Extra Time

by Michelle Betham

  ‘Are you saying you only slept with me because you were drunk?’ Ellen asked, still smiling, wrapping her arms around him from behind.

  ‘No, I’m not saying that,’ Ryan said, unwrapping her arms from around his waist before walking into the bathroom, closing the door behind him, leaving her standing on the other side. ‘I’m just saying that the circumstances were… they were…’ He stopped talking, taking a few blissful seconds on his own to pee. ‘Last night was last night,’ he said, opening the door and leaning against the frame. ‘And now we move on.’

  Ellen frowned. ‘Move on? Are you dumping me?’

  Ryan couldn’t help laughing, folding his arms as he stared at her. Was she for real? ‘Ellen, babe, how can I dump you when we’re not even together? We were finished before I came out here, remember? Just because you turn up out of the blue claiming that you could be “good for me”, that doesn’t mean we’re suddenly an item again. I never agreed to anything, sweetheart.’

  She looked at him, pouting like some teenager who was trying anything to get her own way. ‘No, I know that. And I don’t expect you to do anything straightaway, I’m here for a while…’

  He raised an eyebrow. ‘A while?’

  ‘A few more days. And a lot can happen in a few days, can’t it?’

  He continued to stare at her, saying nothing. He hadn’t been prepared for this, and he wasn’t enjoying the fact it was happening. But he had training to go to, and right now wasn’t the time to carry on this conversation.

  ‘You’d better go back to your hotel.’ Ryan pushed past her, out into the main living area of his Tenerife villa. ‘I’ll call you later, okay? I’ve got a busy day ahead, so I’m assuming you can amuse yourself while I’m away?’

  ‘Of course I can. Ryan…?’

  He turned to look at her. She really was one beautiful woman, but she just wasn’t Amber. And that was the problem. She wasn’t Amber.

  ‘I will see you later, won’t I?’

  He sighed, hanging his head before looking up and out of the patio doors at the view of the Atlantic. It was another gloriously sunny day in paradise – so why did he feel like he’d just been handed a prison sentence?

  ‘Yeah. You’ll see me later.’

  What other choice did he have?

  ‘Miracles do happen, Amber.’ Dr. Lowry smiled at her from across his desk. ‘And you, it would appear, are carrying one.’

  ‘And… and the dates?’ she asked, her fingers fiddling frantically with the hem of her t-shirt. ‘They’re right, are they?’

  ‘You appear to be around eleven weeks pregnant, so that would mean conception took place sometime around mid-November last year. You’re looking at an August birth, Amber.’

  She felt her stomach tighten again. The dates were right. Which meant she was, too. This baby, it wasn’t Jim’s. It couldn’t be Jim’s. It was Ryan’s. She was having Ryan Fisher’s baby.

  ‘Is everything okay?’ Dr. Lowry asked, aware of Amber’s almost sombre mood. ‘If there’s something you need to talk about…’

  ‘No.’ She shook her head, fixing him with a smile she could only hope reached her eyes. ‘No. Everything’s fine. I’m just a bit shocked, that’s all. I mean, after everything I was told before, and then for this to happen…’

  Dr. Lowry returned her smile. ‘Well, like I said, miracles can happen. And sometimes, when the pressure is off, nature just takes its course. Now, I’ll be taking care of you during this pregnancy myself, so make sure you stop by reception for your next appointment, okay? And don’t worry. We’ll do everything we can to make sure it all runs as smoothly as possible. You’re a very special patient, Amber Allen. And this will be one very special baby.’

  She felt quite dazed as she made her way out of Dr. Lowry’s rather prestigious Jesmond clinic, and over to the bar across the road where Ronnie was waiting. She needed a drink like she’d never needed one before, but alcohol was now strictly off limits. Even though she would have done anything to dull the feelings she was experiencing right now. Feelings she couldn’t really explain – a strange mixture of excitement tinged with a raw pain and a crushing disappointment she just couldn’t shake. Because this baby wasn’t Jim’s. It wasn’t Jim’s.

  Ronnie looked up as she sat down next to him, her eyes meeting his – telling him everything he needed to know.

  ‘It’s Ryan’s,’ she whispered. The last thing she needed was for this little piece of information to get out. Even though it was going to, at some point, she knew that. And how she handled it all when that finally happened was something she didn’t even want to think about at the minute. She had enough to get her head around as it was.

  ‘Definitely?’

  She nodded. ‘Definitely. The dates… they coincide with that time we slept together at Gary’s party back in November last year. Me and Jim, we hadn’t had sex in ages back then, and we didn’t have sex again until months after that…’

  ‘Hang on,’ Ronnie interrupted. ‘You’ve slept with Jim since he told you he wanted a divorce?’

  She looked at Ronnie as though he should already know this, before realising that only Brandon was aware of that last encounter. She hadn’t told anyone else it had happened. And now she knew why. ‘Yeah. After the derby match, a few weeks ago. It was a mistake.’ Her whole life was one long mistake right now. But this – this one topped the lot. ‘What do I do, Ronnie?’

  ‘I don’t know, kiddo,’ he sighed, reaching out to take her hand, squeezing it gently. ‘But we’ll work something out.’

  ‘I mean, this is what I wanted, right? I wanted a baby. I wanted to be a mum. I wanted that more than anything.’ She felt dazed, her head spinning as she looked at Ronnie again. ‘But I wanted it all with Jim. I wanted his baby.’ Tears started to prick the back of her eyes as she stared up at the ceiling, blinking desperately to try and stop them from falling. ‘It’s such a fucking mess, Ronnie. All of it. It’s such a fucking mess.’

  Ronnie squeezed her hand again. He couldn’t really argue with that. A mess didn’t even begin to describe it.

  ‘I’m pregnant. Can you believe that?’ She took a deep breath, sitting back in her seat, a feeling of resignation sweeping over her. ‘I’m pregnant. But it’s with the wrong man, Ronnie. This baby – it’s the wrong man’s.’

  ‘Amber, listen. Listen to me, sweetheart…’

  She looked at him – her best friend, and the one man she could trust over anybody. Why couldn’t she feel for him what she felt for Jim? What she felt for Ryan.

  ‘We can sort this out, the two of us. We can…’

  ‘No, Ronnie, please. I know what you’re going to say and I can’t let you do that. I can’t, it isn’t fair.’

  ‘And seeing you like this isn’t fair either, Amber. Come on, we can do this, me and you. We can do this.’

  She shook her head, pulling her hand away from his. ‘I can’t deal with this right now. I need some time on my own, I need to get my head around it all before it drives me insane.’

  ‘Amber…’

  ‘Ronnie, I’ll be fine. Really.’ She smiled at him, even though smiling was the last thing she felt like doing. ‘I just need to get used to the idea, okay? I need to be alone. Just for a little while.’

  ‘You’ll call me if you need me?’

  She nodded, pushing her sunglasses down over her eyes.

  ‘You promise?’

  ‘I promise.’ She leaned over and kissed him quickly, giving his hand one last squeeze. ‘I’ll talk to you later. And Ronnie? Thank you. For being here. For being the best friend I really need right now.’

  He smiled, too, reluctant to let her go anywhere on her own after the news she’d just had. ‘I’ll always be there for you, kiddo, you know that. Always.’

  ‘Sounds like you’ve got yourself a bit of a bunny boiler there, mate,’ Callum said, squirting water over his head and shaking it out. The temperature down on the training pitch was around 32 degrees, and even though they had cloud cover that mo
rning, the heat was still stifling.

  ‘I mean, she just flew over here, without telling me. Again.’

  ‘Again? You mean, she’s done this before?’

  Ryan sat down on the touchline, pulling his knees up to his chest. ‘When Newcastle Red Star were here pre-season she flew out to see me. We’ve been in this kind of on/off relationship since I came out of rehab. I thought she was what I needed, you know?’

  Callum sat down next to him, drinking his water this time, staring out ahead of him as the rest of their teammates carried on with training against the backdrop of Mount Teide that loomed large in the distance.

  ‘And she isn’t, I take it?’

  Ryan hung his head, saying nothing.

  ‘Listen, mate. I know the official line about you going out on loan from Newcastle Red Star was because you wanted some experience of playing in the Spanish League, but… the rumours that are still going around… Did Jim Allen want you out of the picture for a while, because you and his missus…?’

  Ryan looked up, surprised it had taken someone this long to actually ask that question out loud. ‘That’s not strictly true, no. I mean, if that was the case, then why aren’t him and Amber together anymore?’

  ‘Yeah,’ Callum sighed. ‘What’s that all about?’ He looked at Ryan, who still had his head bowed, staring down at his football boots. ‘Was it because of you? That Jim Allen and Amber split up?’

  ‘I don’t know.’ Ryan shrugged, still looking down. ‘Maybe. I don’t know.’ He threw his head back, sighing heavily. ‘We slept together, me and Amber, just before I came out here and… and I think he might have found out, so…’ He finally met Callum’s gaze. ‘I really don’t know. I always thought nothing could break those two apart, given their history, but…’ He hung his head again, leaving that sentence unfinished.

  ‘Maybe you and her… maybe you and Amber have history, too, mate.’

  Ryan couldn’t help smiling slightly, keeping his head down. ‘I love her, Cal. I love her so fucking much, and when we… when I was with her it felt so right. It felt like I had her back; she was where I wanted her to be, with me. With me. Where she should be right now.’ He looked at Callum, trying to ignore the thumping headache that had started banging away behind his eyes. ‘I’m here to forget her, Cal. I came here to try and forget her, but it’s a waste of time. It isn’t going to work because I can’t stop thinking about her. Every second of every fucking day she’s there, in my fucking head, reminding me of what I threw away because I couldn’t fucking grow up in time to realise she was the best thing that ever happened to me. And I lost her.’

  ‘Jesus, mate, you’ve got it bad.’

  ‘This isn’t some stupid crush, Callum. She isn’t just some older woman who came into my life and showed me things I’d never experienced before. I fell in love with her, but I just couldn’t cope with those feelings. I’d never felt anything like it before, that need to be with just one woman, and it scared the shit out of me. It wasn’t what I did, I couldn’t be with just one woman, and that’s what I kept telling myself. Even when I was with her I’d pretend that everything I was feeling was only because I wanted to sleep with her, and once the sex was finished those feelings would be gone. But they weren’t, and that’s when I got scared. That’s when I started to push her away by going back to being a grade-A prick.’

  ‘Have you told her this?’

  ‘I tried to explain it to her, before I went into rehab. We talked, you know? But I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to tell her how I really felt. She was about to marry Jim Allen, and what was I supposed to do? I was in a state, Callum. I’d hit rock bottom and I couldn’t expect her to deal with that.’ He sighed again, pushing both hands through his dark hair. ‘All I know is, I thought coming out here would ease those feelings, make me finally realise she isn’t coming back to me, but the day her and Jim separated, that was the day my world changed. The day I let hope back in; the day I knew I was still in love with her. And I can’t shake that. Being here, it isn’t going to get rid of those feelings.’

  Callum let out a low whistle, handing Ryan his water bottle. ‘Jesus, mate. I had no idea you felt that way about her.’

  Ryan took a long, much-needed sip of water, throwing his head back again. ‘I’ve got to talk to Ellen. It isn’t fair to lead her on, to let her think there’s even the tiniest chance that I’m going back to her. I just wish I’d been strong enough to tell her that last night.’

  ‘We all make mistakes, Ryan,’ Callum said, gently squeezing his shoulder. ‘But, yeah. You do need to talk to her. She needs to know how you feel – about her, anyway.’

  ‘How do I manage to make my life so frigging complicated? Huh?’ Ryan sighed.

  Callum smiled at him, taking his water bottle back. ‘You’re Ryan Fisher, mate. You don’t do anything by halves.’

  And wasn’t that the truth?

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  ‘You’re very quiet,’ Debbie said, sipping her coffee before looking at it with an expression of pure hatred. ‘I’m beginning to really dislike this stuff. I’d kill for a long, cold glass of champagne, wouldn’t you?’

  ‘Hmm? Sorry?’ Amber asked, dragging herself back to the here and now.

  ‘I said, you’re very quiet. You got something on your mind?’

  ‘No. No, I’m fine. I’m fine. Anyway, how are you doing? Not long now until Baby Blandford makes an appearance. You must be really excited.’

  Debbie couldn’t help smiling, placing both hands over her now quite large baby bump. ‘Do you know what? I fought so hard against becoming a mum. I mean, it wasn’t something I’d ever intended to do – have kids, I mean. Especially being married to someone like Gary. But impending parenthood really does seem to have changed him. I’m even getting used to being fussed over continuously. However…’ She shifted slightly in her seat as she tried to make herself more comfortable, ‘… I can’t say I won’t be sorry when this little one finally makes his or her appearance. I’m getting just a tiny bit tired of lugging this bump around with me everywhere. It can really interfere with shopping sometimes.’ She smiled a wide, beaming smile, and Amber couldn’t help but smile back. ‘But, yeah. We’re both so excited to see him or her, Amber. This baby. We can’t wait.’

  ‘You’re gonna be a fabulous mum.’ Amber returned Debbie’s smile, reaching out to take her friend’s hand. ‘That’s one very lucky baby in there.’

  ‘Well, we’ll see. I hope so. But I’m actually quite terrified if the truth be told, chick. I’m even thinking of asking my mum to come and stay with us for a few months to help out, so that shows you how terrified I am… Anyway, enough about me. How are things with you? And why are you still down here instead of back up north where you belong? We miss you.’

  Debbie was in London with Gary and the rest of the Red Star squad for their match against one of the big north London clubs. And Amber was so glad she’d decided to fly down and see her, because she’d missed her, too. Missed that shoulder to lean on, that person to confide in. She had a lot to tell her. And she’d tell her it all – soon. But not yet. There were others who needed to know first.

  ‘Work’s really busy now,’ Amber said, taking a sip of her own coffee, more as a distraction, really. Something to stop her from having to talk too much.

  ‘Yeah. I know work’s really busy. You’re never off the TV, and me and the girls are sick of seeing your face splashed all over the front of magazines.’

  She’d said that with a glint in her eye and a big smile on her face, which really was quite infectious because Amber couldn’t stop herself from smiling, too. Despite the way she was really feeling inside.

  ‘Are you not taking on more than you need to, though?’ Debbie asked, her tone a little more serious now.

  Amber shrugged, her eyes going back to her still-present wedding ring. ‘I want to do it all. Nobody’s making me work that hard. It keeps me busy, and I need that.’

  ‘Keeps you distracted, you mean.
’

  ‘You’re beginning to sound like Ronnie now.’

  ‘You seen Jim since he’s been down here?’

  ‘No. Why would I have done?’

  ‘He was on Scoreline last night. I know you weren’t presenting it, but I thought you might have been around at the time. You know, in the studio or something.’

  Amber shook her head. She’d deliberately stayed away, taking on another photo shoot just so she could avoid him. Seeing him right now wasn’t something she felt strong enough to do, under the circumstances.

  ‘And what about the match tomorrow? You covering that?’

  She shook her head again. ‘No. I’m in the studio with Ronnie.’

  ‘Was that deliberate?’

  Amber looked at Debbie. ‘It’s over, Debs. Me and Jim. It’s over, okay?’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Look, I don’t want to get into this right now. I’m meeting Max in a few minutes and the last thing I need is to be distracted by anything to do with Jim Allen.’

  ‘He’s not seeing anyone you know.’

  Amber looked at Debbie again, narrowing her eyes. ‘So? What business is it of mine whether he is or he isn’t seeing anyone?’ But just the thought of it made her feel sick.

  ‘Because you still love him?’

  ‘Leave it, Debbie. Please. Things are so complicated right now they’d…’

  She quickly shut up, realising that if she said much more then Debbie was going to start asking questions she really didn’t want to answer just yet.

  ‘They’d what, Amber? Come on, chick. Things are so complicated right now they’d what?’

  ‘They’d make your head spin, believe me.’ She was saved from saying anything else by the arrival of a text message. ‘That’s Max. I’d better get going. He hasn’t got long, he’s flying out to see Ryan this afternoon.’ Just saying Ryan’s name made her stomach flip over in a way she wasn’t entirely sure she understood. So she tried to ignore it.