“Let’s face it. I can give the children a better life.”
“You!” Liz could hardly control herself. He thought all he needed to be a perfect father was money and a wife to baby-sit his kids. “You don’t know a thing about children, especially your own.”
“I won’t learn with you keeping them in that mountain backwater. Listen, Liz, if you don’t agree to let the kids visit me, I’m going to sue for custody. With things the way they are now, I’ll get it.”
Chapter Twelve
The rat, her ex-husband, had threatened to take her kids. She would kill him if he tried.
Liz dropped into the chair and leaned against the table. What was she going to do? What could she do? She didn’t know what came over her, but all of a sudden she started to cry. She tried to stop. She was mad, not ready to throw her hands up and wail in despair, but the tears kept flowing. The harder she tried to stop, the worse it got. Soon she was bawling like a child. She put her head down on the table and gave in.
Liz didn’t know how long she’d been crying when she suddenly felt certain someone was in the kitchen. She heaved a gusty sob and raised her head. She didn’t see anyone, but the feeling wouldn’t go away. She pushed her hair back from her face and turned around.
Matt stood in the doorway to the hall.
Mortified, she turned away and wiped her eyes. “I thought you were in Charlottesville,” she said when she could command her voice sufficiently to speak.
“I came back early.”
She didn’t know what to do. She couldn’t hide. He’d already seen her. But she couldn’t keep on sitting here, no doubt looking like a drowned rat with red eyes.
“We’ve already eaten, but there’s some leftover casserole in the refrigerator.”
“I stopped on the way back.”
“There’s dessert.”
He walked around where she could see him. “Are you going to tell me what’s wrong, or are we going to keep talking about food?”
She looked away. “It’s my problem. You can’t do anything about it.”
“I can listen.”
“That won’t change anything.”
“It might make you feel better.”
She looked up. “But you’d have to get involved in somebody else’s problems, and you wouldn’t like that.” That was mean of her. This wasn’t his fault. He was trying to be nice. “Sorry, I didn’t mean that. I’m upset.”
“Has something happened to Ethan?”
“Why do you ask?”
“Well, you’re going to marry him. I just thought maybe—”
“Ethan’s fine, and I’m not going to marry him. I told him three days ago.”
They just stood there, looking at each other.
Now he knows. What difference would it make? she asked herself.
Maybe none. Maybe he was just being polite. Even in Gull’s Landing, she doubted a man would walk past a woman bawling her head off and not try to help.
“It’s David,” she said. “He—”
The back door slammed against the wall, and Ben catapulted into the room, followed by Rebecca. They threw themselves at Liz.
“I won!” Ben shouted.
“You got a head start,” Rebecca countered.
“What’s all the ruckus about?” Matt asked. He pulled the kids’ attention from Liz to himself. “You nearly knocked your mother down.”
“I bat first tomorrow,” Ben said.
“We had a race to decide,” Rebecca explained.
Liz got up, moistened a paper towel at the sink and tried to wash her face. She didn’t want the children to know she’d been crying. They’d ask questions. There’d be time for that later when she’d managed to come up with some answers.
“Now that’s settled, I think you’d better run and get ready for your baths.”
“Mama,” Rebecca called.
“She’ll be along in a minute,” Matt said. “You run along and start getting ready. You, too, sport,” he said to Ben. “I’ll be up in a minute.”
“Thank you,” Liz said as she heard the children run down the hall. She turned to face Matt. “You don’t have to bathe Ben. You must be tirad.”
But he didn’t turn away. Instead, he crossed the room. He took the paper towel from her hands and threw it into the trash. He took out his handkerchief, wet it and began to moisten her eyes with cold water.
“Why aren’t you going to marry Ethan?”
She used his washing her eyes as an excuse to close them so she wouldn’t have to look at him.
“I don’t love him. I never have. When I came back, I needed a friend very badly. He hoped it was something else.”
He placed his hand under her chin and proceeded to wash the tearstains from her cheeks. “You can open your eyes now.”
She didn’t want to. She was afraid of what she might see. She was even more afraid of what she might not see.
When she opened her eyes, he was looking directly at her. He seemed to look right into her, to see her hidden thoughts. She knew it was foolish, but she still felt naked, exposed.
He tilted her chin back slightly, turned her head from side to side. “Remarkable. You were crying like your heart was broken, and your eyes aren’t the least bit red. You’re just as beautiful as ever.”
That nearly started her bawling again. She knew she had to look a soggy mess.
“What did David say that upset you so badly?”
“Nothing I can’t handle.”
She tried to pull away, but he wouldn’t let her. His expression said he wasn’t going to let her go until she told him.
“He said if I didn’t let the children visit him, he was going to sue for custody.”
“Will he?”
“I’m sure he will. He doesn’t really love them. He just wants to...”
She broke down again. It mortified her to cry in front of Matt, but she couldn’t stand the thought of losing her children.
He pulled her to him, up against his chest. She knew she shouldn’t, that it was dangerous, but she couldn’t resist. She didn’t want to resist. It felt wonderful to have his arms around her, to be able to lean against him.
For such a long time, she’d had to stand on her own, to hold back her feelings because she couldn’t afford to appear vulnerable, couldn’t afford to let herself feel vulnerable. It was a relief to let go. She hadn’t felt so safe since she was a little girl and her daddy held her tight when it thundered.
She was certain she ought to back away, but she couldn’t make herself do it. Still, she couldn’t stay in his arms forever, no matter how comforting, no matter how enticing. She had children to bathe. She had her face to wash, again. She had her self-esteem to piece back together.
But when she pulled back, Matt’s arms didn’t let her go. She then made her biggest mistake.
She looked up into his eyes.
The man who looked back at her didn’t look like the angry young doctor who wanted to forget he’d ever heard of Iron Springs. He bore no resemblance to the doctor who said he didn’t want to become involved with his patients’ lives. He didn’t make her think of the handsome physician who had every woman in Iron Springs looking for an excuse to feel sickly.
He looked like a man who cared passionately that she was unhappy.
His brown eyes looked luminous with caring, glistened with moisture, as though he were crying with her. She knew he wasn‘t—men like Matt Dennis didn’t cry, they couldn’t—but it felt like it, and that melted her heart. When he lowered his head toward her, she didn’t turn away.
His lips felt natural on hers, like he had kissed her many times before. Everything else felt just as it should, her palms resting lightly against his chest, his arms around her pressing her against him.
The kiss was very tender at first. His lips seemed to brush hers lightly. Neither tentative nor unsure. Not aggressive or frightening. Just comforting. Reassuring.
She kissed him back. She hadn’t meant to, though she knew s
he’d been wanting to kiss him for quite a long time. She couldn’t stop herself. She didn’t want to stop. It was too inviting, too wonderful, too perfect.
Then what had begun as a kiss of consolation turned into a greedy kiss of unfulfilled need. Liz felt Matt’s lips consume her mouth, the gentle brushing intensified in pressure. His arms closed around her. She felt herself being swallowed up, consumed.
An equally strong desire surged to the surface from somewhere deep inside Liz. Her mouth moved against his with a need deeper and more unrestrained than his own. Her arms slipped around his neck, holding him tightly, pulling him down to her. She ground her body against his. She felt the muscles in his abdomen tense, his thighs become rigid.
“Mama, are you coming?”
Rebecca’s words were like an electric shock that drove them apart. For a moment, they stood facing each other. She could see her own reactions in the mirror of his. Their eyes wide, their bodies stiff, their minds in a whirl, their emotions in turmoil.
“Mama!”
“Coming,” Liz managed to say. “In a minute.”
She tried to look away from Matt, but it was as though their gazes were one.
“I’d better go see that Ben hasn’t flooded the bathroom,” Matt said. He sounded as shocked as Liz felt.
They stood a moment in silence. She didn’t feel like she had the strength to walk down the hall, much less climb the stairs.
“Thanks for listening to me,” she finally managed to say. “I’m sorry I cried all over your shirt.”
“It was going in the laundry anyway.”
They were just saying words, standing there, not moving.
“Mama! Are you coming? The water’s getting cold.”
“I’d better go. Thanks again.”
Liz dropped her gaze and hurried past Matt before he could respond. She didn’t know what to say, to him or to herself. She would have to say something, attempt to make some explanation, but not before she’d had time to think. She’d known she was attracted to him, but this was a lot more serious than she’d guessed.
She wanted him to kiss her again. She wanted even more than that.
Matt hesitated before locking his office door. He could go to Charlottesville without going back to the house. He could change his clothes at his friend’s apartment. Muttering a curse, he turned the key in the lock and headed down the hall past the reception desk.
“Bye, Beefcake,” Salome cooed through red lips. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”
“If he did half the things you’ve already done, he’d get arrested,” Sadie said.
Matt grinned. He and Salome had come to an understanding. She wouldn’t call him Beefcake in public or introduce him to females who purchased their body parts in department stores. In return, he wouldn’t duck into his office every time he heard the sound of her voice.
He let himself out the back door and began the short walk back to the house. He freely admitted to himself he’d been trying to avoid Liz. Six days had passed, and he still hadn’t recovered from the shock of finding that he had not only kissed her like he’d never kissed another woman, but also that he was burning to do it again. It didn’t matter that he had marshaled every argument he’d ever used against getting involved. It didn’t matter that he’d reminded himself almost hourly of his ambitions and what it would take to get there.
Neither did it matter, so it seemed, that he’d been abandoned by everyone who’d ever promised to care for him. He and Liz couldn’t agree on the time of day. He couldn’t rationally expect this to be anything more than a purely physical attraction. He wanted to take Liz into his arms and kiss her until the ache inside him went away.
For a man who’d prided himself all his life on being rational, on making decisions based on cold, hard facts, this was a terrifying dilemma. He was being controlled by his emotions, and he couldn’t do anything about it. To make things worse, he didn’t understand what was happening to him. He wasn’t in love with Liz. He didn’t want to get married. He’d never consider settling down in a place like Iron Springs and having a family, certainly not trying to be a father to another man’s children. It would be hard enough with his own children. It would be impossible with someone else’s. He of all people ought to know that.
He moved over to the shoulder of the road to let an ancient pickup truck pass. A young woman stuck her head out the window and waved frantically as the truck went past. Matt waved back, hoping she would turn around and watch the road ahead. Iron Springs was a unique community, but trees still didn’t get out of the way of pickup trucks.
Matt rounded the corner of Hannah’s Drugs. The pickup had come to a stop in front of the ancient gas pump.
“Why don’t you come in for a chat?” the driver said. Matt had seen Amy Thurber about a week ago about pains in her back. She might have a crushed disk from years of lifting her bedridden father.
“Can’t,” Matt said. “I’m on my way out of town.”
“Going to kick up your heels in the big city?”
“Something like that.”
“Kick ’em up at least once for me,” the young woman said with a smile before she disappeared into Hannah’s store.
Matt knew she’d probably never kick up her heels in Charlottesville or anywhere else. By the time she was freed from taking care of her parents, she might not be able or interested. She’d spend the rest of her life watching other people go off to have fun.
Matt didn’t know why he was letting himself worry about this young woman. People made their choices. Despite their protests, they usually did what they wanted. He was the one in danger of letting himself get caught up in something he didn’t want. He’d have to see Dr. Andrews the minute he reached town. He’d take almost any kind of assignment, but he had to get out of Iron Springs.
Away from Liz and her family.
He had hoped to make it back to his room, then to his car, without being seen. Ben spotted him while he was still three houses away. He rode his bicycle to meet Matt. As usual, Matt had to jump out of the way to keep from being run over.
“We’re going to have to get you some brakes for that thing,” Matt said as he helped Ben turn the bicycle around and point it toward the house. “One of these days you’re going to knock me flat.”
Ben laughed. “You jump too fast.”
“It’s a good thing. You don’t slow down.”
“I like fast.”
“So I see. Why don’t you see how fast you can ride it back to the house?”
“I want to stay with you,” Ben said. He didn’t seem to notice that he took up all the sidewalk, forcing Matt to walk in the grass or on the road. “Becca says you got to play ball with us. She says you pitch the best.”
“I can’t today, sport. I’m going to Charlottesville as soon as I change my clothes.”
“No go to ’lottesville,” Ben said as his smile crumpled.
“Play ball with me and Becca.”
Matt wondered why Ben’s disappointment upset him so much when his own unhappiness never seemed to bother anybody in Gull’s Landing.
“I can’t, sport, really I can’t. But I’ll be back tomorrow. Maybe we can fit in a game then.”
He was lying, an awful thing to do to a child. He didn’t plan to return until late tomorrow night.
“Now,” Ben said, “I want to play now.”
“Sorry, but we’ll have to wait. Now you’d better go back to your friends. I’ve got to go.”
Ben’s bicycle fell over when he jumped off. He ran off around the corner of the house without looking back.
Matt felt like a piece of scum. He was running away from Liz and he’d practically lied to her kid, all because he was too much of a coward to face up to his feelings. He was ashamed of himself. But these feelings were too strong. He’d never felt anything like this before. He didn’t know if he could control himself.
He still wanted to kiss her again. He remembered each split second of their kiss. Every emotion, ev
ery tactile sensation. He had relived them in his dreams each night. He felt like he was under siege. He had to get away before he lost all will to fight. That’s why he was slinking off to Charlottesville like a thief in the night.
Liz turned to exit the pew as the strains of the postlude began its weekly competition with after-church conversation. She wondered if Aunt Marian would mind if she dropped by for lunch. She didn’t want to go back to her house. It seemed empty and quiet without Matt. Even the children felt it. Ben had sulked all weekend. No matter what she thought of to do, it wasn’t the right thing. She didn’t need anyone to tell her that every suggestion she’d made would have been greeted with enthusiasm if Matt had been there.
Rebecca wasn’t nearly so obvious, but she wasn’t her usual self, either. Ethan had come over Saturday afternoon—he just wouldn’t stay away—and offered to play with her. She accepted politely, but she played with a sense of obligation. Even Ethan sensed it.
“Good morning, Liz,” The Reverend Pike said. “We missed the doctor this morning.”
“He’s gone to Charlottesville for the weekend,” Liz told him.
“I wonder if it’s too much to hope he’s attending church there.”
“I don’t inquire into his business.” Liz smiled and moved on so the Reverend Pike could greet his other parishioners.
Several people spoke to her. She nodded and made some response. She was headed toward the nursery to get her children when someone grabbed her by the arm. She couldn’t have been more surprised when she found herself face-to-face with Josie Woodhouse.
“Tell Norma that Dr. Dennis is worried about my indigestion. She doesn’t believe he wants to give me a thorough physical examination.”
“I told her I didn’t believe Dr. Dennis would see another doctor’s patient,” Norma explained. “He’s much too nice a man to do anything that unprofessional.”
“Josie went to see him without telling him she had a private physician,” Liz said. “Her curiosity got the better of her.”
“It did not,” Josie declared, but Norma winked and grinned at Liz.
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