[2016] Widowed and Pregnant

by Christian Michael

  Sarah worked that afternoon on rearranging Bernd’s room so that it was not only organized, but comfortable and roomy. His large bed, dresser, two nightstands, two lamps and two chairs fit easily in the space and Sarah felt that he’d appreciate his private space even more now.

  Their routine continued on with Bernd restricting Sarah more and more as she entered her last month of pregnancy. She’d seen the town doctor every month since she’d arrived and according to him, was progressing as normally as any mother should.

  “This time next month, we should all be elated to meet your new baby, Sarah,” Dr. Portman had said that morning. Bernd had been overjoyed to know that she was still doing well. The doctor scheduled another visit for two weeks from that date, just to check up and see how she was feeling. Sarah couldn’t have been happier as September rolled into October. The wind was chilly now as the last of the leaves fell from the trees and the first signs of winter began to set in. Thanks to Bernd, she’d been able to purchase bundles and bundles of yarn and had been feverishly knitting clothes for her baby. She’d chosen neutral colors like green, yellow and white to start, but had picked up other bundles of yarn for future garments. She’d also sewn several sleepers and blankets that would help keep her baby warm as winter took a tighter grip on the land as her baby grew in those first few months.

  “Do you have any names picked out yet?” Bernd asked her one afternoon while she worked on fresh noodles for spaghetti.

  “I’m thinking Eloise Sophia, if it’s a girl. I’d ultimately like to include Ben’s name as a middle name probably, if it’s a little boy.”

  “Why not make him a junior?”

  “I don’t think Ben would have wanted that. I think he would have wanted our child to have his own name, to have it be significant, but uniquely his.”

  ***

  “I can understand that,” Bernd said, smiling when she turned those beautiful green eyes on her. He had yet to tell her that he loved her. Now just didn’t seem like the time with her so close to delivering her baby. Then he often wondered if there would ever be a right time afterward. It seemed that she’d settled into their arrangement and unsettling it now seemed like a risk he didn’t want to take yet. He spent the next four weeks arguing with himself about whether or not to tell her before the baby came. “Are you sure you’re feeling alright?”

  Sarah looked up at him and smiled. “The baby’s been overactive all day,” she smiled, pressing a protective hand to her severely swollen belly. “I think he or she is definitely getting ready for a debut.”

  “We should get you back home then,” Bernd said, his voice almost shaking with anxiousness. Sarah shook her head, turning to grab her knitting. Suddenly she let out a moan as a wave of pain flashed over her face. “Sarah?”

  “I think this little one wants to be born here,” she chuckled. Bernd nearly fainted. She couldn’t have the baby here. He wasn’t prepared for that. He wanted to come see her and the baby when they’d been taken care of and were snuggly wrapped in bed. “Easy now big guy. We have everything here we need. Get lots of towels, and start some pots of water on the stove. You also might want to restock the wood cradle so we don’t run out overnight, just in case this takes a while.”

  Bernd did as Sarah instructed, laying towels out over his bed and arranging the pillows so she could be comfortable. Then he sat back and watched her like a hawk. She paced around his house like a prowling feline as her contractions picked up. Eventually she stopped during them, unable to talk and do nothing except moan and sway her hips back and forth. Bernd had tried to send word to the doctor, but with no one else close by he couldn’t leave Sarah to go himself.

  Afternoon turned quickly into evening as Sarah’s contractions started to tumble into each other. She’d done her best to tell him the things they’d need and eventually she’d crawled onto his bed, her hair now undone and braided long behind her back. “You have to check for the baby,” she said, hurriedly when her contraction passed. “Please Bernd.”

  “Sarah,” he stuttered. “I can’t do this, it’s indecent.”

  “It’s a baby!” she screamed, her body wracked by another contraction. Her back arched and she drew her knees up as a moan tore from her. Bernd’s hands were shaking as he lifted the hem of her dress to see a sweet, squalling baby lying on the towels he’d spread out earlier that day.

  “He’s here, Sarah. You have a beautiful son.” Bernd, couldn’t barely contain his own joy as Sarah readjusted her body. Bernd secured the cord just as Sarah said, and once it stopped pulsing, cut it with a pair of sharp scissors. He quickly wrapped the baby in two thick towels and handed the baby to Sarah who looked like a goddess, holding her new baby. Overcome by the ordeal, Bernd sat down close to Sarah and pressed a kiss to her brow. “I love you Sarah Dickerson. I love you and your son.”

  ***

  Sarah felt tears fall onto her cheeks as she cuddled her new baby. Bernd had been an amazing partner, helping her deliver her healthy, sweet-faced baby boy. At Bernd’s urging she’d named him Bernd Benjamin Dickerson. The doctor had come and given both her and baby Bernd clean bills of health. “You did an amazing job Mrs. Dickerson,” he said, smiling. “Congratulations on your little boy.”

  “Thank you,” she said. “How’s the weather outside?”

  “It’s cold and we got our first snow this morning, but other than that it’s splendid.”

  “Maybe we’ll get out sometime this week,” she said, cuddling her baby, while he slept.

  “Just be sure to bundle him up well,” the doctor advised before congratulating her again and heading out.

  Having moved back to the hotel two days after delivering her son in Bernd’s home, Sarah felt her heart ache in a completely new way. Bernd hadn’t been by to see her and she missed him. To her it felt as if having her baby had created a rift between them that she didn’t know how to close. After a week, however, she bundled little Bernd up and hired a coach to take her to Bernd’s home.

  When she arrived, she saw him working with the horses and smiled. He looked right there, working alongside beautiful animals that he worked hard to train and subdue. Come spring she was sure he’d have a foal on his hands and the thought thrilled her. Finding that she’d like to be around to see it, coupled with how much she missed him and the joy that rushed through her just seeing him, made Sarah realize that her heart had indeed moved on. Just as Ben had asked, she’d learned to love again.

  “Bernd!” she called, waving her hand. He turned around as she was helped down from the buggy. He walked slowly toward her and she could see by the look in his eyes that something was wrong. “Are you alright? When you didn’t come to see us I thought perhaps I had angered you somehow.”

  “You didn’t anger me,” Bernd said, taking a peek at the new baby. “He’s beautiful.”

  “Yes he is,” she smiled. “Can we talk?”

  “Sure,” he said, helping her to a seat on the porch. “I’ll be right back with some tea for you. I left it warming on the stove.” When he returned Sarah took a sip and sighed, a blissful smile crossing her face.

  “What did you want to talk about?” Bernd said, his voice strained, pensive.

  “You and me,” Sarah said, her green eyes challenging him with quiet censure. “The night Bernd was born you told me you loved me, you said you loved my son, yet you haven’t once come to see us since we went back to the hotel.”

  “Sarah,” Bernd sighed, swiping a hand over his face. “I can’t…I don’t know the first thing about being a husband, let alone a father. I don’t have anything to offer you, either of you.”

  “And what was I asking for?” Sarah demanded, standing up to pace the porch, little Bernd in her arms. “Nine months ago if you, or anyone had asked me if I would find love after losing my husband I would have given you an adamant no. I wouldn’t have believed it possible, ever. God opened a door for me to come here, to make a friend. Then he saw fit to make room in my heart for you. To experience a
ll the joy and wonder of falling in love again. I don’t want to throw all that away just because you’re scared.”

  “I’m not scared, Sarah,” Bernd said, realizing for the first time that he was indeed afraid. He was afraid of hurting her, doing something terribly wrong that would harm her baby.

  “Then you’re prideful,” Sarah said, her voice full of hurt. “You’d turn us away because you can’t get past your own ego. I don’t like comparing you to my late husband because I think it an unfair practice. You are completely different in so many ways, but I can tell you that he never would have turned a woman away, a woman he professed to love; just to save face. I’ll be leaving at the end of the week to travel back to Virginia. There is nothing to keep me in Texas anymore, especially with annexation likely to happen in the next year or so.”

  ***

  Bernd watched her go and felt as if his heart would fall straight from his chest. Still, he couldn’t get his feet to move or his voice to call her back. The ache in his heart couldn’t subdue his own pride and that only made things worse.

  The next three days were miserable, as they had been since Sarah had left his house after having Bernd. He’d stayed away because he’d truly thought himself unworthy of such an amazing woman. Who was he that a woman like Sarah Dickerson should fall in love with him? He wasn’t worthy to converse with her, let alone have her in his life permanently. The thought of her leaving Texas for good burned in his gut like acid and Bernd found himself saddling Jeb, the faster of his two cart horses, and heading to town. He made it to the inn in good time, only to find that Sarah had already left for the station to meet the wagon train.

  Turning his horse around, Bernd wove his way through the streets, avoiding buggies, wagons, and pedestrians on his way. When he neared the station, Bernd slid off Jeb’s back and hurried toward the platform, not even stopping to tie Jeb to a post. “Sarah!” he called, “Sarah Dickerson!”

  “You don’t have to yell,” she said, stepping onto the platform, little Bernd nestled against her shoulder. “I can hear you just fine.”

  Bernd breathed a sigh of relief as he took in the sight of the woman who’d taken him by surprise and completely undone his guarded heart. “I’m sorry,” Bernd said, stumbling. “I’m sorry that I let you think for one minute that I didn’t care about you. I don’t do well with emotions, especially inside myself. That’s not an excuse, I’m just saying so you’d know. I never saw myself as the marrying type. I figured that if marriage had been for me it would have come much sooner in my life. I didn’t stop to think that perhaps God was saving me for a woman who’d need me. I wouldn’t blame you for leaving, Sarah, but I’m be much obliged if you’d reconsider.”

  “Have you changed your mind then, on not having anything to offer me?”

  “I don’t see it as much, not when I think about you and that sweet baby. I think of all the things I’d like to give you and what I have just doesn’t seem like much. However, I’d be willing to give you everything I have, everything I ever will have, if you’d stay.”

  “I need that said in clearer terms, Mr. Blindow.”

  “If you’ll have me, Sarah Dickerson, I want to spend the rest of my life loving you and Bernd. Finding a way to provide you with the life I think you deserve and living the life God has blessed us with.”

  “Are you asking me to marry you then?” Sarah asked, a grin growing on her face. Bernd smiled too and dropping to one knee held his arms open.

  “I’m begging you to stay and fill in all the gaps I never even knew I had in my life, until I found you.”

  “Alright,” Sarah smiled. “Then I guess for starters we had better get some adoption papers made so this little man can be Bernd Benjamin Dickerson-Blindow. After all, his name should match that of his parents.”

  The adoption papers took less than two weeks to go through once Sarah and Bernd were married. Sarah had to provide Ben’s death certificate and a part of her heart hurt for the man she’d loved who would never see his son on this side of heaven. Still, she knew she’d always remember him when she looked at her son and that would always put a smile on her face.

  THE END.

  Winning Her Heart

  Christian Romance

  CHRISTIAN MICHAEL

  Prologue

  Becca Stanley kept her head down as she left third period English and headed towards her last class of the day, Algebra II, with Mr. Rathburn. They had an exam that day and math was her worst subject by far. An otherwise straight-A student, Algebra was her Achilles heel; without fail she always managed to get a low C. I don’t know how I even manage to get that much! Dang it what’s the last part of Distance? Square root of umm… x two and one squared…was it plus or minus next – plus, that’s it. Plus y two and one squared. OK good. I know that one. What’s next? Oh crap I’m here. Oh Lord, help me now. The bell rang as she took her seat in her usual spot, the corner seat in the back row.

  Just as Mr. Rathburn got up from his desk to lock the door for the exam – late students weren’t allowed to take the exam and there were no make-up tests – Greg Fields, the school’s star quarterback, literally skidded into class.

  “Close call, Mr. Fields,” Mr. Rathburn said dryly as he locked the door, “I trust you actually studied for this test seeing your playing privileges hinge on the results?”

  “No sweat, Mr. Rathburn, “Greg said as he headed towards the only empty seat, “I’ve got this one in the bag.”

  Mr. Rathburn made a choking sound in the back of his throat, something like a cross between a cough and a disbelieving snort, while he passed out the tests.

  “Hey Becks”, Greg said as he sat next to her, “how you doing?”

  Becca blushed but greeted him steadily before writing her name on her copy of the test.

  “Okay class, you know the rules.” Mr. Rathburn’s voice punctuated clearly, “Head’s down, only pencils are allowed on your desk. Put away the calculators, you won’t need them this time. You have until the bell to finish. I suggest you make wise use of your time, you’re going to need every minute.”

  Becca tried to keep her attention on the test but her mind kept straying to Greg Fields. Why did he have to sit next to me?! On today of all days! She had known Greg all her life, they were neighbors when they were kids. Ever since then, Becca had had a crush on Greg – and he knew it too! But as high school boys were wont to be, he was inconsiderate of her feelings and teased her mercilessly.

  The other kids at school took their cue from him and they had no problem poking at her because they all knew Greg was out of her league. Short and chubby with glasses and a bush for hair, no one would ever say Becca was attractive, or even cute. If they were nice, they would say she was adorable and had a nice personality. Which, as everyone knows, is just code for no-boy-in-his-right-mind-would-date-her. If people weren’t nice – say, for example, most high school girls – they called her the Ugly Duckling.

  Becca rushed through her exam as fast as she could while still trying to solve all the problems correctly. She was the first to finish. She turned in her paper, gathered her stuff and left the school in record time and headed to the ice-rink where she knew she wouldn’t need to even worry about Greg or the fact that Prom was coming up and she would be home because, really, who was going to ask her out? High school was a popularity contest and seeing as how she was the dead bottom of the pack, no one would commit social suicide and risk being associated with her.

  Truly, though, she really didn’t mind. Becca was an only child and her parents weren’t what one would call involved. They were usually travelling – both her parents were in the airline industry as captains of commercial liners. Both made more than enough for the three of them to live comfortably.

  While she had no doubt her parents loved her, she recognized at an early age that they were too involved in themselves, each other and their careers to pay her much mind as long as she stayed out of trouble. She was used to taking care of herself and for all the fa
ct she tried to hide among the masses in school, Becca was actually pretty self-assured. She knew who she was, she knew high school wasn’t forever, and she knew she could make something of herself if she wanted to. She just wished she wasn’t so obviously in love with Greg Fields.

  At the rink, Becca wore her usual training outfit of leggings and a long sweatshirt. She knew that she should wear something more formfitting to make her spins tighter and cleaner but such outfits made her feel too exposed, even when covered from neck to toe. She was well-endowed and she didn’t like the looks that came her way from guys when she wore tighter clothes. They were always ogling her body and they didn’t care about who she was. She had learned her lesson well from the one summer fling she had when she was sixteen, two years ago.

  Henry Miller was a handsome boy and Becca had been flattered by the attention he paid her. He was sweet and cajoling and captivating. One day, he had asked her to meet him at the rink for a date to watch the first of the season’s amateur skating shows. Henry was already there when Becca arrived earlier than they had planned; she saw Henry sitting with Greg and some of the other football players. She gathered her courage and made her way to them with as much of a confident smile as she could muster. She was proud that she had managed to catch the attention of a handsome guy like Henry.

  She stopped in her tracks a couple rows behind them though when she heard her name spoken.

  “Yo, Henry,” one of the guys, Devin, said. “Heard you’re going out with Becca Stanley. What the heck, man? Didn’t know you were interested in Ugly Ducklings!” This provoked a round of snorts and laughter from the pack.

  “Oh no, dude, I’m not interested in her face,” Henry said gamely, scratching his head. “It’s the rest of her that’s got my attention – know what I mean? I’ve got her right where I want her too. She’s practically putty in my hands. I bet I can get her to give it up tonight!”