Heart Block

by Melissa Brayden

  *

  It was four a.m. and time for another visiting session. Thus far, Emory had stayed back in the waiting area with Carmen while Sarah and her parents cycled in and out sitting with Grace. She would never want to intrude upon the family’s space in any way, but when Sarah stood and held out her hand to Emory, she hesitated, glancing around the room, her throat tight. “Are you sure? I don’t want to take any time away from anyone.”

  “She’d want you here,” Sarah said simply.

  Emory nodded and allowed herself to be led through the doors and down the hall. The sounds of machines hit her first. The steady sighs and beeps of the various devices hooked up to Grace took her back to the last time she’d been at the hospital, when her mother had passed. She measured her emotional response, determined not to upset Sarah in any way and willed herself to hold it together.

  Pushing past that initial hesitation, she entered the room behind Sarah, who moved to the far side of the bed and looked back at her encouragingly. “You can sit with her if you like.”

  Emory nodded, sitting in the small chair next to Grace and taking her hand in hers. It was so much smaller in comparison.

  There was so much she wanted to say to Grace, and while it felt strange to talk to her this way, she knew this wasn’t the time to hold back. “Hey there, kiddo, I’ve missed you. Looks like you’ve taken creativity to new heights finding ways to get out of school.” She glanced up nervously at Sarah before refocusing her efforts. “Listen, I wanted to tell you something. I’ve been using those brushes you gave me…a lot actually…and I think you’d really like some of the painting I’ve done. Surprisingly, it’s not half bad. But you know what the interesting thing is, Grace? If I hadn’t met you, I don’t think I ever would have painted again, one of the things I love most in this world. That makes you very, very special to me. So this is what I need from you. Are you listening?” She moved closer so that she was very close to Grace’s ear. “I need you to rest up and get lots better so that I can show you my work, the work that you made happen. Maybe we can even paint together sometime if your mom says it’s okay. Sound good?” Emory looked up just in time to see Sarah who was staring at her so intently, with such emotion, that she almost couldn’t breathe.

  “She’s missed you too,” Sarah whispered. “You should know that.”

  Emory nodded, fighting against the lump in the back of her throat. She’d allowed herself to believe that Sarah and Grace had easily returned to their life without her, but sitting here now and looking into Sarah’s eyes, she knew that wasn’t true. She had been important to them, and even though that hadn’t felt like enough a short time ago, it was everything now. “I’ll let you guys have some time.” She leaned down and kissed Grace’s cheek ever so gently and gave Sarah’s hand a supportive squeeze across the bed.

  Sunlight dipped its glow through the window of the intensive care waiting room three hours later. Sarah sat next to Emory, who still held her hand loosely. They hadn’t spoken many words to each other, but Sarah knew it was Emory’s presence alone that kept her from climbing the walls of the hospital in utter insanity.

  It was then that Dr. Riggs arrived in the waiting room, bringing everyone to full attention in anticipation of any sort of news. Sarah stood and moved to the doctor, who wasted no time informing them of what she knew.

  “The news is good. The swelling is down, and all is looking very encouraging. That is one very lucky girl you have in there.”

  “She’s going to be okay?” Sarah’s heart hammered away in her chest.

  “We’ll want to keep her here for a couple of days to make sure there are no complications, but if we stay the course, I anticipate a full recovery. Dr. Thorpe will want to take this opportunity to implant a pacemaker to prevent any further fallout from her heart block, but I’ll let him discuss that with you in more detail. Our plan is to keep her sedated until this evening just to be cautious. In the meantime, take advantage of this time. Go home and get a nap and a change of clothes. You’ve been awake for close to two days straight, and pretty soon you’re not going to be much good to anyone. You’ll want to be refreshed when she wakes up tonight.”

  Sarah couldn’t imagine leaving Grace alone at the hospital. She shook her head to protest, but her mother placed a gentle hand on her arm. “Listen to the doctor, mija. I’ll stay with her and call with any change. We can take turns. Do you want your father to drive you?”

  Sarah turned to Emory, questioning.

  Emory nodded once. “I’ll take her.”

  *

  The apartment felt different to Sarah once they were inside, hollow and lonely somehow without Grace. Not really her own. Emory was in the kitchen now, she registered, but she hadn’t been able to move past the entryway. She just stood there, not knowing what to do with herself.

  “Sarah?”

  “Hmm?” She glanced absently at Emory.

  “Why don’t you go grab a quick shower and I’ll make you something to eat?”

  “I don’t think I can—”

  Emory shook her head, but her voice was gentle. “Not up for discussion.”

  Sarah nodded wordlessly, grateful for the direction.

  She practically groaned with relief just minutes later when the healing hot water hit her body. She lathered her hair and closed her eyes, allowing the water’s soft caress to work its magic. They’d all been right. She wouldn’t have made it much longer without some sort of reinforcement. She would do this and get right back to the hospital.

  When she emerged from the bathroom in her towel, there was a set of clothes laid out for her on the bed. She sent up a silent thank-you for another decision she didn’t have to make. She dressed quickly, taking note of the sizzles and sighs emanating from the kitchen. Her stomach, despite her mind’s protestations, growled in response to the wonderful aroma of frying bacon.

  With her hair still wet, Sarah padded into the kitchen and sat at the table. She didn’t fully imagine she could eat, but Emory went to the trouble so the least she could do was act appreciative. “What do you have going in here?”

  “Order up.” Emory placed a BLT in front of Sarah, complete with a side of cantaloupe. Sarah contemplated the sandwich for a moment, which prompted Emory to nudge the plate just a tad bit closer. “Eat.”

  She looked up at Emory and dutifully took a small bite, which just about prompted her collapse. “Wow.”

  “I took the liberty of raiding your fridge. Bacon is happy food, and we were given some happy news this morning, remember? Grace is going to be okay. I know it’s been a rough time, but I need you to remind yourself of that.”

  Sarah nodded and exhaled. “She’s going to be okay. And that is good news, it’s just, I feel like I haven’t quite woken up from it all yet. Not until she’s home and herself again am I going to be able to breathe.”

  Emory smoothed the back of Sarah’s hair. “She will be soon. But the first step is a little nourishment followed by some rest. Trust me, please?”

  Sarah looked up at her solemnly. “I do trust you, Emory. Know that.”

  Emory nodded, took a seat next to Sarah, and together they ate in companionable silence. Once Sarah had gulped down the last bite, Emory cleared their plates and put the dishes away. “Think you could try to get in a little nap?”

  “Nope. I’d like to go back to the hospital now.”

  “Don’t you think it will be better for everyone in the long run if you’re firing on all cylinders and capable of rational thought? How about ninety minutes?”

  Sarah exhaled deeply. “I need to be with Grace.”

  “And you will be. Forty-five minutes.”

  “Fine.” She was annoyed now and it showed. “I’ll try if it will shut everyone up.”

  “It will. We will all shut up. I promise.” Emory walked with her to the bedroom, pulled the sheets back, and fluffed the pillow.

  Sarah climbed into the bed, still shaking her head in frustration.

  “Do this for Grace. Sh
e’s a talkative kid and will need your full attention later when she wakes up.”

  Sarah offered her a reluctant smile. Emory tucked her in snugly and placed a reassuring kiss on her forehead.

  “Em?” Sarah said as she turned to go.

  “Yeah.”

  “Thank you. For helping me through this.”

  “How could I not?”

  Her eyes met Emory’s and something important passed between them. Regardless of everything, it was understood that they mattered to each other. Finally, Sarah nodded and turned onto her side.

  In the living room, Emory stretched out on the couch, not having slept in some time herself. The apartment was small, however, and the unmistakable sound of Sarah tossing and turning in the other room had hold of her attention. It wasn’t long before she heard footsteps in the hallway. She sat up and there was Sarah, eyes haunted. “I don’t want to be alone right now. Do you think you could lay in there with me?”

  Emory hated seeing Sarah so crumpled in, so afraid. “Of course I will.” She took Sarah’s hand and led her gently back to her room. Hesitating only for a moment, she climbed into the bed next to Sarah, who snuggled into her automatically. With Sarah’s head on her shoulder, Emory acted on instinct, wrapped her arms tightly around her, and whispered in her ear. “I’ve got you. Try to sleep now.”

  Sarah clung tightly to her and it was less than five minutes before Emory recognized the even breathing. She stared at the ceiling and silently asked God to watch over Sarah and give Grace the opportunity to live a normal, healthy life from here on out. For that, she’d do absolutely anything.

  *

  Back at the hospital, Sarah was in slightly better spirits. She could think rationally and process the world around her more effectively. The short nap had made all the difference in the world.

  Her mother, who’d stayed with Grace when they’d left, had agreed to take a similar trip to her own house. That left her alone in the waiting room with Emory. She looked over at her. “If I haven’t said it, I’m glad you came. You put me back on track when I was just about to lose it. I was snapping at everyone. I didn’t know how else to cope.”

  “Given the circumstances, I think you’re doing just fine. I remember the day my mother was brought in and the way that I felt. Helpless, angry, lonely, sad.”

  The idea of Emory dealing with that loss alone made Sarah’s heart ache. She wished she’d been there for her, wished she’d known.

  “I didn’t handle it so well. I beat the hell out of a vending machine when it wouldn’t take my dollar.”

  Something sparked in Sarah’s memory.

  She sat forward in her chair and turned to Emory. “Grace was admitted to this hospital on May seventeenth when she first fainted in her classroom.”

  Emory tilted her head curiously. “That’s the day my mother died. May seventeenth. It was at this hospital too.”

  Sarah nodded as the understanding overtook her. “I think I bought you a Diet Coke that day.”

  Emory held her gaze for a long moment. “No. That was you? That day at the machine?”

  Sarah nodded. “I didn’t know it until just now, but yeah.”

  Emory nodded, her eyes glistened. “I guess we’ve been there for each other longer than we realized.”

  “Emory,” Sarah whispered achingly. She picked up her hand, needing the closeness. “Tell me that you were just scared that last day on the beach.”

  Emory met her eyes and nodded. “For you.”

  Sarah’s stomach muscles tightened reflexively. “And now?”

  “I think—”

  It was then that a nurse burst into the room. “Matamoros family, come with me right now!”

  Sarah felt the blood drain from her face as terror infused her. She exchanged a glance with Emory and stood, staggering, but Emory caught her and practically carried her down the hallway after the nurse. Each step seemed to take a lifetime, each sound of her tennis shoe punctuated with a desperate prayer. As they passed, the sounds from the nurses’ station seemed way too loud. What was wrong? What had happened? Please, God, not this.

  When she rounded the corner into the room, her daughter, her everything, smiled up weakly at her. “Grace?” she managed. Her knees threatened to buckle again, but Emory steadied her from behind.

  Grace held out her hand and Sarah didn’t hesitate, moving to her side and kissing her adorable little face. “Hiya, kiddo.”

  “Hi, Mama.” They were the most wonderful words in the history of words.

  As she explained to a slightly disoriented Grace why she was in the hospital, Sarah could simultaneously hear Emory in the hallway quietly dealing with the nurse who’d taken ten years off their lives. Sarah looked up and smiled as she rejoined them, listening quietly from the doorway as Grace chatted away.

  *

  Later the next afternoon, Dr. Riggs had Grace transferred from ICU to a regular room two halls over. Visiting hours were relaxed and Sarah was able to spend more time with Grace, a welcome contrast to the hellish isolation of the waiting room. But the morning had tired Grace out and she dozed soundly in her hospital bed, as always immune to the sounds around her as visitors came and went.

  Emory had excused herself to the hallway to make a few calls, which left Sarah alone with her mother. “It’s nice that Emory is here with you.”

  Sarah regarded her mother, taking stock of the situation. “I don’t know what I would have done otherwise.”

  Her mother hesitated a moment, seeming to decide what she wanted to say next. “Carmen mentioned something yesterday. About Emory meaning a lot to you.”

  Sarah didn’t hesitate. It was time to put all her cards on the table and speak from the heart. “More than a lot, Mama. I’m in love with her.”

  The declaration was met with silence, but she’d prepared herself for that and worse months ago. It didn’t scare her in the same way anymore.

  “I’m sorry if that upsets you or shakes up your idea of what my life should be, but it’s the truth and I wouldn’t change it.”

  Her mother sighed and Sarah waited to hear what she would say. “This may surprise you, but I suspected.”

  It more than surprised her. Sarah was floored. “You did?”

  “At the birthday party. It was the way you looked at her. Like she’d hung the moon. The way your father used to look at me. That kind of look is hard to miss.”

  “Why didn’t you say anything?”

  “I don’t think it was something I was ready to think about. This old lady needed some time. But after a while, you just seemed so happy, in a way I had never seen you before, and that made me happy. There was a light in your eyes, mija, the light I’d always hoped you’d have one day. But that light is gone now. Am I right?”

  Sarah nodded, a stab of remembered hurt hit her hard and deep. “We stopped seeing each other.”

  “I see. And is that what you want?” Sarah could tell this wasn’t easy for her mother, but she was trying, and the least she could do was be forthright. She shook her head.

  Her mother took a deep breath and kissed her on the cheek. “Then get the light back, mija.”

  *

  Emory didn’t want to interrupt. Sarah was having what looked to be a serious conversation with her mother. She watched through the small window in the hospital room door for just a moment before backing away to give them privacy.

  There would be a lot to handle in the next couple of days to get Grace home and recuperated fully. Once word of her recovery got out, the cavalry had showed up in full force. Her family and friends crowded the waiting room, dropping off gifts and food. There wasn’t a ton she could do, and Sarah did have an amazing support system in her family, she reminded herself. So she took a last glance through the window as she pulled her car keys from her pocket. She watched for a moment as Sarah and her mother talked. Sarah was smiling, and she couldn’t help but smile too as something within her clicked into place.

  All was well.

  Final
ly, she forced herself to look away and headed off resolutely down the hallway. Because there was something she could do for Sarah. So she found the elevator that would take her down to the lobby, and out of the hospital.

  *

  Sarah checked the nurse’s station, the waiting room, even the women’s restroom for Emory. She was nowhere. The talk with her mother had only confirmed what she already knew and set her on her way. Her heart was beating rapidly in anticipation of everything she was ready to say.

  It was time to put it all on the line.

  The elevator chime snagged her attention and she turned as Carmen emerged carrying a giant balloon bouquet. When her eyes settled on Sarah, her face shifted to one of concern. “Hey, you. What’s up?”

  Sarah nodded her head a few times too many with all the nervous energy that rushed through her. “Remember what we talked about in the park, about Emory?”

  Carmen shifted her bag to the other shoulder and studied Sarah in confusion. “Yeah.”

  “I think I’m ready to do that fighting thing you talked about.”

  An extra wide smile broke out across Carmen’s face. “Now that’s what I’m talking about.”

  “Any last-minute advice?”

  “Say what’s in your heart. You can do this. I know you can. One of my all-time favorite quotes says ‘Life is like a movie. Write your own ending.’ And that’s what you’re going to do today.”

  Sarah thought on this and brightened. “Who said that? I like it.”

  “Kermit the Frog.” Carmen held up her hands in defense. “What can I say? I spend a lot of time with people under the age of ten. It still applies.”

  Sarah laughed. “Now I just have to find her.”

  Carmen gestured behind her. “She got off the elevator just as I got on. She had her keys in her hand.”