Midnights in Bali

by Carla de Guzman

  Ava looked at the mess she left, the bag overflowing with clothes. She’d called Martha in a panic, asking for a hotel recommendation. After Martha overcame her shock over the fact that Ava actually took sick leave, she called up and booked the Seminyak hotel for her, no questions asked.

  Except she had to tell Bee, because Bee had the credit card.

  “I’ll be fine,” Ava lied. She knew her sister could see right through her, but Bee shrugged and gave her the credit card details.

  Ava made sure that Wayan would meet her at 9A.M. sharp at the hotel lobby the next day. Gabbie and Charlie were probably still hung over from the party last night (given the number of times she heard people yelling out “drink! drink! drink!” last night), so Ava could make her escape. Giving her beautiful bedroom one last, lingering glance, she closed the door behind her and walked away. She took her time, breathing in the musty, flowery smell that the staff made sure wafted through the hotel, taking photos of the private access she and Scott shared to the pool, the elephant statues lining the courtyard, canang sari at every entrance door.

  It wasn’t surprising to find that the courtyard was completely cleared of evidence from last night’s festivities, as if it never happened. Shaking her head, Ava walked on, repeating her new plans in her head like a mantra. Last night, after her long soak in the tub, she knew what she had to do. The short-term Plan was as follows:

  • Send Atty. Angeles an email about coming back to the office.

  • Unfollow Matteo on Facebook, because you don’t need him.

  • Learn to play the guitar like you always wanted.

  • Spend more time with Mom and Bee—NOT watching Outlander, thanks.

  • Move hotels, don’t waste your last days in Bali.

  • Go home and put Bali behind you.

  There was something inside her that protested certain aspects of this new plan, but it was the best she could do on short notice. When she came back home, she would tell Bee about Bali, and show her mother her photos. She would come back to the office on Monday, but consider taking more days off. Maybe she and Bee could go to Hong Kong Disneyland, before Bee had to go back to school. If she got accepted into her Dad’s school, she would be happy. Ava was actually looking forward to staying in Seminyak, exploring cafes and shops before she had to leave tomorrow.

  She walked past the egg painter, taking a photo of him as he smiled politely at Ava. She walked past the bright red tamarind tree flowers that fell to the ground when the winds blew. The restaurant was just opening for breakfast when she arrived. Ava was the first customer of the day.

  “Miss Ava, good morning! We’ll have your breakfast right away,” the same waitress from yesterday greeted her brightly, disappearing behind the kitchen to give her order before Ava even sat down. She was going to miss Sudamala Park though. It was a magical place, and it helped her more than she thought it would.

  I’m okay, aren’t I? This is going to be good. If I can get through today, I’ll be okay.

  “Terima kasih,” she smiled to the waitress as a cup of English Breakfast tea was placed in front of her. She added some milk and sugar and took a sip, feeling relaxed but miserable. Ava closed her eyes and tried to stop herself from being too upset when she heard the restaurant door slam.

  Her eyes shot open and she found herself face-to-face with the future Mr. and Mrs. Whatever-Charlie’s-Last-Name-Was. Charlie was reserved, his lips pursed as he observed her. Possibly trying to determine what kind of she-devil she was for leaving? Gabbie looked a little panicked, her eyes betraying her pretty and polished appearance.

  “You’re moving?” Gabbie asked in consternation, her voice coming out so shrill that Ava actually winced. She knew this was one of those moments when she had to talk less, to avoid putting her emotions out there for these strangers to read. Ava looked at Gabbie, seriousness and showing shame in her eyes, and slowly nodded. “I thought everything was going so well, with you and Scott!”

  “Some of the staff told us what you heard last night,” Charlie said, taking Gabbie’s hand, and squeezing lightly to calm her down. Ava suppressed a laugh.

  Oh, my hotel in Bali was wonderful, she imagined saying to other people, if you don’t mind the staff spying on you. Talk about invasion of privacy. “And knowing Scott, he didn’t tell you himself.”

  “Knowing Scott, he didn’t tell her anything,” Gabbie corrected him, her arms crossed over her chest, shaking her head and rolling her eyes. “God, he can be such an idiot sometimes.”

  The couple seemed to remember that they were supposed to be talking to Ava, so they met each other’s glances and looked back at her. Ava blinked back at them with her mouth half-full with watermelon.

  “Ava,” Gabbie said, reaching over the table and placing a hand over Ava’s. “You have to know . . . certain things about Scott. I don’t know if it will make you reconsider,” she said, glancing briefly at her fiancé. “I’m asking too much from you again, I know. But can you at least listen to what I have to say?”

  Ava studied Gabbie’s face. She had the puppy dog, begging look down to a science. Her lip wobbled, but not enough to make her look ridiculous, her eyes shining just enough for Ava to still respect her. And she did. Gabbie had done nothing but be wonderful to her through this whole thing, and if all she had to do was listen, then she would. She gave the couple a small nod and put down her fork.

  Gabbie sighed with relief, squeezing Ava’s hand again as she pressed her other hand against Charlie’s thigh, leaning back slightly against him. They fit so well together, Ava couldn’t help but be a little jealous.

  “Scott and I were together,” Gabbie began. “It wasn’t for very long, but we were at that point where we were either going to break up or hack it out together. I was ready to break up with him, really. But then we found the lump on his breast, and when the results came in . . . I couldn’t leave him.”

  She took a deep breath, like the memory was too painful for her to go back to. Charlie rubbed a hand on Gabbie’s to reassure her, but even his face turned wan at the memory. Ava could imagine what it must have been like for the both of them, for all of them, really.

  “He’s a stubborn jerk, as you well know,” Gabbie said. “So at first he refused to go to the oncologist, saying that he didn’t want to put anyone through anything. He insisted that he was in this thing alone. But Charlie and I managed to talk him into going back to his parents in Edinburgh to get the treatment he needed.”

  “Before he left, he pulled me aside and told me that if I really loved Gabbie, I should shag her immediately,” Charlie chuckled, and Gabbie did the same. “At that point, we didn’t know if he was ever going to come back.”

  “It was a really dark time for him, and he wanted to shut everyone out,” Gabbie added. “He’s always been selfless and selfish that way. Always doing things for other people, never wanting to do anything for himself or to burden anyone with his issues. After he went into remission, he came back and it was like nothing happened. He never got into anything serious after that, always dating around, doing whatever he wanted—I think he didn’t care anymore.”

  “Then the next thing we knew, it’s been almost a year and he’s still drifting,” Charlie said, shaking his head. “I had to practically tie him to my baggage to get him to Bali, and then . . . there you were.”

  “We’ve never seen Scott happier than when he’s around you, Ava,” Gabbie said, squeezing her hand again to remind her that she was in this conversation with them. “Charlie and I saw you guys on your way to the villa yesterday, and it was so weird for us to see him like that,” Gabbie explained, and Charlie nodded to confirm the statement. “He actually looked . . . alive again. I honestly just wanted him to go around the island with you, but when he made that speech last night at the ceremony . . . he talked about how there were loves that could last a lifetime, and how the right person can give someone hope. He needs you more than you realize, Ava. Charlie and I would be the worst friends in the world not to
tell you that.”

  Ava blinked at the couple, not knowing what to say. But it explained a lot about Scott and the way he was, why he walked away from her and why he didn’t wake her up for the party. Gabbie looked at her so expectantly, as if she could give her an answer right away. But Charlie knew better. He gave Ava a nod, and ushered Gabbie away from the table, but not before Gabbie squeezed Ava’s hand again.

  What was she supposed to do now?

  “Ah, Miss Ava,” Wayan said, pushing his back off from where he was leaning against his car. His eyes glanced briefly towards the luggage Ava was carrying with her, and she didn’t miss the twinge of disappointment in his expression. “Let me help you with that.”

  “No, it’s fine, can you just open the trunk for me?” Ava asked, pulling her trolley bag behind her. Wayan was right on time, and she knew what she wanted to do. She hauled her bag into the backseat, closing the trunk herself before walking to the back to her usual spot in the car. It was funny that riding in Wayan’s car to go around Bali felt like her default way of being, it simply made no sense for her to be anywhere else at this moment.

  But all good things had to end, didn’t they?

  “Where to, madam?” Wayan asked, almost dreading the answer. Ava looked out the window, giving Sudamala Park one last glance before breathing a deep sigh. She was just about to give her answer when the door opposite her opened, and the car jerked slightly when Scott jumped in. Ava scrambled backwards in her seat, turning to him as he glared at her.

  “Where do you think you’re going?” he asked her seriously. Neither of them noticed that Wayan was smiling as he started driving.

  Less talk, fewer mistakes, Ava repeated to herself. Less talk, fewer mistakes.

  “What the hell are you doing here?” Ava snapped, ignoring everything her rational mind told her to do. Emotions flared up inside her from somewhere she didn’t even know, and she felt it at all over her body. All it took was a ridiculous Scottish man with his stupid scruff, his freckled skin, and his sad brown eyes. Had something changed?

  “We said we would meet here at 9A.M., so here I am,” he said. “Were you really just going to leave?”

  “Are you kidding me?” Ava asked, practically screeching at him. She sat up slightly to tuck her leg underneath her thigh before sitting back down. “You were the one who kissed me and then walked away! And when were you going to tell me that you had cancer?”

  “Who the fuck told you that?” Scott roared, gripping the back of the passenger seat as the car wobbled along the street. “Was it Gabbie? Or Charlie? It was Charlie, wasn’t it? That arsehole really has a gob on him—”

  “I overheard it at the party,” Ava interrupted him, her eyes burning with a rage she never thought she would have in her. “Seriously Scott, what the hell is going on? I don’t know if you’re being stupid or selfish, but you sure as hell aren’t being selfless by pulling this with me! And that toast at the party, why didn’t you want me to hear it? I know nothing about you, and you just let me shoot myself in the face while I went on and on and on about everything! And what the hell do you actually do for a living?”

  Ava was shouting now. She was talking, and she knew she was making a mistake after another. But she didn’t care. She never shouted as loud as she did in that little car, which moved steadily through the streets of Bali like nothing was happening inside. Scott’s rage matched hers, and she had forgotten how famous the Scots were for throwing a massive tartan bitch fest whenever they wanted.

  “I was not being bloody selfish! I am dying, Ava!” Scott said, shaking his head at her. His Scottish accent really made his anger sound more profound and livid, and if Ava hadn’t been so angry herself, she would have been terrified of him. “You’re not in the fucking clear until you’ve been in remission for a bloody year and it’s been the longest year of my life. I had my breast cut out, did the chemo, lost all my hair, which by the way grew back in a bloody week—and I did all of that alone. And I deserve to be alone because I’m sick, because I was an arse before I got sick. My life means absolutely nothing because it’s got an expiry date, and I completely believed that.

  “But now my year’s almost up, my results are in, and I haven’t been picking up the phone, because I didn’t want to know! Charlie dragged me to stupid fucking Bali with all its sunshine and bloody plumerias and I was fine with that. Until you had to come along with your emotional shite and rainbows bursting out of your arse without even knowing it—”

  “What the hell—”

  “And yes, there was a moment in my mind, in the middle of all those cans of Bintang we had together that I thought that you made me better, and I thought, well, maybe my life could mean a little something more if I lived for someone, so I almost picked up the phone. I wanted to know if I was still in remission because I wanted to be with you. But I can’t do that, because if I’m still sick—”

  His voice finally lowered, as if the realization was just hitting him now. “If I am still sick then I would put you through so much shite, like I did with Gabbie and Charlie. And I can’t drag you into that. You don’t deserve that. So I tried to walk away.”

  Scott’s shoulders slumped and he covered his face with his hands. He ran his hands through his face, his beard, his hair, like he wanted to scrub the conversation away from him. The car pulled to a stop and Wayan actually clapped his hands together to get rid of the tension in the air.

  “We are here!” he exclaimed excitedly, and Ava had to blink in surprise. She didn’t remember telling Wayan to go anywhere. Their tour guide ushered them both out of the car, despite their confusion and protests and marched them across an empty, muddy lot.

  “Sorry, I must park here because the parking lot is full of buses and can be expensive,” Wayan said in lieu of explanation, still ushering them toward a set of stairs. “Now, up, up!”

  “Wayan, where are—oh my God,” Ava said, suddenly out of words as she reached the top of the steps. They were standing near the edge of a cliff, and the wide open ocean was spread before them like a sheet. The sky and the sea met at the edge, and there was nothing else for miles and miles. The wind whipped against them as they looked out into the view. Ava could hear the waves crashing against the rocks on the shore, white strips of water snaking down the rocks after each crash. She heard Scott inhale deeply beside her. Her knees shook, but she managed to stay steady, too mesmerized by the view to be afraid.

  “Welcome to Tanah Lot!” Wayan exclaimed happily, walking down the path that was in front of them. “This is the temple by the sea, the place for lovers, and one of the most famous temples in Bali!”

  He continued his explanations as they walked along the path near the edge of the cliff. Scott and Ava were silent as they kept glancing over at the breathtaking view. There were quite a lot of people in the area for a Sunday morning, and Ava had to constantly dodge them just to catch up with Wayan and Scott. The only thing separating the people from the crash of the cliff below was a bundle of flimsy ropes, and a lot of people were determined to have their photo as close to the sea as they could get. Wayan walked with them all the way to an outcropping of rock that edged toward the sea. There was a black temple on the cusp of the cliff in front of them, temple deities looking out to the sea and smiling. The ground below them rumbled with each wave that crashed on it.

  “Tanah Lot Temple is below, in the sea,” Wayan explained, pointing to a small island below where people were walking toward. “They say it is protected by a snake that can eat people, but there have been no incidents so far.”

  Ava shuddered at the thought of a snake eating her leg, and looked over at Scott, whose face was still pensive. It was like he wasn’t there, and she knew that it wasn’t what she wanted. God, she wanted him to yell at her again, to tell her she was wrong, that she had been wrong, even if she would never admit that to him.

  “Actually they said if an unmarried couple comes here, they will break up,” Wayan chuckled, and that sent his guests’ heads snapping
toward him.

  “I thought you said this was the place for lovers?” Scott asked, speaking up for the first time. Wayan laughed and simply shrugged like he suddenly couldn’t understand English.

  “Depends on how you see it, Sir Scott,” he said. “You can choose to believe everything I say, or maybe you come to your own thoughts.” Then he laughed, and Ava realized for the first time that he was wearing the exact same thing he had worn yesterday. “No rush, no worries, okay? I have something special to show to you later, so I will find you both,” he said, turning his heel and walking back toward the car.

  Ava found herself slightly bewildered as he watched Wayan leave. “Our tour guide—” she began, blinking.

  “Is bonkers, yep,” Scott said, nodding. The ground rumbled again, and panic spread across Ava’s face. She hated heights, but as her father said, never miss an opportunity. Beside her, Scott sighed and took her hand.

  “Let’s get out of here, yeah?” he asked, nudging his head away from the black temple. Ava nodded.

  They walked along the path until they found a small outcropping of a cliff, a bit far from Tanah Lot. There was a roped off area to keep tourists safe, but they were close enough to the edge that it made Ava slightly uncomfortable. They sat on the ground just before the roped off area, watching the waves crashing against the side of the temple, white waves blasting against the black stone and thatched temple roofs. It was actually quite nice.

  Ava had made up her mind before coming here, of course. That was just the way she was. She made a list, looked at the pros and cons of fighting for Scott McLeod, considering what Gabbie and Charlie told her. Ava told herself that Scott jumping into the car and yelling at her had nothing to do with her decision. If anything, it only formed her resolve. She and Scott would never have made sense. He was the guy who had no plans, who pushed people away, and if they hadn’t been in Bali together, he never would have pushed his way into her life. But that didn’t change the fact that he had. He had pushed his way in, and Ava was not going to apologize for wanting to push back.