Lust on the Rocks

by Dianne Venetta

  “I assume it’s Luke’s…”

  “Of course,” she snapped. Of course it is. “But he doesn’t know about it...yet.”

  “What?” Sam sat upright and nearly fell off the sofa, twisting to face her fully. “For God’s sake, why not?”

  Because he’ll freak out? He might leave?

  Her stomach turned, and fear began to swallow her whole. “I don’t know...”

  “What do you mean, you don’t know? If you’re pregnant, he damn well needs to know about it.”

  Jessica didn’t like how Sam’s tone had hardened. She was morphing from soothing older sister to ugly harping shrew. “I know, I know.” She crossed her arms and hugged her body tight, then pulled her gaze from Sam to stare at the sofa table. “I didn’t know how to tell him, is all. It’s not that easy, ya know. To tell a guy he’s gonna be a father?”

  “You spit it out. You tell him you’re pregnant. You—” Sam clamped shut for a moment and when Jessica turned to see why, she cringed at the disapproval on her sister’s face.

  “How could you let this happen, Jess?”

  Anxiety skated up her spine.

  “Weren’t you using protection?”

  Regret trickled into her heart. No. Not always. Not every single time. “He said he would pull out.”

  Sam moaned.

  “Good sex is about both of us,” Jessica defended. “I just wanted it to feel good for him, ya know?”

  “It does, Jess. Every time he enters you, coat or no coat, it feels like the Fourth of July.”

  A sense of stupidity enveloped her. Why did her sister have to be so blunt? Jessica returned focus to the glossy black table, littered with candles on plates of rocks, health nut magazines and some faceless sculpture.

  Sam heaved a heavy sigh and pulled the hair from her face, securing it back with a tight fist as she sat perched on the edge of her seat. “This is serious.”

  Jessica closed her eyes. Another tide of tears swamped her, flushing the strength from her limbs. Dick Tracy.

  “You have some decisions to make.”

  The walls started caving. What did Sam think she was here for? She wasn’t ready to make decisions, didn’t Sam get that? “I know, I know, but I’m not ready. It’s why I didn’t say anything—I don’t have any answers!”

  Sam nodded. “I understand, but time is not on your side with this one. And Luke needs to know. He needs to go through this with you. It’s his child as much as yours, Jess.”

  Jessica hoped for the zillionth time that she would miscarry. Ignoring the sliver of guilt that snaked through her gut, she knew that would solve everything. No decisions, out of her hands, it would be problem solved.

  Then she could continue with life as she knew it.

  But everything she read online indicated the vomiting was a bad sign. It meant the baby was settling in for the long haul. This pregnancy wasn’t going anywhere, except sending her straight to—

  “I’ll help you. You know that, right?” Sam brushed the hair from around her face. “Whatever you need, I’ll help you get it.”

  Jess wondered if she meant abortion, but only nodded. She couldn’t think about that right now. At least Sam was willing to help her take care of it—whatever she was going to do. At least her big sister would be there for her.

  “But you need to tell Luke soon.” She let her hand fall to her lap.

  Jessica could only guess what was going through her mind. She wasn’t happy, that much was obvious, but she wasn’t supportive, either. Sam wasn’t falling over herself to sympathize with her sister, defend her choices, her actions… And why not? A flash of resentment charged through Jessica. She always stood by her in the past. Always stuck up for her with Mom and Dad, helped her get through the hassles of school.

  Energized by a fresh round of injustice, she locked onto Sam. What was holding her back now? Jessica probed the familiar brown eyes, distant and withdrawn, and searched for any semblance of the woman she knew. Her sister, her pal, the person who knew her inside and out, backwards and forwards. The one who never let her down in a jam. She needed her. Her advice, her support, her block and defense against the world at large.

  “What do you think I should do?”

  Sam looked at her and for a long moment, said nothing. She only looked.

  The disappointment Jessica saw in her eyes made her want to jump up and run. To her bedroom, out of town—she wanted to be anywhere but here. While she wasn’t happy about this pregnancy either, she couldn’t take the thought of Sam being disappointed in her.

  “This has to come from you, Jess. What I think doesn’t matter.”

  “But it does. You know about these things. You know what women do.”

  “Do? Women use contraception, Jess, that’s what they do. They don’t get pregnant.”

  Jessica gaped at her sister and her heart sank. It wasn’t the response she was looking for.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.” She wrapped an arm around Jessica and pulled her close. “This has all come as a shock to me.” She ran a hand over top of Jessica’s head and stroked her hair. “I’m just not thinking straight.”

  But Jessica knew it was the obvious reaction. How could you? How could you let yourself get pregnant? A damn good question she knew, but shit happened. Lovers got carried away in the moment and birth control was a downer. A mood killer. Something she was sure Sam would have understood.

  She was cool. She understood hot sex, untamed passion. She understood how these things could happen. Jessica sniffled. At least she thought she did.

  But tonight, Sam sounded more like her parents.

  “We’ll figure something out, punk, don’t worry,” Sam said and rocked her gently. “We’ll get through this—together.”

  Relief washed through Jessica at the use of her pet name, the one that seemed to surface at the most delicate of times. Hope surged. Maybe it meant Sam wasn’t judging her after all. “I’m scared.” But at least now it felt like she was starting the process of figuring it out—with the help of her best friend. “I don’t know what’s gonna happen.”

  Sam continued to stroke her hair and it was calming, comforting. Like when she was a little girl. Sam would tuck her in, stroke her hair a few times and then roll her onto her side and rub her back.

  Fourteen years her senior, Jessica never questioned her role. Even after Sam moved out, she never thought twice about why Sam took time out for her kid sister. It had been a given. She was there and always would be. In her heart of hearts, Jessica knew Sam wouldn’t ditch her. Strong arms tugged her into a hug and Jessica collapsed into their strength. She pressed into her sister’s warmth. This was the Sam she knew and loved, the woman who never turned her back on a kid in trouble. Just like the ones downtown. True delinquents some of them, but Sam showed up once a week and took the time to listen, to help them with their problems, legal or otherwise.

  Well she needed her now. Her guidance, her experience. Jessica needed all the help she could get to handle what came next. The decisions.

  # # #

  Beneath the streams of warm water, Sam stood still. Soaped, shampooed, her mind and body were wrenched and bound with thoughts of Jess. Poor punk. Of course she was scared.

  Because she was smart.

  This was high stakes kind of trouble she was in. It involved the lives of others, the life of an unborn child and the choices she made from here on out would affect every one of them.

  Irrevocably.

  But Jess was a fighter. She would get through this and make the right decision. Sam felt like a hammer slammed her chest. The right decision. Did anyone really know what that was?

  Sliding her fingers through slicked-down curls, Sam turned and squeezed the remainder of almond-ginger conditioner from her hair. She cranked the faucet to hot, the showerhead to massage mode and closed her eyes. Hotter bullets of water pelted her back and shoulders and she inhaled deep and full. She focused on the expansion of her chest walls, the pounding
water, then the slow release of her breath as she exhaled.

  Calm. Relax. Recenter.

  Sam realized at once there was no terrific choice here. Nor would there be an easy one. Whatever Jessica decided would have tremendous consequences. Big, long-lasting consequences. Keeping a baby or giving it up.

  Eliminating it altogether?

  Sam winced. If nothing else, this would force maturity on Jess. Like being thrown onto the streets at thirteen, it would be tough, no matter which way she went.

  And Luke. What would he do? Would he demand she terminate the pregnancy? Good God, would he propose? Would she accept?

  Sam’s nerves crackled at the possibility. Jessica wouldn’t really quit school and consider starting a family, would she?

  She shuddered. Youthful idealism was capable of all kinds of irrationality. Maybe Luke would turn his back on her. Her heart kicked up its pace as steam billowed around her. Maybe he would run and leave no chance for a well-intentioned but doomed-from-the-start marriage.

  No. Sam’s instinct cut through. Not Luke. He wasn’t going anywhere. He was one of the good guys. Like Vic. Her breathing grew shallow as the name hung. Vic.

  Chapter Thirteen

  “You sure you don’t want to wait for me?” Sam asked. Standing by the kitchen bar, she pulled the car keys from her small leather purse and snapped it closed. Decked out in sundress and heels she was on her way to lunch with her best friend. They were going to the Gables today, which meant she could be back in little more than an hour. “Sure you don’t want the moral support?”

  Standing by the kitchen sink, Jessica cringed. “Positive.”

  “You’re doing the right thing.”

  “Sure.” Whatever. She just wanted it over and done.

  “Well then if you don’t need me, I’ll be back around four,” Sam said, and cruised to the door. “If Vic calls, tell him I’m on my cell.”

  Jess’ shoulders drooped. “Sure.”

  “Call me if you need anything, okay?”

  “Yep,” Jess said, and fought the rising tide of fear as she was about to be left alone. Because she insisted. Sam offered to stay, but she had refused. She had to deal with Luke on her own.

  “Okay.” Sam sighed. “I’m going, then.”

  Jess lifted a hand. “Bye.”

  “Bye,” she returned, and gave a small smile before softly closing the door behind her.

  Jessica stared at the piece of paper. It jumped out at her from the black stone counter, Luke’s number scrawled across it in his large, loose handwriting.

  It’s now or never, she rued, and picked up the remote handset sitting next to the paper. Shaky fingers pressed the buttons. What would he say? Will he be cool? Will he freak?

  How did someone break this kind of news? Spit it out, like Sam said? Just blurt out, I’m pregnant? Then what?

  “Hello?”

  Jessica’s heart skipped a beat at the sound of Luke’s buddy then took off on a gallop through her chest. “Hey Matt, is Luke around?” her words flew out in a rush.

  “Jess?”

  “Yeah, it’s me. I need to talk to Luke.” But with each passing second, she felt her resolve crumble.

  “Sure, man. Hold on.”

  Thank God Matt was a guy of few words. She didn’t feel like making chitchat. Just spit it out. I’m pregnant, and the baby is yours.

  I think.

  “Jess?”

  “Luke?” Jessica’s heart skittered, then shattered. His voice was tender, loving.

  He should be mad as hell—not sweet and understanding. She should hear anger, bitterness, yet she heard nothing of the kind. But damn it, that was Luke.

  Crap. This was going to be harder than she thought.

  “How are you?”

  “Good. I’m good.” Liar. “Listen, we need to talk.”

  “I know, babe, I’ve been trying. What’s going on?”

  “I, um, had to get out of town. I needed some space. That’s all. Some space.”

  “From me?”

  Luke sounded heartbroken at the possibility. “No, babe,” she hurried to deny. “Not you. From school, class. It was bogging me down and I had to split.”

  “I would have come with you.”

  She knew that. And in an instant of crystal-clear clarity, Jessica realized he would do anything for her. Whatever she asked, Luke would come through.

  “Can we meet?”

  Because suddenly, she also realized this had to be done in person. Luke didn’t deserve to be told this kind of news over the phone. Whatever his reaction was going to be, she had to face him.

  “Name the time.”

  She picked up her wrist and checked her watch. Pearly brown faced and trimmed in silver, the canvas-covered band matched the brown and blue surfer shorts Luke had given her for Christmas. And the sandals he had given her on her birthday.

  She slumped. It was going to be like this forever. One way or another, from here on out, she was going to be reminded of Luke. Tears welled in her eyes. “Can you be here in an hour?”

  “No problem. See you then.”

  “Yep,” she uttered before her throat went dry.

  “Do you need anything on my way over?”

  Can you turn into a jerk and make this easier?

  A heavy tear spilled onto Jess’ cheek. “No,” she croaked.

  Forty-five minutes later she answered the call from the doorman. Nerves freaking, Jessica tried to calm herself by using Sam’s breathing techniques. Deep in, she breathed, slow out, she blew. In... She closed her eyes and filled her chest with as much air as she could, then out she exhaled. But as she let go of her control, her lips flapped on the breath as it escaped in a lazy swish.

  This breathing wasn’t doing squat. Neither was the extra deodorant she applied. Nothing helped the felon awaiting execution sensation running through her body.

  At the knock on the door, her heart stopped, then took off, pounding so hard she thought it would fly through her chest. But when she opened the door, all hell broke loose in her body.

  Luke stood there, flowers in hand, more handsome than she remembered. His shoulder-length hair was loose, the way she liked, and he was dressed in her favorite faded blue T-shirt. The one she picked out for him in St. Augustine during their first weekend away together. It was the first time they both said the words, I love you.

  He smiled. “These are for you.”

  “Thanks,” she mumbled in gratitude. Anxiety made a brief swirl around her heart before morphing into dread. “C’mon in.”

  When he walked past, she inhaled a nose full of his cologne. Luke was clean and fresh and pure good intention—the complete opposite to how she felt inside. Her sense of injustice returned.

  Closing the door, Jess circled around him and directed him toward the sofa. About to join him, she remembered the bundle in her hand. They needed water. “Let me put these in the kitchen.”

  With a nod of his head, he shoved his hands deep into the front pockets of his jeans, and waited.

  Jessica trudged to the kitchen sink. So, she mentally rehearsed, Luke, I’m pregnant. I haven’t decided what to do about it, but I felt it was important you know. She slapped the bouquet down onto the counter. I’ll let you know what I decide when I decide it.

  But as she fumbled through cabinets in search of a vase, her nerves started firing again. Did Sam even have any vases? And where did she keep them? Her hands started to tremble. The last thing she wanted to be doing was messing around the kitchen searching for a nonexistent vase when she should be talking to Luke.

  She closed the cabinet door with a thud.

  “Don’t worry about those,” he said.

  Jessica yanked her attention from the cupboard to find him staring at her, a mix of concern and confusion lurking in his eyes. “I don’t know where Sam keeps her vases,” she sputtered.

  “It’s cool.” He indicated the sofa with a quick nod of his head. “How about we sit?”

  She slumped. Yes, ho
w about that? That is what you’re here for after all. To sit, and talk. Ignoring the flowers, Jessica walked into the living room. May as well be a plank, she mused, apprehension rolling in her stomach.

  Luke smiled, though it was forced. He was un-comfortable, much like her. Seemed he got the hint this wasn’t a pleasure trip.

  Jessica dropped onto the end cushion and waited while Luke took a seat nearby. Not too close. This may be bad news, and he wary enough to keep his distance. Just in case.

  “Are we over?”

  “Luke,” she said, but faltered. Maybe. Maybe that’s exactly what was going to happen. Anxiety clamped down hard. She didn’t want it to be over, but maybe that’s exactly what was going to happen. Strength flushed from her limbs.

  Once he found out.

  “You don’t love me anymore? Is that it?”

  This was happening too fast! It was getting too complicated! Reason raced from her mind and she burst out, “I’m pregnant!”

  Luke’s expression absorbed the hit.

  Jessica felt suspended in air.

  He leaned forward and her pulse jumped. “Are you sure?” he asked.

  She wrapped her arms around her body. “Double pink lines, three times.” And she was vomiting, though not in the mornings like she was supposed to. She puked at night.

  Luke fell heavy against the sofa. “Man,” his eyes shot to the ceiling. “So that’s what this is all about.”

  Duh! she wanted to shout, but her lips were quivering, her limbs shaking. She couldn’t speak if she had to.

  “Now it all makes sense,” he said, relief swelling with his every word as the news set in.

  Great. Now what are we going to do about it?

  He raised up from the cushion back, slow and cautious. “What are you going to do about it?”

  Aggravation rose in her belly. He missed one small detail. There was a “we” involved here, not just her. “It takes two to make a baby!”

  “I know, I mean, all I was asking was…do you want to get an abortion?” Luke asked and appeared as if it were the last thing he wanted her to do. “Do you want to keep it?”

  Jessica’s chest threatened to explode. Damn it—this wasn’t fair! “I’m not the only one who should be deciding this,” she cried out.