Secrets of My Hollywood Life #2: On Location

by Jen Calonita

  For once, the tabloids didn't get it wrong.

  "Carol's office is very upset!" Mom yelled when she and Laney conference-called from separate locations (Laney en route to a photo shoot with George Clooney, Mom at her Botox appointment. Shh...) minutes after Nadine, Liz, and I had finished reading the story. I put them on speaker phone so we could all discuss.

  "CAROL IS A LUNATIC," Laney's voice screeched over the roar of the 101. "I TOLD HER I WON'T ALLOW HER TO PUT MY CLIENT IN SUCH AN UNCOMFORTABLE POSITION AGAIN" Laney said. Who knew Laney could be so supportive? I knew there was a reason why I was paying her a small fortune to rep me! "I TOLD CAROL SHE SET OFF A TICKING TIME BOMB BY SENDING DREW TO PICK YOU UP...WHAT? NO YOU SLOW DOWN IF YOU DON'T LIKE MY DRIVING! GET IN ANOTHER LANE!"

  "I bet Carol reminded you that she's calling the shots," Nadine replied.

  "You're all missing the bigger problem," I butted in. "Madison. Sky has her trained to kill. She's messed up my call time and now she's giving out my schedule!"

  "You're being too hard on her," Liz said defensively. "The pressure of being a new assistant is intense. Maddy feels ter rible about screwing up."

  "I talked to her about the scheduling mishap," Nadine explained. "She said Carol's office called her looking for me and when she couldn't find me, she remembered overhear ing me say you were at Austin's. She found his address on MapQuest."

  "That's bull!" I practically cried. "How'd she know Austin's last name, huh? I can't believe you two are defend ing her."

  "KAITLIN," Laney yelled, honking her horn to get our attention. "THE BOTTOM LINE IS CAROL WANTS YOU AND DREW TO MAKE AMENDS. AS MUCH AS I HATE THAT CONNIVING DICTATOR, I'D HATE EVEN MORE TO SEE YOU LOSE THE TEEN TITAN AWARDS HOST ING GIG OVER THIS AND...AAAAHH!!!" We heard tires screeching. "THAT'S MY EXIT!"

  I knew I officially lost this round, which is why I surren dered by promising to keep quiet on set. It shouldn't be hard--no one is talking to me anyway. Temporarily ap peased, Laney and Mom hung up.

  "Hey."

  I recognize the soft voice immediately and my thoughts come crashing back down to Earth. "Austin!" I exclaim. "What are you doing here?" I throw my arms around his stiff body (he's wearing a red zip-up hoodie and navy track pants) and hold on tight.

  "Uh, Liz and I have to pick up something from the pro duction office," Nadine says hurriedly, ushering a willing Liz out the door to give Austin and me some privacy. Austin and I stare at each other, unsure of what to say.

  I left Austin a message on Friday night and called him again from the Save the Sea Lions auction I had to chair on Saturday (don't ask) to talk about what happened, but he didn't want to discuss Friday's date massacre over the phone and my schedule this week has been too crazy to slip away and see him. So after a strained three-minute exchange about Austin's family ("They're fine"), peewee lacrosse ("It's work") and filming ("It's okay"), it was almost a relief to hang up. We agreed to wait until we were together to, well, duke it out.

  "Camp ends at two on Thursdays so I thought we could finally talk. Is that gash real?" Austin touches the red track marks on my cheek. His fingers are warm.

  "No, but it's cool, huh?" I launch into HOLLYWOOD SECRET NUMBER TEN--gory makeup tricks--avoiding what I'm sure will be an awkward conversation for just a few minutes longer. Film makeup artists are responsible for creating everything from cuts and bullet wounds to makeup looks that will age you thirty years. My set artist has been filling me in on how they do it as he applies Carly's scratches (using maroon eye shadow, a stipple sponge, a black makeup pen cil, fake blood, and an ice pop stick) and gashes (tweezers, a flat wooden spatula, powder, concealer, flat cotton swabs, red bruise makeup, flesh putty, heavy black thread, and Krazy glue!). The coolest thing he's taught me is how to make fake blood. He uses Karo syrup, a splash of blue and green food coloring, and his secret ingredient--Coffee-mate to control the flow of the blood gushes. I'm having fun walking around with black-and-blues instead of picture perfect makeup for a change.

  "Maybe I'll hire you to do my makeup for Halloween next year." Austin gives me a slight smirk.

  "Does that mean we're going to be together next Hal loween?" I'm afraid to hear his answer.

  Austin plops down on the tan suede couch and motions for me to sit next to him. I do, but I leave a careful few inches between us. "We'll make it that far if movie stars stop show ing up at my door to take you out on dates," he semi-jokes. "I'm not used to a fight with my girlfriend making E! News."

  I wince. He's got a beyond-valid point. At that moment, I have an overwhelming urge to spill my guts about every thing, Carol's scheme and how bad Drew hurt me, but--

  What's the point in confiding in him if I lose him...I could never forgive myself if that happened. No, I can't over load him with my stupid Hollywood problems. It's not like I'm Spider-Man and I'm saving a city.

  "The head of marketing, Carol Ingram, wants Drew and me to do a ton of pre-movie release publicity together," I tell him, shoving aside the nagging feeling that telling a partial truth isn't the same as being honest. I fill Austin in on what Laney and Mom think, but leave out how she knows Carol is pushing for me and Drew to look like a couple. "I know I wasn't upfront about my history with Drew in the begin ning, so when I found out I had to go to all these events with him, I didn't know how to tell you," I explain apologetically as Austin listens intently, hands resting motionless on my knees. "I knew I had to do press with Drew at the premiere, but I didn't know he was going to ambush me at your house. I SWEAR." My mouth feels like sandpaper as I wait for his reaction.

  "I can sort of understand why you thought you couldn't tell me about Drew," he says slowly. "But why wouldn't you tell me about this marketing woman? It sounds like she's be ing unreasonable."

  "Dealing with crazy people is in chapter two of the ce lebrity handbook," I reply. Austin hasn't stormed out, which has to be a good sign. "Besides, Laney and my mom can han dle Carol."

  "Didn't you just say they went along with everything Carol asked for?" Austin asks, confused. "How is that han dling her?"

  "I don't have a choice here," I argue. "This is my job, and part of my job is doing publicity"

  Austin shrugs. "I guess I thought you were hired to act. Not be a mouthpiece."

  "What's that supposed to mean?" I jump up from the couch in a huff and stub my toe on the distressed black wood coffee table.

  "If you didn't want to go places with Drew, you wouldn't do it," Austin says calmly. "When Coach told me I couldn't leave a four-hour practice early to make my grandfather's birthday dinner, I left anyway. I didn't care if he benched me for the finals. He didn't, but the point is he can't control my whole life."

  "You don't get it," I complain. I feel the weight of every thing that's happened these past few weeks crushing me at once--how Hutch is nothing I dreamed he'd be, how the stunt work has been so grueling, how Sky and Drew are beating me down. "This isn't lacrosse, Austin. This is Holly-wood, and Hollywood is harsh. I don't always get a choice in what I do." Embarrassingly I'm on the edge of tears.

  Austin stands up. "Are you saying what I do isn't as im portant as what you do?" He doesn't raise his voice, but he sounds angry now too.

  "That's--that's not what I meant," I stutter, holding up my hands in peace.

  "You're the star, Kaitlin." Austin rests his hands on my shoulders. "The studio should be kissing your butt, not the other way around. You shouldn't let anyone dictate your ca reer, your publicity, or your days off. Not the studio, not Laney not your mom. Do you think someone like Mina Burrows would be bullied? No way"

  How could Austin know what Mina would do? "Mina would do whatever it takes to stay on top," I say hotly. "And her boyfriend, who isn't an actor, I might add, would under stand because he trusts her."

  There's a light rap on the door and Nadine pokes her head in. I think she heard us yelling. "I hate to interrupt, but they're ready for you on set."

  "Give us a second," I snap. My hands are trembling. Na dine nods and shuts the do
or quietly. "Can we finish this later?" I suggest wearily. I think our current conversation is only making things worse. How did things get so out of con trol? This sort of thing would never happen to Spider-Man.

  "I guess we have to." He doesn't look me in the eye.

  "Do you want to wait here or watch me film?" I ask, try ing not to cry.

  "I'll watch you work." Austin seems stiff.

  We meet Nadine outside and the three of us take a golf cart over to the soundstage. Austin and I don't speak. Instead he talks to Nadine, who plays tour guide by pointing out where different TV shows film and what stars shoot hoops at the backlot court on their lunch hour. When we pull up to our soundstage, which is set up to look like an aban doned gas station, I show Austin to my chair, which is parked in front of a series of monitors set up to view shoot ing. Since the filming area is too tight for Austin to stand near, one of the P.A.s offers Austin a pair of headphones so he can listen in to Hutch's commands and our dialogue. It dawns on me that I should tell him about the scene I'm about to shoot.

  "Drew and I are on the run from goons from the super human army," I whisper, since Hank is already issuing orders.

  Austin nods, but he's focused elsewhere. I turn and see Drew and Sky staring at us.

  "Is this scene okay for me to watch?" Austin asks, eyes on the ground. "I don't think I'm in the mood to see you two kiss."

  "It's a fight scene," I reply curtly.

  "Then you should have no problem acting mad." Austin turns to Nadine, who has just put on a pair of headphones to listen in herself, and I'm left staring at his broad back.

  I'm shaking as I take my mark next to Drew. Like he has the last few days, Drew refuses to acknowledge me before Hutch calls action.

  We start the scene fine. I'm so riled up, I have no problem yelling my head off, or shaking Drew--or should I say Donovan--silly while trying to prove Carly's point. But then, out of nowhere, as our characters are supposed to run for their lives, Drew kisses me passionately on the lips!

  One second...two...three...four...WHEN IS HUTCH GOING TO CALL CUT? I want to scream as Drew continues to press his lips and whole body into mine. His mouth is hot and I feel like I'm suffocating. Finally, I can't stand it anymore. I push him off me and slap him across the face.

  "There's bigger things at stake here than your hormones, Don!" I manage to blurt out in character.

  "CUT!" Hutch yells.

  Drew looks at me smugly. "I forgot how soft your lips were." He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.

  I want to slap him again so I can wipe that sly smile off his face. "You've got some nerve...," I say before Hutch cuts me off.

  "What was that?" Hutch asks Drew.

  "It felt right, Hutchie," Drew says. "In the middle of hell, Donovan can think of nothing more comforting than kiss ing the girl he loves."

  A few seconds of complete silence tick by as Hutch con siders the suggestion. "I like it!" he finally exclaims. "Good improv."

  Hutch really is crazy. "That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard," I argue, my words practically tripping over one another. I'm unable to contain my emotions. "Carly and Don are about to be captured and instead of running like light ning he stops to make out? That would never happen."

  Hutch's smile turns into a scowl. Uh-oh. He puts his arm around me and pulls me aside. "Is there a problem here, Kaitlin?" Hutch pulls on his scraggly new goatee. He looks even thinner than usual, and his Doors concert tee and ripped jeans hang off him.

  "No, Hutch," I say feeling my lungs constrict.

  He shakes his head. "I'm here busting my butt to make this movie better, writing and rewriting, and you can't be part of this team and just go with the moment?" His voice is a little loud and a few people stare.

  I'm flabbergasted. I've never been yelled at by a director before. Especially in front of a room full of people. I can't be lieve he's angry over this! "I'm sorry," I whisper. "I was just try ing to give you another opinion."

  "I'm not feeling your dedication, Kaitlin," Hutch says, running a hand through his long, flat hair. I spy Sky and Drew watching our exchange. They're practically drooling.

  "I'm completely dedicated," I assure him, trying to defuse the situation even though I feel like screaming. "I've always meant to do what you ask. Please don't blow this out of pro portion, I beg silently. Daniella moves closer to where we're standing. My face is burning hot and I know it's not from the strong lighting.

  "Don't make me regret my decision to cast you over Sky," Hutch whispers when he sees Daniella. I feel like I've been slapped in the face. "Let's try the kiss again."

  I take a deep breath and do the walk of shame over to my mark. Drew is waiting with a wide grin.

  It requires all my self-control to get through the next few takes. During one where Drew gets a little too frisky I bite his lip. He grabs his mouth in horror.

  "What? I'm just improvising!" I hiss.

  When Hutch is satisfied, I rush to my director's chair to see Austin and find it empty. Nadine shakes her head sadly. Before I can ask her what happened, our unit publicist in terrupts us. Lisa is the one responsible for handling set visits and interviews during production.

  "Kaitlin, this is Elena from Fashionistas!She's doing a set visit," Lisa says cheerfully.

  SHOOT! I completely forgot I had an interview.

  "Can I do the interview in twenty minutes?" I beg quietly. "There's something I need to discuss with my boyfriend. He's hanging out in my trailer."

  Nadine pulls me aside. "Austin left," she murmurs. "He said he had somewhere he needed to be and said to tell you he was sorry that he couldn't wait to say goodbye." Nadine studies my face for a reaction, but I turn away. Seeing Drew kiss me was more than Austin could handle and now our fight has been kicked up a notch.

  "I guess I'm free to do the interview now," I say mechani cally.

  "Elena is going to take the golf cart back to your trailer with you and interview you on the way," she explains.

  "I hope you don't mind." Elena grabs a pen, paper, and her recorder out of her bag.

  "Not at all." I muster a smile. "Glad you could make it." A golf cart rolls up to the four of us and I hop in.

  "Was that your boyfriend I saw you with earlier?" Elena asks excitedly once she's seated.

  I nod. At least he was my boyfriend this morning. Now I'm not so sure.

  Elena holds the microphone out. "How are things going between the two of you?"

  I inhale deeply. "Couldn't be better," I lie.

  THURSDAY 7/5

  NOTE TO SELF:

  Ask Nadine to find a chunk of time that I can leave set.

  MUST SEE A ASAP!

  7/6--Capoeira choreography session w/Paulo, Drew and Sky :(

  eLeven: Fight Club

  JAB, JAB. CROSS. UPPERCUT I hit the leather punching bag harder and harder.

  "Very good, Kaitlin!" Paulo, my Capoeira martial arts trainer, yells enthusiastically in a thick Spanish accent as he watches the blows. "Keep your elbow up as you throw the hook, like this." He guides my arm in slow-motion until it impacts with the bag. Nadine thinks Paulo looks just like Sayid from Lost (tall, broad, longish wavy hair, dark-skinned muscular arms), which may explain why she never misses one of my workout sessions with Paulo. "Try to envision the enemy as you make contact. GOOD!"

  I pound away to the beat of the African drums CD, throwing jabs like lightning (okay, at least it feels that fast for my aching arms) as sweat drips down my face. It feels good to get out some aggression.

  Things between Austin and me are really weird right now. We had a major fight we couldn't finish because I got called to set, where Drew kissed me to make Austin jealous, and before I could explain to Austin what happened, he left. I know Id be mad if things were reversed, but strangely Austin seems fine. In fact, he hasn't even brought up the lip-lock! So I haven't either. Instead, this was Austin's explana tion for his disappearance: "Sorry I had to rush out of there the other day, but I forgot I had a meeting about t
his charity game." WHAT? I know organizing a lacrosse scrimmage be tween the players and the faculty to raise money for the team to go to a lacrosse clinic before school starts, but all he could talk about is how many tickets he's sold for the game and how excited everyone is to play Coach Connors. I felt like I was in a Twilight Zone episode. Did Austin and I not have a fight? Did Drew not kiss me? Does Austin actually understand the pressure I'm under at work and is just let ting me slide on this one? Or is Austin avoiding the conver sation because he's waiting to break up with me till after his all-important charity game? My head hurts just thinking about all this. I just wish I could ask him in person. I wanted to go to his scrimmage this afternoon, but I have to work.

  "Let's try kicks," Paulo enthuses. I change stances, stop ping long enough to pull up my black hip-hugger terrycloth pants and adjust my fitted vintage-style college tank that says NEW YORK UNIVERSITY across the chest. I got it when I visited New York this spring. I secretly dream of taking a few years off to go to college in the Big Apple.

  I can hear Sky and Drew grunting through the same motions at their own punching bags--that is, when Sky doesn't stop punching to flirt. ("Wow, Drew, you have such a strong punch!") After each comment, I see Drew eagerly look for my reaction. Drew is my other problem du jour. Does he want to get back together and thought a liplock would refresh my memory or was he really trying to tick me off?

  UGH. Boys. They're like French class--no matter how much I study I'll never be fluent in the language.

  "You guys seem warmed up." Paulo rubs his hands to gether enthusiastically. "Let's get started."