Mad Mad Love ~ The Remembrance Trilogy: Complete Box Set Holiday Edition (The Remembrance Trilogy #1-3)

by Kahlen Aymes

  The doorman buzzed into the apartment and broke into our bubble. We were both startled, and Julia jumped in my arms. I let out a low groan in protest. “It’s probably something from my folks. But the timing blows.”

  “I’ll be right back.” She dropped a brief kiss on my mouth. My head fell back as Julia jumped off my lap and ran to the door, pressing down the button and speaking into it.

  “Yes?”

  “Mrs. Matthews, you have a visitor, ma’am.”

  “Who is it, please?”

  “Miss Cooper, ma’am.”

  Are you fucking kidding me! What was Jane doing here? I watched Julia’s happy mood fall off her with the suddenness of an avalanche, and she turned a stony face toward me. Seconds later, her expression was an angry mask as she waited for me to say something.

  “Ma’am?” the attendant asked again. Her finger let go of the intercom.

  I took a breath and shook my head, getting up to walk over to stand beside Julia.

  Her eyes shot daggers at me, but she didn’t say a damn word and stomped away when I reached her. “Babe, I didn’t invite her.”

  “It doesn’t seem to matter, Ryan!” She turned back to me and hissed. “She takes too much for granted!” I opened my mouth to respond, but Julia cut me off. “Don’t you dare say we owe her!”

  “I was going to say… it’s Christmas. And she has no one, now.”

  Julia laughed bitterly. “Wrong. Obviously, she has you!” she huffed and stormed off down the hall.

  I stood there struggling with what to do next. It would be rude to ignore Jane now that she knew we were home. The door to the bedroom slammed with a resounding bang that shook the walls. I couldn’t help the flinch it elicited.

  I pushed the buzzer. “Okay. Please send her up.”

  I leaned against the door waiting the 45 seconds it would take Jane to ride up the elevator, pinching the bridge of my nose. I was fucked, either way. I’d be an asshole if I hadn’t allowed her up, and I was an asshole if I did. Maybe whatever Jane’s reason for stopping over would conclude quickly, and I could try to soothe Julia’s ruffled feathers and salvage what I could of the evening. My thoughts turned to the framed poem under the tree.

  “Goddamn it to Hell!” I muttered under my breath just before Jane knocked on the door. I ran a hand over my face and then through my hair, willing my face to be welcoming and not exuding the anger I was feeling. Fuck, I didn’t know who I was mad at. Jane probably had good intentions, but I’d just explained things to her. And Julia… she was being ungracious as hell, everything considered.

  I took a calming breath and opened the door. “Hi, Jane.” She walked past me, scanning the inside of the apartment while carrying a green and red wrapped package and another bag that was obviously a bottle of wine.

  “I’m sorry to stop by unannounced, Ryan. But, you left so fast, I didn’t have an opportunity to give you the gift I have for you.” Jane walked past me, and I was at a loss as to what to say. I didn’t want the gift. I glanced nervously down the hall. No way in hell could I accept it, but Jane would be hurt if I refused.

  I walked slowly behind her into the main part of the apartment, both of my hands lifting to fist in my hair. I quickly lowered them when she turned around. “Where is Julia?”

  “She’s… in the other room. Jane, we didn’t talk about a gift exchange, and I feel bad cause…” I began.

  She waved away my objection. “Oh, Ryan this is really nothing. You both mentioned that, well, I mean… I just wanted to contribute something to your Christmas. This is for you.” She handed me the box, and my fingers automatically closed around it. “I brought Julia some wine. I didn’t know what else to get her.”

  “It was unnecessary.”

  “I…” she looked up at me, and it occurred to me that I should take her coat and ask her to sit down. “I wanted to have a little piece of Christmas.” My heart felt for her, and I glanced down briefly before meeting her eyes again.

  “Jane, let me take your coat, and I’ll go see what’s keeping Julia.” By the time I’d helped her out of her coat, Julia was leaning against the wall at the end of the hall, watching us. She wore a somewhat pinched expression; I could see the anger mixed with disappointment cross her features.

  “Hello, Jane. Did you just leave the hospital?”

  “A little while ago. I just wanted to stop by on my way home.”

  Julia nodded and came into the room. “Can I get you something to drink?”

  “Oh!” Jane scrambled to retrieve the bag next to her. “I brought some wine, but I don’t want to interrupt your evening.”

  “Don’t be silly, it’s sweet of you to stop by.” A plastic smile pasted on Julia’s face, then she disappeared into the kitchen with the wine. I stood there looking after my wife then back to Jane, who was now sitting in front of me.

  “Excuse me a moment, won’t you, Jane?” I found Julia pulling angrily at the foil around the neck of the bottle. “Honey, can I help you?”

  Her eyes shot venom as she flashed the bottle so I could see the label. I flushed that it was my new cheap favorite merlot. I shrugged uncomfortably. “Coincidence.”

  Julia’s lips pressed together in a firm line the entire time she worked the cork out of the bottle with the corkscrew and reached for three glasses.

  “Oh, I’m sure the planets all aligned. I’m sure a choir of angels will begin their serenade momentarily.” Her voice took on a sugary tone, yet sarcasm laced each word. She handed me two of the glasses and picked up the other with the bottle, motioning with her head that I should precede her into the other room. I started to get pissed myself. It wasn’t like I’d planned this or asked Jane to be here, and Julia could damn well acknowledge that!

  When I’d handed Jane the wine, Julia took a seat in the single chair at the end of the sofa, forcing me to take the end of the couch between her and Jane.

  “Aren’t you going to open your gift, hon?” Julia asked sweetly, wrinkling her nose at me. If the situation weren’t so infuriating, I would have laughed my ass off.

  As it was, the hair on the back of my neck stood up in agitation. Julia was leaving the door wide open, acting like she was fine, but I could see her seething. It was all I could do to sit there and not jump out of my skin. Jane picked the gift up off the coffee table and handed it to me.

  I looked at it, concentrating on the holly pattern in the paper. What the fuck? All I knew was I wanted this over with. My hands began ripping at the wrapping.

  Julia~

  I sat there watching Ryan accepting the gift from Jane, wanting to claw at her face the way Ryan was ripping at the wrapping paper. I took a long pull on my wine, emptying the glass and refilling it without taking my eyes off Jane. Couldn’t she see that she was interrupting something? I could feel my heart beating; not in the excited, yummy way, but the sickening thud that felt like it was falling down a notch in your chest. My face must be red, because it felt like it was on fire. I could feel the heat moving up from my chest, over my cheeks, and toward my hairline. I inhaled until my lungs couldn’t hold anymore.

  Ryan’s eyes touched mine briefly before he looked back down at the box in his hands. He was acting guilty as hell… I could see it all over him. And he could see I was fuming.

  It was a shoebox. Perfect. I knew I shouldn’t have told her what I was giving him. Lesson one when you know a woman was after your man: Don’t fucking talk to her about personal shit! She came off so innocent and needy, but this was a calculated move to ruin Christmas between Ryan and me. You little bitch! And why the hell is Ryan even accepting it? My mind screamed.

  When he opened the box, a pair of the ugliest shoes I’d ever seen lay inside. Ryan lifted one out and examined it. It looked like an old man’s dress shoe crossed with a sneaker.

  “They’re Finns.” Jane explained when Ryan didn’t speak right away. She appeared to fidget a little when he wasn’t all thankful and gushing, but if he knew what was good for him, he’d reign that
shit in. “I… ugh, I didn’t know the exact size, but the shoe salesman told me the average size for men was between eight and ten, so… I guessed, but you can exchange them if you need too. A lot of hospital personnel wear them.”

  Ryan’s mouth opened, but I cut him off. “Ryan is anything but average,” I snapped. Her eyes darted to mine and hardened. It was obvious she knew I was on to her not-so-covert ploy. I was sitting on the arm of the chair with one elbow on my knee and my wine glass in the other. I gulped it down and jumped up to refill it.

  “They’re too expensive, Jane. I can’t…”

  “Please don’t say you can’t accept them, Ryan. You’ve been so supportive, and I just wanted to say thank you.” Her hand reached for Ryan’s, and I wanted to rake my nails across her creamy skin hard enough to draw blood. When he didn’t pull away immediately, my eyes widened and my head cocked slightly as his gaze met mine.

  “I told you. I wanted to give someone something so it would at least seem like Christmas,” Jane cooed. The expression she gave to Ryan was soft and pleading. I felt the bile rise up in my throat. I got up and almost vaulted into the kitchen trying to get my emotions under control. It wasn’t his fault she showed up, but I was so mad at him. He had to know this was killing me! And, I felt venomous toward Jane. The bottle of wine Jane brought was near empty in the other room, so I opened the refrigerator and pulled out the half bottle of Chardonnay sitting on the shelf. I filled my glass to the rim and gulped half of it down in three big swallows. I was getting tipsy, and I was welcomed the slight buzz. I’d do anything to ease the painful black hole in my chest.

  Maybe if I was numb, I wouldn’t scream at Jane; or Ryan. Jealousy ate at me, sure, but I was disappointed in a huge way. Tonight started out so amazing but had turned to total crap. What could have been a beautiful, intimate experience was ruined. Again. I was through being gracious and understanding. Goddammit! Jane was out to get him, and I could see it clearly, even if Ryan couldn’t. I glanced down at the counter and huffed. How could she weasel her way between us? If she was this blatant in front of me, what the hell was she like when I wasn’t around? A shudder ran through me at the thought.

  I set the glass down at a sound by the door. Ryan was helping Jane on with her coat. I walked over to lean on the doorjamb that connected the kitchen to the front entryway and watched Ryan hand Jane thirty dollars cash and give her a brief hug before opening the door. What the fuck?

  “Goodbye, Jane.” I forced myself to speak to her, but my words sounded a bit slurred. My head was starting to swim.

  Jane offered me an acid smile that I could see right through. I returned it with equal venom. When did sweet little Jane turn into this? I laughed bitterly, my shoulder slipping off the wall. Ryan caught me, but I moved away, not wanting him to touch me. His expression soured, his brow furrowing, and jaw hardening. Well fuck him. Let him go play with Jane and his ugly damn shoes!

  “Merry Christmas, Julia. I hope you enjoy the perfume.”

  Wait, what? My chin jutted out and I glanced between Ryan and Jane as he opened the door, carefully watching Ryan’s reactions. He looked pissed.

  “Jane, seriously?” Ryan motioned to the wrapped packages under the tree.

  “Oh, sorry.” Her cloying response didn’t fool either one of us.

  Ryan opened the door. “Make sure to get a cab, Jane. No subway tonight.” Ryan’s voice was tight.

  She reached out to touch the front of his shirt, her fingers lingering on the fabric a little too long. I watched it happen in slow motion. She nodded and murmured something I couldn’t hear past the blood rushing in my ears. When the door closed behind her, I turned abruptly to go find more wine.

  “Julia, you’ve had enough.” Ryan’s voice was soft but firm behind me.

  I finished the wine and reached for the bottle, laughing lightly. “Oh, you can say that again.”

  Ryan came forward and roughly yanked the bottle from my fingers. “You’re drunk.”

  I scowled at him. “What do you care?” I huffed angrily.

  “I want to give you your gifts. Come on.” He sounded stiff, and I couldn’t decide if I wanted to scream furiously at him or fall down crying. Tonight was ruined. Did he think I wanted to exchange the gifts now? His hand closed around my wrist, and I pulled it away like his touch burned.

  “I don’t feel like it, Ryan!”

  “You know I didn’t invite her here.”

  “So what? I don’t feel like celebrating anymore.” My answer was abrupt. I pushed away from the counter and went to sit next to the tree. I pulled the presents out one by one, sorting the ones from our parents and friends into two piles, leaving two under the tree. I put a hand to my head, feeling a little dizzy. Ryan came to sit on the couch near me, leaning forward, his elbows on his knees, watching.

  I shoved one pile at him. “You want presents? Here ya go.” My eyes finally filled with frustrated tears. I felt sorry for myself, sorry for the loss of the evening, sorry that I couldn’t control this horrible jealousy or how angry I was.

  Ryan scooted off the couch to sit Indian-style on the floor next to me and pointed to one of the two gifts left under the tree. “I want that one.” He was trying to move past the last hour and a half, but I was still defensive and upset.

  My chin quivered and two tears tumbled down my face as it crumpled. “No, you don’t!”

  “Yes, I do.” His fingers reached out to graze my forearm in a peace offering.

  I sniffed and sat up straighter, pushing the tears off my face with both hands. “Really? Okay.” I reached for the gift, childishly ripping off the wrapping and dumping the contents of the Nike box in his lap.

  “Another coincidence, right?” I sat back on my heels and stared at him, tears blurring my vision. “Right? Only these aren’t four hundred dollars, and they’ll fit.”

  Ryan pushed the shoes to the floor, and his fingers curled around my wrist, pulling me toward him. The lights were still low, but the votive candles were mostly burned out and all that was left was the soft glow from the tree. Despite my anger, I couldn’t help notice the way the lights cast shadows on the perfect planes of his face, emphasizing the strength in his jaw and brow.

  “They’re perfect. Honey, I said I’m sorry she showed up.” He tugged on my arm again. I wanted to go to him, my heart needed the comfort of his arms, but my brain was still defiant and angry. “Please don’t let her ruin tonight.”

  “You said you talked to her!” My eyes flashed. “I’m sick of this, Ryan.”

  “I did, but it’s Christmas, and she’s alone.”

  “Yeah! It’s OUR Christmas! Instead of lecturing me on how she’s all alone, how ‘bout you understand how invaded and cheated I feel!” I stood up and walked away then turned back and looked down at him, still on the floor in front of the tree and piles of gifts. “We should be making love right now, but instead, I don’t think I can stand it if you touch me tonight.” I overlapped both hands on my forehead and closed my eyes, swallowing the lump in my throat and willing myself not to cry.

  When I looked down, Ryan’s head bowed, and he ran one hand through his hair. My heart squeezed; he was tired and looked defeated when he finally looked up at me. “After everything we’ve been through together, you don’t trust me?”

  “This has nothing to do with trust.”

  “It has Goddamn everything to do with it!” He didn’t shout, but his voice was loaded with anger and he quickly rose to his feet. His expression was pained and pissed. I threw up my hands.

  “As amazing as you can be, Ryan, I sometimes forget that you’re just a man. Instead of trying to turn this around on me, why don’t you see it for what it is? You let her ruin this for us!”

  “I haven’t done one damn thing to encourage her, Julia!”

  “Well, apparently you aren’t great at discouraging her, either.”

  “I don’t treat her any Goddamn different than I do any of the people I work with!” Ryan was yelling now.

&n
bsp; “Are you sure about that? I don’t see any of them showing up unannounced.”

  “This is bullshit, Julia! We could pick up right where we left off if you weren’t so…” The muscle in Ryan’s jaw was twitching and his fists were clenched.

  “If I wasn’t what? Right?” I waited for him to rail back at me, but he just glared at me, seething, his chest visibly rising and falling. Well, it served him right!

  “Truth or Dare, Ryan?”

  He didn’t answer. “You said you wanted to play, so I’ll start. I dare you to make it one damn day without letting that woman come between us.” His eyes filled with something closer to hatred than I’d ever seen. “Don’t want to do that? Okay.” I taunted when he wouldn’t answer. “Truth. Do I have to run out in the middle of the night and get myself raped or hurt to put me back on an even playing field with that bitch?”

  “Shut the fuck up! I won’t hear more of that crap!” He rushed at me and grabbed both of my arms and shook me roughly. His fingers dug into my flesh painfully. “Just stop it!”

  I went limp in his arms, staring blankly up at him. He looked shocked that he’d touched me in anger and his hold loosened. “You’re hurting me,” I said stoically. “Let go.” When Ryan’s hands fell away, I turned my back on him. “I’m done fighting about this,” I said weakly. “I gather that gift under the tree is perfume?”

  He nodded wearily and bent to retrieve it, fingering the bow on the top without looking at me. I couldn’t see his eyes, but his throat was working overtime.

  “You told her what you were getting me for Christmas?” I huffed, “I did too, and she totally fucked me.”

  He seemed as defeated as I felt. “Jane picked it up for me. I couldn’t seem to find the time, and she offered. I was talking to her about you and I…”

  My throat constricted painfully, and I licked my lips, hurt that this woman was infiltrating us so deeply that she was even buying my Christmas gifts in Ryan’s stead.

  “Why don’t you give it to your girlfriend?” I asked softly, leaving Ryan holding the gift before disappearing down the hall and closing my bedroom door softly behind me. I didn’t have the energy to slam it.