There was barely enough water in the stream to cover their ankles.
“I never asked you what you wanted to do,” Liz said, trying to think of something to defuse the tension, something to give her time to think. “You said you hoped to be appointed to the staff of a very famous surgeon, but you didn’t say what you wanted to do after that.”
“I want to become a rich and famous surgeon and work in one of the great hospitals of New York, Los Angeles or Houston.”
His remarks surprised a laugh out of her. “When you dream, you dream big.”
“Aren’t dreams supposed to be big?”
“I guess so. But why do you want so much?”
“For most of my life, people have done their best not to see me. I want to be so important I’ll never be invisible again.”
Liz didn’t know what to say. His goal was enormous, his reason for wanting it so painfully naked. She wondered again about his experiences as a child, how cruel and powerful they must have been to convince a man who had so much that he deserved so little.
“Now tell me about yourself,” he said. “How did a beautiful and intelligent woman end up divorced with two small children to raise by herself?”
“The usual, a bad marriage.”
“You’ve got to explain better than that.”
She felt a moment of hesitation, then it vanished.
“I wanted to get away from Iron Springs.”
“I don’t believe you. I thought you were connected to this place by an umbilical cord.”
“I grew up here. I thought it was the end of the world. I don’t know what I thought I was going to do after college, but I was certain I’d never come back here.”
“What changed your mind?”
“You’re getting ahead of the story. I left for college, majored in business, met David and fell in love. I couldn’t wait to marry him and quit school to support him while he got his MBA.”
“What happened to your degree?”
“David got this wonderful job offer in New York. Before I could get us settled and look into colleges, I got pregnant with Rebecca. I’ve always thought a mother should stay home with her children if she could, so I settled back to await the baby. Little did I know that while I was getting fat, David was making the roursds of the female staff in the office. I found out after Rebecca was born, and I threatened to leave him.”
“I gather you didn’t.”
“David swore on his knees that he must have been crazy, that he’d never look at another woman again. I must have been just as crazy because I believed him. Even worse, I got pregnant again.
“David covered his tracks better this time. After Ben was born, I started working out at a gym, trying to get my figure back, trying to get to know the wives of his friends, trying to fit into his world. One day, while I was at the gym, he left the kids in the house alone while he went to visit his mistress. One of my new ‘friends’ told me about it.”
“Kind of her.”
“David didn’t ask for forgiveness this time. He said he didn’t have time for a clinging wife, that he needed to devote all his time and energy to building his company. I asked about the time and energy he was devoting to his mistress. He said she was fun, that she didn’t pull him down. That’s when I left him.”
“And came back to Iron Springs.”
“I didn’t know what else to do. I traded alimony for an uncontested divorce and custody of the children. I had a house and a job here if I wanted them.”
“But you could have found that in other places. Why did you come back here?”
“Because as much as I sometimes feel stifled, I wanted to live among people who have values I respect and trust. People here may stick their noses into your business, criticize you, give you unwelcome advice, but they won’t hesitate to help you the minute anything goes wrong. Josie Woodhouse hates the idea of my marrying Ethan, but she’d take me and my children into her home if we had nowhere to go.
“People here believe in the importance of family, in their commitment to each other. David cast me aside when I got pregnant because I was fat and unattractive. He pushed the children aside because they took up time and money he wanted for his business. But everyone in this town would jeopardize his own business if it was the only way he could help me or anybody else in Iron Springs.”
“You’d make a wonderful spokesperson for the Iron Springs Chamber of Commerce.”
Liz laughed. “If we had such a thing. But you can see why I came back, why I’m determined to stay.”
“What about your degree? You can’t finish it here.”
“I can’t finish it anywhere until the kids start school.”
They walked a moment in silence. “So you’re as determined to stay in Iron Springs as I am to get out,” Matt said.
“I like it for all the reasons you don’t. It’s—”
She broke off. A car had driven into the park. Instead of staying in the gravel area, it swerved around the curb and came toward them across the grass.
“Mama, the car’s driving on the grass,” Ben shouted, running toward them.
“I know.”
“That’s bad. Tell the car to stop.”
“I intend to,” Liz said, angry anyone would drive into an area where children were playing. But when she recognized Salome at the wheel, she knew something was wrong.
“There’s been an accident at Ethan’s shop,” Salome called to Matt through the open window.
“Who is it?” Liz asked.
“Bill Bennett.”
“Is he badly hurt?”
“Bad enough.”
“I’ll come, too,” Liz offered.
“No need. Sadie’s with him. Hurry up,” Salome said to Matt.
“She can drive herself home,” Salome directed. “Hurry. Sadie says he’s bleeding pretty bad.”
“Just leave me your keys,” Liz said.
Matt dug the keys out of his pocket, handed them to Liz and jumped into Salome’s car. She tore out of the park, sending a spray of grass and dirt in her wake.
“Where’s Matt going?” Ben asked. “Doesn’t he like us anymore?”
“Of course he likes you,” Liz said, kneeling down to give her son a hug. “A man got hurt. He has to go help him.”
“Can’t somebody else help him?” Rebecca asked. “I want Matt to stay with us.”
“He’s a doctor,” Liz explained. “They have to help people when they get hurt.”
“Who makes them?”
“Every doctor makes a promise to take care of people who are sick or hurt.”
“I won’t if I become a doctor,” Rebecca said.
“Wouldn’t you want a doctor to come if you were hurt real bad?” Liz asked.
“I guess so.”
“Well, that man wants Matt to come. That’s why Salome came for him.”
“I don’t think I want to be a doctor when I grow up,” Rebecca said.
“Why?” Liz asked.
“I don’t want to leave my little girl at the picnic. She’ll be sad.”
“You shouldn’t be sad. We’ve had a very nice day. It was almost time to go home anyway. I’ll collect the cooler and throw the plates and stuff away. You and Ben can fold up the blankets and put them in the station wagon.”
But no matter what Liz said or did, the children’s lightheartedness had gone from the afternoon.
Once again she found herself worrying about the effect Matt’s leaving would have on them, but she had waited too long to do anything about it. They wouldn’t understand if she tried to separate them.
Neither would he.
She wondered if Matt could ever have a normal home life, if any family-practice doctor could. Maybe in the city where they had office hours and partners to help cover evenings and weekends, but not in the country. Not in a place like Iron Springs. When somebody got sick, he had to go. His family would have to come second.
But more than Matt’s absence troubled Liz. She had to come to a
decision about Ethan. It was unfair to everyone to go on mindlessly drifting, not making up her mind, leaving hope without a promise.
She’d never thought there could be anything between Matt and her. They were too different. Then, against long odds and common sense, deep feelings had developed between them. But his goal of being rich and famous, of living in a big city and working at a great hospital, had effectively put an end to any chance they could be more than a fleeting dream.
What he wanted sounded like life with David all over again. She wouldn’t risk that. She and her children had already been placed second, behind a career and being seen with the right people at the right places. That’s what Matt would have to do to get where he wanted to go. He might not realize it yet, but he would soon.
And he would do it. She could just see him smiling while he remained separate and lonely. Doing that would kill any softness that hadn’t already been beaten out of him in Gull’s Landing, but she couldn’t tell him that. He wouldn’t believe her. And what if he did? What did she have to offer him? Iron Springs and picnics in the state park during the summer, Josie Woodhouse and Solomon Trinket all year round.
That kind of life might appeal to her, but it wouldn’t to a man like Matt.
Salome had fallen silent. Matt would have liked to believe it was to allow her to concentrate on her driving. The way she took the curves convinced him she couldn’t be looking where she was going. Otherwise, she wouldn’t be breathing, either.
“Am I driving too fast for you?” she asked, looking in his direction.
“Hell, yes, and don’t take your eyes off the road.”
“Don’t worry. I know this road like the back of my hand.”
“The only way I can not worry is for you to let me out of this car.”
Salome laughed. “You’ll get used to it.”
Matt doubted it, just as he doubted he would get used to the feeling that had started to hit him every time he was around Liz. It was almost like being a teenager, getting excited just being around certain girls. Only he wasn’t a teenager anymore. He knew what that kind of excitement meant, what it led to. Only it wasn’t leading anywhere, and he was incredibly frustrated.
He kept telling himself she was Ethan’s girl, that if she wasn’t going to marry him, she still hadn’t told anybody. He kept telling himself she was the mother of two kids. And as adorable as they were, they represented the kind of commitment he didn’t want. He kept telling himself she was a small-town girl with small-town values. She might say she didn’t care about his birth, but did she really mean it? Could anyone brought up in a place like this not care about something like that?
She was tied to this town, if not physically, at least spiritually. She would hate it where he wanted to go. She would hate the kind of people he had to work with, no doubt the same kind of people David worked with, people willing to sacrifice anything for the success they craved.
Was he any different?
He’d always thought so, but now he wasn’t sure. He hadn’t walked over any bodies to get ahead; he hadn’t abandoned any responsibilities. He simply had given up any idea of having the kind of life everyone else seemed to want—a wife, family, friends. For him, success was enough.
But every time he looked at Liz, every time he thought of her—and he thought of her a lot—he began to wonder if there was some way to have both. He knew there wasn’t, but he couldn’t stop asking.
He kept asking himself why he liked her so much. He recited his usual litany, which answered nothing. Why?
Just because.
He’d never thought he’d find himself accepting that as an answer, but it came as close as he could get to the truth. He liked being around her. He sometimes didn’t even mind that he probably wasn’t going to get out of Iron Springs for a whole year. He didn’t mind not going to Charlottesville. He didn’t mind helping with the kids. He almost didn’t mind dealing with people like Josie Woodhouse.
He chuckled. Wouldn’t Georgia Allen love to hear that? After the long talks they’d had about how they weren’t going to let anything interfere with their careers, she’d be certain he’d lost his mind.
“What’s so funny?” Salome asked.
“Somebody once told me that St. Peter had a list of everybody in the world. Beside each name he had the date they were supposed to arrive at the Pearly Gates. I was wondering what happens when you arrive early. Does he make you wait?”
“You think I’m going to kill you?” Salome said, taking a curve with the wheels on Matt’s side of the car on the shoulder.
“The odds seem to favor it.”
“You ain’t seen nothing yet.”
Matt shuddered. “I thought I was a courageous man. I was wrong.”
Salome laughed, skidded around another curve and suddenly slammed on brakes. Before the tires stopped squealing, she turned into a driveway and gunned the engine. Fifty yards up the dirt track, she braked again and spun half around to the right. The car came to a stop directly in front of the entrance to a wood-frame building that looked like a barn.
“He’s inside,” she said. “Sadie sent someone to the clinic to fetch your medical bag.”
Matt stumbled out of the car muttering a prayer of thanks he was alive. If the injured man had to go to the hospital, he was going to make damned sure Salome wasn’t driving the ambulance. No point in patching up external injuries only to have the patient die of heart failure.
“I can’t marry you,” Liz told Ethan. They were in his office. She hadn’t wanted anybody to overhear what she had to say.
“What are you talking about? We’re practically engaged. The whole town is expecting us to announce the date at any moment.” He looked like he’d been hit in the face with a wet fish. Not hurt, just stunned. He obviously couldn’t believe she meant what she said.
“Only because this is such a small town we’re always turning up at the same places. You know as well as I do if a man talks to a woman more than twice, that means they’re going steady according to people around here.”
“We did a lot more than just talk,” Ethan said, getting a little angry now. “At least, I did. I told everybody I wanted to marry you.”
“I know.”
He’d made her take a seat, insisted he fix her some coffee. He handed her a foam cup.
“You let me go around expecting—”
“Ethan, I’ve told you over and over again I wasn’t ready to think about marriage. It may seem like I led you on—I can see how you would feel that way—but I never once said I was even thinking about getting married...to anybody. I’ve tried to get you to see other women.”
“I don’t want to see other women. You know I’ve never loved anybody but you.”
“Ethan, you can’t spend your life waiting for me to fall in love with you. What if I never did?” She sat her coffee down untasted. “You know I’ve always liked you, but you also know I never loved you. I told you that.”
“I know, but—”
“You thought I’d get tired of waiting, or desperate, and marry you anyway, didn’t you?”
“That’s not fair. I love you. I’ll take you on just about any terms.”
“I’m sorry, Ethan, but it just won’t work. If I haven’t fallen in love with you by now, I’m never going to.”
He came around the desk toward her. She motioned him back.
“How do you know? You might—”
“Ethan, when I came back here, I was hurting. I needed a friend. I needed someone to like me, to help me feel worthwhile again. You were willing to do that, and I let you, but that’s all it’s ever going to be. I’m sorry I didn’t say something before now. It was cowardly of me, but I didn’t want to lose your friendship.”
“You wouldn’t have.”
“Maybe, but it would have strained things between us.”
She could tell he was still angry, but he was less angry than she had expected. She wondered if he was as disappointed as he thought he was. Ethan had told him
self he was in love with her for so long he probably hadn’t asked himself if his teenage crush endured only because she seemed out of reach.
“I’m not the same woman you used to know,” Liz said. “I don’t even know what I want anymore. I need room to experiment, make mistakes, go in different directions. I’m going to go back to school in a few years. I don’t know what I want to do after that.”
“I can wait.” He sat down on his desk, but his confidence was shaken.
“You’ve waited too long already. You know who you are, what you want, what you plan to do with your life. You’ll be a lot happier with someone who can fit into your life.”
“That’s you.”
“We’ve argued about one thing or another since we were in high school. I don’t think you want to keep doing that for the rest of your life. I know I don’t. Look around you. There are lots of nice girls who’d love to take care of you, spoil you rotten. You might even find one your mother can like.”
“I’m not marrying to please my mother.”
“I know. I was just teasing, but I’m serious about all the rest. It’s over, Ethan, really over.”
“Don’t try to put me off, Liz,” David said. “I’ve hired a lawyer. I know my rights.”
Liz watched her knuckles turn white as she gripped the table. Things had been so busy at the clinic, she’d brought home some forms to request additional budget. David’s call had driven all her arguments out of her mind. She’d have to start all over again later.
“I’m not trying to put you off. I just—”
“You are. You know I have visitation rights.”
“Which you’ve never exercised.”
“I still have them, and I’m exercising them now.”
“I need time to prepare the children. This isn’t like a trip to the grocery store.”
“Look, I’m not going to put up with this. I’m actually in a better position to have custody of them than you are.”
“How can you say that when you’ve never—”
“I’m married, and you’re not. I’ve got plenty of money to support them. You don’t.”
David had apparently decided to ignore his behavior of the past three years. He’d always been very good at ignoring things he didn’t want to hear.
Just What the Doctor Ordered Page 13
