Squirrelflight's Hope

by Erin Hunter

  Leafpool was staring at Firestar. “How will they decide?”

  “They’ll hear what you have to say,” he told her. His tail twitched uneasily. “You’re lucky in a way. Most cats don’t have the chance to speak for themselves. Their fate is decided before they reach us.”

  Squirrelflight stared at him, fear jabbing her belly. “Are we supposed to be grateful?” She and Leafpool had served their Clan since they’d been given their apprentice names. They shouldn’t have to plead for a place in StarClan.

  Firestar eyed her nervously. “Please think before you speak, Squirrelflight,” he whispered.

  She dipped her head apologetically and forced her pelt to smooth. “Okay.”

  Moth Flight lifted her muzzle. “Leafpool. We’ll start with you.”

  Leafpool’s eyes flashed with alarm.

  Squirrelflight blinked at her reassuringly. “Just tell them the truth,” she murmured. “No cat could blame you for the choices you made.” She watched, her throat tightening as Leafpool padded in front of the snow-white she-cat.

  Tallstar, Yellowfang, and Bluestar shifted their paws, their expressions giving nothing away. Crookedstar narrowed his eyes. Littlecloud flicked his tail as though he was impatient to begin.

  “Leafpool.” Moth Flight frowned. “You had kits even though you were a medicine cat. I know how that feels. I was the Clans’ first medicine cat. I gave up my kits and it broke my heart. That’s why I made the rule that no future medicine cat should have kits. I wanted to save you all from such pain.”

  “I fell in love,” Leafpool mewed simply.

  Littlecloud’s pelt ruffled. “Do you think that is an excuse?”

  “Every cat falls in love at least once,” Tallstar mewed. “You didn’t have to act on it.”

  “You broke my rule.” Moth Flight’s gaze was still fixed on Leafpool.

  “I had to.” Leafpool lifted her chin. “But being a medicine cat was too important to give up.”

  “Was it worth lying for?” Moth Flight pressed.

  “What else could I do?”

  Moth Flight eyed her coldly. “You put your feelings before your Clan.”

  That’s not true! Squirrelflight want to yowl out, but she could see Firestar’s pelt pricking. Think before you speak.

  She blinked at Leafpool. Tell them how giving up your kits broke your heart too! Tell them it was the hardest decision you’ve ever made! Her sister was staring back at the StarClan cats, her eyes round. Wasn’t she going to defend herself?

  Bluestar nodded to her. “Have you nothing to say?”

  Leafpool met the old she-cat’s gaze, unblinking. “I’m waiting for you to say that the father of my kits was from another Clan.” Around the clearing, the gathered StarClan cats murmured softly to one another, their pelts shimmering beneath the shadow of the trees as Leafpool went on. “Why defend myself from one accusation only to face another?”

  Squirrelflight stiffened. Leafpool sounded angry.

  “All right.” Moth Flight’s tail twitched ominously. “You had kits with a cat from another Clan.”

  “Have you no respect at all for the warrior code?” Littlecloud’s eyes flashed.

  “I’m not a warrior,” Leafpool straightened. “I’m a medicine cat. And being a medicine cat means more to me than anything. I gave up Crowfeather. I gave up my kits. Yes, I broke the code, but I chose my Clan over myself.” She faced them, her pelt prickling defiantly. “If you want to keep me out of StarClan, it’s up to you.”

  Bluestar’s pelt sparkled as she stepped forward. “Would you make the same choices again?”

  Leafpool hesitated. “Of course I would! I can’t imagine my life without Lionblaze, Jayfeather, or Hollyleaf. I’d never choose a life without them.” She narrowed her eyes. “If they’d never been born, we might all have been lost to the Dark Forest.”

  Bluestar frowned. “That has nothing to do with you breaking the code,” she snapped.

  Yellowfang glanced at the ThunderClan leader. “Didn’t you have kits with a cat from another Clan, Bluestar?” she mewed softly.

  “Bluestar wasn’t a medicine cat,” Moth Flight growled.

  Yellowfang tipped her head to one side. “You had kits, Moth Flight, before you decided you were the first and last medicine cat who could. Is that fair?”

  “It was for the good of the Clans.” Moth Flight glared at her.

  “It seems to me”—Yellowfang’s ears twitched—“that Leafpool sacrificed everything she loved to be a loyal medicine cat to her Clan. Can we ask more than that?”

  “Of course we can!” Littlecloud glared at his Clanmates. “What’s the point in having rules if cats can break them whenever they like?”

  “Leafpool didn’t just have kits,” Crookedstar reminded them. “She had kits with a cat from another Clan and lied about it to every cat.”

  Yellowfang flicked her tail crossly. “She gave them up to be a medicine cat, just as Bluestar gave up her own kits to be a leader. I did the same in my time, and I am still a member of StarClan.”

  Bluestar held her gaze for a moment, then dipped her head. “Yellowfang has a point. We can’t condemn Leafpool for breaking rules we’ve broken ourselves.”

  Crookedstar spoke for the first time. “Leafpool is right about her kits. They helped save the Clans from the Dark Forest.”

  “Only because we chose them,” Moth Flight snapped. “We could have chosen any cat.”

  Around the clearing, the StarClan warriors shifted uneasily. Squirrelflight’s pelt pricked. Moth Flight seemed determined to keep Leafpool out of StarClan. Was her word enough to overrule the others? She looked anxiously at Leafpool. Her sister’s pelt was smooth as she gazed calmly at the StarClan leaders.

  “Don’t argue over me,” Leafpool mewed suddenly. “I don’t regret having my kits. Only that I lied about being their mother. I wish I’d had more courage, but I thought I was doing the best for everyone by choosing to remain a medicine cat. If you decide that I can’t join StarClan, then I must accept your decision. But please don’t turn Squirrelflight away.”

  Squirrelflight’s heart leaped into her throat. Don’t sacrifice your place in StarClan for me!

  Leafpool went on. “Everything she did was out of loyalty to me. I couldn’t wish to have a better sister. She wanted to protect my kits and me, and she was willing to sacrifice everything to keep us safe. If some cat must be punished for what we did, punish me, not her.”

  Squirrelflight’s gaze clouded. Star-flecked pelts swam before her eyes. She could only focus on Leafpool, awaiting the judgment of StarClan. Squirrelflight pressed against Firestar. “She deserves to be here,” she whispered.

  “So do you.” Firestar nudged her forward.

  Squirrelflight’s pelt spiked. Bluestar was looking at her expectantly. Heart quickening, she padded toward the ThunderClan leader. Leafpool blinked encouragingly, but Squirrelflight could see fear in her sister’s gaze.

  Crookedstar padded forward and glared at Squirrelflight. “You lied to your Clan,” he told her bluntly. “You lied to your mate. You told them that Hollyleaf, Lionblaze, and Jayfeather were yours. Why should such a deceitful cat have a place in StarClan?”

  Squirrelflight looked at her paws. Her pelt burned. “That was my only lie,” she mumbled. “I have been loyal to my Clan in every other way.”

  “Really?” Bluestar’s mew was sharp. “We have seen you choose the Sisters over your Clan time and time again in the last moon. They are strangers to the forest, and yet you put your own Clan at risk to protect them.”

  “Some cat had to!” Squirrelflight raised her head.

  “Why?” Bluestar’s eyes flashed.

  “Moonlight was expecting kits.”

  Crookedstar frowned. “Cats can have kits anywhere. If you’d let the Clans drive her off sooner, she could have had her kits far from Clan territory. No cat would have been hurt. Instead you put the kits in danger, as well as the Sisters and your Clanmates.”

  “My Cl
anmates were never in danger,” Squirrelflight insisted.

  Bluestar’s eyes widened. “Have you forgotten the landslide already? Doesn’t that count as danger?”

  Guilt clawed at Squirrelflight’s heart. “I was just trying to protect every cat.” She stared helplessly at the StarClan cats. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted to do. I wanted to protect Leafpool when I lied for her. I wanted to protect Bramblestar when I lied to him. Does it matter if rules get broken if it’s to stop cats getting hurt?”

  Crookedstar’s gaze darkened. “Without the warrior code, we are nothing but rogues.”

  Bluestar glared at Squirrelflight. “Are you saying we should live without it?”

  “No!” Panic flared in Squirrelflight’s belly. “This isn’t fair! I’m just trying to explain . . .” Her mew trailed away. Think before you speak. Firestar was watching her, his eyes glittering with worry. She blinked at Bluestar. “I’m sorry. I know that a warrior shouldn’t lie. And that they must put their Clan before everything. I have failed you. I’ve failed my Clan.”

  Tallstar’s ears twitched. “Bluestar.” He blinked at the ThunderClan leader. “Why be so hard on her?”

  “She broke the rules.”

  “She told you why she did it,” Tallstar pressed.

  Yellowfang narrowed her eyes thoughtfully. “Is it such a crime to protect those you care about?” She met Bluestar’s gaze. “Surely it matters more why she broke the warrior code than the fact that she did? If Squirrelflight broke rules, it was out of compassion. Is that so bad?”

  Squirrelflight’s heart swelled with gratitude. “I know the warrior code is important,” she blurted. “I never would have broken it if I hadn’t felt I was doing the right thing. I hope that the mistakes I’ve made, I’ve made out of love.”

  Crookedstar swapped glances with Bluestar, then nodded to Leafpool and Squirrelflight. “Thank you.” With a flick of his tail, he turned away and padded into the shadow of the forest. Bluestar, Tallstar, Moth Flight, and Littlecloud followed.

  Squirrelflight stared after them, hardly able to breathe. Was that it? “Are we allowed into StarClan?”

  Yellowfang glanced at her. “We’ll let you know once we’ve discussed it.” With a nod, she headed after the others.

  Firestar hurried across the clearing. He stopped beside Squirrelflight and Leafpool, his pelt rippling nervously along his spine. “You spoke well, both of you.”

  “I hope so.” Leafpool gazed anxiously at Squirrelflight. “If they stop you joining StarClan because of me, I’ll never forgive myself.”

  Squirrelflight touched her nose to her sister’s cheek. Leafpool’s scent hadn’t changed since they were kits, and she breathed it in fondly. “Whatever they decide, you’re the best sister I could have asked for.”

  “So are you.” Leafpool pressed against her, her breath warm on Squirrelflight’s neck.

  Pulling away, Squirrelflight saw affection shining in her eyes. She purred. “Whatever happens, we’ll face it together.”

  “Squirrelflight.” Firestar’s mew jerked her attention away. He was staring across the clearing. Bluestar, Crookedstar, and the others had returned from the shadows.

  “We’ve made our decision.” Crookedstar beckoned Squirrelflight and Leafpool forward with a flick of his tail.

  Squirrelflight’s chest tightened. She felt her breath quicken. Staying close to Leafpool, she crossed the clearing and stopped in front of him.

  “We’ve decided that both of you did more good than harm. If this is truly the end of your lives, you may remain in StarClan.” The RiverClan leader’s eyes shone. “But remember that we are still watching. If your lives are not over, we’ll reconsider them when you return. You still have to earn your place in StarClan.”

  Squirrelflight nodded. “Of course. Understood.”

  “And thank you!” Leafpool pricked her ears. She turned to Squirrelflight. “If this is the end . . . we’ll always be together now.”

  Squirrelflight blinked at her. This was what she wanted. Leafpool would always be safe now. StarClan would welcome her. She waited for happiness to spread beneath her pelt, but a chill gripped her. “I’m not ready to die,” she whispered. She turned to Firestar. “I have to go back to ThunderClan. I can’t leave things like this.”

  Firestar’s eyes rounded sympathetically. “I know it’s hard to leave the living behind.” He touched his nose to her head. “But if your time has come to die, there’s nothing you can do.”

  Leafpool pressed against her. “Alderheart and Jayfeather might save us.”

  Squirrelflight closed her eyes. I hope so.

  “In the meantime . . .” Firestar’s mew was suddenly brisk. He ran his tail along Squirrelflight’s spine. “You can explore our territory. One day this will be your home. There’s no harm in looking around.”

  CHAPTER 25

  Squirrelflight tore another piece of flesh from the rabbit carcass. It was so sweet that she closed her eyes for a moment to savor the taste, her fur prickling along her spine. A light breeze swirled around the sandy ravine where Firestar had brought them, an echo of the ravine where ThunderClan had made their camp in the forest before the Great Journey.

  Dandelionkit and Juniperkit were playing moss-ball nearby with Larksong, Flickerkit, and Briarlight, while Leafpool and Hollyleaf lay happily beside Squirrelflight, paws outstretched, eyes closed, in a pool of sunshine. Firestar and Sandstorm were sharing a squirrel near the fern wall. The scents and sounds of the ravine were so familiar that Squirrelflight suddenly felt as though nothing had changed since she was a kit.

  Dustpelt sat beside her, his tail flicking contentedly. He gazed around the ravine. “Do you remember the old camp?”

  “Of course.” Squirrelflight purred.

  Leafpool lifted her head. “That’s where we stood after we were given our apprentice names.” Leafpool nodded to the edge of the clearing.

  Squirrelflight remembered. “We were waiting for Dustpelt and Cinderpelt to take us into the forest for the first time.”

  “You were always so impatient.” Dustpelt’s gaze flashed teasingly at Squirrelflight. “But you were a quick learner.”

  “I had to be!” Affection for her old mentor warmed Squirrelflight’s heart. “You had so much to teach me.”

  Cinderpelt lay a tail-length away, sharing a squirrel with Longtail and Mousefur. She looked up from her meal. “Leafpool was always patient,” she mewed fondly. “Especially with the elders. She could listen to them complain for moons.”

  Mousefur pricked her ears. “I hope you don’t mean me,” she mewed sharply.

  Squirrelflight saw Cinderpelt and Leafpool swap a knowing glance. She blinked innocently at Mousefur. “Of course she didn’t. You never complained.” As she spoke, Squirrelflight noticed a gap in the ferns at the far end of the clearing. “Look, Leafpool.” She nodded toward it. “That’s where we used to sneak out of camp and go exploring.”

  Leafpool purred. “We’d pretend we were fetching mouse bile from the medicine den and slip out when no cat was watching.”

  Dustpelt’s eyes widened. “That’s why I could never find you.”

  On the other side of the clearing, Ashfur got to his paws. He signaled to Dustpelt with his tail. “Do you want to come hunting?” he called. “I’m meeting Whitestorm by the river.”

  “Sure.” Dustpelt acknowledged the gray warrior with a nod. “I’d better go. Whitestorm will be waiting.” Dustpelt dipped his head. “I’ll see you when I get back.”

  Will you? Squirrelflight shifted uneasily. However nice it was to hang out with her old Clanmates, she wanted to be back with the living. She watched as Dustpelt met Ashfur at the entrance. “Isn’t it weird having Ashfur around?” she asked Hollyleaf.

  “Not really.” Hollyleaf licked a paw absently. “After a while, what happened in the forest seems less important.”

  Firestar swiped his tongue around his jaws. “It’s strange how distant the living Clans seem now. These days I recognize mor
e pelts in StarClan than I do in ThunderClan.”

  Sandstorm pulled the squirrel carcass closer and picked delicately at the bones. “No cat fights in StarClan,” she mewed between bites. “But then, we’re never hungry, or cold. I suppose there’s less to fight over.”

  “Squirrelflight!” Juniperkit’s mew made her turn. He was hurtling toward her, his tail sticking straight into the air. He bundled into her, purring. “Do you want to play moss-ball with us?”

  Dandelionkit hurried after him. “Briarlight says it’s more fun if we all play.”

  “I said no such thing.” Briarlight bounded to the edge of the clearing and blinked at Squirrelflight. She looked lean and fit, her pelt sparkling with starlight. It was hard to believe she’d been crippled for so long. She grabbed Juniperkit and scooped him onto her back. “Do you want a badger ride?”

  “Yes!” Juniperkit squeaked.

  “Me too!” As Dandelionkit scrambled onto Briarlight’s back, Larksong and Flickerkit crossed the clearing.

  “Let’s have a race,” Larksong called.

  “Can we?” Flickerkit’s eyes lit up.

  “We can do anything we want.” His father ducked low enough for him to climb onto his back.

  Squirrelflight purred as Briarlight and Larksong charged away, the kits squealing with delight as they clung on. Her purr suddenly died in her throat. They’d always be like this. “Are they sad that they’ll never become warriors?”

  Firestar shrugged. “They learn warrior skills,” he told her. “And even though they won’t ever get warrior names, they can hunt and explore where they like. It’s safe here. And there are always plenty of other kits to play with.”

  Sandstorm followed Squirrelflight’s gaze. “They spend a lot of time with Mosskit,” she told her.

  Squirrelflight jerked her muzzle toward her mother. “Mosskit.” The name rang a bell. She’d heard nursery stories about her. “Wasn’t that Bluestar’s kit? The one who went missing?”

  “Yes.” Cinderpelt shifted onto her belly. “She and Bluestar are inseparable now.”

  Leafpool glanced around the camp. “Why aren’t they here?”