Mad Mad Love ~ The Remembrance Trilogy: Complete Box Set Holiday Edition (The Remembrance Trilogy #1-3)

by Kahlen Aymes

  “Dirt pudding.”

  “Pudding?” Aaron interjected from the living room. The apartment was small so our voices carried easily. “Pudding is for pussies!”

  I laughed softly as I pressed the cookie crumbs into the pudding with the flat of my hand. There was another thick layer of cookie crumbs in the center, so maybe it would satisfy Aaron. “Okay, I officially rename this dirt cake. Happy?”

  “Depends on how it tastes.”

  “Aaron! Give it a rest. You’ve got Jenna washing your shorts and Julia feeding your ass. What do you have to complain about?” Ryan leaned on the counter near enough that I could smell his cologne. I was finished, I went to the sink to wash my hands, then returned the dessert to the refrigerator.

  “This was just something I came up with in a hurry.” I felt almost apologetic.

  “Julia, we could have gotten burgers and brought them back.”

  “I know, but I wanted to do this for you guys. It’s no big deal. Are you going to light the grill?” I reminded.

  Ryan’s eyes were intense as they studied me. It always unnerved me when he looked at me like that, and he seemed to be doing it more and more. I felt naked, as if he could read my mind or steal my soul.

  “Aaron!” Ryan called to his brother. “Light the grill for Julia, will you?” His attention returned to me. “Do you want to go to the hardware store for paint and sandpaper after we eat? Might as well get started on fixing it up.”

  “That sounds good.”

  It wasn’t long before Ryan was grilling the chicken breasts, and Ellie and I were pulling out plates, silverware, and condiments. The guys didn’t have much in the refrigerator, but I had purchased everything we needed for the sandwiches.

  Ellie opened the plastic container of potato salad and shoved a tablespoon into it.

  I sliced a tomato with one of the knives. It was old and dull, so the result was less than stellar. Juice and tomato seeds squashed out onto the plate resulting in a puddle of juice. “Maybe we can go to some thrift shops tomorrow.”

  “I thought we were doing that after lunch?”

  I lifted a shoulder in a half-shrug. “We can, but Ryan offered to help me start working on the table and chairs. You, Aaron, and Jenna could go without us, if you want.”

  She looked at me steadily as she pulled open the plastic wrapping on the napkins we’d purchased. “You and Ryan, huh?”

  I met her eyes briefly then looked away, deciding I should get the lettuce out, and pull some leaves free. I put them next to the tomato slices on the plate.

  “Not really.”

  “Yes, it is.”

  I shook my head and wiped my hands on one of the napkins. “No, it isn’t, Ellie.”

  “Then why did he insist on picking you up at the airport?”

  “I don’t know. We’re friends. If it was a big deal, I’m sure he would have let you do it.” I tried to keep my voice even and not give any of my inner turmoil away.

  Jenna had been outside with the boys and came into the kitchen. “I’m starving!” she said then stopped, looking between Ellie and me. “What’s up?”

  I gave a quick shake of my head. “Nothing.”

  “I guess you, Aaron and I are going thrifting this afternoon and R and J are working on the table.”

  “Hmmm. I see.” Her blue eyes narrowed.

  “Ugh!” I was exasperated. “What’s with everyone? Nothing is different between Ryan and me.”

  Ellie nodded. “Exactly, Julia.”

  “Yeah,” Jenna added.

  “What? Ryan suggested we get to work on it. He might not be able to help me as much after classes start. So what?”

  “So, it’s you and Ryan alone,” Jenna said.

  “Yeah. Working.”

  “Did you know Ryan called and asked me if he could pick her up at the airport, Jenna?” Ellie directed the question at Jenna.

  “Doesn’t surprise me. Why don’t you guys just hook up already?” Jenna smirked. “You’re done with that Dave guy, right?”

  “Yes. So what? Ryan and I are friends and we have this whole dynamic with all of you guys that I don’t want to mess up. Also, he doesn’t want to.” I resisted the urge to shrug. “We talked about it last semester, so can we drop it, please?”

  Both of the girls looked surprised. Jenna’s eyes got wide, and Ellie’s mouth made a silent “oh.”

  “He doesn’t want to.” Jenna’s tone was skeptical. “Um, not buying it.”

  “You asked him, Julia?” Ellie was incredulous.

  “It was a joke, but it’s clear he doesn’t want to go there.”

  “Did he laugh at you?” Ellie was more naïve than Jenna, who continued to study me. I could almost feel her eyes boring a hole into me.

  “Guys don’t turn down sex. Like, ever,” Jenna said dryly.

  They do when they’re your best friend, my mind screamed. “Like I said, it was a joke. Can we stop talking about this before the guys come in? I’m sure the chicken is almost done.” I couldn’t see Ryan or Aaron given that their apartment was in the basement and the grill was in the backyard, and the last thing I needed was Ryan walking in on this conversation. “Can we drop it?” I asked again.

  Ellie refused to let it go. “Ryan isn’t indifferent to you, Julia. It’s written all over him.”

  I sucked in my breath. If only that were true. I knew he cared about me, but sexually, I felt as appealing to him as a cardboard box. “Nah. Ryan’s a magnet for women. He doesn’t even realize it.”

  “Bullshit. He knows, all right,” Jenna replied. “I’ve seen him in action when Aaron and I go out on doubles with him. Those poor girls don’t stand a chance when he turns it on.”

  “Even when he doesn’t. The day Julia and I met him, a girl in our class was practically falling over herself to get him to notice her.” The conversation had become between Jenna and Ellie, and I was more and more uncomfortable. “It was sort of embarrassing to watch.”

  My face began to burn, and I knew it would soon be turning red. “Okay, enough. Ryan is really good looking. Women want him. He and I are good friends. The end. I have to go to the bathroom. I’ll be out in a couple minutes.”

  “Julia,” Jenna called after me as I hurried down the hall. “We didn’t mean to upset you.”

  I ignored her and kept going, their voices becoming muffled when I shut the door behind me. My chest hurt as I glanced in the mirror. My face was flushed, and my heart pounded so hard it felt like it might fly from my body. The situation was excruciating enough without my best friends hammering me with it. I didn’t want to talk about it. Nothing was going to change, and I’d made peace with accepting it, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.

  I turned on the water and put my hand under the running stream. I pressed a cold, wet hand to my forehead then to each of my hot cheeks. I had to get this under control and fast.

  ~RYAN

  Julia was quiet through lunch. Everything was delicious. The dirt cake thing she made was amazing. We sat in a circle, each of us scooping up mouthfuls of Julia’s concoction from the community pan. Everyone showered Julia with accolades, especially Aaron.

  “Holy shit, Jules!” he said between mouthfuls. “Oh my God.”

  “Are you coming in your pants, or eating?” I admonished sardonically. “Jesus, Aaron.”

  Jenna and Ellie laughed out loud, and Julia’s lips curled up in a coy smile. She didn’t say much as we cleaned up the mess, throwing the paper plates in the trashcan Aaron and I had stashed in one of the lower cupboards. Ellie gathered the utensils and put them all in the sink. Even though they were plastic, they planned on washing them for re-use.

  I wondered what happened to change Julia’s mood. We all left at the same time, Aaron, Jenna, and Ellie left in Ellie’s car, and Julia was with me in my CRV. The air conditioning was on and the windows closed, but she was looking out of the one on the passenger side.

  “Do you feel okay, Julia?”

  “Hmm?” She turned
her head toward me. “What? I’m fine.”

  “You look so deep in thought. We can do this another time if you want.”

  She shook her head. “No, it’s okay. I was just thinking. I’ve been going over the class schedule and I want to take some more art classes, but I only have four hours of electives left. I’m just figuring out if I should even bother.”

  I was skeptical. Julia never let class stuff preoccupy her as she apparently was now. She was always so decisive. I knew she’d been disappointed when she couldn’t double major in art and business because of the way the two colleges were structured within the university, and they didn’t allow crossovers, but she hadn’t mentioned it in months. When she said she wanted an art table earlier that day, I decided then and there I’d buy one for her birthday the coming month or for Christmas. It made me feel a little giddy knowing I’d be able to give her something that would make her so happy.

  “I know how much you love art.” I’d seen a few things she’d drawn. One day last spring, we’d had a picnic at one of the local parks, and she’d drawn some sketches of two children playing near us. I’d been shocked at how truly good she was. The drawings were fast, but with a little more work, they’d look like photographs. She was very talented, and it just made me want to be closer to her still. We had so many things in common. We loved the same music, were close to our parents, and we both had big dreams for the future.

  “I do, but it’s hard. None of it will count toward graduation beyond the four unrestricted elective credits, and I already have that from my freshman year. That, and that one Human Anatomy class.”

  “I saw a bit of your drawings. You’re very good.”

  She smiled softly. “Thank you, Ryan.”

  “I mean it. It’s my responsibility as your best friend to tell you if you suck at something.” I tried to tease her because her introspection was killing me.

  “Does that work both ways?”

  I shot her a quick glance, a grin splitting my face. “What do you think?” She had her hair all pulled up in a bun on top of her head, tendrils escaping in all directions. I wondered if women made their hair all messy to be provocative, because it worked. The curve of her neck and her bare arms in the shirt she was wearing—the tight material clung to the curves of her breasts and left a hint of cleavage in view, all made me ultra-aware of my attraction to her. My hands gripped the steering wheel harder, and my cock jumped against my will. Fuck, I needed to quit it.

  “Yeah.” I tried to distract her from noticing my discomfort by redirecting the conversation. “What color should we get for the table and chairs?”

  We decided to go to a fabric store first and see what type of material she could find to reupholster the seats before Julia would decide what color paint to buy for the wood. After we found some patterned fabric with teal and cream circles on a brown background, we decided on dark brown.

  I had to remind myself five times during our hour and a half shopping trip to stop looking at all of the bare skin she had going on. It was hot, and besides the skimpy burgundy top, she had on jean shorts and flip-flops. I caught myself staring twice.

  My determination to be her friend was still firmly in place, but over the summer I’d missed her more than I wanted to admit. The time apart might have made my dilemma worse. Yeah, it was definitely worse. I realized how much I missed her face and even her scent. I kept myself busy with school and dating, but I always looked forward to our Skype sessions and I stopped whatever I was doing when one of her texts came in.

  On the way back to the apartment, we stopped to get a newspaper to lay out on the living room floor to protect it while we painted. It was the biggest area in her apartment and would be the easiest way to spread out. We’d gotten some sandpaper in a couple varying degrees of roughness, a putty knife, brushes and a quart of brown enamel paint. I got to work using the putty knife to scrape off as much of the old paint as I could while Julia worked on reupholstering the seats.

  I started to sweat and some of the sharp paint shards poked and sliced at my fingers. I stopped and peeled off my shirt, cranking up the rock-n-roll on her iPod; I used it to wipe sweat off my face and chest. She was singing along to the songs, and I tried to ignore the way her ass was in the air as she laid the fabric out and measured it so she could cut it to the appropriate size. I turned my back and kept pushing the sandpaper forcefully over the hard surface of the wood.

  “I’m going to need one of those big staple guns, Ryan. Shit! We should have thought of it before.”

  My phone was on the counter in the kitchen and I could hear it vibrating from an incoming call. “There is no way we’ll get finished with this tonight anyway Jules.” I got up and walked to my phone.

  I sighed when I saw it was from Darcie, a girl I’d been casually dating during the summer. Okay, if I were being honest with myself, I was casually having sex with her, and I hadn’t mentioned her to Julia at all. I hadn’t tried to see her in the entire week Julia had been back. In fact, I’d barely given her a thought because I was spending so much time with Julia. It was a miracle she hadn’t called before this. I hesitated as it rang in my hand, wondering what I should do. I looked at Julia who was using one of the pieces of fabric she’d already cut as a pattern to cut out another seat cover.

  I turned my back to Julia and flipped on my phone.

  “Yeah?” The music was loud, but I didn’t want to raise my voice.

  “Hey, lover. Did you forget about me?” Darcie’s voice purred on the phone. She was pretty and smart, but for some reason, I couldn’t see her as more than a sex partner. I’d wanted to. I’d tried for two months to turn it into more than sex, but it didn’t happen.

  “I’ve been busy. Sorry,” I said, glancing over my shoulder. Julia was sitting on the floor working on the cushion of a chair, unrolling a big bolt of the white batting she purchased at the fabric store. A rush of guilt washed over me, but I wasn’t sure if it was for Darcie or Julia. It was ridiculous either way because Julia was my friend and I hadn’t known Darcie that long. We’d dated quite a few times, but she wasn’t my girlfriend.

  “Too busy for me?”

  “I’ve been helping some friends move.”

  “Is it anyone I know? I can come help.”

  “Uh, that’s okay,” I said shortly. “And no, you don’t know them, and we’ve got it handled. Aaron and Jenna are helping too.”

  “Well, come over when you’re done. My roommate is gone.” Her voice was honeyed and suggestive. Two weeks ago, her cloying tone might have gotten my dick hard, but right now, in this second, with Julia twenty feet from me, it just felt wrong. I shook my head and sighed. This was part of the problem. I had to get over feeling like this if I wasn’t going to go crazy. Julia and I had agreed we weren’t crossing the line beyond friends, so I needed to shake this off.

  “Yeah, okay.”

  “Yay!” Darcie said, happily. “What time? I’ll make sure I’m ready.”

  What she meant was she’d be ready to have sex. She was all about sex. I wasn’t sure if she really liked it or if it was just what she thought she needed to do to keep a guy interested.

  “Ten?”

  “Okay.”

  “Listen, I gotta go. I’m in the middle of something.”

  “What?”

  “I’ll tell you about it when I see you.”

  “’Kay. See you later, Ryan. I’m excited to see you.”

  “Yeah. Bye.” I hung up the phone and walked back into the living room. My apprehension must have shown on my face because Julia looked concerned.

  “Is everything okay?”

  “Yes. It was just a girl I’ve kind of been seeing this summer.”

  “Oh,” Julia said. Her hands paused in her work for a beat but then she continued with earnest. Her head was bent, and I couldn’t see her face.

  Heat infused under the skin of my face. I felt ashamed, as if I’d done something wrong. I started sanding the table again, but I felt like shit. I wasn’t
sure what the fuck was going on or why I was so hesitant to tell Julia about Darcie. Darcie and I were casual, and I didn’t really see it going anywhere.

  I moved around the table to work on the other side, and Julia was now in my direct line of sight. She kept working without talking or looking up at all. Deep down in my gut, I wanted to talk to her about Darcie—to tell her it wasn’t a relationship, but it went against my earlier vow to shake it off. I needed to just blow this off, and go about life as usual.

  We kept working without talking, letting the music behind us be the focus. When Julia started singing again, I felt easier, and the tension inside my stomach started to ease. I wasn’t sure if she was hurt or just uncomfortable, but I’d figured out a long time ago that keeping my dating activities and my best friend separate was the easiest thing for both of us. Thirty minutes later, Aaron, Jenna, and Ellie burst through the door.

  “Hey! Julia, we found a sofa for only seventy-five dollars! I have a lamp and a coffee table, too!” Ellie’s excitement was evident on her face.

  Jenna came in with a couple bags of stuff and dropped them on the floor. “I found some old shirts we can use for rags to clean and for painting.”

  Julia looked up, directing a smile at the girls, but didn’t look at me at all. “That’s great! I’m almost done cutting the fabric and batting for the chairs, but I need one of those big staple guns to finish attaching it all to the wooden base. Do you like the fabric? I tried to stay fairly neutral with just a pop of color. I figured we could add more with the accessories as we add on to everything.”

  “That’s a great idea. I really like it. Ryan, looks like you’ve been busy, too!” Ellie came to inspect my work. I had most of the old paint scraped off and the tabletop sanded down, but the table legs and the chairs still needed sanding before we could start painting.

  “Still a lot to get done.” I was shirtless and sweating, my throat parched. “Did you guys bring anything to drink?”

  “Aaron has a twelve pack of beer and some soda,” Jenna said.

  Just as she spoke, my brother appeared in the doorway carrying the two boxes of cans, topped off with three bags from McDonalds.