Sins of the Mother

by Victoria Christopher Murray

  For what had to be the thousandth time, he replayed the fantasy. The way Alexis had leaned in and kissed him with such passion, he hadn’t been able to breathe. But then he’d recovered from his shock and had taken over, making sure that she didn’t change her mind.

  He played the moments in slow motion—their lips locking, Alexis weightless in his arms, his tearing her clothes from her body.

  Her body.

  He took deep breaths and fought to keep his nature at bay. No need to go there now. There would be plenty of time to make up for what they’d missed over the years.

  He still couldn’t believe that it’d been that long since he’d been with a woman. It was a good thing none of his friends knew the truth. He could hear them now, especially Stanley . . .

  “Man, there isn’t a male on the face of this planet who would wait that long for any woman. Please, it would never happen!”

  Yeah, he could hear Stanley talking that mess, as if he knew every man on earth. Well, he had something for Stanley and anyone else who thought he was a fool . . . he was a fool in love who’d won.

  Cool air tickled his skin the moment he tossed back his comforter. The sun exploded into the bedroom when he drew back the drapes, but he stayed in front of the window, not concerned about his nakedness—no one could see him through the tinted glass.

  He raised his hands above his head and stretched, then chuckled as he remembered doing that in Alexis’s bed last night. He’d been pleased with her reaction—the way her eyes had soaked in his body. The way she’d sighed. But then she’d kicked him out of her bed and out of her house. As if that was going to help her. As if that was going to keep him away.

  Alexis just didn’t know; she didn’t stand a chance. Because his vibe was better than right—it was tight! It was a fact now: he was going to get his wife back.

  Then he wondered, would she still be considered his second wife or his third? Maybe she would be his second wife and this would be his third marriage. He laughed out loud at that mind twister. The only thing that mattered was that she would be his wife—second, third, fourth, whatever. It just needed to happen. Now.

  He paused in front of the dresser and picked up the photo of Alexis and him that had been taken at the bed-and-breakfast in Oceanside where they had renewed their wedding vows just months before they’d separated. The photo made his smile dip. That was the last time they’d been really happy. It was before he had broken her heart into what he imagined were a million little pieces. Before she’d found out about Jasmine. And Jacqueline.

  Jasmine. He hadn’t thought of her too often. Really, hardly at all. But Jacqueline—she was different. His daughter often came to his mind.

  There were times when he’d actually thought about calling Jasmine and asking her for a photo of his little girl. Not that he needed it. He’d seen Jacqueline for only a couple of minutes, but her face had been permanently etched in his mind. How could he forget when she looked so much like him? From her eyes to her lips to the cinnamon tint of her skin, she’d taken every bit of his DNA.

  But though she wore her paternity on the outside, he’d still given up his rights. It was far better for Jasmine and her husband to raise her without his interference.

  That fact didn’t stop him from thinking about Jacqueline, though. No matter how much he tried to keep her away, hardly a day passed when her image didn’t dance through his mind. And there was that small corner of his heart that yearned for her, too.

  He didn’t really understand that; he had two sons that he hardly ever saw. Maybe it was regret that made him wish it could be different with Jacqueline. Or maybe it was because she was a girl—he wasn’t sure. But it didn’t matter because a relationship with her would never be possible. There was no plan he could devise that would include Jacqueline and Alexis—the two could never coexist, and that meant he had to make a choice.

  And he chose Alexis.

  He sighed. Why was he even thinking about this? His focus needed to be singular—Alexis only.

  Returning the picture to its place, he rushed into the bathroom. And beneath the warmth of the shower’s spray, he vowed never to think about the past again.

  Twenty-six

  “SO . . . EXPLAIN THIS TO ME . . . again,” Kyla puffed as she stopped running. Bending over, she rested her hands on her knees and inhaled deeply. “Why . . . are we out here . . . running in . . . twenty-degree weather?”

  “Stop exaggerating,” Alexis yelled over her shoulder. “This is L.A. It’s against the law for the temperature to drop below fifty.”

  “Then someone needs to arrest the weatherman because it’s sure ’nuff cold out here!”

  Still jogging, Alexis glanced back, then sighed as she turned around and ran to where Kyla stood.

  Kyla whined, “Let’s just go to the gym.”

  Alexis shook her head. “I need to talk to you without a whole bunch of people around.”

  Kyla glanced up the beach. It was shocking that they weren’t alone at the edge of the ocean. Other diehards were scattered along this part of the Pacific that was just a bit away from the Santa Monica pier. Behind them, at the top of the ridge, dog lovers strolled in the cold with their pets, and there was even a group of four women doing yoga together as they faced the blue brine.

  Kyla tucked her gloved hands underneath her arms. “Just tell me what you wanna talk about so that I can get someplace warm.”

  Alexis rolled her eyes. “Don’t be a punk,” she said, turning away. “A little cold scares you?” But now she didn’t jog, just walked.

  She didn’t have to turn around to know that Kyla was following her, waiting to hear the big news that had dragged them both out of their beds before seven on this November morning.

  It should have been easy to talk to the woman who had been her best friend for more than twenty years. Since their days at Hampton University, there hadn’t been a topic they hadn’t discussed. But this was different because she knew what her friend’s reaction would be—not good.

  Alexis didn’t face Kyla; instead, she spoke to the ocean. “I’m going to give Cabot a call,” she said as the mist kissed her. “I’m going to ask him if he wants to go out again.”

  “What!” Kyla grabbed Alexis’s arm and spun her around.

  Standing nose to nose, Alexis repeated what she’d said.

  And Kyla did the same. “What!” she exclaimed, as if Alexis was speaking a different language. “But you just slept with Brian.”

  “Don’t remind me.”

  “How can you call Cabot? And why would you want to? You told me that he was a bore. That you had nothing in common. That if he was the last man on earth—”

  Alexis held up her hand. “I know what I said.”

  Kyla continued her rant. “So why are you doing something as dumb as this?”

  “Because I’m desperate.” Alexis wasn’t sure if Kyla was scrunching her face out of disgust or confusion. But she didn’t ask. She just turned and trudged forward on the soft sand.

  Suddenly, Kyla was able to keep up. “You’re not desperate.”

  “Yeah, I am,” Alexis said, catching breaths in between her words. “I’m desperate to get Brian out of my head, out of my mind, out of my heart. And this is the only way I know how to do it.”

  Kyla was out of breath, too, but she marched, matching Alexis step for step. “It’s not going to work, Alex. ’Cause he’s in your head and your mind and your heart.”

  “It’s going to work,” Alexis said, as if the force of her words could make it so. “And you’re going to help me.”

  Kyla stopped moving, folded her arms again. Stared her friend down as if she hoped that gave her some sense.

  But Alexis was not daunted. “Set up a dinner. Not this week because I’m sure he has plans for Thanksgiving, but first thing next week. Maybe Monday. You, Jefferson, Cabot, and me.”

  Kyla sighed. “This whole thing is ridiculous, but if you have to go out with someone, why Cabot? You hate him.”
<
br />   “I don’t hate him, I just don’t like him.”

  Kyla’s eyes widened.

  Alexis continued, “But I think I might be able to like him one day. There’s something about Cabot—he’s bigger than life. He’s bigger than Brian.”

  “Are you talking about his money?”

  “No! You know I’m not like that. It’s just that Cabot takes up so much space, there’s no room for Brian. He’s the only man I know who can overpower my past and help me leave Brian in the dust.”

  Kyla exhaled a deep breath.

  Alexis said, “I know it doesn’t make sense to you, and maybe it’s a long shot, but I’m hoping that Cabot will look better and sound better and be better when we’re among friends.”

  Kyla shook her head. “This is just plain stupid.”

  “Do stupid with me this one time. And if it doesn’t work, I’ll give up and try something else.”

  “Here’s a thought: try making it work with your husband.”

  Alexis rolled her eyes. “Just tell me, are you going to help me or not?” She looked out to where the ocean met the earth, knowing that Kyla was trying to figure this out. If she had more words, she would’ve explained it better. But all she knew was that she’d just been delivered from that place of pain, and she didn’t want to go back there. Cabot was her ticket out.

  As if Kyla heard what was going on in Alexis’s head, she said softly, “Okay.”

  With relief, Alexis looked up. “Thank you,” she said before she hugged her friend. When she pulled back, Alexis shivered and looked back at the ocean behind them. “Do you know how cold it is?”

  “Ah . . . yeah. That’s what I—”

  “I cannot believe you have me out here like this,” Alexis said with a frown. Shaking her head, she plodded through the sand. “You need to take me somewhere and buy me a cup of coffee,” she yelled out to Kyla. “Having me out here like this . . . what kind of friend are you?”

  Behind her, she heard Kyla cracking up. She didn’t turn around, but she could imagine her friend, bent over, her hands resting on her knees. Laughing.

  Alexis smiled. She was so grateful that Kyla was willing to stand next to her through all of this craziness. But soon, if Cabot could get it together, maybe this madness would be over.

  Twenty-seven

  “DOCTOR LEWIS, ARE YOU ALL right?”

  Brian paused and glanced up at the receptionist as he took the stack of messages that she held out to him.

  “Yeah, what’s up?” he asked the young woman, an intern from one of the local colleges.

  Her braids swung from side to side when she shook her head. “I don’t know.” She frowned. “You just seem kind of different.”

  Brian grinned as he slowed his strut and tried not to cha-cha down the hall. He guessed he did look a little different. That’s the way love goes.

  He paused in front of his office but didn’t go inside. Instead, he crossed one leg in front of the other and spun around, trying to get his old-school Temptations groove on. But 180 degrees into his turn, he bumped right into Jefferson.

  “Whoa,” his friend said as he bent down and picked up the folder that Brian had knocked out of his hand.

  “Sorry, man.” Brian slapped Jefferson on his back before he stepped into his office.

  “No harm, no foul.” Jefferson followed Brian inside. “Wow, you look happy. So what’s going down?”

  “Nothing,” Brian said, sifting through the message slips he’d been given.

  “Yeah, right.” Jefferson dropped into the chair in front of Brian’s desk. “I think you’re finally getting into the single life. Who’s got you dancing in the halls?”

  Brian settled into his seat. Looked straight at his friend and leaned forward, ready to tell his news. But before he started, he stopped.

  For the four decades that the two had known each other, he’d shared just about everything with his best friend. But now he hesitated. Should he tell what was going on with Alexis? Because if he told Jefferson, Jefferson would tell Kyla, who would tell Alexis. And his plan was that his soon-to-be wife had to be kept off guard, not knowing what was coming next, which was why he had called her only once since Friday night, and he’d sent her only one bouquet.

  But he was going to call her tonight and invite her to spend Thanksgiving with him. He was going to tell her that they would eat out, even though he was sure that they would end up at his place (or hers) again.

  When Brian didn’t say a word, Jefferson added, “So are you going to share? Is that grin that you’re sportin’ because of anyone I know?”

  Brian chuckled. “I’m not ready to talk about it,” he said. “Don’t want to jinx it.”

  Jefferson waved his hand in the air. “Man, I don’t believe in that kind of stuff. But I hear you.” He paused. “Maybe you’ll introduce her to Kyla and me soon.”

  Brian nodded slowly. “Maybe.”

  Jefferson’s smile was wide. “Well, I guess I don’t have to worry about you anymore.”

  Brian basked in his happiness.

  Jefferson was a bit more somber when he said, “You know, there was a time when I held out hope that you and Alexis would get back together.” He paused, and when Brian just shrugged, he continued, “But I’m so glad you’ve both found a way to move on.”

  Brian’s smiled dipped a little. Had Alexis said anything to Kyla? If she had, then he could go ahead and tell Jefferson.

  But before he could say anything, Jefferson added, “I guess I can tell you this now. I was worried about saying something before—”

  “What?” Brian frowned.

  Jefferson shifted. “On Monday, Kyla and I are going out with Alexis . . . and Cabot Adams. I think the two of them have been going out for a while.”

  “Cabot?” Brian’s frown deepened.

  Jefferson nodded. “Yeah, remember my friend, he used to be my attorney before he went into entertainment.”

  Brian nodded but didn’t say a word.

  Jefferson continued, “I wanted you to know because I don’t want you to think that I’m cooking up something behind your back. Getting together with Alexis and Cabot wasn’t my idea, man.”

  It was a struggle, but Brian kept his face straight.

  Jefferson continued, “This is something that Kyla and Alexis planned.” He paused and frowned when Brian said nothing. “I’m sorry. I just thought I should tell you, and this seemed the perfect time—”

  Brian held up his hands. “No harm, no foul,” he said, pushing strength into his voice. “I’m fine. I was just a little surprised, that’s all.” He had to take a deep breath to say, “I’m glad you guys are helping Alexis.”

  Jefferson stared as if he was trying to figure out if his friend’s words were the truth. Finally, “You’re a good man, B,” he said, nodding his head. “I know it had to be tough to let Alex go, but this shows how much you really did love her.”

  “Yeah, well . . .” Those were the only words Brian had.

  Jefferson glanced at his watch. “I have to get going.” He strolled out of the office, not looking back to see Brian slumped in his chair.

  Alexis was going out with Cabot? That didn’t make any sense. They might be divorced, but he knew his wife. She would’ve never gone to bed with him if she were dating someone else. Plus, the other night, he could tell that she hadn’t been with another man. He knew that surely, just as surely as he knew that he hadn’t been with another woman.

  But Jefferson had said it—Alexis was going out with Cabot. She had played him, was probably just getting back at him for all that he’d done to her.

  He chuckled, but there was no joy in the sound. Looked like his plan was over before it started.

  Time passed, but Brian just sat behind his desk. Thinking. About his life and the women who had been part of it. He’d chased many of them—for sex. But Alexis was the only one he’d chased for love. She was the only woman who was worthy of that pursuit.

  But the longer he sat, the more
he thought. And then the revelation came to him—maybe not even Alexis was worth this kind of effort.

  Twenty-eight

  IT WASN’T AS BAD AS it could’ve been.

  But even with Kyla and Jefferson at the table, Cabot still talked. And talked. But this time, it felt a little more normal, because occasionally Jefferson got the chance to say something, too.

  And truly, it was good to at least have her best friend there with her, except for the assaults. The first time Alexis felt the kick, she was sure that someone had hit her accidentally. But then the kick came again. A little harder, this time. The third time, the kick almost made her cry out.

  Pissed, Alexis turned to Kyla, who just rolled her eyes. The question was all over Kyla’s face: Are you happy now?

  Okay, so maybe this had not been the best idea. At least it had taken her thoughts away from Brian for an hour or two.

  “Would anyone like another glass of wine?” The waiter held up a bottle as he smiled at Cabot.

  Jefferson looked at each of them. “No, I think we’ll just wait for our dinner.”

  When the waiter walked away, Jefferson said, “Alex, you’d better watch out. That guy has eyes for Cabot.”

  Cabot shook his head. “No way! Now I’m politically correct and all that good stuff, but that’s not how I roll. No! Way!”

  Jefferson and Kyla laughed, but Alexis wanted to call the waiter back and say, Take him!

  Alexis picked up her glass, took a sip of water . . . and choked.

  “Are you all right?” Jefferson asked right before Brian stepped to the table.

  “Hey, guys.”

  Jefferson pushed back his chair so hard it almost fell over. He looked at Alexis, then at Cabot. Finally, he turned to his friend. “Hey,” he said, his tone filled with confusion. “What’re you doing here?”

  Brian answered Jefferson, but his eyes were on Alexis. “We just came in for a drink.”

  Alexis’s hand trembled as she lifted her glass again; she paused to steady it before she brought the rim to her lips. Now, she wished that she could do that water-wine-Jesus-miracle thing.