The Boy I Love

by Lynda Bellingham

  ‘What is so funny, may I ask? It is not funny if you are involved even if you don’t want to be. Stop laughing!’ she ordered.

  ‘Sorry, Janie, really but I have got this mental image of tight-arsed Gwendoline whipping off her glasses and her Alice band and grabbing Geoffrey in his Pierrot costume and breathing into his ear “Take me, Geoffrey darling” and Geoffrey peering at her and saying those immortal words: “God but you are beautiful behind your glasses. Come to me, Gwendoline!”’ This resulted in more squeals of laughter from Dora and Sally, while poor Janie looked on aghast.

  ‘Please stop it, guys. What am I going to do?’ she pleaded.

  The two sisters finally calmed down and tried to offer helpful suggestions.

  ‘Just try and stay out of their way,’ advised Sally. ‘I was only talking about this the other day to Dora, explaining that it’s fatal to get involved with all the goings-on. Why can’t we all just muddle along like the boys do? Go to the pub, have a few drinks and don’t ask any questions. Classic male behaviour. Sorry, didn’t mean to be quite so sexist.’

  ‘Do we think Charmaine is gay?’ asked Dora, completely changing the subject.

  ‘Gay? No, why do you ask that?’ said Janie, pouring more wine for them all.

  ‘I don’t know really,’ replied Dora. ‘It’s just a feeling I have and she came on to me yesterday.’

  Sally looked quite shocked. ‘Came on to you how? And anyway, how would you know what coming on from a woman was like, Dora?’

  ‘Oh please, Sally, give me a break! I am not a child. We had gay relationships at school. Didn’t you?’ retorted Dora.

  There was silence while Sally took this all in. ‘Um, no actually, I wasn’t aware of anything like that at school. I just never noticed, I suppose.’

  Dora sighed and said to Janie, ‘That is so typical of my sister. She lives in a little world of her own. I think that’s why she and Jeremy get on so well. They just never notice anything except maybe their acting roles.’

  Sally felt rather foolish. ‘Maybe Charmaine just likes to keep things close to her chest,’ she suggested, ‘as does Sarah. What do we think about Miss Kelly then?’ To her relief this brought all manner of speculation from the other two girls.

  ‘She is quite hard, I think,’ said Janie. ‘And she uses people. I have noticed she is all over Percy Pig, helping him with his lines. Mind you, I am not sure Percy can pull any strings for her.’

  ‘Except,’ said Sally, ‘Giles does listen to him quite a lot about casting, and they have worked together for many years. If Sarah can get to Giles through Percy and land herself a good juicy role this season, she can get agents to come and see her. God, listen to us! The poor girl is probably just lonely and shy, and it is easier to make friends with Percy and Peggy than us lot of witches.’

  ‘Actually, I think you were right the first time, Sally. You have always been a good judge of character and having come into all this after you and Janie, I think I can say I have noticed things as a bystander. Sarah is not to be trusted and I suspect she is after taking parts away from you, Sal. She is always sidling up to Robert and asking about characters. She has learned all the songs for Lysistrata and I wouldn’t be surprised if she angles for the part you are lined up for – and to understudy the lead. Just keep an eye on her, sister dear.’

  ‘Well, you’re a dark horse, Dora,’ commented Janie, gathering up their glasses. ‘Did you know you had such an observant sibling, and with such a cynical heart, Sally? I think you should go home and sleep on these things, girls. But please, can I remind you that these dark thoughts are a secret between us.’

  Sally got her coat and bag and Dora said to Janie: ‘Thank you for the wine. I am really sleepy now and my little bed is calling. Come on, Sally, it is Sunday tomorrow – how cool is that? A lie-in!’

  As they walked home, arm-in-arm, the sisters did not speak, each deep in their own thoughts.

  The next morning, Sally woke to a grey blustery November day, and decided that it was the perfect Sunday to stay in and watch telly and eat toast. Dora, however, had other ideas, and came bouncing into the kitchen humming a song from Lysistrata.

  ‘Can we go through some songs for my audition today?’ she asked through a mouthful of cereal. ‘I thought I could sing the main one that old Charmaine sings to gather all you ladies together. It is quite funky and I know I could sing it well.’ She proceeded to demonstrate her point.

  ‘Oh please, Dora, not just yet. Let me wake up first,’ shouted Sally, putting her hands over her ears.

  ‘Sorry,’ said Dora, looking rather forlorn. ‘Just want to get on with it.’

  Sally looked at her sister across the table for a good few minutes, wondering where this sudden desire to act had come from. Dora had never shown any interest in acting while Sally was at college, and certainly did not pursue it through school plays or anything as Sally had done. Why now?

  ‘I hope you don’t mind me asking, Dora, but why all this sudden wish to be an actress? I thought you had come up here to Crewe to help with the wardrobe department and learn a bit about design? Now all of a sudden you want to perform.’

  Dora didn’t reply immediately. She finished her cereal in silence, then got up and rinsed the bowl in the sink and left it on the draining board. Wiping her hands on the tea towel, she turned round and leaned against the sink.

  ‘To be honest, I really don’t know. But watching you all these last two weeks has awoken something in me, sis. I just feel so alive and I want to join in. Listen, I may be hopeless, and it will all come to nothing, but I need to have a go at least. Do you mind?’ she asked Sally, holding her gaze.

  ‘Why should I mind?’ her sister answered, a little too quickly. ‘You can do what you like, but don’t expect too much, will you? I mean, Giles is no pushover and he has his cast already.’

  ‘Oh, I know that, of course. But there is this opportunity in Lysistrata, isn’t there? Why not go for it?’ Dora’s eyes were bright with excitement. ‘Can we just run through the song a couple of times, please? Please?’

  Sally laughed. ‘Come on then, let’s get it out of the way then I can relax for the rest of the afternoon.’

  The girls worked on the song and Sally had to admit that her sister was pretty impressive. It was very strange to be in this situation, and she felt a niggle of uncertainty. After the conversation last night about the other actresses and their ambitions, Sally wondered if she was taking things too much for granted. She just assumed she had her place in the company. Giles had promised her some decent roles and he seemed pleased with her work so far. But maybe she should be more pushy. She decided to talk to Jeremy and find out what he knew about future casting from Robert.

  The sisters spent the rest of the day lying on the sofa and listening to the wind and the rain lashing against the windows. They had ham sandwiches for tea and were in bed by nine. Fast asleep by five past . . .

  Chapter 20

  The opening night of A Man for All Seasons was a great success. To give him his due Percy Hackett turned in a more than adequate Thomas More. Sally watched from the wings for most of the performance as she did not have too many props to deal with, and Heather had wanted her to learn the book and be able to prompt and give cues to the actors and crew. It was a scary job initially, as everyone relies on the prompt corner and basically the buck stops there. However, Sally soon managed to deal with six different things at once and actually enjoyed the power she had in her hands during a show. Tonight had gone without a hitch, and Sally was smiling as the cast took their bows.

  There had been great excitement at the opening of the play as Lord Graham had arrived with his son and daughter. They took their places in the Royal Box just as the lights were going down. Giles was faffing around in the interval organizing champagne for the guests.

  ‘Lord Graham is a very dear friend,’ he explained to Sally. ‘He does so much for this theatre, and I don’t know what we would do without him.’

  After the pl
ay, the cast were invited to meet His Lordship in the bar.

  ‘Is there a free pint in it?’ asked Simon as they came offstage.

  ‘Absolutely,’ said Sally, who was in charge of passing on the invitation. ‘Glad to see you have got your priorities right as usual, Simon.’ She grabbed Jeremy by the arm as he was leaving and asked: ‘Are you going up to the bar?’

  ‘Wouldn’t miss it for the world, my dear. Nothing like a bit of landed gentry, is there?’ He winked at her. ‘I’ll see you in the bar.’

  Jeremy was feeling terrific. He had nailed the role and knew he had given a good performance. As he was changing, Robert had come in and slapped him on the back, saying, ‘Congratulations! You managed to make that character watchable for a change. He is written as such a prig but you made him human – even gave him some charisma, dare I say it?’

  Jeremy glowed with pride. This was what he wanted. This was what he lived for. He was going to show the world what a great actor he could be. He arrived in the bar feeling fantastic and in control of his destiny – and then he saw the boy, and everything fell away. There was only silence and the space between him and the young man standing at the bar smiling at him.

  ‘Hi, I loved your performance. Can I get you a drink?’ The young man shook Jeremy’s hand and then placed an arm round his shoulders and steered him towards the drinks. It seemed the most natural gesture in the world, yet so intimate that Jeremy could hardly get his breath.

  ‘I am Eddie Graham, by the way, son of the Lord.’ The boy made a face and laughed. ‘It is always embarrassing at first. Hopefully you won’t hold it against me. Here, have a glass of champagne. You look done in.’

  Jeremy took the glass and desperately tried to pull himself together. What was the matter with him? He was trembling.

  ‘Um, thanks very much,’ he said, taking the glass and throwing the contents back in one gulp. ‘Yes, I am sorry to be so slow but it has been a long day. Could you pass me another drink, do you think?’ Jeremy handed Eddie the empty glass and waited for the replacement. He couldn’t move from the spot. Eddie laughed and his whole face lit up. It was such an open, beautiful face, thought Jeremy, losing himself once again in the moment, only to come back down to earth with a bump as he felt a hand on his arm moving him away from the bar – and there was Giles, beaming down at him.

  ‘Well done, Jeremy. Fantastic performance! You’ve met Eddie? Good, lovely, well let me introduce you to his father, Lord Graham.’ Giles spun Jeremy round to face a tall handsome man, who rather spookily resembled an older version of Eddie. Well, he would, wouldn’t he? Pull yourself together, Jeremy, for God’s sake.

  ‘How do you do, sir,’ he managed to mumble and shook the proffered hand.

  ‘Pleased to meet you, my boy. Thoroughly enjoyed the evening. This is my daughter Tilly, by the way.’ His Lordship stepped aside to reveal a strikingly pretty girl with the same open face as her brother, and mountains of golden hair.

  ‘Hi,’ she said. ‘Congratulations on the play – it was fab.’

  Jeremy was now completely at a loss as to where to go with any of this. The bar was so crowded and the noise level had reached epic proportions, and he felt a bit dizzy.

  ‘Do you mind if I just sit down for a moment?’ he asked no one in particular and Eddie jumped to attention.

  ‘Of course, sorry. There is a chair. I‘ll get it.’ And he had gone off before Jeremy could stop him.

  Jeremy turned to the girl and tried to explain: ‘You must think me very odd just standing here, but the thing is, it is always rather overwhelming coming up to all these people after just finishing a show. It is like coming out of one world and into another.’

  ‘Oh, please don’t apologize. I think it’s great you even bothered to come. I am not sure I would.’ Tilly smiled at him and he basked in the glow.

  Eddie was suddenly at his side, saying, ‘Here you go. Please sit and relax. We rather bombarded you, didn’t we? Sorry, but it is so exciting being here and seeing all the actors and everything.’

  The two siblings spent the next few minutes chatting and generally being very pleasant. Jeremy still couldn’t quite bring himself up to speed and was desperate for some help to get him out of his coma.

  ‘There you are – I have been looking everywhere for you. Oh, sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt.’

  It was Sally.

  She stopped and acknowledged the two guests.

  Jeremy finally found his tongue. ‘Sally, this is Eddie and Tilly Graham. They have been to see the show tonight with their father Lord Graham.’

  ‘But don’t let that put you off,’ laughed Eddie. ‘We are quite nice really, aren’t we, Tilly?’

  Sally smiled and shook their hands.

  ‘How lovely to meet you. I am sorry I barged in, but when my best friend goes missing I am always a bit concerned. He is not safe out on his own!’ They all laughed and Jeremy started to relax for the first time in the evening. Thank goodness Sally was here to rescue him. But rescue him from what, exactly?

  The bar was finally emptying out as the audience left. As usual the cast and crew had their eye on the pub and most of them had already left. Giles and Lord Graham were deep in conversation at the other end of the bar so Jeremy ventured to invite their new friends for a drink with them.

  ‘Oh, that would be terrific, but I think Dad is on a bit of a mission to get back tonight as he has to be in London tomorrow,’ replied Eddie. ‘But it would be great if we could meet up sometime. I would love to see backstage – but I don’t want to be a nuisance.’

  ‘No, no, of course you wouldn’t be a nuisance. We work every day until about five so if you wanted to turn up then we could show you round. It would be a pleasure,’ said Jeremy, turning to Sally for confirmation.

  ‘Oh yes, absolutely,’ she agreed. ‘Listen, I hate to be a party-pooper but we need to get going, Jeremy.’

  ‘Oh yes, please don’t let us keep you. It has been a pleasure meeting you and I look forward to my guided tour.’

  This little speech from Eddie was directed solely at Jeremy and it was picked up by Sally, who made a mental note to ask Jeremy all about it later. In the meantime she grabbed his arm and joked, ‘Don’t you know that a clean exit is always best? Stop dithering and say goodbye.’

  ‘Goodbye,’ Jeremy said obediently, watching the two beautiful young things cross the bar towards their father.

  He felt the butterflies in his stomach again and turned guiltily to see if Sally was watching him. Fortunately she had her head down and was concentrating on dragging him across to the door. He swallowed hard and tried to pull himself together. He needed to be alone to examine what had happened to him tonight. One thing he knew for sure: it had nothing to do with acting or his performance.

  Act 3

  Exit stage left

  Chapter 21

  The boy I love is up in the gallery,

  The boy I love is looking now at me.

  There he is, can’t you see, waving his handkerchief

  As merry as a robin that sings on a tree.

  Jeremy arrived at the stage door the next day to be greeted by a very excited Gladys, who handed him an envelope. The woman was desperately hoping he would open it there and then, and put her out of her misery. Needless to say she had examined the envelope extensively, but it had given her no clues, except that it was expensive stationery. She watched Jeremy disappear upstairs with a frustrated sigh. Oh well, you couldn’t win ’em all.

  Once in the dressing room, which mercifully he had to himself, Jeremy tore open the missive. The card was also expensive and matched the envelope. The handwriting was smooth and flowing.

  Dear Jeremy,

  It was so wonderful to meet you last night and be a small part of your celebrations.

  I was so disappointed when we had to leave.

  You very kindly suggested you might meet with me one day soon and show me round the theatre.

  I just wanted to make sure that you understood how mu
ch I would appreciate your offer. Here is my telephone number and you can leave a message if I am not around. I am working on my father’s estate at the moment so am out most of the day, but you will always find me in after 5 p.m.

  I do so hope you will call.

  Kind regards,

  Eddie Graham

  01270 998662

  Jeremy could feel his heart pounding, and realized that he was holding his breath. He let it go with a big sigh, wondering what this was all about. Did Eddie feel the same way, or was this just a polite note showing a mild interest in the theatre? Surely it was more than that. Deep down inside him a little voice was telling him that there had been a connection last night – he was not imagining it. What should he do now? He put the card back in the envelope and pushed it down inside his bag. He would go and ask Sally.

  He found his friend folding clean washing in the wardrobe department with Dora and Gwendoline and Janie. Now was obviously not a good time to discuss his life.

  ‘Hi, Jeremy,’ said Dora gaily. ‘You are looking a bit stressed.’

  Sally crossed to Jeremy and took his arm. ‘Is something wrong?’ she whispered. ‘Come outside.’ She pushed him through the door into the corridor.