Soul of a Demon_An Urban Fantasy Novel

by Lacy Andersen

  “But that’s impossible,” Manuel spoke up for the first time. He leaned forward on the table. “It can’t be true.”

  “It’s true.” Granny pulled another cigarette from her pocket. “As soon as the baby was born, I dragged her hissing and spitting across the town line. It was my aim to put a bullet in her skull, but she escaped. Never came back, neither, ‘til the goddess died. My guess is the goddess chased her out of the woods and wouldn’t let her return.”

  Luke stood up abruptly. He waved his hands in front of his chest in surrender and shook his head. “I can’t listen to this. I just can’t.”

  “Luke, sit down,” Silvia ordered, pointing to his chair. “We’re not through.”

  I wasn’t sure what else we had to go through. I could tell them the rest of my story if they really wanted it. It wasn’t much. Just twenty-one years of misery.

  “Are you really going to suggest that I didn’t know my own wife was possessed?” Luke dropped back into the chair. His voice held a desperate tone. “That I would sleep with her when she carried a demon parasite in her body?”

  “No one is questioning you...” Silvia began.

  “It’s absurd.”

  I looked at Manuel for help. Somewhere along the line, I’d gotten lost. Luke was freaking out and I had no idea why. Someone needed to fill me in.

  “Pregnant women can’t get possessed,” Manuel offered in reply to my questioning expression. Sympathy shone in his dark eyes as he placed a hand on my shoulder. “They’re already supporting another life form. It means that your mother would’ve been possessed before conceiving the child.”

  “So?”

  It wasn’t like I was possessed. They’d done the test on me.

  “Well, it happens often enough in humans,” he whispered. “But never in Nephilim. When a baby of a possessed human is born, it’s still human, but not quite. It retains certain demonic characteristics. They tend to produce very bad people. We’ve traced a few back in history. Stalin, Josef Mengele, Nero. All children of demons.”

  I stared wide-eyed at him. Part of me couldn’t grasp what he was saying. “Wait, you said it doesn’t happen to Nephilim?”

  “Not that we’ve ever recorded,” he explained with an uncertain tilt of his head. “But not impossible, I suppose. If what this woman says is true, you might be the first. Born of human, angel, and demon.”

  My gaze trailed around the room to find the rest of the occupants staring at me. I blinked and looked down at the table, focusing on the random pattern of the wood grains.

  Just a few months ago, I’d been forced to realize that I was part angel and that my duty was to guard a gate that kept demons in Hell. Compared to this bomb, that had been easy.

  Angels were the good guys. People sang about them, told stories about them, and dreamed of meeting them. Once I’d accepted the idea, I’d felt kind of like a super hero. It was a wonderful feeling. Or, at least it had been.

  Until now.

  My ears filled with the buzz of the room exploding into an argument. I ignored them and kept focusing on the table, not really seeing anything.

  I was a demon. Or part demon. Or something like that. The very essence of the creatures I regularly killed flowed through me. Hatred and evil and cruelty were in my nature. It was no wonder I couldn’t be a proper Nephilim warrior. I wasn’t meant to be one.

  Angry tears sprang to the corners of my eyes. I launched up out of my chair, knocking it over in a loud clatter. Silvia shrieked as Manuel tried to grab my arm.

  “Lizzy, please,” Luke begged from the other side of the table. “Calm yourself.”

  I shook my head. Didn’t he know what he was asking? I’d never been able to calm myself during training. And it was all because of my demon mother. My demon blood.

  Granny chuckled, still leaning back in her seat. I glared at her, wishing I could tear her to pieces right then and there. She raised an eyebrow at my defiant stare and took a puff.

  “You know, I thought I could break you, girl.” Smoke poured out of her mouth. “Thought I could chase the evil out of you, but I was wrong. You belong in Hell, with that mother of yours. If it were up to me, I’d skewer you with a silver dagger and leave you to rot.”

  I lunged across the table, nearly reaching her frumpy buttoned up flannel shirt before Manuel and Luke pulled me back. Granny chortled as Oscar marched her out of the room. I could hear her manic laughter all the way up the stairs and past the lobby.

  It wasn’t until they slammed the cell door shut, did the laughing die and along with it, all the fight in my body.

  Chapter Ten

  My feet traveled back and forth across the dungeon’s floor, carving out a permanent path into the tile. I hadn’t slept last night. Granny’s news had grabbed a hold of me like a vice grip on my brainstem. I was a demon. I was an angel.

  Or, something in between.

  The only thing I knew for sure was that I was an abomination. My own father hadn’t even been down to visit me since the meeting. Gabe was MIA. I could only guess that news of my parentage had spread throughout the manor. They were probably Lysoling down my old bedroom. Taking a blowtorch to my clothes. Was there a spray that got rid of demon germs?

  “This isn’t fair,” I grumbled to the empty room.

  I’d given them zero reasons not to trust me. So, I occasionally snuck out and battled a demon or two. I hadn’t done anything remotely evil. Locking me in a dungeon was unfair and unjust. Didn’t I get a trial?

  Granny’s words repeated over and over in my head. You belong in Hell, with that mother of yours. It was no wonder my whole life she’d called me cursed. She knew that my mother had been possessed. Frankly, it was surprising that she’d hadn’t just dropped my pregnant mother down an empty well and washed her hands of us. I guess she really was a different person then. But I wouldn’t put it past the Granny I knew now.

  I’d tried to live a normal life. I’d gone to that tiny school with kids from all over the county. Just fifteen boys and girls in my class. It was the only time I ever got to be around boys outside the town of Hanna. But even then, I couldn’t fit in. Not only was I taller and lankier than all the girls, but a part of me had always felt unlovable. Like I just didn’t belong. And now I knew why. I’d always carried an evil spark.

  I was truly cursed.

  The metal door opened just then, hinges grating. Manuel stepped through, his face a typical mask of indifference. Close on his heels was Gabe. His green eyes burned into mine from across the room. I made a move to jump into his arms, but froze. Maybe he didn’t want to touch me anymore. I was a freak. He could be disgusted by me. The thought brought a lump to my throat.

  “Lizzy...” Gabe rushed toward me and wrapped his arms around my waist, evaporating all my fears. His hands worked their way into my hair, entangling near the roots. “Thank God, you’re alright.”

  I choked back a sob and clung to his chest, drinking in the smell of earth and sweat in his t-shirt. It was a manly kind of scent that I’d come to love. Sometimes, my pillow would retain the earthy scent long after he’d left my room. I loved that reminder of him.

  “I’m so sorry, Gabe. What you must think of me.” I pulled him tighter. “I didn’t know. Granny never mentioned it until yesterday. I’m so freaked out.”

  He grabbed my shoulders and pulled away just the slightest bit. “What are you talking about? Your Granny was here?”

  I nodded. “Apparently, she knew this whole time.”

  “Knew what?” His eyes narrowed. “That your mother was alive?”

  I’d expected word to travel fast throughout the manor. If Gabe didn’t know Granny had been here, then maybe Luke hadn’t told him about my demon heritage. He was still in the dark.

  My heart leapt at the news, but then did a double-take. If Gabe didn’t know about my demon side, he might still come to hate me. It would kill me to see that in his eyes. But he was going to find out one way or another.

  Try as she might, Silvia co
uld never keep a secret long in these walls. The Nephilim were a tight bunch. If someone broke up at dinner, the whole village knew about it before bedtime. That’s just how it happened. And Gabe deserved to hear it from me.

  “I...uh...”

  My eyes trailed to Manuel leaning against the far wall, his boot resting on the drywall. He examined his fingernails and sucked in his cheeks. Obviously, I was getting zero help from him. I cleared my throat and gently pushed Gabe’s arms away. He tilted his head to one side with a concern that furrowed his brow, but didn’t stop me. With a deep breath, I urged my voice to work. Nothing but a squeak came out, so I tried again.

  “Gabe, I’m a demon.”

  It wasn’t exactly the eloquent way I’d pictured saying it in my head. But with very little sleep and a writhing mass of panic ever present in the back of my mind, it was the best I could come up with on short notice. It seemed to do the job, though.

  Gabe tilted his head the other way and stepped back. “What?”

  I took another breath. “I’m a demon. Well, part demon. My mother was possessed when she gave birth to me.”

  He shook his head. He wasn’t getting it.

  “That’s what Granny was telling us yesterday. She knew my mother had been possessed. She thought she could work it out of me as a child. But she couldn’t.”

  He narrowed his green eyes suspiciously at me. “Your Granny said this? How do you know she’s telling the truth? It could be another plot of hers to get you killed.”

  I shrugged helplessly. He had a point. Granny wasn’t exactly a trustworthy informant. Still, I knew what she said was true. It’d been there all along, but now it had a name. I could feel the demon inside of me, just waiting to get out. It was the thing that flared to life during my moments of anger and caused me to lash out. I’d been stretching its muscles every day in those forests—using its power to crush its own demon kind back into the Earth. It was definitely there.

  “She’s right,” Manuel finally spoke up. He was still examining his fingernails. “It’s obvious now. Her irrational bursts during training. The pain she felt when angel fire would light up her body. It’s her opposing natures fighting each other.”

  Well, at least it didn’t take long to convince my trainer. I looked up at Gabe, hoping the desperation would be clear in my eyes. I hadn’t wanted this to happen. If I could change myself, I would. I’d kill the demon side of me. But as far as I knew, that wasn’t possible.

  “No, that isn’t possible.” He took another step backward, nearly upsetting one of the hard wooden chairs. I took a step toward him, but he retreated again. “No. You can’t be a demon. It’s not possible. It’s not natural.”

  Someone could’ve taken pruning shears to my heart and sheered it away, piece by piece, and it wouldn’t have hurt as much as it did now. The terror and confusion in Gabe’s eyes squeezed my heart until it felt ready to burst. I could feel my bottom lip begin to quiver, but I did my best to keep in the tears.

  “I’m so sorry.” A drop spilled onto my cheek, but I wiped it away.

  This was it—the moment where we’d part. A Nephilim warrior like Gabe couldn’t be with a demon freak like me. It just didn’t make sense. He killed my kind. He was strong and brave and bold. A warrior like him deserved someone equally as fierce. A partner who could keep up with him and push him to succeed. That wasn’t me. It’d never be me.

  “We have to fight this.” Gabe covered the ground between us in a single bound. He grabbed my hands and held them tight. “There has to be a way to get it out of you. There just has to be. You’re not evil.”

  I gave him a grim smile. Of course he’d say something like that.

  “But maybe I am.” I lifted my chin to look him square in the eyes. It hurt, but I didn’t look away. “There’s a part of me, a part that doesn’t want to follow the rules. It hates order and good. Every time I battle a demon, I can feel it inside of me, bursting to be set loose. What if it gets free one of these days? What if it takes over? I can’t promise it won’t make me do terrible things. I can’t promise it won’t make me hurt you.”

  With a gasp, I dropped Gabe’s hands. Until I said it aloud, I’d never considered my demon side wanting to hurt him. But there it was. That little tinge of red in my head, begging for a bit of violence. Until we knew more about this demon nature and if it could be controlled, everyone around me was in danger. I was like a ticking time bomb. The further Gabe stayed away, the better. He’d thank me in the long run. Even if he’d hate me now.

  “You won’t hurt me.” He edged closer. I couldn’t help but notice the muscles in his jaw working. It drove me crazy when he did that. “I know you, Lizzy.”

  “But, you don’t.” I stepped away, putting a cream plush chair between us. The more distance the better. This was already painful. “Not really. I don’t even know myself. You can’t be with me. Not anymore.”

  Confusion and then panic ran across his face. “You don’t mean that. We’re partners.”

  “But can’t one of us choose to end the partnership?”

  I looked at Manuel for my answer. There was a way. I remembered Raquel chatting away one day about a partnership between two Nephilim that had been dissolved. Apparently, it was really rare, but it occasionally happened.

  He shrugged and nodded at the same time, confirming my suspicious.

  “There, you see? Even Manuel knows I have the right to disavow my partnership.”

  Gabe dropped his hands and sped toward the door, pain thick in his voice. “You know what? I’m not listening to this. You’re not in your right mind and when we get through this demon nonsense, you’ll see. I’m not going to let you end us just because you’re scared.”

  He gave me one last hurt look, just enough to drive a spear through my heart. With a yank, the metal door flung open and he was gone. Already, I missed his comforting presence. I wanted to hurl myself into the nearest chair and angry cry. If Manuel hadn’t still been in the room, I would’ve, but he stood there silently so I had to swallow my sobs for later.

  “You’re doing the right thing,” he offered after a minute of awkward silence.

  I resisted the flash of anger that came over me and shrugged.

  “You need some distance from your ties here,” he continued. “Without them distracting you, maybe we can tame this beast.”

  The beast that lived inside me. The descriptor felt right, as if finally giving this demonic entity a name. The beast. It’d been there all along, in my lonely and dark hours and during my happiest. It was a parasite on my soul, a blight on my innocence. Despite the fact that it was nothing new, I couldn’t help but feel like I’d suddenly become disfigured. The beast was responsible for that. My soul had become ugly.

  “Tell me what to do,” I said to Manuel, gripping the back of a chair tightly until my fingers ached. “Tell me how to beat this. I don’t want to be the key. I don’t want to have this demon inside of me.”

  He rubbed his hand across his clean-shaven chin, studying me. All my hopes relied on his help. If we could learn how to suppress the demon, I might have a chance making it in the Nephilim world. Maybe they wouldn’t kill me. And maybe, I could still have Gabe...

  “Silvia doesn’t want me to waste my time with you,” he said slowly, his eyes dark.

  I gulped, already feeling disappointment flair in my stomach.

  “But Silvia doesn’t get to dictate my every move.” He moved closer until I could smell the musty scent of his cologne. Taking my hand in his, he squeezed it and gave me a grim smile. “You and I will beat this, or we will die trying.”

  I threw myself into his arms, crying out in relief. He stiffened against my body for a moment, apparently shocked at my display of affection. But before I could pull away, I felt his arms relax and he patted me on the back.

  “Let’s get started,” I said, blinking back tears. “The sooner, the better.”

  Chapter Eleven

  Sweat dripped from the tip of my nose, soaking int
o the blue and yellow paisley rug of my new cell. Blood flooded my cheeks as I held the push-up position. With my arms already shaking, I took a deep breath and held it for another thirty seconds. Collapsing into a pile on the floor, I relished the endorphins that flooded my aching muscles.

  Just because I’d been banished to the manor dungeon didn’t mean I needed to grow soft. Manuel had prescribed a list of exercises that I could use to keep my physique in check. With nothing else to do over the past few days, I’d pushed my body in ways that left me exhausted and achy in the evenings.

  I enjoyed the strange form of self-torture. It was a sort of punishment for this shell of a body that had betrayed me—housing an evil entity along with its owner. Either way, I was going to build it up until it could hold its own against that demonic blood.

  This was going to be my ticket out of the manor dungeon and back into the good graces of my family. With Manuel’s help, we’d whip this demon into shape and right out of my head. Exercise the body and exorcise the demon. I planned to throw my all into the process. Tackle it head on.

  The solution had come to me sometime in the restless night. I had to use the demon’s own powers against it. Focus all the rage I’d been feeling into defeating it. Once my demon was gone, I could take care of Elizabeth. And all would be right in the world again. They’d let me out of the dungeon and I could be with Gabe again. My heart ached at the mention of his name.

  “Good, good,” Manuel said from the doorway. “You’re improving.”

  I hadn’t heard him come in. He swung the metal door to my room wide open and stood aside for me to walk past him.

  Every evening, a guard would lock me in my bedroom as an extra form of caution. Against what, I wasn’t sure. I couldn’t exactly complain. My individual bedroom was at least the size of the room I shared with Raquel. It had a TV, a small toilet and sink combo, and a large bed. Not much else. But I could guarantee it was a lot nicer than the cells they stuffed prisoners into up at the state prison.