Defending Dani

by Kat Mizera

  None of them had tried much dating yet, though. While Alaska had a reputation for having far more men than women, the ratio wasn’t as extreme as they’d initially thought. Sergei had gone online and found a government site stating that there were approximately 111 men for every 100 women in Anchorage, which wasn’t that big of a difference. So the dating pool existed, it just wasn’t all that interesting. For him it was because of Dani. Jake was technically still married and unsure what he was going to do so dating wasn’t an option yet. Aaron just seemed incredibly picky now that he’d finalized his divorce, and Kane said there were plenty of puck bunnies on the road—he didn’t want to shit where he slept. Which left them together most of the time.

  “That blonde in Chicago was smokin’,” Kane teased Aaron one night as they hung out at a sports bar.

  Aaron grinned. “It had been too long—I caved to peer pressure and the delightful shade of blue my balls had turned.”

  The others laughed. “I don’t know what color mine are at this point,” Sergei grumbled.

  “You did that to yourself, my friend,” Aaron said.

  “Not true. Even if we hadn’t broken up, she’d still be in Colorado and I’d be here, with my balls woefully blue.”

  Jake grimaced. “He has a point.”

  “You still fucked up. She’s special.”

  Sergei made a face. “I’m aware. That’s why I let her go. She deserves better than me.”

  “That’s a pansy-ass excuse if I ever heard one.” Kane shook his head. “I mean, she’s gorgeous, smart, athletic and loves hockey. I’d fucking kill to meet a woman that looked like her and loves hockey. Other women don’t get it. They don’t get what we do, how we do it, what it takes… You found the perfect one and let her go.”

  “You should ask Dani out,” Aaron said, deadpan. “I talked to her the other day and she said she’s going out on a date Friday night, so she’s ready to move on.”

  Sergei made a sound that was a cross between a growl and a clap of thunder, and Jake had to hang his head to hide his laughter.

  “Too bad she’s so far away,” Kane said.

  “You guys think you’re funny,” Sergei muttered.

  “And you fall for it every time,” Aaron chuckled before sobering. “But I did talk to her the other day.”

  Sergei tried to act nonchalant, as if he wasn’t interested, so Kane spoke up instead. “Is she really going out on a date Friday?”

  Aaron shrugged. “That’s what she told me. Guy named Lane. Works as some kind of trainer on the men’s team, and that’s what she plans to do in the future, so it sounds like they have a lot in common.”

  “You found it necessary to tell me this?” Sergei asked, his eyes darkening.

  “I find it necessary to point out you’ve made a huge mistake,” Aaron corrected. “You love her. I don’t give a fuck how much you deny it.”

  “I never denied it,” Sergei said quietly. “That’s the whole point. I’m a fucked-up hot mess and she deserves better. I love her enough to know she’s better off with someone else.”

  “But she loves you.”

  “Jesus, is that what we’re talking about tonight? I’m tired, horny and have a really cranky kid who cries for his mommy every night. If I wanted aggravation, I could stay home.”

  “Fine,” Aaron waved an impatient hand. “I’ll let it go for tonight, but if she has fun Friday night, you’re going to be sorry.”

  Sergei was about to change the subject but then cut his eyes to Aaron. “Wait, do you talk to her often?”

  “Well, yeah. We’re friends. Is that not allowed?”

  “Does she ask about me?”

  “Actually, no. Sometimes I mention you and she asks me not to, says it hurts too much.”

  “Ouch,” Kane grimaced.

  “However,” Aaron cut his eyes to Kane. “She did say her friend Hailey Dobson thinks you’re the bee’s knees.”

  “Me?” Kane looked startled.

  “Rumor has it she was checking you out during warm-ups in Colorado and told Dani you were the hottest guy on the team.”

  Kane laughed. “I don’t know about all that, but is she cute?”

  “Super cute.” Aaron got out his phone and pulled up a picture of Hailey and Dani taken a few nights ago.

  “Why is Dani sending you pictures?” Sergei asked, trying to mask his annoyance but failing miserably.

  “Because she wanted me to show Kane the picture of Hailey.”

  The two men glared at each other but Sergei turned away first.

  “Oh, she’s definitely cute,” Kane nodded. “How old?”

  “Twenty-four.” Aaron apparently had been prepped with information. “She was going to go to law school but took a year off for the Olympics.”

  “Nice.” Kane had pulled out his own phone and was looking her up online.

  “She meets your hockey criteria,” Jake pointed out.

  “And looks,” Aaron added.

  “Brains too,” Sergei said. “Although I don’t know if that’s a selling point for you.”

  Kane glanced up. “With a girl I’m going to get serious with? Of course.”

  “Well, now you just have to meet her and convince her you’re not a douche canoe,” Jake laughed.

  “Maybe after the Olympics,” Kane said, motioning to the waitress. “In the meantime, enough talk about women. Jesus, I feel the estrogen practically seeping into my skin.”

  32

  Dani got to Las Vegas in the early evening the day before Thanksgiving. They’d had a final practice this morning and then she’d had to rush to finish packing and get to the airport, only to find her flight had been delayed. It had been a long day and she was tired, but looking forward to seeing Sara, Niko, and her family. Sara and Niko had arrived several hours ago and were getting settled at Toli’s house, and Dani’s parents had arrived yesterday. Sergei was coming in tomorrow, she’d heard. Not that she cared. Well, she cared in the sense she hoped to avoid him, but she felt bad too. Zakk and Tiff were having a separate, private Thanksgiving, just for family and Sara, while Toli and Tessa were hosting the big Sidewinders dinner that included Sergei, Vlad, and all the players whose families were too far away to get home since they only had two days off. She hated being the reason they weren’t all together, and Zakk swore that wasn’t it, but she knew better. Toli and Zakk were as close as Toli was to his actual brothers; there was no other scenario that would have them spending Thanksgiving apart.

  She let out a squeal when she saw Sara waiting for her just outside of baggage claim and ran to hug her.

  “It’s so good to see you!”

  “You, too!” Sara stepped back and looked into her friend’s face but Dani held up a finger, stopping her from saying anything.

  “Don’t. I already know. I look tired. Blah blah fucking blah. I’m fine.”

  “You keep saying that, maybe you’ll actually believe it,” Sara chortled, taking her arm as they walked. “The rest of us, however, don’t buy it for a second.”

  “Is Sergei here yet?”

  “No, not until morning.”

  “I don’t think I can handle seeing him,” Dani whispered as they walked. “I’m good as long as I’m busy and don’t think about him, but any reminder sends me over the edge.”

  “I know, honey. I’ll come over as soon as I wake up in the morning and stay with you as much as I can so you don’t have to be alone if we run into him. But he’ll be there for Thanksgiving.”

  “I know.” Dani got her suitcase and they walked out to the parking garage.

  “Niko hasn’t stopped asking about you, so you might want to stop by and see him before he goes to bed.”

  “Of course. I miss him.”

  They talked about hockey and Sara’s only class this semester for her master’s until they got home. Dani opted to see Niko first, since he should have been in bed already and the rest of her family could wait a few extra minutes.

  “Mommy!” His voice echoed throug
h the house as he launched himself at her and she squeezed her eyes shut to stop the tears as she hugged him. She adored this child, despite his stubborn father, and held him against her so he wouldn’t see the tears.

  “Daddy teached me how to skate backwards,” he announced proudly.

  “I know, Auntie Sara told me. I can’t wait to see.”

  “Is your hockey finished, Mommy? Can you come home now?”

  “Not yet, Pumpkin.” She really hated lying to him, but she’d leave it to his father to explain she wasn’t coming back.

  “Daddy comes home tomorrow. How many hours until tomorrow? Do I have to go to bed? Will you read me the pigeon with the hot dog story? And tomorrow can we have pancakes? I want the ones with the rasping berries in them, okay? ’Cause—”

  “It’s bedtime, little man,” she interrupted with a soft laugh. “Yes, we can have raspberry pancakes tomorrow, but you have to go to bed right now and ask Auntie Sara to bring you across the street to Uncle Zakk’s house so I can make them, okay?”

  “But you have to read me a story?” His eyes filled with tears. “Please, Mommy? You’ve been gone for so long.”

  She blinked rapidly so she wouldn’t start crying again. “Okay. One story. Let’s go.” She didn’t look at anyone as she followed Niko up the stairs. There was way too much raw emotion on her face and she didn’t want anyone to see it. She hadn’t counted on it being this hard to see Niko and hear him call her Mommy. She’d asked Sara about that and she’d said that no matter how many times they tried to get him to call her Mama D again, he simply ignored them, often responding with his most insolent Nyet.

  * * *

  As promised, Dani made breakfast for Niko and the rest of the family. He and Sara walked over when they got up and Dani was just pouring the first round onto the griddle. The twins loved her pancakes, too, though they preferred them without raspberries, so she had two separate batches. Her mother was making bacon and Tiff was cutting up fruit. Niko talked nonstop, insisting he sit next to Dani and even helping her load the dishwasher when they were finished since he refused to be away from her. Sara was trying to get him to go back over to Toli’s to wait for his father when the door opened and Toli came in. With Sergei right behind him.

  “Daddy!”

  Niko raced into his father’s arms and Dani was frozen in place, unable to turn away though her heart screamed in agony at Sergei’s presence.

  Everyone exchanged casual greetings and Dani was about to go upstairs to her room when Sergei approached her.

  “Hey.”

  “Hi.” She didn’t dare look into his eyes for fear of losing her breakfast.

  “How are you?”

  “I’m good. How about you?” This was the phoniest conversation ever.

  “Doing well.”

  “Daddy, aren’t you going to grown-up kiss Mommy?” Niko demanded, tugging at his father’s jeans.

  “Buddy, we don’t have to kiss—”

  “You said it’s how grown-ups kiss!”

  Sergei sighed but leaned over and pressed a chaste kiss on Dani’s cheek. “Okay?”

  “Yay!” Niko’s eyes twinkled and Dani had to smile at his innocence.

  “Sorry,” Sergei murmured as Niko ran off to go play.

  “It’s okay.” Dani turned to go upstairs.

  “I hope it’s okay we’re both here,” he said before she could get away.

  “We share family, so it’s not the first nor will it be the last time, but I don’t mind at all. It gives me time with Niko.”

  “He misses you.”

  “He’ll get past it once you start dating someone.”

  “I don’t have any plans for that,” he said.

  “Eventually you will. Anyway, see you later.” She took the stairs two at a time and firmly shut her bedroom door behind her.

  * * *

  Despite the separate family dinners, there was no way to truly stay apart because everyone was in and out of each other’s houses day and night. The matchmaking going on would have been comical had it not been for how uncomfortable it made Dani. Every time Sergei turned around, somehow the only empty seat in the vicinity was the one next to Dani. Even when she was surrounded by children, which seemed to happen a lot, he somehow wound up next to her. Which wasn’t a bad thing for him, but it made her noticeably unhappy. He wanted to comfort her, tell her it was okay, but it wasn’t. Nothing that had happened was okay. Though no one said or did anything overt, he was acutely aware that Zakk and the entire Cloutier clan was a little colder than when he’d seen them in August. Toli and Vlad were okay, of course, but Tessa and Rachel seemed almost painfully polite. He’d mucked up everything with Dani and now his son was miserable, part of his family was upset with him and even his brothers thought he was an idiot. Did no one understand he’d done this for her? So she would have a better future than anything he could offer her?

  Just one more day, he thought wearily. It was evening now and the women had all gone shopping for the big Black Friday sales that now apparently started on Thanksgiving, so if he managed to get through tomorrow without any incidents, he would be on a plane to the East Coast on Saturday for another long road trip. Since Alaska was so far away, management let them fly solo to away games if they were either just before or just after a holiday. They also had a couple of extra days off around Christmas, even though it meant a busier schedule starting in the new year. The logistics of having a team in Alaska were daunting, but they made allowances to make it easier for both the players and their families.

  If he’d been smart, he would have just stayed in Anchorage for Thanksgiving, but that wouldn’t have been any fun for Sara and Niko, and if he was being honest with himself, he’d jump at any chance to see Dani. It was purely self-inflicted torture, probably for both of them, but he couldn’t help himself. His need for her had only gotten stronger since they’d been apart, making him wonder how the hell to forget her. It certainly wouldn’t be easy with their mutual friends and family so closely intertwined, and he’d come to the conclusion that being selfless wasn’t any fun at all. It was time to get back into the puck-bunny game, for his sake as well as hers. If some mindless sex could take his mind off of her, it would keep him from reaching out to her as well. Tomorrow he was going to call a couple of the single guys on the Sidewinders to go looking for some female companionship. If he didn’t, he might fall to his knees and beg Dani to forgive him for being a jerk.

  * * *

  With Sergei out for the evening, Dani spent time at Toli and Tessa’s, playing with Niko and the other kids. Being with Niko was a poignant reminder of what she’d lost in Sergei, but breaking up with the father didn’t mean she stopped loving his son, so she was enjoying the time with him. It wasn’t easy to be around Sergei, though, and she was looking forward to getting back to Colorado. She had another date with Lane planned for next week, but she wasn’t looking forward to it. He was nice, good-looking, intelligent and they had a lot in common. He just wasn’t Sergei. He’d only kissed her so far and it had been so underwhelming she had zero desire to try again, much less do anything else. They were going to the movies next weekend, though, and she’d promised herself she wouldn’t cancel.

  “Mommy, when are you coming home?” Niko was asking as she tucked him into bed.

  “I don’t know, Pumpkin.” She smoothed his hair back off his forehead and pressed her lips there. “I’m playing hockey for a few more months.”

  “I want you to read to me every night.”

  “Doesn’t Auntie Sara read to you?”

  “Not the same.”

  “Well, sometimes I’ll read to you over the phone, okay? But for now, you have to go to sleep.”

  “Will you stay until I fall asleep?”

  She bit her lip but nodded. “Of course.”

  * * *

  Sergei got home late. He’d had a good time but was a little drunk and a whole lot frustrated. There hadn’t been a single woman, anywhere they’d went, that he was even
remotely interested in. Not even the blonde willing to blow him in the bathroom. This was a new level of sexual frustration for him and the whole thing was exacerbated by the fact that he’d done this to himself. He’d been the one to let go of Dani, regardless of his reason, so he needed to stop feeling sorry for himself. But the woman who’d stuck her tongue in his ear and her hand down his pants had done nothing for him. It had the opposite effect he’d been hoping for, so he’d had a few more shots and called it a night.

  Now he was home and staring at his sweet, sleeping son—and the woman he loved fast asleep beside him, a book face down on her chest. Damn. How had this happened? Sara had told him she wasn’t sleeping well, and she had dark circles under her eyes, but he hadn’t expected this. She couldn’t be comfortable on the edge of the little daybed where Niko slept when he was here, but he didn’t want to wake her either. He looked around for a blanket and was going to get one when her eyes opened and she sat up, startled.

  “Hey. Sorry.” He spoke in a whisper since Alex was asleep in the crib.

  Dani slowly got out of bed, covered Niko and slipped from the room.

  “You don’t have to run off on my account.” Sergei was still whispering.

  “I have to get home. I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

  “It’s okay. I’m sure Niko loved it.”

  “I think I read him ten stories,” she said, covering a yawn. “Anyway, good night.”

  “Dani…” He called to her as she got to the top of the stairs.

  “Yes?” She half-turned.

  “Can’t we be friends? I still care for you a great deal and I hate having to tiptoe around each other when we’re together like this.”

  “I’m sorry,” she said after a slight hesitation. “It’s too soon for me. Maybe someday, but not now. At least not the kind of friends we were before.”

  “I thought you’d moved on?” he asked, though he shouldn’t have.