Hand of Raziel (Daughter of Mars Book 1)

by Matthew S. Cox

  “Sorry. It’s been so long since I used this thing. I wanted to make sure it worked.”

  “Let me confirm that.” He shoved the gun away and stood. “The goddamn wall just came alive.”

  She walked closer, letting the unnatural colors in her skin fade to normal. “Who sent you a message to come save me?”

  The face he made, unable to meet her gaze, answered her.

  Risa drifted to the patio door, glaring at the city. Dammit Raziel. Why do you not want me doing this? Just talk to me!

  Pavo draped her robe over her from behind. “My turn. What are you doing here?”

  She stared at another ascending flare in the gloomy clouds. “Planning something very stupid.”

  His reflection hovered to the left of hers in the balcony door, specters superimposed over the city. Warm breath lingered on her shoulder for an instant. Risa let her eyelids droop. Her weight started to tilt back, but she caught herself as he moved away into the room. Damn it. Stop teasing yourself. He’s not interested in you. She gathered the robe closed, downcast gaze upon a porcelain foot sunk in carpet the color of charcoal.

  What’s wrong with me? She wound the cloth belt into a weak knot. He’s seen me naked twice now. Last time I was helpless, and he hasn’t made a move. Risa looked up, shifting toward the bed. Didn’t make eye contact. Didn’t stare at me. Guess it is ‘older brother.’ Her gaze fell as she trudged to sit on the bed.

  He had his back to her, left arm across his chest clutching his elbow, the other hand up to his face. “You know, I think this whole angel thing is a pile of dustblow the size of a Cydonian crab.”

  She spent a moment staring at her knees, caught somewhere between the urge to cry at a sense of rejection and her usual reaction to a situation outside her control: anger. Her feet slid back and forth on the rug in a feeble search for warmth. Daydreams of Pavo holding medics at gunpoint while they made her human again evaporated.

  “I know,” she whispered. “So, either you believe it now, or someone who knows about Raziel is manipulating you.”

  “The entire Front knows you hear angels talking to you.”

  He could have said it in a mocking tone, or even a sympathetic one. Pavo added no inflection whatsoever, a simple statement of fact.

  You’ve never cared about anything but revenge before. She slid a hand over synthetic silk sheets. With only a bathrobe separating her from Pavo, a years-old argument between Garrison and General Maris played back in her head. Maris wanted her to seduce and kill an ACC emissary. Risa refused, more horrified at the idea of being an assassin than being whored at sixteen. Her adoptive father figure had not taken it well. Garrison had almost shot him. An undercurrent of animosity lingered between the two men, even nine years later.

  Was that love?

  “What are you thinking of?” At last, he looked at her.

  Why do I feel like this? Hesitance became embarrassment, which yielded to the safety of hate. “Killing a general.”

  Her mood must have flashed over her face. Pavo approached, looking concerned. “Did I miss an update? What happened? A general? One of ours?”

  Risa pulled her hand back into her lap, clasping her wrist and staring at her toes. “I found the name of the person who ordered my father’s death. I want to know why.” An advert bot hovered at the window, offering a milieu of confections, drinks, and sexy lingerie. “I’m expecting to kill him.”

  “So you think you’re just going to walk right in and kill a UCF Marine Corps general?” He ignored the bot as well. “I’m not sure what kind of intel you’ve gathered on the facility, but the security here isn’t the pushover it is out in the middle of nowhere. Faking credentials won’t work. They’ll pick up your implants at the checkpoint. No military personnel apart from the intelligence division has the kind of ‘ware you do. That’ll red flag right away.”

  She fiddled with her fingers, silent.

  “You’d need heavy cutting gear to get in through the vents, never mind the sensors, defense pods, gas mines, alarms. Those little penknives in your fingers won’t scratch reinforced indirium. At least, not without the strength of a doll behind them.”

  “All right, all right… You made your point.” Risa glanced left, away from him like a scolded child. “Raziel sent you here to talk me out of going after Everett.”

  Why do I feel safe with you, Pavo? In a way I’ve never known. She peeked out of the corner of her eyes at him. Could we run off to a colony and forget this whole mess? Her toes gripped the rug. No, he’s PVM, he’s as dedicated to freeing Mars as I am… if I still am.

  “If he’s an angel, why would he need me to talk you out of doing anything?” Pavo chuckled. “From what I hear, no one can talk you out of something once your mind is made up.”

  “There’s no way to get in there? Not even for me?”

  “Risa…” He sat on the edge, far enough away not to invade her space. “You are a talented infiltrator, perhaps the best the MLF has. However, your training is part experience, part circumstance, and part luck. They designed Arcadia Command to resist infiltration by military intelligence operatives. Men and women who spend ten, fifteen, twenty years trained by experts. People who don’t have your ‘flaw.’ You’re good, but I don’t know if you’re good enough.”

  “Flaw?” She looked at him, expression neutral. “Being a woman? Seeing angels? Or do you mean being Cat-6?”

  He reached toward her. Risa didn’t move even as his finger lifted her chin and sent strange tingles down her neck into her chest. “No, Risa Black. You have a conscience. You feel guilt when you kill.”

  Do not cry. Trapped by his eyes, paralysis deadened her muscles. Her breathing slowed. Is that pain? Guilt? What’s in that stare? “Did you come here just to talk me out of this?”

  Pavo hesitated, his expression a clue he didn’t expect the faltering voice coming from her. “Your… angel seemed to think you were in danger.”

  Risa forced herself to inhale, despite the weight on her chest. “You believe him?”

  “I couldn’t trace the message. Even sent it to the MDF tech lab and the prongs there had no better luck. One of ‘em said it was like the message just appeared on the net with no source.”

  She smiled and bit her lip. At once, she wanted to put a hand on his and didn’t. Pavo felt right, but unreadable. He seemed protective, but like a headstrong idiot ready to get himself killed to stop his little sister from hurting herself. Risa looked down at the carpet. Shiro wrapped himself in suave charm and money. As much as the man denied interest, he was trying to get her in bed.

  That life would be safe…

  “Raziel doesn’t want me finding Everett. I don’t know why. He’s hoping you can stop me from trying to get in there.”

  “Can I?” His hand crept closer on the silk.

  I’m being stupid. He’s just protecting a fellow soldier. Thinks I’m weak. “I won’t get hurt.” She shoved resolve over the strange feeling his presence caused. “I can’t keep doing this with so many questions. If I can’t find out what happened to my father, I’m out.”

  “Out?” He tilted his head.

  “Yes. Out. Out of the MLF, out of Mars, out of this nightmare of a life.” She kneaded her hands in her lap. “Maybe I’ll go to a colony world and start a soy farm.”

  He grabbed her wrist, sliding his fingers over her palm to interlace hers. “I don’t want you to do anything stupid.”

  The tingle ran over her skin like an electric charge, settling in her gut with an uneasy warmth.

  Risa. The voice exploded in her mind, locking her muscles. The resistance needs you, more than you know. The innocent of Mars look up to you.

  She clutched his hand. The surprise and strength of Raziel’s visit drew a belabored groan from her lungs. Pavo slipped an arm around her back, keeping her from collapsing.

  I wanted to protect you from a truth I thought you could not handle. I feared what you learn would shake your commitment to the cause. I underestimated your d
etermination. I will help you learn, if you will help the people of Mars.

  “What’s wrong?” whispered Pavo. “You’re shaking.”

  You deny yourself, fearing rejection, Risa. Raziel’s voice weakened, his presence released its paralytic grasp of her body. He holds back out of respect. I did not send him here to stop your search for answers. I sent him here to help you find them.

  Risa lifted her gaze from his hand to his face, whispering, “I can’t do this anymore.”

  “You’re not… leaving?” He squeezed his grip on her fingers. “You can’t do what anymore?”

  Hope and dread swirled in a chaotic storm in her heart. What would she do if Raziel was wrong? What would she do if she was wrong?

  “Be alone.” She let her eyes close and leaned up toward him, trembling, half-open lips waiting.

  Silence faded, consumed by the rush of blood racing through Risa’s head. Augmented hearing latched on to the whoosh-thump of her accelerating heart. With her eyes closed, she couldn’t see the expression on Pavo’s face, nor did she feel any motion in the Comforgel slab. He sat an arm’s reach away, statue still, probably staring at her like the freak she was.

  That was stupid. Risa suppressed the urge to shiver. Impulsive. I shouldn’t have put him in that position. What if he does nothing? Her fingers tightened into the bedding. Had minutes passed, or only seconds? What if he doesn’t want me?

  A band of warmth spread over her eyes, nascent tears ready to emerge. Her breathing grew rapid. Oh, no, he’s not going to…

  “Are you sure this is what you want?” His voice pulled her out of the swirling thrum.

  “Yes.” Risa left her eyes closed. “I… know it must feel too fast.” She lowered her head. “Until Mars is free, either one of us could die tomorrow. I can’t wait until all I have left is regret.”

  A warm, coarse hand caressed her cheek. She leaned into his touch.

  “You’re like a Matsushita Shinobi. Top of the line, sleek, and they’ll kill you if you handle them wrong… but they burn out in two years, if you even survive the ride that long.”

  Being compared to a high-end electric motorcycle wasn’t the most romantic thing she’d ever heard, but she reached up to cradle his hand against her cheek. “You were afraid of me?”

  “I… was afraid of getting close and losing. Everyone tells me you’ve always been reckless, like you didn’t care if you died.” His thumb brushed just in front of her ear. “What would General Maris say if you stopped taking silly chances?”

  A tiny amount of voice traced through her whisper. “I don’t care what Maris thinks.”

  His other hand grasped her shoulder, the Comforgel shifted. Every muscle in her back tensed. Risa raised her chin. His lips made contact with hers. Years of isolation exploded in a cascade of emotion. Dread at rejection exploded into elation. Guilt, shame, and loneliness tangled with love, lust, and fear. How much time would they have? Which one would bury the other first? Days? Months? Maybe years? She cried despite herself, wrapping her arms around him. Her first true kiss pulled apart after a minute, and she let her eyes open. He seemed to gaze into her heart.

  Pavo ran a finger down the ridge of her nose, and tapped the tip. “What if I want you to stop taking silly risks?”

  She held two fistfuls of his jacket, shuddering. “I risked my ass because I haven’t really been alive since I was eight. I’m lingering… Everything in my life has just been this need to understand why my father was killed. I had to make someone pay for what they did to my family.”

  “You’ve found this General Everett…” He reached out and pulled strands of hair away from her face.

  The tender contact made her tremble. “Raziel must have been afraid I’d lose my will to live once I had no questions left. I guess I really have just been a hollow shell. I…” She shifted up on her knees, pressing her forehead into his. “I was afraid you’d think of me as a machine. All those stories, rumors about me being psychotic.”

  He kissed her again, a playful peck on the lips, and laced his fingers behind her neck. “You were so aloof, distant. Not to mention the first time we met, you almost killed me.”

  Risa laughed, remembering how she stole the e-mag from his sidearm. “When you carried me to the med center, I…”

  Pavo quieted her with a longer kiss. “I know. You weren’t very subtle. I didn’t want to take advantage of you when you were out of it, and I didn’t know how much of that came from the Narcoderm.”

  “Raziel’s afraid I’ll give up and die if I kill Everett. Please, Pavo… give me something more to fight for than hate. I can’t go on trapped outside, watching everyone else live.”

  Pain and worry lingered in his gaze. He slid his hands down her sides and left them limp in his lap. “I need you to promise me one thing, Risa Black.”

  She swallowed. He’s going to ask me to give up on the general. Can I let that go? Closing eyelids sent a tear racing down her cheek. I’m sorry, Daddy. I know you wouldn’t want me to get killed trying to avenge you. She inhaled and looked him in the eye. “Okay. You want me to forget about Everett?”

  “No.” He smiled. “I’d like you to disable your Fangz implant.”

  Risa curled on her side, one arm across Pavo’s chest, one leg tangled with his. He hadn’t moved from the position in which he’d landed, embedded in the Comforgel like a jumped-off-the-roof recreation of Da Vinci’s Vitruvian Man. She lifted her head from his bicep, grinning at the silly expression sculpted on his face. A tooth-baring grin of exhaustion tinged with surprised elation. The look would have been perfect if he’d won a billion credits in the Arcadia Powerball, but was too tired to move.

  She’d lost track of where the sheets went. One pillow remained on the bed, though she let him have it because she had his arm. The bureau lay on its face, one curtain draped over the small table by the patio doors, table and chairs upside down, and faint error buzzing from the bathroom fought for notice over the sound of Pavo’s breathing.

  We look like some kind of old statue. She smiled. Pavo’s grandparents had been enamored with the Marsborn idealism as well, opting for the gene tweak. Parts of his skin shaded grey with a haze of black hair. Amused by the feel of it, she ran her hand over the patch on his chest. He wheezed, reaching around her back with his pinned left arm. The roughness upon her hip sent a shudder through her and made her bite his shoulder.

  “Again? You can’t possibly have enough energy left…” He raised an eyebrow.

  “Tired?”

  A chuckle whispered out of him. “I’ve never seen a woman bend like that.”

  “That wiring you got me has other uses.” She kissed his cheek until he turned to look at her, and kissed him deep on the lips. A lustful stare lingered for a moment after she pulled away, replaced by an alluring smile. “Think the hotel will be upset? We might’ve broken the autoshower.”

  He patted her hip and rubbed her side. “I can take a look at it.”

  “I bet you can fix just about anything.”

  Her inviting smile faded to a pout at the intense look in his eyes.

  “Don’t think like that, Risa. You don’t need fixing.”

  “Maybe you already did.” She cuddled into his side, quiet for a long while as he held her.

  His body responded to her fingers caressing his chest. Risa grinned and pushed herself up on all fours, crawling over him like a hungry panther exploring a potential meal. Her hair fell around his head, blocking the world out except for his face. She stretched one leg over him, reaching down to find his cock and guiding it into place as she lowered herself onto him.

  Pavo groaned.

  She held on to his shoulders and arched her back. Pavo set his hands on her sides, above the hip, holding on as she moved up and down. Years spent terrified of making even the slightest sound kept her silent as a mouse, though her face darkened with a rush of blood.

  “Make noise,” said Pavo.

  “I…” She gasped, out of breath.

  �
�Stop hiding.” He thrust harder, bouncing her into the air.

  Her hands made clumsy passes at her face, covering her mouth, pulling hair out of her eyes. She muttered things that weren’t quite words. She had programmed herself for years with the thought that any loud noise would attract danger. Hide in the vents and stay quiet. Panting became a series of soft-staccato squeaks, which grew into a whine through a bit lower lip. Her eyes flared open as he found the perfect spot, and she let off a startled yelp, fading into a repetitious series of squeals of increasing volume.

  The fire between her legs spread up into her soul. She shuddered, doubling over on top of him and let off a loud moan of ecstasy. As soon as her senses returned, she hid her face against his chest, gripped by a subconscious fear someone would have heard her and would come searching for a helpless victim. His presence chased away the worry. She slid her cheek over his chest and looked up into his eyes. They writhed for minutes. Risa floated in a haze of elation and exhaustion. She found herself on her back with him hovering over her. Again, their lips met. She encircled her arms around him and held on as if to let go would cause her to fall into a deep abyss from whence she would never emerge.

  When she opened her eyes, she lay on her side with Pavo at her back. Warm breath pulsed over the side of her neck. I could forget all about the Revolution. A shift in time, evidenced by a change in where a patch of sunlight from the patio hit the wall, told her she’d drifted in and out of sleep. Pavo had passed out. She sat up, leaning forward so her hair fell in her lap, and buried her face against her knees. What did you do, Risa? Garrison’s going to shit himself. He’ll never let us work together again. Love makes people do stupid things, take stupid chances… or hesitate. Fatigue at dwelling in darkness sideswiped the onrush of guilt. A waterfall of ebon settled across her back as she flung her head up, smiling.

  What did I do? I stopped hating myself.

  She raked her nails down his chest, over his stomach, eliciting a moan. “Hungry?”

  He moaned again.

  Wandering around the room, she sifted among discarded clothing and righted tipped furniture on a hunt for her NetMini. Somehow, it had gotten under the small cabinet upon which the holo-bar sat. She lay on her belly, barely able to reach it with one finger. After coaxing it out, she navigated to a food delivery service with a few finger swipes, placed an order, and stood. She tossed it up and caught it with her other hand, before dropping it on the table on her way back to the bed. Risa sat at the edge of the Comforgel pad, draping herself backwards such that her head rested on his gut. Half-awake, he managed to find her with one hand, and stroked her hair.