A Present in Swaddling Clothes

by Andrew Grey

  Sammy looked over at Josh’s sister-in-law. Josh watched Sammy’s face and he knew almost instantly when Sammy had made up his mind. “Your sister named you guardian and by extension me as well. She trusted both of us to take care of her daughter, and I’m not going to let either of them down.” Sammy looked Josh straight in the eyes, and Josh felt his legs begin to waver slightly.

  “Are you sure? This is a huge responsibility,” Josh said.

  “Are you trying to talk me out of it?” Sammy asked, and Josh shook his head. “Then let’s tell your family what we’ve decided, and after Vivian is released, we’ll get the things Vivian needs from your sister’s and take her home.” Sammy might not make a decision very often, but once he did, there was no dissuading him. As they walked back to where his family waited, Josh saw Maria stand up. “Josh and I are going to be taking care of Vivian. Those were Nicky’s wishes, and we intend to honor them.” Sammy glared at Maria, and when she opened her mouth to argue, Sammy stepped closer to her. “Don’t cross me,” Sammy said as he glowered at her, and for the first time Josh could remember, Maria backed down.

  Josh walked back into where Vivian rested. Dr. Halverson stood up as Josh approached.

  “She’s going to be fine. We put a rush on the initial results, and they look fine, just as we suspected. I’m going to check her over one more time in about an hour, and then you can take her home.” The doctor touched Vivian’s head before leaving.

  Josh sat next to her and watched Vivian, holding her little hand. Eventually Dr. Halverson returned and told him everything looked good. He said goodbye to Vivian, and Josh thanked him for everything. Once they removed Vivian from the monitors, he picked her up and gently placed her on his shoulder. After signing what he needed to, Josh carried Vivian out to where the rest of the family waited.

  Sammy, thinking ahead, had brought in the carrier and diaper bag. Josh checked Vivian’s diaper, changed it, and placed her in the carrier.

  “Mom, Sammy, and I are going back to Nicky’s to get some of Vivian’s things, then we’re going to head home.” Josh kissed her cheek, and she smiled at him, and he knew she approved.

  “I called your father, and I’m going to drive home and then he’ll drive us back. We’ll stay at Nicky’s and be here for her. You take care of Vivi.”

  “I will, Mom, and I’ll call you tomorrow or tonight if I have questions.” Josh smiled at his mother before saying good-bye to Tim and Maria. Then he and Sammy left the hospital for what was sure to be an unusual ride home.

  Chapter 3

  Josh rushed into the kitchen to grab a tray of cookies before carrying them into the dining room. “That should be the last for now,” Sammy said from the kitchen, and Josh breathed a sigh of relief as he peered at Sammy’s masterpiece of food. The dark-green tablecloth was covered with trays, bowls, and chafing dishes. Guests would begin to arrive in an hour, and they were almost ready. He and Sammy had getting ready for the holiday open house down to a near science, but Vivian had thrown a huge wrench in the works, and everything had taken more time than they’d expected. Walking back into the kitchen, Josh saw Sammy step away from where he was working to wind the handle on Vivian’s swing. “How on earth did you think of this thing?” Sammy asked with a smile.

  “Mom told me about it. She said it was what helped keep her sane when we were babies.” Josh leaned over Vivian and smiled at her, and she gurgled, her hands going back and forth excitedly. “Are you ready to get dressed for the party?”

  “Give her a few more minutes. She’s happy.” Sammy continued getting his cheese board ready. “Turn on the trees and lights, set up the music, and get everything else ready before you take her out of that swing because you know she’s going to scream when you do.”

  “Okay,” Josh replied with a smile as he left the room and began getting the other rooms in the house ready for the party. He’d taken two steps when he stopped.

  “Ewww, Vivian,” Sammy said, and Josh knew exactly what that meant. “How can such a small baby make such a big stink?” Sammy said in his own unique version of baby talk. “Josh.”

  “I know,” Josh said as he returned to the kitchen, lifting Vivian out of the swing. She didn’t fuss much, which was a miracle, and he carried her upstairs to the room they’d set up for her. He and Sammy had made a number of trips to Nicky’s and had brought a lot of the furniture out of the nursery. Vivian needed it, and Josh figured he could rent a truck if and when he needed to take the furniture back. “You made a big mess, yes, you did,” Josh told Vivian in the soft voice that always seemed to soothe her. On the trip home with Vivian a week ago, Sammy had set down his terms:

  “Here’s the deal. I’m in charge of what goes in, and you’re in charge of what comes out. I’ll feed her and make up her bottles. I also get to take her shopping and buy her things.” Sammy was all about shopping. “And I’ll even change a wet diaper on occasion, but the poop is all yours.” Josh had laughed about it at the time, but Sammy had held him to that for the past week, although he did change a messy diaper when Josh was gone.

  “You did make a mess,” Josh said as he removed the diaper, rolling it up before cleaning Vivian with wipes and applying cream, then putting a fresh diaper on her. “You are such a good girl, aren’t you?” Josh continued talking to her as he put her in the red Christmas dress Sammy had bought especially for the party. Once she was dressed, Josh walked back downstairs. Sammy had already made up a bottle, and Josh walked through the house to sit in the antique rocking chair in the parlor. Vivian watched the lights on the tree as Josh fed and rocked her. Once she’d had her bottle, he placed her in the carrier, and she went right to sleep.

  “Have you talked to Nicky today?” Sammy whispered when he came into the room after finishing getting the house ready for the party.

  “Yes,” Josh answered softly, and after making sure Vivian was in a safe place, they left the room and began getting the rest of the house ready. “She seems to be doing okay. I talked to her doctor today, and he says she’s just beginning to deal with what she tried to do. In his words, she has a long way to go. He asked about Vivi, and I think you and I need to talk, because taking care of Vivi could be much longer than a few weeks.”

  Sammy’s eyes widened in surprise. They hadn’t talked about it much because they’d been so busy over the past week working, arranging child care, preparing for child care, taking care of Vivi, getting ready for the party. There hadn’t been two spare minutes. It was obvious to Josh that Sammy had been holding onto the notion that this arrangement was temporary no matter what had been said at the hospital. “Okay,” Sammy said levelly before taking a deep breath. “I need some time to think about that.”

  “I know this isn’t what you expected, and I understand if you’re upset,” Josh soothed, taking Sammy into his arms.

  “I’m not upset.” Sammy stilled in Josh’s arms. “I need to decide if this is something I can really do. I’m so scared all the time that I’m going to hurt her or do something wrong.” Sammy began to shake in his arms, and Josh held him tight, wondering if that was all that was wrong. “What if something happens?”

  “It probably will,” Josh answered. “I broke my arm as a kid, and how many times did you have stitches? It happens.” Josh ran his hands down Sammy’s back trying to soothe away his nerves. “I’ve asked myself the same thing. Call your mother tomorrow and talk to her.” That’s what Josh had done at least once a day for the past week.

  Sammy nodded and released Josh from the hug. “This is all a bit much.”

  Josh felt his eyes roll, and he caught his breath. “Tell me about it.”

  “But you wanted children,” Sammy pressed.

  “Yes, I do, but that doesn’t mean suddenly finding myself taking care of a three-week-old baby isn’t hard for me, or a bit of a shock, the same as it is for you. Our lives are going to change for as long as we have her. It already has.” The doorbell sounded and Josh stepped away as Vivian cried and Sammy walked to the door
. Josh lifted her out of her carrier and let Vivian settle against him.

  “Who’s this?” their neighbor Corky asked as she used her cane to steady herself while she took off her coat and handed it to Sammy.

  “Vivian,” Josh answered. “She’s my sister’s daughter. Sammy and I are taking care of her for a while.” Josh didn’t go into details, and he could tell Corky was curious. She was a bit of a gossip, so Josh kept quiet. Josh led her into the living room as the doorbell rang again. This time Vivian didn’t stir, and Josh greeted Sammy’s parents with a small warm bundle against his shoulder. Sammy’s mother gushed over Vivian, and Vivian went to her without any fuss at all.

  The house filled with people. Sammy kept an eye on the food table as he talked and greeted guests. Josh circulated and talked, keeping an eye on Vivian, and it appeared she was going to sleep through the entire party. That is, until Tim and Maria arrived. Tim greeted both him and Sammy before heading into the dining room. Maria, on the other hand, made precious baby noises and proceeded to wake Vivian, and then took the baby from Josh. She then settled in one of the living room chairs for what appeared to be an extended stay. “It’s wonderful of Josh and Sammy to take care of Vivian, but a baby needs a mother,” she said at one point during the party. Josh strode into the room in time to see Sammy lifting Vivian out of Maria’s arms.

  “It’s time for this little one to go to bed,” he announced and carried her out of the room. Josh watched as Sammy carried Vivian upstairs, and when he followed, Sammy shook his head. “I’ll be down in a few minutes. But if you could get a bottle….”

  Josh nodded, and Sammy carried Vivian out of sight. Once he’d taken the bottle to Sammy, Josh rejoined the party. “Are you sure they’re okay?” Maria asked in a stage whisper as she and Tim got some food.

  Josh stepped behind her. “Of course she is,” Josh whispered very softly so only she could hear. “The only person who might be in danger is you, if you don’t knock off the witch impression, because I’ll throw you out of our house myself. So behave.” Josh turned and immediately began talking to other guests. He figured Tim could deal with the fallout. Josh half expected some sort of reaction, but everything remained quiet, and he hoped that maybe his bitch-in-law had gotten the message.

  The party continued, and Sammy rejoined them, handing Josh the baby monitor. Josh clipped it on his belt, and they enjoyed the party. After talking to everyone, Josh sat in the parlor with others who wanted to be near the fire. It was also quieter in there, and he could hear the monitor better. Josh talked with people and watched the glittering Christmas tree. He could hear Sammy mingling and talking in the other room.

  Tim sat down in the next chair and leaned toward Josh. “I need to talk to you,” he said softly, and Josh smiled at his other guests and excused himself. It was time to check on Vivian, anyway, so Josh led his brother upstairs. “I know Maria comes on strong, but she means well,” Tim explained, and Josh said nothing. “The police called Mom today. They’re going to charge Nicky with child endangerment. Since she’s under a doctor’s care, it’s not likely she’ll have to go to jail or anything, but she cannot have guardianship of Vivian.” Josh opened his mouth to say something, and Tim put up his hand to stop him. “We won’t fight you. It was Nicky’s wish that you take care of Vivian if anything happened to her. I know that, and she told me herself when she was still pregnant. I don’t….”

  In a flash of insight, Josh understood. “It’s not a slight to you and Maria any more than when you made Maria’s sister Claudia’s guardian if anything happened to you and Maria,” Josh said in a whisper as he cracked the door open to Vivian’s room. As had become his habit, he always checked on her to make sure she was breathing and had good color. Seeing her blue lips had scared the hell out of him.

  “I know and I wanted you to know that if you and Sammy decide to raise Vivian, you’ll have my support. And if you decide it’s too much, Maria and I will be happy to raise her. And no matter what you may think, neither of us will question your decision.” Tim looked nervous, and Josh left Vivian’s room, leaving the door cracked open before hugging his brother tightly. Josh could not put into words what Tim’s support meant to him.

  “I don’t know what we’ll decide. I think we’re both a little overwhelmed right now.” Josh let his brother go before walking toward the stairs. “I suspect there will be plenty of hoops to jump through no matter what we decide.” Josh descended and saw Maria standing at the bottom of the stairs.

  “Did you talk some sense into him?” Maria snapped softly. That was one woman who didn’t have to raise her voice to yell. “Are we taking Vivian home with us?”

  Josh rolled his eyes, but Tim answered. “Josh and Sammy will decide what they want to do.” His voice seemed level and calm, but Josh could hear the firm tone beneath the surface. “Get your coat. It’s time for us to go.” Then he turned to Josh. “Let me know what you decide, and I meant what I said.” Tim got his coat and ushered Maria out the door. As he watched them go, Josh thought he would not want to be Maria about now.

  “Is she okay?” Sammy asked as he passed by carrying a tray of cookies.

  “Everything is fine. Enjoy yourself,” Josh said with a smile.

  “I intend to,” Sammy told him with a wink and a look that Josh hadn’t seen in a long time. He almost didn’t recognize it, but it was the look Sammy used to give him right before he jumped him on the sofa while they were watching television, or that time they were painting the dining room and ended up naked on the floor in the drop cloths. Before Josh could determine if that was what he’d really seen, Sammy was off into the dining room, talking with guests and refilling the buffet. The doorbell rang and more guests arrived, including a slightly older gay couple. Josh and Sammy often had dinner or went to the theater with them. Chuck and Don were a great deal of fun to be with, and since both couples liked the same things, they did a lot together.

  Josh was immediately hugged by Chuck and then Don. “Do coats go upstairs in the guest room?” Don asked, already walking toward the stairs.

  “Yes, but go as quietly as you can so you don’t wake the baby.” That stopped both men in their tracks.

  “Baby?” Don said with raised eyebrows, and Josh told them the story. Don went on up, and Josh let him into Vivian’s room. She fussed and Josh lifted her out of the crib. Don immediately took her, and Vivian settled right down in his arms. Josh handed Don the remainder of Vivian’s bottle, and he sat in the chair and fed her. Don had two children from a short marriage that ended just before he met Chuck. In fact, Don was a grandfather at least three times over now. “What does Sammy think of all this?”

  “I think he’s scared. To tell you the truth, I’m shocked as hell that he even let me bring her home, and I was completely blown away that he’s done as much with her as he has. Sammy’s fed her, played with her, and he even changed a diaper once. But the thought of keeping her long term has him spooked, and unfortunately, we really haven’t had time to talk about it.”

  “You really want to keep her, don’t you?” Don asked in a whisper as he looked at Vivian’s big eyes reflecting her nightlight. “Not that I can blame you one bit.” Don smiled at him.

  “I want to keep her almost as much as I want Sammy. But if there’s a choice, it has to be Sammy, without question. Not that I want to choose.” Vivian finished her bottle, and Don continued rocking her.

  “Would you like me to talk to him?” Don offered before getting up and placing Vivian back in her crib. Josh placed the blanket over her, and she went right back to sleep.

  “As long as it doesn’t seem too obvious.” Josh wasn’t hopeful, but talking to Don couldn’t hurt. Leaving the temporary nursery, they quietly walked down the stairs and joined the party, which was now in full swing. For a few hours, Josh had fun talking and laughing with friends. He checked on Vivian whenever he went upstairs, but otherwise he simply had a good time and a glass or two of wine. After ten o’clock, people began to leave. He and Sammy s
aid good-byes and wished everyone a Merry Christmas, and then Josh joined the few remaining people in the living room.

  “Do you need help cleaning up?” one of their neighbors asked, and before Josh could answer, she was already on her feet, carrying glasses to the kitchen. “Don’t tell me you don’t, because you have a baby now, and both of you have to be exhausted.” Not able to argue with her, the party moved into the kitchen, where Barbara began running water for dishes while Josh and Ken, Barbara’s husband, began gathering the dishes and trash from the other rooms. The cleanup was done in record time, and afterward the four of them sat in the living room with a last glass of wine before saying good night.

  Sammy turned out the lights, and Josh walked up the stairs and checked on Vivian. She was sound asleep, but Josh knew she’d be up at least once in the night. Walking into the bedroom, Josh stripped off his clothes before cleaning up, doing his business, and then climbing into bed. He listened as Sammy climbed the stairs. When Sammy came into the room, Josh saw that smoldering look again. Closing his eyes, Josh listened as Sammy used the bathroom. He heard the door open and close, footsteps on the old creaky floor, and then the lights clicked out. He was almost half asleep when Sammy got into bed, but he came wide awake when his lover crawled on top of him, straddling his hips. “I love you, Josh.”

  “Love you too,” he answered softly before pulling Sammy down into a kiss that quickly deepened. There was nothing on his lover that Josh hadn’t explored dozens of times before, and yet, tonight things felt new and different. Before, when they made love, they had all the time in the world, now it felt rather exciting, like they were sneaking a few precious moments for themselves, and Josh would be damned if he was going to waste them. Hugging Sammy close, Josh rolled them on the bed, his weight pressing Sammy into the mattress. In the soft light from the lights outside the window, Josh could see Sammy’s eyes smoldering with desire. Their love life had cooled over the years, and Sammy’s ardor was a bit of a surprise, though definitely welcome. “You are always the most important person in my life.” Josh kissed Sammy hard feeling him vibrate beneath him.