trust in you, Ryan. I gave you the captaincy, and I did that because I believed you could change, that you deserved a chance to show everyone what you could do, and as far as your football’s concerned you’ve been worth that risk. Although, looking at you today, I’m not sure how long that’s gonna last. You look like crap. Were you out last night?’

  Ryan pushed a hand through his hair, looking away for a second. ‘Yeah, but…’

  ‘You knew it was an early morning start for training, yet you still went out the night before.’

  ‘I needed a bit of downtime, boss.’

  ‘Oh, you needed a bit of downtime? Life a bit tough for you right now, is it?’ Jim knew he was taking his own mood out on Ryan, which wasn’t completely fair. Or professional. But then, given their past and their shared connection to Amber, those lines were already quite blurred.

  ‘I just need some time away,’ Ryan said, acutely aware that his manager’s mood wasn’t a good one. Did that have anything to do with the fact Amber had been down in London for most of the week? When she hadn’t really needed to be?

  ‘Why?’ Jim asked, folding his arms and staring straight at Ryan. ‘Why do you need some time away? You’ve just had a couple of months off, which should have been more than enough time to take any breaks you needed, so coming to me when we’ve played just one game of the new season, informing me that you’re not happy here is really crap timing. So, I’ll ask you again, has this got anything to do with my wife?’

  Ryan returned his manager’s stare, standing his ground. He’d put the wheels in motion now, what was the point in lying? ‘I loved her, Jim.’

  ‘When we’re at work, Ryan, you call me boss. You got that? And I know you loved her.’ Jim didn’t really want to talk about Amber, not with Ryan. He didn’t like to acknowledge the fact they’d once been together. It wasn’t something he’d ever really thought about. But, at the same time, he needed to know if Amber had spoken to Ryan since she’d walked out on him. And was that what she’d really done? Walked out on him? He still didn’t know. He didn’t know anything much, and that’s what was killing him. He was in the middle of something he couldn’t control, and that wasn’t a situation he was familiar with.

  He closed his eyes for the briefest of seconds and quickly composed himself. To show any sign of weakness – no matter how small – in front of Ryan Fisher would not be a wise move. ‘I’m rejecting your request, Ryan.’

  ‘What? Hang on, you haven’t even…’

  ‘That’s the end of it, Fisher.’ Jim fixed him with a look that told him he was shutting this conversation down. ‘You owe this club, and whatever you’re feeling, whatever you think you can’t cope with, you suck it up and move on. Do you hear me? Newcastle Red Star need you and we nee
d you at the top of your game, so you grow up and get back out on that training pitch. We’ll say nothing more about this matter. Okay?’

  Ryan looked at his boss, letting his words sink in. Jim’s reaction wasn’t exactly a surprise. He was under no illusion that this request was going to be one that was accepted easily, but it was one he was going to push for.

  ‘I wouldn’t have come to you if I didn’t feel…’

  ‘If you didn’t feel what, Ryan?’ Jim’s eyes bored right into him, but Ryan was determined to fight for this decision. To some it might display a certain level of weakness, the fact he felt the need to run away, almost, because he couldn’t bear to be around a woman he still loved too much to admit. But to him it was a necessary move he had to make. For the sake of his own sanity. For the sake of his career. ‘If you didn’t still feel something for Amber?’ Jim’s voice shook him back to reality. ‘If you didn’t still love my wife? Is that what this is all about? Huh? You can’t bear to see her with me so you thought you’d just stick in a random loan request and take yourself out of the picture for a while? And what’s that going to achieve? You think a few months away from here will change things?’

  ‘I really need to do this, boss…’

  ‘And I really need to have this team working at full strength, so having my star striker distracted by ridiculous ideas of being loaned out when we’re fighting to regain the league title isn’t something I’m going to waste my time even considering. Just because you’re not adult enough to deal with a situation…’

  ‘You have no idea how I’m feeling. No fucking idea.’

  Jim leaned forward, resting his hands palm-down on his desk, his eyes still staring straight into Ryan’s. He wasn’t in the mood for this, not this week. He really wasn’t in the mood. ‘This conversation is over, Fisher. Get out of here, go on. And if I get just one whiff of your behaviour changing as a result of this meeting, there will be consequences. So don’t think that refusing to play will get you what you want, do you hear me? I’m well aware of that tactic. I’ve been faced with players trying that one before and it doesn’t work with me.’

  ‘You can’t just refuse me. You have to listen…’

  ‘Oh, I think you’ll find I can just refuse you. You’ve been in this game long enough to know the rules.’ Jim sat back down, his body language telling Ryan, in no uncertain terms, that he was done.

  ‘Jesus…’ Ryan sighed, before reluctantly walking out. What the hell was he supposed to do now?

  ‘You all right, mate?’ Gary asked, almost bumping into Ryan as he left Jim’s office.

  ‘What are you doing up here?’ It wasn’t all that often that players ventured into the administration block, not unless they were seeing the manager or had some paperwork to sort out.

  ‘Just needed to check something over on my new contract. You been in to see the boss?’

  Ryan leaned back against the wall, throwing his head back and letting out another heavy sigh. Had he just made the biggest mistake of his life by letting Jim Allen know how he was really feeling? But what other choice did he have? Jim was his manager. Who else was he supposed to go to? ‘I’ve asked if I can be loaned out to another club for a few months. Maybe for the rest of the season.’

  Gary said nothing for a second, letting Ryan’s words sink in. ‘You’ve what? Why? What the fuck’s happened?’

  Ryan dropped his head in his hands, his fingers pressing into his forehead in an attempt to ease the tension that was slowly building up. ‘What do you think, Gary?’

  ‘I don’t know… I mean… Oh, hang on. This isn’t about Amber, is it? Jesus, Ryan, come on! I thought you were over her, mate. I thought you were past all that. What about Ellen?’

  ‘What about her?’

  ‘I thought things were good between you two?’

  ‘They are,’ he sighed, throwing his head back again. He suddenly felt as if he could just close his eyes and sleep for a week. That’d teach him to stay out late the night before an early morning training session. He’d thought he could handle it, but it didn’t feel that way right now. ‘Things are great. She’s an incredible woman, it’s just…’ He looked at Gary. ‘I can’t get past it, Gaz. I can’t get past her. Amber. Every time I see her I see that life we could have had, if I hadn’t pissed it up the fucking wall. I remember how weak I was, how I just couldn’t give her what she needed and I regret that so much. So fucking much. Because I still love her, I can’t help it. And I can’t cope, being here, knowing she’s so close and I can’t do anything about it. I blew it, and I still can’t believe I did that.’

  Gary reached out to gently touch his friend’s arm. ‘Hey, I know this has been hard for you, Ryan, but can’t you see what you’re doing? If you don’t pull yourself together you’re gonna let history repeat itself, and you really don’t want to go down that road again, mate.’

  ‘Right now, it’s the only place I want to be,’ Ryan said quietly, wishing he could just go home and sleep, because he hadn’t managed to do much of that last night.

  ‘You don’t mean that. Come on. You went through so much and came out the other side a much stronger person – do you really want to throw all of that away because you’re still fixated with some woman?’

  ‘Amber isn’t some woman, Gary. She was the one, I know she was.’

  ‘You’re sounding like some lovesick teenager now. Come on, get changed and get outside. Colin’s got us playing practice matches this morning, so that’ll blow the cobwebs away.’

  Ryan just looked at Gary. ‘You reckon?’

  ‘It will get easier, Ryan. I’m sure it will.’

  Ryan wished he could share in his friend’s optimism, but he was still adamant that the only way he was going to be able to get any kind of handle on this situation was to move well away from it. Just for a while. And Jim was right, Newcastle Red Star had been good to him; they’d given him a second chance when other clubs may not have been quite so forgiving. So he did owe them. But he also owed himself a chance to do what he felt was right. Jim may think the conversation was over, that the matter was dealt with, but he was wrong. Ryan was nowhere near giving up. On anything.

  Jim moved away from the door, having heard every word of Ryan and Gary’s conversation. They really should be more careful where they had their little chats, and outside the manager’s office wasn’t the wisest of places, especially when that chat involved his wife.

  Sitting down on the edge of his desk, he picked up the phone and punched in a number, looking at a picture of him and Amber that took pride of place on his desk as he waited for the person on the other end of the line to pick up and answer. Which they did, after half a dozen rings. ‘Max, hello, it’s Jim. Jim Allen.’

  ‘Jim! How are things? You spoken to Amber lately? Any news on her thoughts regarding the Ice Magazine shoot?’

  ‘You’ll have to speak to her about that one yourself, Max. I’m calling about Ryan.’

  ‘Ryan?’ Max’s tone of voice changed immediately. ‘What’s up?’

  ‘He’s just been in to see me, at the training ground, looking like he spent most of last night out partying.’

  ‘Oh, Jesus…’ Max sighed. ‘What’s he done now?’

  Jim paused for a second before answering. ‘He’s put in a loan request. Ryan Fisher wants to leave Newcastle Red Star.’

  ‘We need to talk,’ Ronnie said, catching Amber as she made her way to the Cloud Sports News studio. ‘What happened last night… ?’

  ‘Ronnie, I’m sorry.’ She stopped walking and leaned back against the wall, clutching the pile of newspapers she was holding tight against her chest. ‘I don’t know what came over me, or why I acted that way. It was selfish, and it was wrong. My head’s just…’ She turned away from him for a second, exhaling loudly. ‘No. That’s no excuse, there is no excuse for what I did.’

  ‘I think you’ll find I played a part in it, too, kiddo.’

  She looked at him. ‘What did we do, Ronnie?’

  He le
aned against the wall beside her. ‘I don’t know. And that’s the truth. I don’t know.’

  ‘I’m sorry… for leaving early this morning but I… I didn’t know what to say to you, what to do. You’re my best friend, Ronnie, and what happened last night really shouldn’t have happened.’

  He turned sideways so he was facing her, resting his shoulder on the wall, his hands in his pockets. ‘We’re both to blame. We’re both going through… well, let’s just say relationships aren’t exactly our strong point right now, are they?’

  ‘That’s still no excuse. Look, I’m late, I’ve got to go.’

  ‘Hang on, Amber!’ He reached out to grab her arm, stopping her from walking away. ‘We need to talk.’

  ‘About what? If I hurt you, I’m sorry…’

  ‘Jesus, you haven’t hurt me, how could you hurt me? I just want to know you’re okay, that’s all.’

  She looked right into his eyes, trying hard to at least make some sense of what was going on inside her head, but that was hard with the overwhelming barrage of emotions that were fighting against each other in there. ‘I really need to see Jim and yet, at the same time, I don’t know if I can face him. I don’t even know if I want to. I just can’t… I can’t think straight, Ronnie. And last night was probably just some kind of knee-jerk reaction that I really should have controlled because… because it didn’t help matters.’

  Neither of them said anything for what felt like minutes but it was really only a second or two. ‘It was a mistake.’ Ronnie’s voice was quiet, an almost resigned tone to it. ‘Let’s try and forget it happened, okay?’

  She nodded, finally allowing herself a smile as she stood on tiptoe and quickly kissed his cheek. ‘Thanks, Ronnie. The last thing I need is to lose you as my friend.’

  ‘That’s never gonna happen.’ He smiled back. ‘Go on. I’ll see you later.’