Alice's Zombie Adventures in Under City: Downward Spiral
Page 9
anticipated. He deposited her on a sturdy tree branch faster than Alice had time to cause alarm. He then held his finger up to his mouth and shushed her. Alice had nary a moment to protest before she heard the snap and crunch of deciduous trees on the forest floor. The footsteps sounded laborious and measured. She realized very quickly that they were being followed and March had brought her to safety. Terrified that in all the wandering the zombies had caught up with them, Alice covered her mouth with both hands and didn’t utter a sound.
“Stay here,” March whispered, “I’ll deal with this.”
Alice worried that he too would end up the same way Robert had but there was a sense of calm about March to which she prescribed. She nodded her head in consent, and March took vigil on his branch, stepping lightly away but no further than a meter. His arms twitched and there appeared two long barrels held in each hand with a piece of metal that stuck up at the end. Alice’s concern for March quickly faded as she realized that he’d created some antique weaponry. Alice had little appeal for such affairs but was fascinated with the event as she’d never seen such apertures before nor had she seen anyone who could cause such events to occur merely by flicking their wrists and have such items be assembled in their hands.
The scrunching crunching sound of footsteps came perilously close and finally, they sounded as if they were directly under them then all about. She could hear tiresomely loud breathing and grunting as if the dead were struggling with the effort to move. March sat hunched like a feline about to pounce then he stepped off into the air and disappeared from view. There was a long moment of silence and then a thunderous wet cracking sound followed by a squeal and the sound of a body hitting the ground.
“That didn’t sound like the zombies I encountered earlier,” Alice contemplated aloud, “It sounded rather more like a pig.”
Alice didn’t have long to debate the topic in her head before the air rippled with the sound of electro charges that coursed through the air like a large built up static charge. More squealing climbed up through the canopy of leaves and peppered against her ear drums. Birds shot into the air in distress.
“I’m quite certain zombies don’t shoot,” Alice said aloud once more and furrowed her eyebrows in an expression of her curiosity. Cautiously, she crept closer to where March had disembarked from the tree and peered over to see a form resembling a rotund individual but with a face that looked like it could be a cross between a person and a pig, wearing tan cargo pants, a navy blue shirt, a helmet, and a scarlet metallic badge resembling a diamond.
“My word,” Alice announced shocked, “those are the police here!”
The police in Second City had always been most helpful and polite so March’s actions had confused her. She couldn’t fathom for the life of her why March would attack them. March on the other hand was prancing about almost as if he was joyfully dancing. When she looked in his direction, he’d hopped on the back of one of the pig like officers and shot him with one of the tubes on his arm. The pig officer fell unconscious forth with and before he could hit the ground, March had already leapt to another position as streaks of blue light flashed and crashed on the tree he’d hid behind carving the bark away like tooth picks tossed in the air.
“Why, he must stop this at once!” Alice declared and set about trying to remove herself from the tree which was far more complicated than she anticipated and she quickly found herself clinging to the limb for dear life with one leg propped on the tree trunk and the other dangling helplessly.
“Oh deer,” she moaned then as she noticed March once more, “Behind you officer! He’s behind you! March you must cease at once!”
Enthralled and amused by her defenseless position the pig officer grunted in a tone that could be mistaken for a laugh and aimed his rifle at her.
“What are you doing officer?” Alice shouted as she clamored to maintain her grip. He was completely oblivious to March, who tapped him on one shoulder then the other and as he turned about to find the source of the distraction, March shot him in the stomach causing him to squeal profusely before crashing to the ground in silence. He was definitely unharmed but it seemed as if he’d done a dance before his fall like he was being jolted under an electrical influence.
“My goodness!” Alice cried as March laughed and bounced away standing in front of one officer who seemed thoroughly perplexed as to what to do now that his target was directly in front of him. He hopped about grunting and squealing in excitement as a pig officer further away aimed his rifle at his fellow pig officer. March seemed to know exactly what he was doing and shot at the offensive officer who seemed to go rigid as electricity coursed through his body before slumping to the ground. March used his barrel to smash into the face of the confused officer behind him breaking through the clear visor and sending the large figure on a short trip through the air as he squealed and grabbed for his snout. Off March jumped again jumping, smashing, and humming as he went along.
“Is that little bunny foo foo he’s humming?” Alice asked to know one in particular.
“Go on, and take your friends too!” March shouted in protest, “You can let go now if you’d like.”
“Are you sure? I feel as if I’m in certain peril.”
“The sooner you let go the sooner we can move along,” March advised and having little other choice, Alice let go of the limb, fell a short distance, and landed squarely on the tummy of one of the abandoned pig officers much to March’s delight.
“I cannot believe you! How dare you have me assault an officer! I apologize sincerely mister officer for landing on you.”
“I don’t think he can hear you Alice, I believe he’s gone to sleep on the job.” March laughed aloud.
The connotation sent Alice into a rage and with her face taking on a bright hue of red she burst forth and declared, “I didn’t want to see you bopping the pig officers on the head! You’re not a Hare, you’re a goon!”
Offended March stopped laughing and glared at Alice before they both heard someone singing a song that went to the tune of:
“The Tea Master March Hare
Went hopping through the forest
Jumping on the card pigs
and bopping them on the head
Down came mislaid Alice and she said
Tea Master March Hare,
I don’t want to see you
Jumping on the card pigs
And bopping them on the head,
You’re not acting like a Hare, you’re a Goon!
Then Tea Master March Hare bopped mislaid Alice on the head!
And the Moral of the story is: be careful what you ask for!”
Which was followed by an uproar of laughs and giggles which were male, and obviously from the March Hare, but also female and Alice couldn’t tell to whom they belonged.
“Reveal yourself at once!” Alice stamped her foot and the knuckles of her fingers turned white as they jutted from her sides.
A somewhat plump pink and purple hair covered figure lighted on the limb that Alice had recently inhabited and grinned at Alice with a toothy cat like grin. Alice was more shocked by her appearance then she was when she saw the pig officers that the song had indicated were card pigs.
“Oh deer, who or what are you?”
“I am Cheshire,” Cheshire stated as she hopped down on all fours close to March, “Could you be ever so gracious and do me the favor of helping me get this crick from my back? It’s rather difficult being such a wondrous creature at times.”
She brushed against March’s hip and flitted her tail in front of Alice’s face in doing so. March, knowing very well the spot she wanted scratched, gently reached down and began to rub her lower back.
“Oh, that’s the spot, right before the tail. Puurrrrrfect, to coin a cliché,” Cheshire giggled and arched her back which responded, eventually, with an audible clicking.
“Now that that’s complete, I see you’ve garnered the package. Quiet a shame she doesn’t have a better sense of humor about Under
City affairs but what can be expected of a Second?”
“Now see hear!” Alice, quite over her surprise, responded but she stopped her tirade when Cheshire stood to her full height.
“I shall ask you dear Alice, to whom does the responsibility of policing the police fall?” then she spake sideways to March, “It appears this one be not so savvy, yarrrrr. Oh rolling a good r is such a delight!”
Cheshire rubbed her elbows together as she twitched her tail and squiggled in a dance of delight while Alice tried to deduce to whom the responsibility fell and found she wasn’t quite sure. In a state of frustration she resolved that the police should call the police and stated her answer forthwith which caused the pair to chortle to themselves.
“This is precisely the thinking the suits employed when they began their despotism. When there is no justice in the justice system complications will naturally arise.” Cheshire answered and Alice felt more a fool in her presence then she had in March’s.
“How could there be no justice in the justice system?” Alice cried, “The idea in and of itself is preposterous!”
“Simple, when there’s money to be made that outweigh the fairness of judgment. Those card pigs were on the orders of the Prince of Diamonds. Did you not see their badges?” March asked.
Alice looked back at the pig that was still unconscious and saw his badge and helmet were missing.
“Quick March, bop her on the head! I’m sure you could