The Boy I Love

by Lynda Bellingham

  He then continued, ‘It is no secret that this production of Hamlet is my pet project, and one I have dreamed of creating for a long time. But I also hope that you, the cast and crew, will become as enthused as I am and realize the importance of the production’s success. Not just for me or you, but for the future of Crewe Theatre. You see, I want this theatre to be firmly on the map as an important contributor to the arts in the UK. I am hoping to take this production to the West End eventually, and with luck, it will be the start of many such transfers and collaborations with different producers. Thanks to Lord Graham and his enormous generosity, we have been able to get the ball rolling with Hamlet – and may this be just the beginning of a new golden age for this theatre.’

  Giles paused again, this time to compose himself. He really did feel quite emotional about the whole thing and, if the truth be known, he was also a little fearful of the outcome. This was his opportunity to shine. He had been working towards this moment for many years now, and was only too aware that the one thing that could let him down was himself. He and Teddie had been seeing a good deal more of each other, due to the fact that they were in close proximity and able to meet easily under the pretext of discussing the finances of the theatre. This had led to many a late-night supper, and the two men had grown closer in every way. His Lordship was still obliged to keep a low profile in his personal dealings with Giles, as he still had Her Ladyship to consider. Lady Tanya Graham knew the score only too well. She had fallen in love with Teddie Graham when they were both still at their boarding schools. Her family owned a huge estate in Northumberland, and over the years several of the landed gentry in and around the area would entertain each other and naturally keep an eye out for any of the younger members’ future couplings. Same old, same old . . . Put the right two together, create an heir and a spare, and then all would be hunky-dory.

  Tanya had always adored Teddie. He was such fun, and somewhat less pedestrian and conventional than some of the other suitors she was forced to endure. The two of them shared a sense of humour and did not take any of the rigmarole too seriously. They managed to laugh their way through the hunt balls, croquet parties and polo meets, and became firm friends. Inevitably they became lovers, and then engaged and married. It was a smooth transition and they were a very glamorous couple for the first few years on the circuit. Teddie loved to party, and there were many occasions recorded in Vogue and Tatler to keep his reputation going. But then they had their two children, Edward and Tilly, in quick succession, and suddenly Tanya found herself settled in Crewe Hall up north, while her husband spent a good deal of time at their flat in Chelsea. She actually quite enjoyed the early years with the children. They had a wonderful life in the countryside, and there were always holidays to look forward to: a chalet at Klosters for the winter ski season, or a villa in the South of France for the summer. Tanya was well aware of the situation. She would always be Lady Graham, and as such would enjoy a life of luxury forever – but she would no longer enjoy her conjugal rights with her husband. He would discreetly pursue another avenue. Should she decide to take a lover, that was acceptable, as long as it was never discovered or flaunted in public; appearances were everything.

  The couple had lived this way for years, and mostly it worked very well, especially as Teddie tended to keep his other life down in London. Recently, however, he was spending a great deal of time at Crewe Theatre – and when Tanya was introduced to Giles Longfellow at the first night of A Man for All Seasons, she immediately knew the reason why. Her heart sank. The saying not on your own doorstep echoed in her head. She was far from pleased, and resolved to keep her distance from the theatre as much as possible. As far as Giles Longfellow was concerned, Tanya was polite but distant, and Giles very much understood his place in the scheme of things; he kept a low profile with the lady of the house.

  Giles’s relationship with Lord Graham was a distraction that he could have done without really, as he had a good deal on his plate and his career was very much at stake with this season at Crewe. But as usual, his emotional needs overruled his commonsense and he could not resist his trysts with Teddie, be they in a club in Manchester, or late at night in his office. He could no longer live without the thrill of being with his lover.

  The only person who knew what was going on was Robert, who had once been the object of his affection. Their romance had almost ended before it began last year, here at the theatre, because Robert could not handle the intensity with which Giles fell in love. For the first few weeks the two men had shared every living moment together. They locked themselves away in Giles’s office every lunchtime and ate each other for lunch! They became the laughing stock of the cast and crew, who got fed up with interrupting them in dark corners of the theatre, the most popular being the Royal Box, no less. Finally it was Percy and Peggy who took control and told them it had to stop as it was affecting the whole company, and not for the good. Giles accepted the ultimatum quite easily, and was soon back in his old routine, and directing the next production with great aplomb. Robert, however, was not so easily consoled, and disappeared back to London, never to be seen again.

  Percy had announced his relief to Peggy, saying, ‘I could never get me head round the lad – something not quite straight there. Very ambitious too, you know. Wouldn’t surprise me if we see him again one day, Peggy. I get the feeling he won’t let Giles off the hook that easily.’

  So it was no surprise when Robert appeared at the first read-through this season, having been introduced as the director’s assistant.

  Robert was indeed using his power and knowledge to further his career. He got on fine now with Giles, and no longer fancied him, but he was going to use him as much as he could to gain advantages in the pursuit of his theatrical career. Watch and learn was his motto these days.

  Giles rounded off his introductory speech by explaining that Robert would be taking rehearsals in the rehearsal room next door at the same time as Giles directed the play on the main stage.

  ‘Robert will take individual scenes with you as required, and also oversee the fight sequences. May I also remind you that the lovely Sally Thomas will be directing the Dumb Show, and she will give you your calls accordingly. So now, no more talking, let us read this wonderful play. Heather, start the clock.’

  Sally listened intently to the read-through, not just as an actress and understudy, but out of a natural curiosity to see how the company coped with the language of Shakespeare.

  Rupert Hallam was a joy. He had obviously worked hard already on the text, and he had a fine sense of the play. He made the words jump off the page, and even found the humour in Hamlet, and what he could not find he managed to create. Isabelle, however, seemed completely lost and overwhelmed by the dialogue. She read her lines like a child, in a dull monotone. When she was not actually in a scene she spent the time playing with her hair and fidgeting with a cigarette, which she smoked intensely, sucking in the smoke as if her life depended on it. Rather the other way round, thought Sally to herself, having given up smoking at college, after realizing that the people in the know were right, and not only did smoking ruin your voice, but it could basically kill you.

  Percy Hackett was in his element as Polonius, and it was obvious Peggy would have her work cut out supporting him through the play. Sadly, Peggy was too old to play Gertrude, which was a role she had played several times over the years. ‘Still, it means I will be nice and free to keep an eye on my Percy, if you know what I mean,’ she said with a big wink in Sally’s direction. Geoffrey was playing Claudius the King, and Charmaine was Gertrude, his queen.

  ‘Now we will see all the Royal Shakespeare training coming to the fore,’ said Gwendoline, with a touch of sarcasm in her voice. She and Geoffrey were now a definite item, but Sally knew she was very insecure. Geoffrey’s wife had appeared at the theatre last week with their three daughters and made a very public scene; she had basically banned him from seeing his little girls. He was clearly very upset and Gwendoline was not
able to easily distract him. She was also painfully lacking in any understanding about how a father feels about his children, and she and Geoffrey were finding things very difficult.

  ‘He will go back to the wife, you mark my words,’ commented Percy in the Green Room one morning. ‘All the sex in the world can’t wash away the guilt of leaving the children.’

  Peggy turned round and studied her wayward partner. ‘Oh? And you are such an expert then, are you, dearie?’

  ‘Well, I don’t have kids but I do know a bit about life, Peggy, and in the end loyalty and family count for a lot, don’t they?’

  Peggy held his look and smiled slowly. ‘It is good to hear you say that, my old ducks, because sometimes I do wonder,’ she said.

  Percy crossed to her and gave her a hug. ‘We are all right, girl, don’t you fret. Now get my coffee and let’s do some line learning.’

  Sally had had a little time to study Ophelia and was keen to have a go. Hopefully there would be a chance for her to stand in for Isabelle over the next two weeks of rehearsal when the actress had costume fittings and suchlike. Sally was also very curious to see how Robert conducted his rehearsals. She found him difficult to pin down. Sometimes he was very friendly and rather camp, and yet at other times he was very aloof and cold. He certainly had the ear of Giles Longfellow, and Sally had tried to discover the nature of their relationship. Peggy had told her all about last season, but Sally wondered if Robert still held a torch for Giles.

  ‘He watches Giles all the time,’ she commented to Peggy. ‘I find him quite tricky to communicate with, don’t you?’

  ‘Doesn’t bother me, darling, I just get on and do my own thing. All the shenanigans that carry on after hours go over my head.’

  Except those related to Percy, Sally thought to herself. That is a very different kettle of poissons!

  Sally’s attention turned to Jeremy. Her dear friend looked decidedly the worse for wear today. He was very pale and sweating profusely. She caught his eye and smiled encouragingly, but he just shook his head slowly and pointed to his glass of water. When they broke for lunch Sally went straight over to him and asked him if he was OK.

  ‘No, I feel terrible and want to be sick, quite frankly. Oh God – I will be back in a minute!’ And he was gone. Sally decided to get the full story later. She crossed to the props table which had been set up ready for the afternoon rehearsals and found Dora deep in conversation with Rupert.

  ‘But does Hamlet know for sure that his mother is involved with murder?’ she was asking him.

  ‘Hi, guys. How’s it going?’ Sally decided to intervene.

  Rupert turned to her with a big smile on his face and said, ‘Sally! How are you? Do you want to discuss anything with me? Dora is grilling me on my motivation already,’ and he laughed.

  ‘I like to know everyone’s motivation,’ responded Dora, flirting outrageously with the leading man. She addressed her sister. ‘How about you, Sally dear?’

  ‘Some people would call that being nosy,’ replied Sally, a little more tartly than she had intended. ‘Dora, would you like to help me with the masks? I want to be able to explain to the cast what I will be doing with the Dumb Show when we discuss the play in a minute.’

  ‘Oh, isn’t it lunchtime yet?’ sulked Dora. ‘I’m starving, aren’t you, Rupert?’ She fluttered her eyelashes at the young man, who was just about to be accosted by Isabelle.

  ‘Rupert, darling,’ she practically purred. ‘Can we go through some lines as soon as possible? I am sooo scared.’ She took his arm and leaned into him, flicking her mane of hair out of her gorgeous green eyes to look up at her co-star invitingly.

  Oh dear, thought Sally very ungraciously. You have serious competition for the femme fatale role, Dora! To the group she said, ‘Come on, Dora, we have work to do. Good luck, you two – see you later.’ And she dragged her sister away.

  ‘Oh wow!’ grumbled Dora. ‘That Isabelle really is a piece of work. She can’t act for toffee, but she certainly knows how to get the blokes going with all that bloody hair-tossing business.’ Sally stopped and took her by both shoulders. ‘Dora, look at me and listen very carefully. Don’t start all that sort of nonsense. You are very minor in all this, and if you want to continue in this company you need to know your place. You do not chat up the leading man or slag off the leading lady. Do you understand? You get on with the job and mind your p’s and q’s.’

  ‘Oh, please don’t treat me like a child, Sally. I know my place, but believe me, by the time I have finished here, and people see what I can do, my place will be very different. I just think it is unbelievable that girls like Isabelle get jobs when they blatantly can’t act!’

  ‘Well, that is the nature of the beast and always has been, to a certain extent. So the sooner you accept that fact, the happier you will be about it all.’

  ‘But it is so unfair,’ wailed Dora dramatically.

  ‘Oh please. Who said anything in life was fair? You just have to work with it. Believe me, if life was fair I would be playing Cleopatra at the National!’ Sally snapped.

  ‘Ooh Sally, dear, your mask has dropped. Surely my mild-mannered sister is not showing signs of malice?’

  Dora sensed revenge, but was stopped in her tracks when Sally turned and pulled her towards the exit with, ‘Ah yes, talking of masks, come with me and find them.’ That finished the conversation for the time being, but Sally knew her sister only too well: during the weeks to come, Dora would be on the war-path, and the fight for Rupert’s affections would be fierce, she had no doubt. He was very lovely though, Sally had to admit, and her own heart gave a little flutter at the thought of his smile.

  Jeremy felt much better after he had been sick. He had left Sally in such a rush, leaving his poor friend wondering what was going on, not that he didn’t think for one minute that Sally was not on to him. It was just a question of how much he actually told her about Eddie. Jeremy whispered his name: Eddie . . . He looked at himself in the mirror above the basin, and saw the desperate longing in his eyes. ‘What a pathetic sight,’ he told himself. ‘God, you need to pull yourself together.’ He splashed cold water over his face and laughed quietly. Oh boy, had he fallen hard. One minute he had been a man with no emotional ties – now he was in knots!

  ‘What’s so funny, Jeremy?’ Simon asked as he came into the Gents and went for a pee. ‘What do we think about our leading lady then? Bit of all right or what?’ He joined Jeremy at the basins and washed his hands.

  ‘A tad out of your league,’ teased Jeremy. ‘But you never know, she might be into a bit of rough trade.’ He made his way out of the door followed by Simon still doing up his flies as they bumped into Robert.

  ‘Well, well, what have you two been up to? Simon, I didn’t know you were that way inclined!’ Robert said, noting Simon’s zip.

  ‘Yeah, very funny,’ muttered Simon, pushing past him.

  ‘Charming,’ said Robert to Jeremy as he too tried to pass. ‘How was your weekend, Jeremy? From what I saw, it was very full on.’ He gave a theatrical wink. Jeremy cringed. He and Eddie had bumped into Robert in a bar on Sunday night and it had all been very awkward. All he needed was someone like Robert knowing his private affairs.

  He just nodded and said, ‘Yes, it was quite a weekend,’ and carried on past him.

  Robert watched him go with a smile on his face. Knowledge was power, he reminded himself.

  Jeremy decided to go up to the dressing room for the duration of the lunch-hour and keep well away from anyone likely to interrogate him. He felt bad about not going to find Sally to explain his behaviour, but he knew she would understand, and he would talk to her later. He just needed a bit of time to sort out his thoughts and feelings. Everything had happened so fast that he was still reeling.

  Chapter 32

  When they left the theatre on Saturday afternoon, Eddie had driven them to Manchester.

  ‘This is going to be a sort of Magical Mystery Tour,’ he had announced in the car. ‘Ju
st sit back and enjoy the ride!’

  Jeremy was in heaven. He watched the countryside speed past on the motorway, and every now and then he would turn to Eddie and catch his eye, and they would smile at each other. Their brief coupling in the theatre was still lingering. Jeremy could smell Eddie on his T-shirt. He was tingling with the need to touch his new lover. As if he could read his thoughts, Eddie put a hand on Jeremy’s thigh and caressed him. His hand was gentle at first then more urgent, travelling further up his leg, kneading his flesh beneath his jeans. He finally found Jeremy’s hard-on and laughed gently.

  ‘Oh, so you want more, do you? That is good to know. Shall we stop somewhere and sort you out?’ Jeremy was embarrassed and did not quite know how to react. Eddie seemed so experienced and well versed in all this seduction business, yet he was so young.

  They had come off the motorway at the next junction and found a field. Eddie parked behind a hedge and made swift work of taking Jeremy to heaven. Jeremy could not have imagined the excitement of this fast love in a car, in a field, in the middle of the countryside. It made him want to scream with pleasure. His whole body was on fire and wanting more and more.

  ‘Now come on, J, you will just have to wait until we get to our destination. Let’s get back on the road or we will be late for the other delights I have in store for you.’ And with that Eddie backed out of the gate and set off once more for the bright lights of the big city. They arrived in Manchester an hour later, and Eddie displayed a comprehensive knowledge of the back streets. They finally arrived at the front of a huge Victorian house, in a quiet street very near the city centre.

  ‘Follow me,’ he ordered, bounding up the front steps and ringing the bell.

  ‘What about our bags?’ Jeremy called out.

  ‘Just leave everything and someone will come and deal with them,’ replied Eddie. ‘Come on, J – hurry up!’ Just at that moment, the door was opened and a young man dressed like a butler appeared on the threshold. ‘Welcome to the Queen’s Hotel,’ he said. ‘Do you have luggage?’